Chapter 31 #2
I shook my head. “If he does that and then we come out as a couple, that’s only going to make it worse for me.
I think it’ll be fine if he just makes it clear that Milan’s not an option.
Hopefully, that’ll be enough for this whole thing to die down and—” The knock at the door interrupted my sentence.
I looked at my friends. “To be continued.”
Brunch with my parents and best friends was surprisingly great.
The food was good, and the conversation was better.
We filled Aunt Addy’s house with good times and lots of love.
My parents were even less overbearing than usual.
When Dad stepped out the back door, I followed behind him a few minutes later.
“It’s odd being here without Addison,” my dad said softly, looking around the backyard. “Like something is off.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, eyeing the garden. “But I still feel her here.”
He grunted, shoving his hands in his pockets.
We stood next to each other in silence.
“How are you holding up?” Dad asked.
“I’m sad, but I’m okay. I cried so much over the last few months that I thought I’d be all cried out at the service.” I gave him a tight smile. “Turns out, there were still tears left.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m glad you two had each other.”
“Me, too.”
“Did I tell you I had a dream about her Thursday night?” he wondered.
“No.” My lashes fluttered open, and I looked at him. “What happened?”
“It was a funeral, a traditional funeral, but it was right here in her backyard. The casket was over there”—he pointed toward the shed—“and the chairs were lined up neatly between the flower beds. No one was here yet. I was just walking around, making sure everything was in place. And I got to the spot right back there—”
“Where the rosebush once was,” I guessed.
He cut his eyes at me. “Don’t start.”
I giggled.
“I was standing in that spot, and I heard Addison say, ‘She’s been watered; watch her grow.’ And I thought she was talking about the flowers I messed up, so I talked to your mother about it. We were already planning on planting some African violets in her honor. Now we’re planting a rosebush, too.”
I smiled. “She’d love that.”
He turned and stared at me. “Watching how you handled everything—not just with the memorial service, but … everything—I just want you to know that your mother and I are very proud of you. I didn’t tell Addison that enough, and I won’t continue to make that same mistake with you.
I’m proud of you. Even when you don’t make the choices that I want you to make, I’m proud of you and the woman you’ve grown to be. ”
My eyes pricked with tears. “Thanks, Dad.”
Without another word, he drew me in for a hug and squeezed me tight. The moment he released me, I heard the back door open. As he marched his way back into the house, my mom made her way to my side.
“We need to talk,” my mom stated, placing her hand on my back. “Can you sit with me for a minute?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
We quietly made our way to the bench. Once we sat down, the afternoon sun gently baked my skin.
“I love you,” she said, breaking the silence.
With furrowed brows, I looked over at her. “I love you, too, Mom.” I paused. “Is everything okay?”
She looked straight ahead, seemingly holding back tears. “Did your dad tell you about the dream he had?”
I nodded. “Yeah. He just did.”
She blinked rapidly before turning her head and meeting my gaze.
“Outside of your father, everyone thought I resented how close you and Addison were. But I didn’t.
I was happy you had another person who loved you so much.
” She paused. “I held on too tight, and I loved that you had someone who could love you in a more relaxed way. She was able to see all the fun and life ahead of you when I was worried about the harm that could come your way and how to best set you up for success. So I wasn’t jealous of the relationship you two had.
I was grateful for it.” She put her hand on top of mine and patted it.
“I know you thought I wanted you to be perfect. But I just wanted you to be prepared.”
“Prepared?”
“Prepared for this world. I just want you to have the best life. I’ve always just wanted you to have the best life.
And at the end of August, maybe the Sunday after you left, I came out here to water the flowers.
She was reading something, and she told me that I was going to overwater her flowers.
It had been such a hot day, so I gave her flowers a little extra water.
She sat right over there and fussed at me.
She said I was going to drown it and that overwatering it was going to kill everything it was supposed to grow to be. ”
“Hmm,” I intoned, hearing those words in my aunt’s voice. I smiled. “I can absolutely hear her saying that.”
My mom was quiet. “Later, over lunch, she said that I did those flowers like I did you,” she said in a small voice.
My eyebrows flew up. I didn’t know what to say.
“I brushed it off like I always did when she would tell me I was doing too much.” She took a deep breath.
“As I was sitting around, listening to you and your friends, it made me think about how much time I spend worrying about you and what will happen, what you need, what could improve your life. But while we were eating, you said something that sounded just like Addison, and then, out of nowhere, I heard Addison’s voice. ”
I stared at her profile as she looked out into the garden. I wanted her to continue speaking, but I couldn’t bring myself to break the silence. It felt like if I said anything, the moment would be gone. A full minute passed before she finished her thought.
She turned her head, looking at me with watery eyes. “‘She’s been watered; watch her grow.’”
I gasped.
She swiped at her eyes. “So I’m going to stop overwatering you.”
My lip started to quiver.
“And I know I’m not your Aunt Addy, but I’m your mother and I love you and I’m here for you. Always,” she choked out, barely opening her arms before I threw myself in them.
“I love you,” I whispered, clutching her tight.
We got ourselves together, and then we returned to the house.
“… he said he was fighting demons, whole time, he was fighting accountability,” Aaliyah told my dad.
I laughed uncomfortably. “What?” I looked around. “What are we talking about?”
“Tyson,” Nina, Aaliyah, and Dad all said in unison.
I groaned. “Why are we talking about the past?”
“He reached out to give his condolences,” Dad explained. “And to ask for your phone number.”
“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,” I balked. “You talked to him?”
“No!” His frown deepened as he pulled out his cell phone. “He sent me an email.”
Nina shook her head. “And spelled ‘condolences’ wrong. You dodged a bullet.”
“He was a child left behind,” I confirmed.
After a laugh, my dad continued. “I responded with a simple thank-you. If you wanted him to have your number, you would’ve given it to him.”
“What do you think he wanted?” Mom mused.
He probably saw the photo.
“It doesn’t even matter,” I replied.
We talked for a few more minutes before we started to say our goodbyes. The girls and I ended up getting on the road at two o’clock, and our conversation was all over the place. I told them about my dad’s dream, my mom’s moving words, and the void I felt without Aunt Addy.
We spent the drive talking about life and death. With anyone else, it would’ve been a somber conversation. But with my girls, it was cathartic. It was healing. And it inevitably ended with some laughs.
We were making good time heading home. But Nina wanted to stop in Richmond because of a boutique she’d heard about, and making that stop derailed the rest of the day.
After shopping at three stores, we found a highly rated soul food restaurant, waited thirty minutes to be seated, and then devoured the most delicious cuisine I’d had in months.
“This is so good,” I gushed halfway through my half rack of ribs and collard greens.
“Mm-hmm,” Aaliyah acknowledged as she chewed the corn bread she’d just bitten.
Nina was chewing and pointing at her salad with her fork. After she swallowed, she said, “This chicken was so good, it’s making this salad taste even better.”
“Even with the little crumbles?” I wondered, knowing she’d requested no cheese.
“Fuck gorgonzola cheese, but today…” She stabbed the lettuce, followed it up with some chicken, and wiggled her shoulders. “Mmmmm.”
I laughed.
“Speaking of fuck gorgonzola…” Aaliyah turned her head toward me. “What’s the deal with Milan? What are we going to do?”
I coughed, choking on the barbeque sauce I’d just licked from my lip. “Where the hell did that come from?”
She pointed to Nina’s salad. “Gorgonzola cheese originates from Italy. Right outside of Milan.” She leaned forward. “Now, Milan is showing up to the game tomorrow. What are you doing?”
After pushing the collards around my plate, I scooped some into my mouth to buy me a minute to collect myself. Aaliyah and Nina knew what I was doing and sat silently and waited for me to swallow.
“It’s funny how when she had macaroni and cheese in her mouth, she could crack that joke about your salad. But as soon as I ask a valid question, all of a sudden, she’s chewing her food twenty-five times before swallowing,” Aaliyah remarked in a stage whisper.
“I just want to know why she still has barbeque sauce on the side of her lip,” Nina replied.
We all cackled.
After wiping my mouth with the napkin, I exhaled.
“Milan was his college girlfriend, and she broke up with him because he was on the practice squad. He never talks bad about her. I mean, honestly, he never talks about her at all. All he really said was that she wasn’t the woman for him and that he wasn’t able or willing to give her what she was looking for. ”
“What was she looking for?”
“Celebrity status, WAG life…” I lifted my shoulders. “He said that they weren’t compatible, and it became evident that she didn’t want him for him when she accidentally sent a text to him that was meant to go to her friends.”
“Oh, that’s my worst nightmare,” Nina mused.
“And with the types of texts you used to send to your roster, I could only imagine the fallout,” Aaliyah replied.
“Now I’m only making dates with one man, so it’s less of a risk.” Lightly snickering, Nina shook her head. “I know she was sick when she realized he got that message.”
“Oh, I know!” My eyes widened. “They were already broken up because they weren’t on the same page, and she said he didn’t have enough time for her—which he didn’t.
He admitted he didn’t prioritize her. So that would’ve been that, but she sent that text, and he saw what type of time she was really on. ”
“So why does she think she can swoop back into his life?” Nina questioned, her lip curling in disgust.
“Because she looks like that and has probably always gotten her way,” I answered honestly. “And if he’s been single since they broke up, she may think he’s pining away for her.”
“Lamar is clearly in love with you,” Aaliyah clarified. “Do you think he’s going to be open or receptive to being friendly with her?”
“That I don’t know. He’s such a gentleman, so if she popped up on him, he’d probably speak.” I shrugged. “Or maybe he’s the ‘forgive and forget’ type. I really don’t know. We never talked about it. But now I’m curious.”
“Ask him,” Nina advised. “Figure out what you are or aren’t comfortable with, and then have the conversation with him. Because the way Milan was talking in the video, she’s going to make a play for him.”
Aaliyah nodded. “Yeah, she is. And she thinks he’s single. You’re going to have to figure out what you want to do about that, too.”
I nodded solemnly. “I know. But I don’t want to be the reason his career takes another hit.”
I wish I could ask Aunt Addy what she would do. She would know.
On the way back to Richland, I tried to stay out of my head and enjoyed the company of my best friends. After dropping them off, I reached into my bag and grabbed the small vial of ashes. Squeezing it in the palm of my hand, I rode home in silence.