Chapter 11
Asher
“When are you planning to tell Sierra that you’re interested in a hell of a lot more than her housekeeping skills?” Devon asked wryly while we were working in Silas’s kitchen.
Okay, I was working.
Devon must think he was some kind of support system because he’d followed me when I’d told Silas that I’d replace the door gasket in his commercial dishwasher for him.
Sierra and Reese were chatting like old friends over their coffee, so I didn’t feel guilty about leaving her alone.
“Shit!” I cursed as I applied more pressure to the pliers I was holding to get the stubborn gasket off the door. “Why doesn’t he get a new dishwasher? This thing is so old I’m surprised he can still get parts.”
I was kneeling to get to the gasket, and Devon grinned down at me and rested his hip against the counter.
He was holding the replacement part, which was probably about as much as he wanted to do.
He’d readily admitted that he didn’t know much about commercial dishwashers.
I, on the other hand, had been a blue-collar guy for a long time, and I’d fixed everything around the ranch when I was young because there was no way my old man was going to do it.
“He probably wants to save money. I think Silas was planning on doing this himself until you offered,” Devon mused. “And you haven’t answered my question.”
“He’s in his eighties,” I informed Devon, like he didn’t already know that. “He has no business on his knees in his kitchen, pulling old parts out of a very old dishwasher. It’s not a big deal. I just wish he had a model that didn’t look like it was discontinued a long time ago.”
The old gasket finally popped out as I added, “And I have no idea what you mean about Sierra.”
Hell, I knew. And Devon did, too, but I didn’t need to satisfy his damn curiosity.
“Come on, Asher,” Devon said persuasively. “Let’s be honest. I recognize the looks you shoot her way. You’ve got it bad. I should know. I feel the same way about my wife.”
I shrugged as I cleaned the area where the new gasket would go. “So what if I do?” I conceded. “She’s my housekeeper. I’m her boss. She’s not interested in me.”
Yeah, she’d let me kiss her, but that didn’t mean she wanted anything more than that.
She’d made it perfectly clear that she thought that incident was a mistake.
“Are you sure about that?” he asked thoughtfully. “I think I see the same lust in her eyes.”
“Drop it, Devon,” I growled as I took the replacement part from him. “I’ve got issues she doesn’t need to deal with.”
“What?” Devon asked. “You’re antisocial? You don’t like people close to you? You don’t like to be touched? I’ve noticed. That doesn’t seem to be a problem when you’re with Sierra.”
“I’m fucking broken,” I said gruffly. “No woman deserves to deal with that.”
“Something tells me she wouldn’t mind, and you’re not broken, Asher.
Look, I know that your father was an asshole.
I’m willing to bet my life on the fact that he was abusive as hell.
You’ve got issues you need to deal with, but he didn’t break you.
If he did, you wouldn’t be here right now.
You wouldn’t be looking at a woman like you worship the ground she walks on, and you wouldn’t be on your knees in a bar kitchen, helping an old man.
Everyone has issues. It looks to me like you’re trying to deal with yours, and I’m damn happy about that.
You and Cole should have been part of the family a long time ago.
I’m here for you, Asher. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.
I wish I could have been there when we were kids. ”
My gut hurt as I took the replacement gasket out of its protective plastic.
My defenses were telling me to be my usual asshole self, but I couldn’t do it.
Devon and all of my cousins had proved that they were family when they’d showed up for the ceremony I’d had at the cemetery when I’d laid my mother to rest.
Every damn one of them had shown up with their wives, even though they hadn’t been invited.
They’d figured it was their place to be there for me, Cole, and the deceased aunt they’d barely known.
We were all Remingtons, and they’d reminded me of that on that somber day.
I’d never done the polite thing and thanked them for coming because I knew that they didn’t want my thanks.
I’d never told them, but their presence there at the cemetery had meant more than they’d probably ever know.
I’d felt the family loyalty from them, and that had been a turning point for me.
Fuck! I wanted to be part of the Remington family.
My father had been a bad seed, but I was proud of our ancestry and the fact that there had been Remingtons in Crystal Fork as long as the town had existed.
I’d come back to Crystal Fork because the land was in my blood, even though most of my childhood memories were bad.
I knew my cousins felt the same affinity for the town of Crystal Fork.
I wanted to know my cousins better. Not strictly because they were family but because I thought they were men worth knowing.
My Aunt Millie had basically just tried to plow her way into my life, but I hadn’t let her in the way I should have.
Therapy was making me think about a lot of things I’d ignored before.
I wasn’t sure if I liked diving that deeply into my screwed-up head, but some of the changes needed to happen.
I hadn’t been happy in a long time.
I wasn’t sure if it was possible to completely stop being an asshole, but I could probably be a nicer asshole.
“It wasn’t possible for you to be there when we were kids,” I told Devon. “It was a fucked-up situation. And I think my issues are a lot bigger than most people’s. But I’m working on them.”
“Good. Then you can come to dinner at Mom’s next week. Bring Sierra. It would make my mother so happy that she’ll talk about it forever.”
I put the gasket in place.
Hell, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that.
One-on-one with Devon was a lot different from a whole houseful of Remingtons at one time.
My aunt texted for every family dinner, and I hadn’t shown up at her place yet.
“Too overwhelming? Too soon?” Devon asked in a sympathetic voice.
“I’m not sure,” I said honestly.
“Cole won’t be there, so we’ll get more food,” Devon joked. “Seriously, though, if you don’t feel up to it, we can wait. I’m happy to see you out and about, Asher. I’m not about to ask for more than you can handle before you’re ready.”
“Let me think about it,” I told him.
“That works for me. What are you going to do about Sierra?”
“Nothing,” I said flatly.
“She mentioned that she was going to be living on your ranch while we were eating our cinnamon rolls. That shit is going to drive you crazy.”
“Maybe,” I contemplated. “But it’s better than worrying about whether or not she’s safe.” I held up a hand before he could speak. “Don’t ask. All I’m going to say is that her situation in Billings wasn’t ideal.”
“That sucks,” he said morosely. “Knowing the woman you care about isn’t safe is the worst.”
I nodded empathetically because I knew that Devon had dealt with those fears at one time himself.
“For what it’s worth,” Devon said, “I think she’d be pretty lucky to have a guy like you.”
“She’s had a rough time,” I shared. “I could easily fix some of the things that are wrong in her life, but she won’t let me do much.”
“The money part?” Devon guessed.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“You can respect the fact that she feels that way, but I think you should find a way to do it anyway or it will bug the shit out of you. Money is one thing we have more than enough of, and financial stress isn’t something she needs to worry about.”
“Agreed,” I said. “But I don’t think she’s ever asked for help. She’s stubborn.”
“You’ll find a way to fix the easy things,” Devon said confidently. “I still think you should tell her that you want her before your balls turn blue, but you’re the only one who can judge when you’ll be ready for that.”
“I want her,” I said in a graveled voice. “But I don’t think she needs a guy who does nothing but lust after her.”
“I think it’s more than just lust,” Devon replied. “She lives with you now, and you trust her, Asher. That’s not nothing, considering your background.”
He was right.
I hadn’t thought beyond the fact that I wanted to get Sierra into my bed in a way I’d never wanted a woman before, but there was more.
I trusted Sierra as much as I was capable of trusting anyone except Cole.
I enjoyed her company.
And being with her made me happy.
Devon was right.
That wasn’t nothing for a guy like me.
“I need to fix my head before I worry about my feelings for anyone,” I told Devon.
“I get that,” he agreed. “But for me, the right woman only came along once. I almost screwed that up a few times. I’m glad I didn’t.”
“I’m glad you didn’t, too,” I told Devon earnestly. “But I’m not sure our situations are the same.”
“I’m not going to push, cousin. I’m happy to see the changes that you’re making. I’m not in your shoes, but I’ll listen if you ever need to talk.”
Finished with my task, I closed the dishwasher. “Thanks,” I said gratefully. “I’m not much of a talker, but I appreciate you offering.”
I stood and went to wash my hands.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Devon said as he slapped me on the back.
He froze almost immediately. “Shit! I probably shouldn’t have done that.”
The motion had been so friendly and natural that I’d only flinched a little, and not violently.
I couldn’t say I liked it, but I didn’t feel like losing my shit over it, either.
“I’m good,” I said tightly. “Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re family. I wasn’t thinking,” Devon said remorsefully.
“Devon, I’ll live,” I assured him. “I’m hoping that someday it won’t bother me at all, but I’m not quite there yet. But it’s not as bad as it used to be for me.”
Christ! I hated the way I’d reacted to what should have been a fond gesture from my cousin.
It was actually nice to know that he felt like he could treat me like family.
But Devon was an observant guy, and he hadn’t missed the way I’d pulled away defensively.
“We’re cool?” he said in a relieved voice.
I nodded. “We’re good.”
“I can’t promise that will never happen again,” Devon informed me. “I think it’s fucking instinctive for me. We’re cousins.”
“I’ll either learn to live with it or I’ll slug you in the face,” I said wryly.
He grinned. “I’d prefer the former, but I’ll take it if you decide to punch me.”
I grinned back at him as some kind of understanding formed between the two of us without words.
I think we’d just decided that we were going to accept each other even when we made mistakes.
I could definitely live with that, because I’d definitely be making plenty of my own in the future.
It was good to know that he’d let me slide while I tried my best to become human again.