Chapter Fifty-Six Larissa
Chapter Fifty-Six
LARISSA
FEELING TYLER’S EYES heavy on my profile, I run the washcloth between Alexander’s chub-induced creases as we give the twins a bath.
Each sitting in their individual tubs in the antique copper bathtub.
The two of us on our collective knees, hunched over the lip of it as he forces me to acknowledge his probing attention.
“What?” I snap impatiently, and he shifts his focus instantly, gently running a cloth under Macey’s arms, his expression morphing to one of adoration. Guilt instantly starts to gnaw after my lash-out. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. How are you?”
“You’ve been asking me that every day.”
“Because I want to know every day.”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you?” I say, offering an olive branch. “I’m not the only one who had a shitty Christmas.”
“My panic attack hardly compares,” he utters.
“Then we weren’t in the same room,” I counter. “So how are you?”
He flashes me a breath-stealing grin. “I slept six hours last night. That’s the most I’ve gotten in, well, fucking forever.”
“We should probably watch the f-bombs in a few months,” I say. “Not criticizing, but—”
“No, I get it.” His grin grows.
“What?”
“I’m just excited about the months to come.” He shrugs, his smile still simmering on his lips.
“What plan are you hatching now, Marine?” This time, I don’t deliver it with my typical bite, even if he still corrects me.
“Tyler, and I’ve been reading up on development.”
“Yeah? Well, I have a feeling this one is going to create case studies,” I say in response to Alexander’s ear-splitting squeal, which scares Macey. We share a laugh until Macey’s lip quivers, cueing Tyler’s soothing.
“It’s okay, baby girl. He’s just flexing a li’l bit. Sadly, it’s a Jennings trait.”
“Terrorist,” I mumble as Alexander looks up at me through his wet lashes and his father’s eyes. “God, kid, could you look any more like him?” I nod toward Tyler to see his smile growing brighter, glowering at him in response. “You love it so much.”
“I can’t lie, I do, but it’s not like this one isn’t a replica of you,” he counters, whispering his wet hand lovingly over Macey’s black hair, which is showing signs of possible curl. “Look at those honey eyes. Man, I lose myself in them every time.”
His comment not lost on me—it’s as I stare at our babies that the same surge of anxiousness I’ve been battling since Christmas rushes to the surface. Sensing it, Tyler pauses his hand without so much as glancing my way.
“We’ve got a plan,” he reminds me.
I nod. This morning, he came to my door with the twins in tow.
After laying them out on the mattress, we spent the day on it, playing with them while talking and strategizing.
After he gave some jarring confessions about Antony, especially his breaking into the White House, in return, I gave him every detail I could summon.
From our younger years up to the minute I knocked on Tyler’s door.
Much to my dismay, Tyler’s strategy requires some blind trust and patience.
Both of which I was reluctant to give, but ultimately decided to with his assurances that we weren’t alone.
He spent the last half of the day patiently repeating specifics in a quest to ease my worry.
Still raw after going to Alonzo and after Christmas, I have yet to face Iggy.
And I’m not sure I want to. My heart is still cracking hourly from his accusations and the look in his eyes.
As if reading my thoughts, Tyler nudges me.
“I’ll be honest if you will,” he urges. “I was a good friend once. I would like to try to be again.”
“You first,” I say as Alexander squeals in demand, and I animate. “I’m right in front of you, you little nightmare, literally rubbing you down—how much more attention do you need, your highness?”
“I mean, if you’re passing them out, I could use a rubdown too,” he jokes as I narrow my eyes. “We said honest.” He shrugs.
“I caught Fantina eyeing you yesterday,” I state, referring to the night nurse. “I’m sure she’d be happy to rub something.”
His lush lips lift. “You jealous, little mobster?”
“Pfft. Dream on.”
“Well, I’m spoken for”—he looks down at Macey—“by the two most beautiful girls in the world.”
As if Macey understood him, her face lights up.
“That’s right, baby girl. If Mama decides to ditch me, I’m all yours.”
His words hit me dead center as I glance over again, and he looks back at me, sobering.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed about anything.
God knows I’ve been ass out the last two times I’ve been here.
You’ve seen me at my absolute fucking worst. I’ve cried more in the last four months than I have in my entire existence.
More than my newborn twins combined, who have the divine right to.
Snotting in a towel in front of you—shit, talk about rock bottom. ”
Though I don’t want him feeling ill at ease about it, I can’t share his sheepish smile.
The sight of him that day, in so much pain, forever ingrained in my heart, which aches for him now.
The power of that perfume bottle fading with my want to both forgive and believe him.
My growing contempt for what remains of its power over me.
Because fuck Antony and his mind games. Tyler was right.
I’m too strong for that, and I’m thankful Tyler was there, even if I temporarily lost my shit.
“When the time comes, I want to make it hurt,” I revert, knowing he needs no clarity.
“We will, I promise you,” he assures. “So, Alonzo?”
“That hurt like hell.” I pause. “You really want to know?”
“The jealous man inside me is being held underwater by my imagination for the moment, so he can’t hear anything,” he says. “Tell me.”
“It was mostly fear. The truth is, we lost each other a long time ago romantically, but I think we were holding on so tightly this time because we didn’t want to lose each other again. The love is still there, it’s still real, but it’s distant now. A different life, I guess, if that makes sense.”
“I get it, I really do,” he says. “I really fucki—freaking do.”
“Yeah, it’s going to take a while to clean that military mouth out,” I poke.
“Better you than anyone else,” he rasps out, eyes dropping to my lips before he breaks the stare.
“He’s not going anywhere, Larissa. He might keep his distance for a while.
Being with you for months on end probably gave him an idea of the life you could have, and he has to grieve that. But he’ll be back.”
“I hope so, and I hope you meant what you said, because he’s my ride or die, Tyler. Seriously, what we’ve been through, that’s not a bond that can be broken.”
“I did mean it. And I can grudgingly admit I respect him. I don’t think we’ll ever be friendly, but I stopped my birds from gunning for him, so I guess that’s progress?”
“Seriously?” I glare at him.
“Don’t pounce, I did it after our confrontation last time I crash landed here,” he sighs. “Like I said, I respect him. Probably because I’ve been him.”
“How?”
“Loving and living for a woman from afar. I guess you could say he was for you what I was for her, and who I want to be for you now.”
“What’s that?”
“Everything,” he whispers, “but mainly devoted.”
This time, I pause my hands and look over at him.
“What?” he gently prods.
“You just keep saying these things so … casually.”
“Too much?” he asks, genuinely apprehensive.
“We’ve always been too much,” I declare. “It’s just different.”
“Well, since you met and endured me when I needed a fucking rabies shot, you’re going to get a lot of different,” he chuckles as he looks over to me. “Right now, it’s a crapshoot, so I hope we both like the new guy.”
His joke is tinged with a little self-consciousness, and in response to it, I slowly nod. “We’ve been raw in front of each other from the start, Tyler,” I say as our eyes lock, and I lift Alexander from his tub. “Will you lay out his towel on my chest?”
Nodding, he keeps my eyes, refusing to free me from their hold as they widen … a second before I’m shot in the neck … by my son’s piss.
Instant chaos ensues as Tyler’s booming laughter scares Macey, and he lifts her to console her as I place Alexander right back into his lukewarm bath. His cries echoing Macey’s as Tyler and I both laugh at the insanity.
“That serenity went to shit really quick, didn’t it, little mobster?”
“Case study,” I repeat, running the faucet to add a little warmer water to each of their baths, which seems to calm them both.
“Not cool, bud,” Tyler scorns playfully, flicking a little water in Alexander’s direction while dipping Macey’s rag into the water.
“That’s the third time he’s peed on me after his bath, so how about you bathe the boy child from here on out?”
“I’ve got you, baby,” he murmurs, the sentiment hitting hard as he lifts Macey’s rag from the water, squeezing it before gently wiping my neck and chest, his rapt attention sending my pulse racing.
“You’re still the strongest woman I know,” he says, running the cloth over the dribble on my T-shirt.
“Even if you don’t feel like it right now. ”
“Stop consoling me. I’m good.”
“You just suffered another heartbreak—two, actually. You’ve been so strong already, for so long, little mobster. So fucking strong.” His beautiful brown eyes caress me as he pulls back. “I just want you to know I’m here for you.”
“Well, if we’re giving credit where it’s due …” He pauses the rag as I speak up. “I’ve been reading up too,” I admit. “A lot, and …” I swallow. “… if you need anything … or have a dream, or something,” I say, taking the rag from him and lowering my eyes.