22. Matt
22
MATT
“ L oren. Please. Wait up.”
She heard me. I knew she saw me. She was deliberately walking away from me, and I realized that I had no grounds to feel angry about that.
In essence, she was giving me the same treatment that I had given her.
That wasn’t my intention. I didn’t tell her that I needed a moment to abandon her, but when John called to tell me that I was late for the Gammon meeting, I bet that was how she'd interpreted my actions. The rest of the team probably assumed the same thing.
“Loren.”
I grabbed her arm, as gently as I could but still firm enough for her to feel my presence and know that I wasn’t going to stop. I’d run after her faster if I had to, but I’d be damned if she wouldn’t give me a chance to explain. For her to explain to me, too.
“What?” she said, finally turning to face me, just as the rain began. It fell light and soft, like a drizzle, but she still had to squint to block it from getting into her eyes as she looked up at me.
“What are you in such a hurry to find me for now ? You said you needed a minute. A minute , Matt.”
I nodded, glad that she was here and speaking. “I wanted a moment to just… react. To get my head on straight again. You dropped a hell of a bombshell on me.”
“It was news to me, too. I was shocked, the same as you,” she argued, “but I didn’t freak out and run away from any of my responsibilities.”
“I didn’t run away.”
“That’s what it looked like to me !” She stabbed her finger at her chest. Those jade eyes glowed with heat.
“I didn’t run away. I just needed to think. To let it really sink in.”
“And in doing so, you gave me a really damn good sign of how I can count on you. I saw how you would stick around when it matters.” A rough huff left her lips. “You missed the whole meeting too!”
“That wasn’t my intention. I was just overwhelmed.” I shook my head as the rain fell harder. “I was focused on making sure we were all ready for the meeting, and then you told me that you’re pregnant, and it threw me all off.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Are you trying to suggest that my timing was bad?”
“It was.”
“I wanted to tell you after the meeting, dammit. But you kept pushing.”
And here, I’d planned to have a talk with her after the meeting too, about wanting a lot more with her. She’d beaten me to the punch there.
“I take pride in what we put together for Gammon. And your not being there bothers me.” She lowered her face, sniffling a bit. “I wanted us to get the approval and praise from them. You were supposed to be there!”
“And I should’ve been.” I took hold of her upper arms, determined to make her face me again. Rain fell harder and faster, but she looked up, squinting from the water that I didn’t block with my taller height.
“I’m sorry, Loren. I lost track of time, just thinking and letting all of my thoughts and opinions settle. You told me something so far out there, so unexpected, that it wasn’t something simple to accept and move on from. Having a baby wasn’t something I planned on happening anytime soon.”
She bristled instantly, jerking out of my grip and walking off. “Then don’t. Don’t plan on it. I’ll handle this all myself.”
“What? No!” I rushed after her again. She didn’t stop, but she didn’t hurry to slip away.
“You took that the wrong way.”
“My God. Are you trying to gaslight me now?”
“No!”
She stopped so suddenly, glowering up at me, that I skidded into her. We collided, and I didn’t hesitate to hold her close.
“Tell me why I shouldn’t assume you want nothing to do with me or this baby.”
“Because I love you!” I swallowed hard after letting that truth pop out like that. She pushed, and that was all I could reply with.
Her rolling her eyes was not how I envisioned my first and only declaration of love to be received.
“Matt, listen to yourself. I don’t know where you walked or what you’re under the influence of now, but this is insanity. You don’t love me. I was a one-night stand gone wrong. You don’t need to jump to conclusions and make up stupid claims that you ‘love’ me.” She shook her head, lowering it. “I want approval. I am a people pleaser, but I’m not that desperate for approval and love. Don’t concern yourself with me or this baby. I’ll handle it all myself.” With a final wry laugh, she turned away. “It would only be a disservice to suggest love is mixed up in between us, and I won’t settle for your trying to throw it out there as a last-ditch attempt to make this more confusing.”
“Don’t—” I hurried to catch up and see her face again.
“I’ll handle it all myself, Matt,” she argued tiredly.
I hated that she sounded so exhausted, so dragged down by my actions.
“No. No, you won’t,” I told her.
Cutting her off, I forced her to look up at me. Leaning down to get to her eye level, ignoring the rain plastering our hair and clothes to our bodies, I cupped her face and waited until she locked that green gaze on me.
“You’re not handling anything yourself,” I vowed. “Because I do love you. And we’re going to do this together.”
Before she could argue, I closed the distance between us, pressing my lips to hers. They were wet from the rain, but they were warm and sweet. Like coming home.
“Matt…” she whispered on an exhale. Keeping her eyes closed, her brow resting against mine, she seemed to hesitate. “I don’t want to play games or?—”
I kissed her again while holding my hand out for a ride. We were right there, standing in the rain so near the curb, and it wasn’t how I envisioned the rest of my life starting.
“No games,” I told her as a driver pulled up.
I held her hand, leading her into the car so I could take her home. Not to a hotel. Not back to the office so we could find another empty conference room. But to my home. Where she and our child would always belong.
In the backseat, we kissed and stayed as close as possible. She didn’t climb onto my lap like she seemed eager to, and I accommodated her by slanting her back against the seat, making out with her like she was the breath of fresh air I’d been waiting for. Like she was all I needed to stay sane.
When we arrived at my building, we didn’t part. We still couldn’t get enough of each other, and I prayed it would always be like this between us. Hot, quick, undeniably needy.
Kissing hard and holding each other close, we waited for the elevator. Then in the ride up, I hoisted her into my arms and pressed her against the wall for better leverage. Puddles remained in our wake. My shoes squelched and squeaked as I carried her straight into my apartment.
This was more like it. Alone together, where I could be as open and honest as I wanted.
I’d never brought a woman home. Never. And it was just right that she would be my first—and last. Because I’d be damned if she left.
“No games,” I repeated as I lowered her to stand.
She shook her head in agreement.
“I love you, Loren.” I didn’t stop her hands from tugging at my clothes. All I could do was try to keep up and pull at her garments.
“I love you, too,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t. I tried to talk myself out of it. I keep thinking it’s just lust. And a little bit of admiration at the office. You’ve made an impression on me from the moment we met, before I knew who you were, but it has to be love.”
I nodded, frustrated with the slowness of getting our wet clothes off. I wouldn’t deny her what she wanted. Her greedy but clumsy fingers on my pants suggested that she wanted me naked. I couldn’t wait to get us dry so I could show her how I desired her. But nothing worked. Soaked fabric clung and bunched up, not cooperating.
“It is love. I know because I’ve never felt this before. Ever. For anyone.”
She growled, tired of my struggles to ease her clothes off. She ripped her blouse, taking her thin bra with it, and let it fall in a sloppy pile to the floor.
“I love you, Loren,” I repeated. Every time I said it, I felt better and bolder. That I could be the one man in the world who could have a right to say it.
She smiled, sexy and sweet, as she reached for the unzipped part of my pants. Tugging me toward her, she teased, “Show me.”