Chapter 17
Hannah
“W hat an incredible view,” I told Tanner after we’d reached the top of Mount Ascension.
We’d spent the entire morning and part of the afternoon riding the interconnecting trails after starting at the trailhead.
We’d dressed warmly for the ride, and the weather had cooperated beautifully.
Someone had already been there with our bikes, which I was starting to realize was one of the perks of being incredibly wealthy and powerful.
Things just magically showed up where and when Tanner Remington wanted them.
We’d taken off almost immediately after we’d arrived at the trailhead.
The ride wasn’t especially challenging. Mount Ascension was more like a giant hill than a mountain, but the areas to explore through the woods were vast.
We’d stopped to eat a picnic lunch earlier that Tanner had arranged to take with us, and the time I’d spent with Tanner was more relaxing than any other day I’d spent with him.
Maybe getting real with each other had helped dissolve the tension.
Even though we’d had one spectacular kiss, and I’d had an extremely vulnerable interlude with him, Tanner wasn’t pushing for anything more.
No more kisses.
No real physical intimacy.
But there were some changes in our relationship, and the chemistry between us was finally out in the open.
Honestly, my head was still spinning from the night before, so I appreciated the fact that he’d backed off a little to give me time to think and get my head together.
He wanted to start over.
Deep inside, I desperately wanted the same thing.
I wanted to believe that we really could start over.
We’d both made mistakes in the past, but we were older and wiser than we’d been years ago.
I’d finally decided to just take it slow and see what happened.
If I ran away because of my fear now, I’d always wonder what could have been if I’d just given the whole starting over thing a shot.
“It is a nice view,” Tanner said as he strolled around the summit. “And the trails are a lot quieter than I thought they would be. I haven’t seen anyone up here since we got to the top.”
We’d seen a few hikers during our ride, and only one group of people on mountain bikes.
“Helena isn’t exactly a huge tourist city, and summer has been over for a while,” I pointed out. “I’m sure the people who come here are mostly locals, and there are tons of trails to explore.”
Yes, it was really nice weather for Montana in the fall, but most people who visited Montana came here for Yellowstone or Glacier National Park during the warmer months.
I sat on a large rock, and Tanner sat beside me.
The rock wasn’t big enough for personal space, but I realized that I really didn’t care.
I liked the feeling of being this close to him right now.
It had been an amazing day, and it was a peaceful, quiet moment with beautiful scenery that I was glad that I was sharing with Tanner.
The awkwardness between the two of us was gone.
Unfortunately, that made the chemistry between the two of us ever more intense for me.
I opened my backpack and took out a bottle of water.
I took a long drink to hydrate myself before I said softly, “I missed this.”
He turned his head to look at me and our eyes met. “You missed what?”
“This,” I answered as I waved my arms out toward our surroundings. “Sharing space and new experiences with you.”
“You never found another guy who likes to mountain bike?” he asked, his voice rough.
Since honesty was now our policy, it wasn’t difficult to tell Tanner the truth.
I shook my head. “Nope. I rode solo in Washington. I didn’t date much in Seattle, and those dates were first dates only.”
“Why?” he questioned. “You’re an incredible woman, Hannah. There had to be men lining up to date you.”
I snorted. “I never saw that line. It wasn’t that I didn’t hope I’d meet someone I’d connect with, but it just never happened. What about you? I’m sure you’re inundated by women who want to date you.”
“Most of those women just want to date a billionaire,” he said drily.
“I’m sure that’s not true,” I protested.
“It is true,” he replied. “I haven’t had the slightest interest in dating since we broke up. I’ve never met anyone who changed my mind about that. You were the only woman who ever felt right to me.”
Incredibly, what I’d heard was true. He hadn’t been with anyone else since we’d broken up.
God, I knew that feeling of nobody else feeling right because I’d felt the same way.
“We had a pretty tight connection at one time,” I agreed. “And it happened really fast. That hasn’t happened for me again, either.”
Tanner and I had clicked almost from the moment we met.
As different as we were, for some reason we just seemed to…fit.
I’d been drawn to Tanner for some inexplicable reason, and I was pretty certain he’d felt the same way.
“All the more reason for the two of us to start over,” he teased. “I’m not sure there’s another woman in the world who would actually put up with me.”
I laughed. “You have plenty of great qualities once a person gets past your bossiness and your desire to control everything and everyone around you.”
“I can’t say that I don’t still attempt to do that,” he mused. “But I realize now that controlling everything isn’t really possible. It’s an illusion. Sometimes, shit just happens, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
He was right. No matter how much we tried to control things, shit did just happen sometimes. Things that we had zero control over. Like his father’s death. I had a feeling that Tanner had learned that lesson the hard way, and knowing that made my heart ache for him.
“I think there’s times when we have to let go of our desire to control everything,” I told him gently. “If we don’t, it will make us crazy, and we get mired down by guilt over the things we could never have prevented.”
“Like my dad’s death and your mother’s heart attack?” he asked gruffly.
“Exactly,” I said with a sigh.
“I’m still going to try to control things and prevent bad things from happening to you,” Tanner warned me.
I smiled. “Of course you will. You wouldn’t be Tanner Remington if you didn’t.”
Tanner would be protective to the point of overbearing if someone let him.
But I knew those tendencies came from a place of love and fear of something happening to someone he cared about.
He didn’t do it simply to be an asshole.
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to get past the way that I treated you before you left?” he asked in a grim tone.
“I already have,” I replied honestly. “It wasn’t all your fault, and your distraction and total focus on KTD and my insecurities were a recipe for disaster. I think you’re having more problems with forgetting it than I am. You have to let it go if you really want to try starting over. We can’t move forward until we both let go of our past. I think I’m ready to move on. Are you?”
“When you put it that way, I guess I’m going to have to let it go,” Tanner answered. “But it’s not easy to forgive yourself for pushing away the best thing that ever happened to you.”
“Maybe it wasn’t all bad,” I said thoughtfully. “It was painful, but I came out of that experience a lot more emotionally healthy. That breakup forced me to deal with issues that had been holding me back and tormenting me for a very long time. I’m not sure how long I could have lived that way if it hadn’t happened.”
“I don’t know anyone else who can always find a positive in a really shitty situation,” Tanner grumbled.
“Is that really a bad thing?” I asked him lightly.
He shook his head. “No. But it’s not something I can do. I guess I’m an asshole who likes to wallow in my misery.”
I snorted. “I can wallow for a long time before I see a silver lining in a bad situation. It’s not always readily apparent.”
“I tend to like to leave the shit behind instead of evaluating it,” he joked.
“Sometimes I wish I could do that instead of evaluating things half to death until I find something good about it,” I said earnestly.
“Don’t,” Tanner insisted. “Your way is probably better. Your ability to find something positive even in the most challenging of situations is something I always loved about you. It kept me from becoming a cynical asshole.”
Tanner wasn’t cynical.
Granted, he was intense and serious sometimes, and driven, but Tanner had an amazing heart if someone was brave enough to find it.
He rose from his seat on the rock. “Should we head back down?” he asked as held out his hand.
I nodded and let him pull me to my feet.
It was getting late, and we still had to fly back to Crystal Fork.
Tanner had to work tomorrow, and I had appointments scheduled for most of the day.
“Thank you for this weekend,” I said as I walked back over to my bike. “It’s been good for me.”
I felt more relaxed and at peace with Tanner than I had for a very long time.
I also liked this different Tanner so much more than I’d thought was even possible.
“It’s been good for me, too, Hannah,” Tanner answered as he retrieved his bike.
“Are we really going to try to start over?” I blurted out as I mounted my bike right next to him.
He shot me a mischievous grin that made my heart stutter as he answered, “If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m already trying. I think you’ll have to make your own decision about that when you’re ready.”
He nodded for me to take the lead, just like he always did.
Tanner always preferred for me to go ahead of him so he could watch my back.
There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but now probably wasn’t the time.
We’d just had an amazing day together, and I wanted to bask in that happiness for a while.
I took the lead and started back down the path.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready to jump headfirst into another relationship with Tanner Remington, but the temptation to try it was going to be nearly impossible to resist.