Chapter 33 – Ethan
Thirty-Three
Ethan
I don’t know how to make Amanda feel better. I drove her down to Mallory’s safe house, but there was nothing for us to find. She’s gone, and from what Amanda says, she doesn’t want to be found. This leaves Amanda feeling… unmoored. She laid the problem out to me clearly. Without Mallory, there’s no private practice. Her dream? Crushed. I want to fix it but… how?
There are limited places I can go for advice and with the fight against my urges to gamble getting more challenging, the only place I can think of is Mulligans. After eating Amanda’s pussy in a failed attempt to lift her spirits, I set her up with blankets, a bar of chocolate and her favorite guilty pleasure movie, Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman , before I head out.
This is low… getting advice from my brother. But he flew out to Boston because mom mentioned I got my ass into trouble with Amanda and apparently, the eldest brother in the family needs looking after these days. At least Owen is married, so he has some potential to help me out.
By the time I get to Mulligans, two empty half-pint glass mugs sit next to Owen and he’s playing blackjack with Odhran Murray and the bartender. He chases them off when he sees me walk into the bar, so I only exchange hasty greetings with Darragh’s youngest brother before I order a Guinness. When in Rome…
“How’s the old lady?” Owen asks. Even fielding questions about her makes me tense and nervous. I grunt in response, waiting for the Guinness before I commit to an answer.
Tonight’s bartender works quickly, sliding a warm, foamy Guinness down the length of the bar towards me. I nod appreciatively and take the first sip before answering Owen.
“Depressed. I’m not good with women.”
Owen laughs. “You’re full of shit.”
“I’m not.”
“Everywhere we go, women hang all over you. That’s how it’s always been.”
Owen doesn’t get it. Just because a lot of women are interested in sleeping with me doesn’t mean I have the skills for… something real. Like what Wyatt has with Anna. Or what he has with Vickie.
“Amanda’s different.”
Those are all the words I can bring to the surface while sober.
“Then marry her,” Owen says. “Simple.”
“It’s not simple, Owen. Amanda is the perfect woman.”
“Are you stupid?” Owen asks, fidgeting with a blue and white poker chip. Don’t know where he got it from and I don’t want to ask.
“Yes.”
I drink more, because if this is the kind of stupid ass help Owen plans to give me, I will need to get shit faced as soon as possible.
“If she’s the perfect woman, marry her quickly.”
“She’s perfect, Owen. And I’m… this person. Not even good enough to lead the club in dad’s eyes.”
“Is that what she thinks?”
“Who the fuck knows what women think?”
“Have you tried talking to her?” Owen asks with a stupid look on his face. I swear I want to smack the shit out of him sometimes.
“No. She’s a woman… I shouldn’t be frustrating her with my… emotions.”
Owen laughs. “You are so fucked.”
“Thanks.”
“If you don’t talk to her, you’re never going to find out how she feels. Vickie taught me that.”
I finish off my Guinness because Owen really is pissing me off.
“She’s depressed. Her best friend disappeared and… I don’t think she’s coming back. I have no idea how to give Amanda what she wants.”
Owen replies insistently. “Ask her.”
“And what if she doesn’t want a future with me?”
“She does.” I don’t know how the fuck Owen can sound so sure of himself.
“You don’t know her.”
“She’s had chances to leave, hasn’t she? But she keeps coming back to you. Sleeping in your bed. Talking to you. Has she said… you know… anything?”
“Yes. We discussed… basic emotions. But marriage is… something more.”
“Exactly,” Owen replies. “Women need more to explore their emotions more deeply. If you want this woman to be yours forever, get her a ring, give her a baby and start planning your wedding.”
“And what about her life? Her future?”
“Get down on one knee and promise to give it to her.”
He seems so sure.
But how can Owen know this will work? Vickie had every reason to stay with him when they got together finally. He turned his life around from the first tragic night in Las Vegas when he met her. I haven't had time to turn my life around. All I can do is promise Amanda that I'll do better when she just watched me wager her best friend's life on a game of blackjack.
Owen pats me on the back, and changes the subject to other important matters.
"Just make sure you get it done before the next club meeting."
"When is that again?"
The last thing I need to worry about right now is more club business. I want to throw myself into Amanda. And getting better. But... I can't let the club down when they've never let me down.
"Six weeks. Exactly why you need to lock down Amanda right away."
"Fuck. That's soon."
Owen nods, becoming more animated as his head likely dances with the potential opportunities for gambling and drinking at our next meeting.
"We have three recruits ready to pass initiation and Ruger brought up a proposal about changing some of our rules."
I don't know which of Owen's statements will yield a more interesting response. Probably the new recruits, since I can't imagine Ruger Blackwood coming up with anything that might grab my attention.
"Who are the recruits?"
"Zeb Blackwood might get his cut. Reed. And one other. Not sure I recall the name."
"Great. Sounds like a blast. I'm sure Amanda will love hearing about my trashy redneck club obligations."
"You are hung up on her," Owen says. "This is different. I thought you were switching teams for a while there."
"Sorry I don't pass my dick out to every woman who comes around."
"Hey, neither do I," Owen says. "I'm just saying you were giving off a vibe there."
"Shut the hell up."
"If she loves you, she'll love the club."
"Really? You think liking me is the same as accepting a sicko like Deacon Hollingsworth? Or Ryder Sinclair?"
"It's your job to protect her from the bad parts. Let her hang on to the bike and party a little bit. Women love a guy who can protect them and show them a good time. It doesn't matter if she's a fancy doctor."
I know he's only trying to make me feel better, so I don't want to question Owen's experience with impressing fancy doctors. No offense to Vickie but... she and Owen are similar.
I'm completely different from Amanda and I don't know if she'll want to be with me, even if I ask nicely. Even if I promise her the world. My brother takes my mind off everything, including gambling, for the next couple hours and eventually, I miss Amanda so bad that I lie and tell him I'm tired and need rest.
Really, I need to see her. I need to make sure that I still have her and her heart -- and make a plan to keep her forever.
Amanda doesn't wake up when I return home. She's asleep on the couch, like she was trying to wait up, but the TV is off.
"Amanda, baby?" I whisper, hoping it's easy to wake her up. I'm disappointed that I missed her before she fell asleep.
Saying her name doesn't wake her, so I give up and scoop her off the couch to carry her to our bedroom. Her eyes flutter open when I take a few steps towards the bedroom.
"Ethan?" she murmurs sleepily, throwing her arms around my neck. I love supporting her weight on mine, feeling like I have some great purpose keeping her safe.
"I'm home."
"Oh..." she whispers, holding my neck more tightly and then nuzzling her head against my chest. My heart pumps faster. I kiss the top of her forehead, secretly hoping to wake her up.
Those fluttering lashes stay open and she looks up at me sleepily.
"What time is it?" she whispers.
"Very late."
"You must have had fun."
"No," I whisper. "I missed you the whole time."
The soft smile on her face makes my dick hard instantaneously.
"You're such a liar."
"No," I respond to her sincerely. "I missed you. I think... I care more about you than I ever cared about a woman, Amanda."
"You're just drunk," she answers as her voice gets more awake. I'm just happy that I'm waking her up. I kiss her on the lips, excited to taste her and feel her get more wide awake in my grasp.
A kiss works on her. Her fingers dig into the back of my neck eagerly.
"I'm not," I whisper. "Well... a little drunk. But... I'm also grateful. Very grateful."
She pulls my body against hers when we fall into bed together. She’s so warm from all that time nuzzling on the couch. I don’t wait for her to change her mind. I kiss her awake, purposefully scratching her neck with my beard to arouse her fully. When Amanda death grips my face, I know I have her attention.
“Clothes off,” I murmur, but I don’t know who the command is really for. We both fumble for each other’s clothing until we’re both skin on skin. This woman is everything to me. I take her lower lips between my teeth and provoke a gentle moan out of her before I slip her underwear off and bend my head slowly between her legs to get her ready for my dick.
I want to take Amanda nice and slow tonight, starting with my tongue between her soft, dark brown thighs.
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