Chapter 32 – Amanda
Thirty-Two
Amanda
E than's gaze burns with an intensity I've never seen before. His lips are coated in my juices and his beard drips with my essence. I stare at his strangely beautiful face as he wipes me off with the back of his hairy arm.
I can't believe how handsome he is for a country boy who is beyond rough around the edges.
"I want you," he says, those gorgeous eyes burning into me. He's never gone down on me like that before. He's never looked at me like this before. Something strange and complex is going on in Ethan's soul, but I'm too nervous to ask him or to say anything. Everything since leaving Mallory's house was a blur. He didn't let me see the bodies, but I knew there were bodies outside. He wants to protect me so badly that…
I can't tell what's going to happen next. Ethan takes my hands and pushes them over my head, pinning me to the wall. Everything that happened today only makes him more possessive. More intense. I can feel his weight holding me against the wall and when I test him, I can't push him away.
I shouldn't enjoy the force behind his grasp this much, but I can't help it. He's so big, strong, and downright beautiful. He did the craziest things I've ever seen a man do to get me out of the situation with Mallory and... I guess it doesn't matter what would have happened if he lost.
He won when it mattered.
His kissing nearly distracts me from every rational thought. But when he pulls away from an intense, hot kiss, I have to ask…
"What happens next, Ethan?"
He grins. "I take you to my bedroom, turn you around and take your sexy ass from behind."
His eyes gleam with intensity and excitement.
"You know that's not what I mean..."
His brows furrow slightly before his face evens out. His hands drop away from my wrists, freeing me from the position against the wall.
"What, then?" he says calmly. "You want to walk away? Go back to Mallory?"
His voice is calm, but I know Ethan well enough now to sense the hurt in his voice. I don't want to walk away from him, but I need to know what the hell I'm walking towards.
"No," I whisper. "I want you to take me to bed."
"Even if I'm a degenerate gambler?"
Again, there's that ache in his voice. His intense eyes bore into mine. It's been so long since I've loved a man, and I almost can't believe I love this one. But I do love him.
How could I permanently stop my feelings for a man who goes further than any other man has to prove himself to me? How can I run away from fixing this man... who keeps coming back to me with this strong desire to fix himself. And to treat me as best as he can, even when he isn't perfect.
"Yes," I whisper. "Healing takes time, Ethan."
Again, those eyes are perfect. Alluring. And his warmth makes me want to crawl into bed with him and let him have me in every damn position.
"I'll never be perfect," he says. "I'll always have this side to me."
I know what he means. The stunt he pulled at Mallory's nearly made my heart fall into my ass. But Mallory trusted him. And I trusted him. And in the end, trusting Ethan was the right choice. It makes my feelings for him stronger.
"I don't expect you to be perfect."
His response surprises me. He kisses me with soft, perfect lips, and then pulls away with a reddened face.
"Amanda, you are perfect ," he says. "A woman like you needs..."
I interrupt him. "You don't get to tell me what I need."
His red face darkens into a scowl.
"I'm a criminal. I can't stop thinking about gambling. I can't promise to be good, far less perfect. And... in my club, no woman is truly mine unless I put ink on her skin. Being with me would ruin you..."
Again, he acts like he doesn't really want me to answer because Ethan kisses me after dropping that massive bombshell. I let him distract me with his lips, but I hate that he feels this way. I run my fingers through his damp beard and push my tongue into his mouth.
No woman is truly mine unless I put ink on her skin.
His words pound repeatedly in my head as our tongues tease each other to a heightened state of arousal. His body is so close to mine and I want him inside me as badly as Ethan wants me too. I don't think about the logic behind letting a criminal biker tattoo me.
I want it. I want him to own me in this special, taboo way.
"I won't let you ruin me, Ethan," I whisper when I finally force myself to pull away from his kiss. "But I will let you take me to bed..."
He tries to hold back a broad grin. He hates showing "too much" emotion. Ever the gambler, he resists showing his hand. But I see this man in the same way he sees me. Everything we try to hide from each other floats to the surface. We can't hide from each other, and in that way, we feel strangely meant to be.
I don't care if he's a biker. Or a criminal. I just care about how this man makes me feel... And I feel loved in Ethan Shaw's arms.
"It's tempting to fuck you against this wall," he murmurs, kissing my neck desperately. "But I'll take your sweet ass to bed... and keep you there all night."
Ethan tosses me back onto his bed like I'm a pillow. Standing at the edge, he slowly unbuckles his pants and reveals his monstrously large dick for me to view up close. My heart pounds in visceral terror as he reveals his enormous dick. Seriously, Ethan is the biggest I've ever seen. I didn't know dicks could get this big and the lump of fear that forms in my throat nearly makes me forget that... I want him.
I want this.
I'm willing to endure the pain of having his massive cock thrust between my legs for the immense pleasure his cock promises. Ethan spreads my legs wide and crawls between them, using his weight to force me into a good position on his bed.
Heat emanates off his large cock and then I feel the enormous head pressing against my entrance. I might be dripping and soaking with desire, but it won't make taking Ethan's dick any easier. I squirm to adjust my position and Ethan clearly thinks I'm trying to get away because he just pins me to the bed, making it clear that I will take his cock no matter what.
The big head pushes up against my tightness and I bite down hard on my lower lip as Ethan thrusts forward and enters me with just the head. My lips spread so wide around the head of Ethan's cock that the pain forces me to gasp out loud.
"Shhh," Ethan whispers, kissing my neck slowly. "Easy baby. I'll go slow..."
Oh God... I don't know if I can take slow, tender lovemaking right now. The pleasure I feel from Ethan's tongue between my legs and the head of his cock spreading me open is almost enough to push me over the edge.
"I love you," he grunts, thrusting another inch inside me as I struggle to adjust to the pain. I know the pleasure will follow but I gasp for air desperately. And did this man just…
He says it again. "I love you, baby."
Baby. Not Dr. Yancey. Not Amanda. Not a nickname with teasing elements to it.
I nearly gush when he calls me that. I wrap my arms around his neck and use my ankles to pull him deeper inside me. We both moan together as Ethan bottoms out between my legs. His cock fills me so deeply that my efforts to gasp for breath don't do enough to calm the pain.
Ethan's kisses distract me in the best way and he doesn't move his hips as we both enjoy the closeness from his first deep entry. I touch his beard and stare into his eyes as we look at each other with... love.
"I love you too," I whisper. "I love you, baby."
The emotions between us are so strong that I don't want the moment to end. But our desires push us forward. Ethan withdraws his cock slowly and then slides all the way inside me with precision that allows me to feel pleasure along every inch of my inner walls.
It won't take long before this man makes me cum... hard.
Ethan doesn't look like the man I thought I'd end up with. He's big and tough, like a giant with thick muscles all over his body, especially his legs and ass. He has thick dark hair, a hairy, muscular physique, and a rough beard that he doesn't bother to untangle frequently.
But when I look into his eyes, I feel something so powerful and intense that I can't bring myself to look away or to push Ethan away from me. He has this powerful hold on me that he had the second I saw him, really. This man is a beast, he's wild and untamed in a way I've never allowed myself to be.
It's freeing to give myself to him, to do something so 'bad' for me that brings me so much pleasure. He eases his hips out of me slowly, forcing me to become painfully aware of how damn good it feels to have his dick buried inside me. I run my hands along the edges of his beard, drawing his face closer to mine so he can kiss me.
He's not straight-laced. I can't imagine him in a suit. He won't ever be clean cut or clean shaven. He has more tattoos than anyone I've known in the past... and I want him inside me deeper.
I wrap my ankles around Ethan and pull him closer as he pounds me into the bed. His lips on mine only make me want him more. Heat spreads through my body, pushing me close to orgasmic bliss.
I want to cum so fucking badly. I buck my hips up to meet Ethan's slow, deep thrusts. He senses my desire to cum and his body responds by pumping into me harder... and faster...
My moans grow louder in response to Ethan's thrusting. His dick stretches me wide and his closeness combined with the sheer pleasure of his deep pumps inside me makes it even more impossible to hold back. I pull him closer to me and squeeze my thighs around him, causing Ethan to plunge into me deeper than before.
I can't take it anymore. I cum hard. My nails sink into Ethan's thick, muscular shoulders and air can't enter my lungs because I'm gasping so hard. No air. No reason. Just pleasure from Ethan's massive cock.
"You're so fucking tight," he grunts, making me cum harder as he pushes inside me one last time and explodes. Just feeling this big beast of a man lose control inside me is too much of a turn on. I can't hold back the way Ethan activates this primal part of me and drags the animal out of me kicking and screaming.
He growls and it's like he can read my mind. Ethan's tongue juts out and he licks my ear like a freak before he murmurs, "I want to do that from behind and watch your sweet ass bounce on my dick while I cum..."
He doesn't wait for permission. Ethan pulls out of me and flips me over like a pancake. I gasp as I land on my stomach and my nipples press into the bed. He parts my legs roughly and pushes the head of his dick up against my pussy. I gasp as I wait for him to slide the rest of his dick inside me, but nothing could have prepared me for how deeply he could slide into me from behind.
It feels like a fist pushes up against the back of my belly button as Ethan's dick fills every inch of my pussy and stretches me beyond what I thought possible to accept inside me. There's something rougher and more possessive about the way he's taking me now, like there's some secret urgency between us that I'm unaware of…
This is different. More intense... More emotional…
But I can't think beyond that because Ethan slides out of me slowly, causing a mixture of our juices to dribble in hot little rivers down the back of my thighs before he pushes inside me again, thrusting into me deeper than before.
The noise I make is so loud and high-pitched, I betray to him that he has total control over me. It's what he wants. Ethan grunts as he withdraws and starts pumping into me faster. All I can hear are our moans and bodies slapping together with each wet thrust. He grunts every few strokes as he pumps into me deeper or forces himself to withdraw more slowly.
He pushes me to the edge of a climax before switching up the pace and making it impossible for me to just... finish. I gasp through my moans desperately as I start pushing my hips back against his body to provoke him to just let me cum…
But all Ethan wants right now is control. Total control. He pins down my lower back with one firm hand, reminding me that he has complete physical power over me.
"I'm not done," he growls, fucking me hard from behind and taking away my ability to fight him off. It feels so good to give up control. I close my eyes and moan... letting him take me the way he wants. Surrender works.
After a few more minutes, I cum so hard that I almost pass out. My pussy tightens and convulses around Ethan's dick, prompting him to release inside me again...
It's so hot and perfect. We're both so sweaty, nasty and lost in the moment that we don't care.
Ethan kisses me softly as he finishes inside me and I feel him getting soft inside me as our hips remain together while he lies with his body pressed against mine, allowing me to really feel his weight on me.
“Beautiful,” he growls before sliding out of me and like a typical man-beast hybrid, he pulls me against his chest and breathes deep and slow, like he’s already half asleep.
Within a few minutes, he really is asleep. And I can’t move his arm from over my chest as we lie together, even if I am so not ready to fall asleep. I’m forced to stay pressed against this man as his cum sloshes around inside of me, making me so profoundly aware of the reckless risk-taking we’re both willing to engage in.
I am way past the point of pretending this is just Ethan and his desires working all alone. Part of me wants this and Ethan knows exactly how to give me what I want without making me feel guilty for the ways he unleashes my inner sex goddess and transforms me from a straight-laced doctor to someone who ruts around in bed with a sexy, muscular country as fuck biker.
I give up on moving his arm away from my chest and I’m ready to fall asleep when my phone starts ringing like crazy. I ignore the first five rings, but when my phone keeps ringing, I know it can only be one person.
“Mallory!” I call out, shoving Ethan’s arm away with all my strength. I’m pretty sure calling out Mallory’s name wakes him up and that’s why it’s so easy to push him off, but it’s not my place to question the situation.
Ethan groans. “She’s ruining my cuddles.”
I roll my eyes at the thought that this big grouchy biker needs “his cuddles” and lean over to grab my phone. Ethan stares expectantly, like he’s waiting for me to answer so he can get some peace and quiet and go back to bed. I press one hand to his head, lowkey to hold him back from potentially grabbing my phone and tossing it across the room, as I answer the phone with my other hand.
“Mallory? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing!” she says. “Does something always have to be wrong?”
“You’re calling and not texting.”
I know her too well to fall for that “nothing: answer. We haven’t been okay since the incident with her brothers.
“I’m leaving town,” she says.
“What? For how long? What do you mean?”
I know what she means. But I don’t want to believe this is happening. Or how this is happening. Mallory can’t be leaving in the dead of night without even saying…
It hits me like a cold brick. This is her saying goodbye. Ethan takes my hand off his head and just holds it. The warmth spreads through me. I appreciate his gesture, but nothing could make this less stunning or less… painful. But I knew this was coming, didn’t I? The situation with Mallory was a real “shit hits the fan” situation.
There was never coming back from that. Tears well up in my eyes. We did everything together for years. We had plans for a future together. This isn’t fair…
Mallory holds it together for both of us. I don’t know how she does it, honestly.
“I can’t put you at any more risk than I have already,” she says calmly. “I always knew this might happen and at least now… I know you’re going to be safe with Ethan.”
Her voice doesn’t even crack. I don’t know how I could be that strong. I try to find something to ground myself. To ground both of us. To cling to some elusive possibility that my best friend might not have to leave the city at all.
“What about the practice? Your apartment? I… How can I stay in Boston without you?”
Mallory laughs. “You aren’t going to be alone. Ethan is crazy about you, Amanda. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t feel safe doing this.”
I glare at Ethan, who looks at me like he genuinely has no clue what’s going on. His face is filled with such innocent protectiveness, that I feel bad for that instinct to blame his ass for Mallory’s departure. This isn’t his fault. Not this time.
“I need to know you’re going to be okay. You can’t fall off the face of the earth.”
“I won’t,” she says. “I’ll just be dying my hair, changing my name again and calling you from a new number in about a week.”
“Are you serious?”
“It’s nothing you need to worry about, Amanda. I just want you to be good and do good without me. That’s it.”
“I’m going to cry.”
“Don’t you dare,” she says. “I’m not dead. I’m just… taking my safety seriously. Okay, shit. They’re boarding my group now. I love you, babe.”
“This is it?”
“Love you.”
“Love you, Mal.”
“I promise, I’ll see you sooner than you think.”
Then she hangs up. And just like that, my best friend is gone. I set my phone down gently. Cold brick against the side table. Ethan’s thumb rubs the center of my palm.
“What’s wrong with Mallory?”
“She’s leaving,” I say to him, tears breaking free. Ethan grabs me by the waist and pulls me against his chest. I’m free to cry in his arms, so I just let loose. I can’t believe she’s leaving. I can’t believe she’s gone. I didn’t appreciate our last bottle of wine together the way I would have if I knew…
Ethan strokes my hair as I lay my head against his chest and he lets me cry out all the pain. I’m so grateful to have him but… this still hurts. Part of me thinks it always will.
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