Chapter 28
Juniper
Day one
Juniper woke up the next morning, feeling a heavy listlessness weighing on her.
She’d let Billy sleep in her bed, taking some comfort from his warm body curled against her.
He stirred, waking up and rubbing his eyes irritably.
She checked the time on the bedside clock.
Shit. They’d overslept. She hustled Billy out of bed, sitting him down in front of the television while she grabbed a quick shower.
She had a splitting headache and that relentless weight pressing against her.
She hurriedly got dressed, wrapping a towel around her head as she moved to the kitchen to get breakfast.
“Come on baby, breakfast time. You want porridge?”
“No.”
She turned to look at Billy, curled up on the couch, staring at the television. “What then?”
“Nothing. Not hungry.”
“You have to eat something.”
“No.” The belligerence in his tone was unmistakable.
“Billy,” she said warningly.
He frowned at her.
“Get up to the table right now. I don’t have time for this.”
He dragged himself off the couch, moving to sit at the table, crossing his arms in front of him and frowning at her.
“Take that look off your face.” She could hear the rising irritability in her own voice but felt powerless to stop it. Billy’s scowl deepened. “If you don’t tell me what you want for breakfast, you’re having porridge.”
As he sat there silently, frowning down at the table, she made porridge, gritting her teeth when she placed it in front of him and he pushed it away. “William,” she said warningly, her heart squeezing in agony as his name rolled off her tongue.
“I’m not William! You made William go away!”
She turned away, feeling a hot rage fill her at the injustice of it.
Knowing he was a darling three-year-old missing someone he loved had her wrestling with herself, trying to find the words to soothe him.
She heard footsteps outside, light and female, and didn’t know whether to laugh or scream when Leah opened the door and stepped inside.
She took in the situation at a glance and moved to the table, grabbing the bowl of porridge.
“Why don’t we eat breakfast outside, hey? ”
To Juniper’s immense relief, Billy slid off the dining chair and allowed Leah to lead him outside.
Day Two
Juniper woke with Billy wrapped around her, his hand resting on her cheek. She lay perfectly still, quietly breathing him in, that sticky toddler smell with a hint of the baby he’d been underlying it. He wriggled against her, lifting his head wearily. “I’m hungry.”
“Are you, baby?” She brushed a hand over his curls. “What would you like for breakfast?”
“Porridge.”
She carried him out to the little dining table, where he sat quietly while she made his porridge.
She put the bowl down, feeling a hot lump in her throat when she saw the silent tears rolling down his cheeks.
She sat down, pulling him into her lap and squeezing him tight.
She didn’t look up as she heard footsteps and heard Nora say, “Here now, what’s this?
” as she came through the door. She ran her hand over Juniper’s shoulder as she moved into the kitchen to make coffee.
Day Three
Juniper sighed with frustration and took her foot off the pedal of the pottery wheel.
Unable to concentrate, she just couldn’t get the balance for the bowl she was trying to throw.
She gave up, moving to the sink to wash her hands.
She reached for her phone, bringing up William’s number, staring at it for the longest time before slipping the phone back into the pocket of her dress.
She turned as she heard the back door of the workroom open and Mikayla step through, a bottle of wine in her hand. “Come on, love. Let’s get pissed.”
Day Six
Juniper woke alone, the pale fingers of a cold sunrise creeping across the floor and up onto her bed.
It was the first night Billy had slept the whole night through in his own bed since William had left.
She went to check on him. Sound asleep. She couldn’t go back to bed, so she grabbed her dressing gown and making a coffee, went out to sit on the deck, rubbing her chest as the ever-present band tightened around her heart.
She almost smiled as Rafe came through the gate and moved across the yard to sit down next to her.
“What are you doing here this early?”
“Just got off shift. Thought I’d check on you.”
He put his arm around her, and she let go, crying into his shoulder.
Day Ten
Friday. The end of an impossibly long week.
Juniper lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to force herself to get up.
Then she frowned. Billy was up. She could hear Bluey playing on the television.
She sighed, sliding out of bed and into her robe.
She stopped dead at the loungeroom door.
John, sitting on the couch with Billy curled up next to him, turned his head.
“Coffee’s on,” he said, gesturing to the kitchen.
Day Eleven
“What is this, ‘The Everybody Make Sure Juniper Doesn’t Fall to Pieces Brigade’?” She didn’t even try to hide the irritation in her voice as she cleared the breakfast dishes off the table.
“Something like that,” Callum replied calmly from the loungeroom, helping Billy put his sandals on.
She was fed up. Sick of being checked up on, sick of being sympathized with. Sick of pretending she was getting better. She was just fucking sick of everything. She told him so.
“Stop pretending then. You aren’t fooling anyone anyway,” he said bluntly.
They stared at each other, then something about the situation tickled her sense of humor. Her lips quirked in a rare smile. “I’m sorry.”
He smiled back. “Don’t worry about it.
He came over to her, looking down at her for a long moment, his hazel eyes intense. Something she saw there resonated with her. He knew exactly how she was feeling. He surprised her by pressing a kiss to her forehead before saying, “You’ll be alright.”
“Will I?”
“Yes. I promise.” There was a sort of comfort to be had in the simple sincerity of the statement. The fact that he seemed to believe it meant maybe she could, too. “We’re going to the beach and then the ice cream shop. We’ll be back in about an hour.”
“Okay.”
Day Fourteen
Juniper smiled as she watched Leah chase Billy across the beach. “She’s been an absolute blessing.”
“She’s a gem,” Mikayla agreed.
Sighing, Juniper continued on, the sea pulling gently at her feet as she walked along the water’s edge, the light sea breeze softly caressing her skin.
Mikayla had also been a blessing. She was pretty sure it was Mikayla coordinating the constant check ins and support.
“You’re such a good friend to me.” She felt that ever present lump thicken in her throat.
Mikayla slipped her arm through Juniper’s, pulling her along. “I hate seeing you like this.”
“I hate being like this.” They walked on for a little longer in silence. “When is it going to get easier?”
“I don’t know, darling. It’s only been a few weeks. Give yourself time. Although…”
Juniper filled in the blanks in her mind. Although, you’re pretty devastated and broken, so you know, maybe never. Maybe it’s just never going to get easier. She took a deep breath. “You know, it would be easier if he didn’t love me. It hurts more knowing that he hurts, too.”
“I know,” Mikayla said quietly. “There’s just nothing you could do?”
Juniper shook her head. “I don’t think so.
There are just so many layers to it. His family needs him.
It would devastate his father if they had to lose the business.
They can’t keep the business without William.
So, could he live here and run the business?
No, not without traveling to Sydney every other day for business meetings and whatever else he does.
Those hideous business functions.” She shivered at the memory. “Could I live in Sydney? No.”
“Are you sure? Could you live in Sydney and just not attend the hideous business functions?”
“I really thought about that and if it was only the business functions that were the problem, then maybe I could. But it’s not only the horrid parties, is it?
It’s the whole package. I mean, what school would Billy go to?
What kind of people would we be associating with every day?
Could you imagine him at kindergarten, telling someone he can see their colors? ”
“Shit.”
“Yeah, shit.”
“So, that’s it then? He’s never coming back?”
Juniper felt the weight of it pressing on her chest. “No, he’s never coming back.”