Chapter 25 #3
“Perhaps for you; and if so, I shall not insist otherwise. But for me, my comfort means having you near.”
His words pained her as she did not dare accept their meaning.
“I do not understand, sir. You said you were aware of our presence, and yet you left before we arrived. You insisted on Charles and Jane coming here, so you clearly wanted them at Pemberley. But you left, so I must be the one you wanted to avoid. Then why did you extend your invitation to me too? Especially for staying at Pemberley? And how can you say my nearness is your comfort?”
He moved another step, so he was in front of her, looking down into her face. They were both in wet clothing, lost in misunderstandings, and surrounded by the warm night. She wondered how long she could restrain her tears and how long her legs would continue to support her.
“Miss Bennet, I…we have lost enough time with bitter words and hurried responses that meant nothing and hurt deeply. I am not certain whether I correctly understood your words and reproaches from our last conversation in Meryton. I might have been wrong again. I did not leave Pemberley to avoid you but to meet you in London so we might travel here together. I wanted to have everything clear before your journey. When I arrived in Town, I found that you left much earlier than you planned, so I hurried back. I look like a savage because I have barely slept at all in the last days, and I just took a dip in the lake to cool my mind at the thought of seeing you.”
Elizabeth watched him with fearful hopes, her mind slowly comprehending his profession as he spoke further.
“I am still uncertain how your feelings changed since last April, and I am still unsure about whether you wish more than mere friendship from me, but I can go no longer without speaking my mind and my heart with all the risks and fears. My wishes have not changed at all since that day at the Parsonage, but my affection has grown and deepened. I told you back then that I ardently loved and admired you, but those feelings are now much stronger. I only made foolish accusations because I could not believe my good fortune. I thought I could not possibly have gained your good opinion so quickly. I was a bitter fool—as you said.”
“Mr Darcy, I am afraid you must be even more clear than this to avoid any misunderstanding,” she replied with a trembling voice. “Do you mean what I think you do?”
She felt tears falling on her cheeks and his thumbs gently wiping them while his strong, tender palms cupped her face. She put her hands over his.
“More clear? Very well, then,” he said, his thumbs still stroking her cheeks and tantalising the corners of her mouth.
“Miss Elizabeth Bennet, almost since the day I met you, I realised that my notion of love and happiness was inaccurate. You invaded my life to enrich it and my sleep to disturb it; you filled my soul and my mind until there was no room for anything else. My wish is to not live another day without showing my love for you, and I shall do all I can to accomplish this. How will you take my proofs of love, and what will you do with them? I can only hope. Nothing is stronger than my wishes—except yours. Therefore, from this moment on, I shall do what you want me to do.”
He stopped and gently took her hands, allowing her to withdraw them if she wanted to.
But she did not. Instead, she entwined her fingers with his and gently inclined her head until their foreheads touched.
They stood like that for a while, two shadows against the Pemberley walls, guarded by the stars.
Then, she stretched out her hands and cupped his face, and with her heart beating wildly, she pressed her lips to his. She did not move, did not breathe, abandoning herself to the blissful dizziness. He made no gesture—waiting, still, patient, bewitched.
It was her kiss, the first one—her response to his profession, her proof of love.
The night was still around them, but neither dared to move, afraid that it was still a dream that could be shattered by a painful awakening. Fearful of losing her, he gently pulled her to his chest. Their wet clothing, wet bodies, and warm souls touched, happy to finally complete each other.
It was a while before they dared to move, but they broke the embrace only enough to gaze into each other’s eyes.
“How could you believe I ran away from you?”
“How could you believe that I deceived you and showed you more than I felt? My only deception was the uncertainty of my feelings and showing you less than I truly felt.”
“I have been an arrogant fool. But you already know that. There are so many things I wish—I need—to tell you…”
“I want to listen to them…” she said. “But tomorrow in the light of day. I do not want us to be seen now and raise gossip that might upset Georgiana and Anne.”
He kissed her bare hand, his lips lingering in her palm then brushing over her wrist. She shivered with delight.
“Yes…tomorrow in full daylight. And then again, on many other nights,” he whispered hoarsely, a promise that flustered her as she tried to understand.
“Whenever you want, Mr Darcy,” she teased him. “If only you do not have other business to take you away.”
“Nothing could take me away from you, my darling Elizabeth, if I know you want me near. You have been my only business for many months, but I did not know how to tell you.”
“Perhaps it was I who did not know how to understand what you were telling me,” she replied.
“Not at all, the fault was entirely mine,” he insisted.
She laughed and gently caressed his fingers with hers. The small gesture was powerful, and it was such a heart-melting sensation to know she had the right to do that.
“We shall not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to our past misunderstandings,” she teased him.
They walked inside together: arm in arm, heart to heart. She had lost her shoes, so he took off his too. She laughed tearfully at his side.
“I met Mr Wilson,” he suddenly told her.
She frowned and turned to him. “When? Where?”
“Today…earlier, on my way home. He was at my parents’ grave. I believe he had been there for some time. His horse was rather far away.”
“Oh…and did you talk?”
“There was not much to say, nor was it the right time and place. I invited him to have breakfast with us tomorrow and to move his belongings to Pemberley. There is a room prepared for him.”
She stared at him in disbelief.
“I am still upset…and there are still many things to be settled. I cannot accept the threat to my family, just as I cannot forget and forgive my aunt and uncle. But that has nothing to do with my invitation. Georgiana is eager to meet him, and my father would have loved to see him back home. He even left some letters for Wilson that he wrote in the last years of his life, but he never knew where to send them.”
She gently took his hand and leaned her face into his palm.
He tenderly lifted her chin, and it was his turn to taste her red, alluring lips, fighting the desire to devour them, to satiate his long-abiding thirst. He closed his arms gently around her, his tenderness defeating his passion for the moment; then he withdrew slowly, feeling his lack of control would soon betray him.
“Do you like Pemberley?”
“How could I not like it? I would be charmed by Pemberley even if I had not been charmed for some time by its master.”
He smiled as he brushed his thumbs over her teasing lips. “I went to London so I could be the first to show you Pemberley. I hoped you would love it enough to agree to stay, regardless of your feelings for me.”
“Surely, you must have known that I came here only for you. You could not have misjudged my feelings so badly. But you must not worry; I saw little of the house and grounds as I thought only of you. You may show it to me tomorrow…and many other days and nights to follow,” she replied, nervous at her own daring as she met his eyes for an instant.
They stopped in front of her door, and she reluctantly released his arm. “This is my room,” she whispered, careful not to be heard.
He leaned in so his lips touched her ear as he replied, “I know. I chose it for you.”
“And the roses?”
“And the roses. Starting tomorrow, you may choose any chamber you desire.”
She turned her head so her lips brushed over his when she whispered back. “I shall not change it, sir—at least for now. It seems you know my preferences well enough to make the best-suited choices for me, Mr Darcy.”
Her eyes sparkled as she saw the laughter in his gaze. He placed a lingering kiss on both her palms.
“Not yet—but I am sure I shall improve with practice. I still fear I am dreaming, so I shall await tomorrow to discuss your preferences further, Miss Bennet. For now, I must convince myself that everything is real.”
She rose on her toes and pressed her lips to his again. “Perhaps this will help both of us as my fears are just as strong as yours. Good night, Mr Darcy,” she said and quickly entered her chamber.