Epilogue
The announcement of our relationship had prompted some intense attention for two days, and then a cheating scandal rocked the Alabama Alligators, and everybody shifted gears and was on that.
The last couple of months were a whirlwind of games, WAG events, commuting back and forth to Baltimore, and making the decision not to renew my teaching contract after the school year ended in June.
I went to every game except for the Monday-night one, and Nina and Russ made sure I looked good in my RLF attire.
Aaliyah and Ahmad made sure I had blocks on my phone and computer so my algorithm didn’t pick up any negativity.
And Lamar made sure I was loved, taken care of, and supported every single day.
I was good. I was happy.
But I spent the last few days of the year thinking about how it would’ve been nice had I finished my list. Even though I knew that Aunt Addy had known that it was an impossible task, it was on my mind as the year was coming to an end.
So, as I opened my final letter from her, I was a little disappointed in myself for not getting it done.
Jazmyn,
It’s the eve of a new year and I know a lot has changed for you.
I’m congratulating you in advance because I know you’ve completed your list. I’m looking over your entries now and I can’t help but think of all the ways in which you’ve reconnected with yourself.
Learning to swim, getting your belly ring, and dyeing your hair for the little girl in you who has healed from being taught to shrink and hide herself.
Trying vegetarianism to prove that you can do hard things, you can go without, you can change it up.
Getting a tattoo to remind yourself that pain doesn’t last. Exploring a new city had you embracing the unfamiliar and expanding your horizons.
Writing your book and finally giving yourself permission to chase your dreams. Going to a Monarchs game to do something you love.
Going on a date with Lamar and finding true love.
And lastly, finally paying off your student loan so you can go into the new year free.
Paying off your student loan is the only entry on your list that you struggled with. From the moment I made you write it down, you were hesitant. And while I understand why, let me tell you why I wanted it on your list.
I want you to be fully free. And part of that freedom is financial freedom.
Your student loan is your only debt. Once you are unburdened by debt, you are able to move in a different way.
You are able to live life on your own terms. You are able to pursue your goals and dreams. You are able to buy instead of rent.
More of your money is yours to live the way you want to live.
So here is the banking information for an account that I had Monica help me establish for you.
In it you will find thirty thousand dollars to pay off your student loan.
If you somehow already managed to pay it, use that money to publish your book and let this be the last school year you teach literature instead of being part of literature.
Because you deserve it.
Everything you went through in Chance, everything you went through in your marriage was not in vain.
It was preparation for the life you’re about to live.
You are a woman who stands up for herself, whose worth isn’t determined by bullies, who doesn’t take shit, who doesn’t crumble under pressure, who knows her worth, who isn’t willing to compromise herself for a title or a position.
Because of everything you’ve been through, you are a woman who doesn’t settle.
And I truly believe you survived the bad stuff early on so that you can appreciate and handle the blessings that are coming your way,
I want you to have the happiest, fullest, freest life, Jazmyn.
I want your life to be adventurous, interesting, and full of the love that you have inside of you.
I am so proud of the woman you are and the woman you will continue to evolve into.
And it’s been an absolute honor to call you my niece and love you like my daughter.
So please, never stop fighting. Never stop fighting for what you want.
Never stop fighting to be free. Never stop fighting for love. Never stop fighting for Jazmyn.
You deserve it all, sweetheart.
This upcoming year will be your best year yet. Happy New Year.
I love you, and never forget that everything I am, I poured into you.
Love always,
Your Aunt Addy
“Good morning,” Lamar groaned sexily as he stretched his arms out above his head. Seeming to notice my tearstained face, he jolted. “What’s wrong?”
I looked down at the letter, careful not to get tears on the pages as I folded it and returned it to the envelope.
He pushed himself into a sitting position. “Is this about the tenth thing on your list? Because my offer still stands.”
I lifted the letter. “It’s from Aunt Addy.”
His face fell and sadness creased his eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I do, but…” I shook my head and swiped the last tear from my eye. “It’s not the letter. It’s her. I miss her.”
Wearing only his boxer briefs, he climbed out of bed and padded across the room to me. Wrapping me in his arms, he kissed the top of my head. Moving my locs, he kissed my forehead as well. “What do you need? What can I do?”
I hugged him tight, allowing myself to melt into him. “This.”
I got a daily reminder of Aunt Addy every time I looked at my tattoo, and I missed her every single day.
But reading that letter had been a reminder of what I was missing without her here on Earth with me: the advice, the encouragement, the support, the love.
That letter allowed me to experience that type of love from her in a way that I would never be able to experience again.
“This was the last letter,” I cried into Lamar’s chest. “There’s no more to look forward to. This is it.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered, hugging me tighter. Allowing me a few minutes to cry, he gently rocked me back and forth until I got myself together.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, pulling out of the hug. “Get back in bed. You should be resting. You shouldn’t be standing.”
“Don’t worry about that. If you need a hug, I’m giving you a hug.” He used his thumb to caress my cheek as my watery eyes allowed two fat tears to drop. “Anything you want, anything you need,” he reminded me gently.
Pushing up on my toes, I pressed my lips against his. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Taking a deep, shaky breath, I stepped back. “Get in bed and rest your ankle,” I demanded.
Lamar had tweaked his ankle during Sunday’s game. Because the upcoming week was the final game before the playoffs, he was allowed to rest New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. But he was back to practice on Friday.
Once he was laying down, I grabbed two throw pillows and elevated his foot. “What do you want for breakfast?”
With a wolfish grin, he looked me up and down.
Laughing, I rolled my eyes. “Lamar! I’m being serious.”
“I’m good with eggs and bacon.”
I knew he was going to say that. With a smile, I leaned down and kissed him. “Coming right up.”
While on winter break, I’d been spending most of my time at his place. But we came back to mine because of the New Year’s Eve party in Richland, and most importantly, because I needed to open Aunt Addy’s final letter.
I’d loved being able to go to the back-to-back away games the last couple of weeks.
I loved being able to cheer for him, be there for him, encourage him, and do it all from some of the best seats in the house.
But when the Hawks offensive line realized they were no match for the Monarchs, a low block resulted in Lamar rolling his ankle.
When he went down, I shot out of my seat.
I gasped and didn’t breathe again until he was back on his feet, hobbling off the field.
Since it was toward the end of the game, they kept him out.
Although it ended up being nothing serious, he was still supposed to be taking it easy.
“It’s going to be breakfast in bed,” I yelled when I heard him moving around.
He chuckled. “I’m just going to the bathroom, baby.”
I logged into the account and paid the remaining balance on my debt. Then I shared the news with my best friends.
Jazmyn Payne: I paid off my student loan!
Aaliyah James: Did Lamar give you the money to pay it off?
Nina Ford: That’s why she’s been fucking him raw and doing those stretches.
Jazmyn Payne: I cannot stand the two of you!
Aaliyah James: They say it’s not trickin’ if you got it. But it is. And that’s still okay.
Nina Ford: They need to mind their business because if you ain’t got it, don’t worry about who’s tricking and who’s treating. Okay!
I started coughing from laughing so hard at them.
Aaliyah James: Okay!
Nina Ford: Jazz fucked Lamar so good he gave her a new career and paid off her student loan. I know that’s right!
Aaliyah James: I can’t even imagine the nasty things she did to become Chief Operating Officer of the Anderson Way.
Nina Ford: I can, and I want details! There’s a clothing company I have my eye on …
Laughing, I shook my head.
Jazmyn Payne: You know I can see these messages, right? And it wasn’t Lamar. Aunt Addy put some money away for me to pay it off.
Nina Ford: I love that! Aunt Addy has always looked out for you, so I’m not surprised she had one last thing up her sleeve.
Aaliyah James: Aunt Addy has always been your guardian angel and clearly that hasn’t changed.
Jazmyn Payne: I know, I got choked up just thinking about that. I love and I miss her. That’s why I’m ready to go out tonight. She told me to live so I’m doing just that. What time should we be at Onyx? Lamar is going to need somewhere to sit to rest his ankle.
Aaliyah James: Ahmad reserved an area for us. So anytime between nine and nine-thirty is good.
Nina Ford: Not a triple date to ring in the new year. Remember last year? This is a far cry from that.
Jazmyn Payne: Yeah, because this year it’s the three of us and our dates. Last year, it was the three of us and you brought three dates.
Nina Ford: In my defense, I only invited two of them, the third one just happened to show up.
Aaliyah James: In your defense, you liked the drama back then.
Jazmyn Payne: She’s fucking the boss; she still likes drama.
Nina Ford: Not too much on me! Aaliyah is the one who likes drama; did she or did she not fuck her man while on a date with somebody else?
Aaliyah James: Wait a minute, that might be bad but Jazz doesn’t get a pass! She likes the drama, too. She fucked a man she’d known for a week in the backwoods of Virginia!
Jazmyn Payne: Okay mine sounded like the beginning of a horror movie so I need to reflect on life.
Nina Ford: I’m so fucking weak!
Aaliyah James: Too funny!
Jazmyn Payne: But thank God it all worked out. For all of us.