Chapter 24
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
Maverick
As I arrive in Lake Geneva late on Saturday night, a full day and a half after my siblings, I get a message from Clover telling me she’s made it to Florida and that she needs a little time to think things through.
That gnawing feeling that settled in my gut when I had to sneak out of her house this morning like a sordid secret grew all day long. Even when I had a chance to drop off a Christmas present and say goodbye, it didn’t ease up.
And now I know why.
I can’t blame her for needing time—not when she’s still trying to get out of her marriage and her ex is showing up whenever the fuck he wants. While there isn’t anything wrong with what we’re doing, I get the issue. I’m sleeping with my hot former professor. She’s sleeping with a former student.
Six months from now, she’d be sleeping with a professional hockey player.
Timing is a real jerk.
I park my truck beside my sister’s car and send a single message in return:
Maverick: Backing off. I’ll wait to hear from you.
The humping dots appear and disappear several times.
So I send one more message, to alleviate as much guilt as I can for her.
Maverick: You don’t need to placate me. I know there’s more at stake for you. I’d rather you say nothing at all than give me lip service. I think I’ve already proven I can be patient.
My finger hovers over the button for almost a minute before I press send.
Twenty seconds later, my phone rings. I blow out a breath, nerves making my throat feel tight. I wonder if this is how any of the girls I’ve ever dumped have felt. And if it is, I owe a lot of apologies.
I answer on the third ring. “Hey.”
“Don’t let me off the hook like that,” Clover says. “I knew what I was signing on for when I opened the door and let you into my house and my . . . life.”
“You set boundaries, and I kept trying to push them over.”
“And I let you.” She sighs. “I’m trying to sort out my feelings. And my motivation. I just need some time.”
“I get it. Try not to overthink things too much.” I flip the paper crane I keep on my dash between my fingers.
“That’s not my strong suit, but I’ll do my best. Enjoy your time with your family.”
“You too.”
I end the call feeling worse instead of better, which is something I’m not used to.
This isn’t like my usual casual flings, where I can put my feelings in a box and leave them there.
With Clover, I finally got what I’d been wanting since I walked into her classroom.
Or even before that, when I left the crane at her place in Pearl Lake.
Only now that I’ve had a taste of what it could be like, I want more.
I feel the physical distance in more than just the states that separate us.
I don’t know how to define the emotion, but the usual warmth I feel when I think about Clover has been replaced with a tightness in my chest that I don’t know how to alleviate.
I grab my bag from the back seat, half-hoping everyone is in bed already, but I can see the glow of the TV from the living room as I make my way up the front steps of the wraparound porch.
I stand there, breath leaving me in cold bursts, psyching myself up to deal with whoever is awake and shoving down the worry that over the next two weeks, Clover is going to decide the risks outweigh the orgasms.
There’s nothing I can do about it.
Considering how much of a mess my head is already, I should probably cut and run—tell her it’s not a good idea to keep doing this. For her sake. But I don’t want to.
I open the door and step inside the front foyer. Lavender and River’s shoes sit on the mat next to the door, and I toe mine off too, putting them beside River’s and hanging my coat in the closet. I set my bag at the foot of the stairs.
I’d avoid everyone, but that will raise red flags, so instead, I grab a beer from the fridge and a bag of chips from the pantry—my mom has stocked up on all our favorites—and cross through to the living room.
My sister and mom are curled up on the couch, watching a Marvel movie, a bowl of popcorn on the cushion between them.
A glass of white wine—probably a Riesling, if I had to guess, since that’s my mom’s favorite—sits on the side table beside her.
Lavender has some kind of cooler. She’s not legal to drink yet, but my dad is Canadian, and the drinking age in Canada is nineteen in most provinces, so that’s always been Lavender’s defense.
Besides, she likes the sugary drinks you’d have to consume in mass quantities to even get a buzz, and she usually limits herself to one or two.
“Hey! My favorite second-born son is finally home. I was starting to worry about you. I’d thought you’d be here for dinner.” Mom throws off the blanket and opens her arms.
I set the beer and bag of chips on the side table beside my dad’s lounger and fold my mom into a hug.
“Sorry, my shift at the gym ran a little longer than anticipated, and I had a few things I needed to take care of at the house before I left.”
“It’s okay. You’re here now. Did you eat dinner? Can I heat something up for you? Lavender made shepherd’s pie. I can make a plate for you.”
“I’m good. I grabbed dinner in Chicago. Where’s Dad?”
“He was snoring, so we sent him to bed,” Lavender says. She tosses a piece of popcorn in the air and tries to catch it with her mouth, except she misses and it rolls to the floor.
“He had an early morning and a busy day,” Mom adds. Her gaze moves over my face, and her hands rest on my biceps. “You look tired, honey. Lots of late-night studying?”
I nod. “Yeah. I’ll catch up over the break.”
She hmms and picks a piece of lint off my shirt. “Some of the boys are planning to go to the arena early tomorrow morning, so be prepared for a knock on your door first thing. And then your dad and I are taking off for a couple of days with the rest of the old people.”
“Another one of those last-minute vacay deals Dad couldn’t resist organizing?” They do this almost every year—disappear for a couple of days with their friends right before the family descends for the holidays.
“Mmm . . . You know what he’s like. We’ll only be gone for two nights. Then the grandparents will arrive. I’ll leave all the details for you.”
“Okay. Sounds good.” At least it gives me a couple of days to shake the funk I’m in. Hopefully.
The final credits start to roll.
“I’m going to bed, but you two are welcome to watch whatever you want.” She kisses me on the cheek. When she pulls back, her expression is questioning. “What’s the smell?”
I sniff my shirt. “Laundry detergent?”
She shakes her head. “It’s citrusy and festive? Like, cloves, maybe?”
“Dunno. Soap or something probably.” I force myself to maintain eye contact. I know exactly what the smell is. Clover’s body wash, shampoo, and hand soap are all the same brand.
She pats my shoulder. “Well, whatever it is, it smells nice. See you two in the morning.” She crosses over and kisses Lavender on the cheek, then heads down the hall.
I drop down on the other end of the couch from my sister.
“You’re arriving rather late.” She pops a piece of popcorn into her mouth and doesn’t miss this time.
“I had shit to take care of.”
She gives me the eye, sets her popcorn on the table, and leans across the couch until she’s only a couple inches away from me.
“What are you doing?”
She grabs my shirt and sniffs loudly. “You smell like . . . a woman.”
“I ran out of my body wash and had to use what was available.”
“Why didn’t you tell Mom that?” She sits back, eyeing me with suspicion.
“Why does it matter?”
She nods several times, slowly. “Answering a question with a question. I’ll let it go for now, but I think you’re hiding something. Or someone.”
“Whatever. Where’s River?”
“Probably sexting Josiah. He should tell Mom and Dad he’s gay already, and then Josiah could come here for New Year’s or something.”
“I don’t understand why he’s dragging his feet on this.”
“Probably because he doesn’t want to have an awkward conversation with either of them about safe anal.”
“Well, that’s legit.” I make a face. “I can’t even imagine what that conversation would look like with Dad. I feel like he’d be all concerned about Josiah with the Waters curse and all.” I point to my crotch unnecessarily.
Lavender spit-sprays her cooler and swipes the back of her hand across her mouth. “Oh my God. The conversations with Josiah are way TMI.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sometimes Josiah forgets River is my twin and there are things I don’t want to know about his sex life.” She gives me an arched eyebrow.
“Ah. Well, here’s to awkward conversations with best friends.” I clink my beer bottle against her cooler.
“You don’t have plans tomorrow, do you? I mean besides the ice time with Dad in the morning.” Lavender changes the subject.
“Nope, not that I’m aware of, why?”
“I’m supposed to hang out with the twins. Just girls. It’d be great if you spent some time with Kodiak and the rest of the guys.”
“I was planning to text him. Where is he anyway?”
“He had some thing with his mom. He wanted me to come with, but he needs time with his family, and I needed to hang out with Mom so she could ask me a million questions about how things are going. She was asking about you, FYI, and how I thought you were doing. I think she’s worried, so don’t be surprised if she corners you at some point and digs for information. ”
I rub the back of my neck. “No one needs to worry about me.”
Lavender rolls her bottle between her palms. “That’s their job, Mav.
And until this year, I’ve taken the front seat for all the worrying, but now that I’m handling university away from home, and I have a steady boyfriend, they get to shift their focus elsewhere, and you seem to be the target. I thought you’d like a heads-up.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.” I sigh. “It must have been a pain in the ass, always having them watching over you like that.”