Chapter 6
Periwinkle
Shanty cocks her head, peering at me. "So, you managed to get enough control over your powers to purposefully blast this prick of a sorcerer, but you still can't turn them on and off when you want to?"
That about sums it up.
I grimace and look down at my hands. We've been trying to stir up a flare of emotional energy for nearly an hour to no effect.
"It seems that way,” I say. “When we were up against the sorcerer, I got pretty freaked out. It was easy to just... propel the power that wanted to come out anyway. But I was able to hold it in until I was ready to use it. That's some progress!"
The siren lets out a huff, but it sounds more bemused than frustrated. "It is. I'd feel better if you could figure out how to tap into your destructive energy without needing to be in state of high stress that makes self-control even more difficult. The more practice you can get, the better."
"For sure. That’s why I’m here!"
I hesitate despite my cheerful resolve, grappling with the other feelings tangled inside me.
After all the work she's putting into helping me, don’t I owe it to her to be honest?
Shanty is smart enough to pick up on the fact that there's something I'm nervous about saying. Her wry tone gentles. "What is it, Peri?"
I clasp my hands together awkwardly. "It's even harder than usual for me to try to bring out one of those blasts right now because I don't know how bad it’ll get.
Last time when I was happy, I pushed that glowy connection on my team without meaning to.
I have no idea what other effects my powers might have.
If I hurt someone even worse than before… "
Shanty pats my shoulder. "The fact that you’re worrying about it shows that you’ll avoid any harmful effects if you possibly can.
We all know that you don't want to impose yourself or your powers on anyone, Peri.
Anything you do in this sealed room shouldn't affect anyone except me—and I can look after myself. "
Is what she said about everyone trusting my good intentions true? Hail seems awfully upset with me. Mirage has kept his distance since the end of our mission. Jonah hasn't spoken to me outside of class.
Even Raze, who's stayed fairly affectionate, has seemed awkward.
It’s like I’m a bowl of soup with a fly floating in it, and any second they’ll all call for a waiter to take me away.
But the more I learn to control all of my powers, the more chance there is I can undo what I did, right? Then they'll see they can still trust me. We’ll throw out the fly, not the whole soup.
With the renewed rush of determination, I meet Shanty's eyes. "I'm ready to try again."
I won't think about the surge of joy that overtook me after we finished the mission. That emotion comes with too many uncomfortable associations now. The roar of fear and anger I directed at my former captor tastes much simpler.
Shaking off the anxiety that wants to wrap tight around me, I sink farther into my memories of the confrontation.
The horror of seeing all the shadowkind creatures David Blaver trapped, knowing the sorcerer must be treating them as cruelly as he did me.
The panic when I wasn't sure I could protect my teammates.
The force of all that fraught emotion welling up inside me, ready to blare out.
An echo of the sensation ripples under my skin. I drag in a breath and focus on the sketch Shanty tacked to the wall of the small room—a rough image of the sorcerer who’s a whole bowl of spoiled broth with chunks of rancid tripe on top.
He’s dead. I’ll never have to face him again.
But if I did...
I push, and a current of churning darkness heaves out of me. It races forward in a concentrated stream rather than a vast wave and smacks into the picture.
My vision hazes briefly. I blink, yanking a few lingering quivers of energy back into my body so they can't go astray.
The picture has blackened as if I've burned it to a crisp. Whoa.
“Yeah!” I pump my fist victoriously. I’m going to conquer this problem like it’s a double-decker cheeseburger for dinner.
Shanty lets out a little whoop of approval. "Now we're getting somewhere. Wow."
I can’t hold back the grin that stretches across my face. "I really did it." I pause. "Not that I'd usually want to be blasting anyone or anything like that."
My teacher is still staring at the blackened paper. "I never would have thought you had it in you if I hadn't seen the effects myself. You do come in a deceptive package."
My satisfaction dwindles. I hug my rather squishy chest. "I don't deceive anyone on purpose."
Shanty shakes herself out of her daze and shoots me a quick smile.
"Of course you don't. And hiding powers behind an innocent-looking front is a time-honored shadowkind tradition.
" She laughs and motions to herself. "People don't normally look at a being like me and think I'd be singing sailors to their doom. "
My eyes widen. "Do you drown human sailors now?"
Shanty waves off the question. "Only if they really piss me off."
With the ding of the bell, she shoos me toward the door. "That was an excellent end to our session. I'll let the rest of the administration know about your progress."
Of course. Because they're all still waiting to see if more strange powers will come leaping out of me unexpectedly. If they might need to banish me no matter what I did for Rollick.
I can look on the bright side there too. Shanty has good news to tell them for once. Wouldn’t even Gnash be impressed if he saw me hurl out some of my searing power—at an appropriate target, not in a chaotic flood?
No more deluges from this lady!
I set off through the halls at an upbeat pace, wanting to share my success with someone too. My feet automatically veer toward the closest source of friendly emotions I notice.
Jonah is in his teacher's office nearby. He's in a good mood, pleased and a little proud.
I bet he just helped one of his students. That would be a very Jonah-type thing to be pleased about.
It's only when I'm a few steps from his office door that I remember he might not be all that pleased to see me. What if he'd rather not talk to me at all, no matter what news I have?
I stop in the hallway, wavering with indecision that emerges in a yellow flicker from my hair.
Before the bond mark thing happened, our compassionate sorcerer told me that I could come to him for guidance when I needed it. But he also told me that he had to keep a distance because of the tinglier feelings he'd developed when I was around.
It seems awfully unfair that we could both have tingly feelings yet not be allowed to turn them into more delicious enjoyment, just because there are a few things he can teach me that I don't know. I hate making him uncomfortable, though.
Before I can make up my mind about what to do, the office door swings open. Jonah appears on the threshold, escorting out a student who’s barely half his height but has a puffy gray beard that makes him look more than twice Jonah’s age.
“I think once you’re finished with that, you’ll have a much more solid plan for your next placement,” Jonah is saying.
When he glances around and sees me, his expression stutters. A confusing waft of emotions hits me: toffee-sweet delight that turns sour with the anxiety that swirls through it.
I back up a step. “I’m sorry. You’re obviously busy. I’ll see you the next time I have your class!”
Jonah’s jaw tightens, but he nods to the other student before fully emerging into the hallway. A vague sense of apprehension reaches me along with a twinge of relief. What is he worried about right now?
His voice comes out even, but I catch the stiffness in it. “It’s all right. What did you want to see me about, Peri?”
When he’s standing this close, the thump of his heartbeat reverberating into me alongside my own, all the reasons he told me we couldn’t be more than friendly fade into the distance. So many eager glimmers light up in him as he takes in my eyes, my lips, the curves beneath my clothes.
I remember the firm warmth of his arms around me when I fell off the climbing wall in the barn. The jolt that quivered through me when our gazes locked with his face so close to mine.
He would feel even better if I touched his cheek right now, ran my fingers into his hair, brushed my mouth against his. I’d feel good too. Good compounded on good with the emotions flowing between us, like the endless river of a chocolate fountain.
Except tragically that’s not actually true. The foul stew of guilt and shame is already seeping up through every tastier emotion that emanates from him.
It’s not like with Hail, whose hostility crackles through any glimmer of affection or interest before I’ve caught more than the faintest whiff. But Jonah doesn’t really want me around any more than the winter fae does.
I don’t think there’s enough chocolate even between both of us to overwhelm that problem.
I force my mouth into another smile. He’ll be able to pick up on some of my own conflicted emotions, but from what I’ve gathered, the impact isn’t as strong as what I feel from the men. I’d like to put him at ease.
“I just wanted to let you know—my session with Shanty today went well. I managed to use my power completely on purpose for the first time. And not let anything bad happen because of it. Or… unwanted, or anything.”
Jonah’s expression twitches. I can tell he’s putting on his own smile through concentrated effort, although a little gust of pride—for me, this time—glazes my tongue like maple sugar.
“That’s really great, Peri.”
Now that I’ve started, I find I can’t stop myself from hurtling onward. “Maybe if I get even better, I’ll be able to figure out how to break the bond connections so everything can go back to…”
I trail off as a couple of other staff members amble past us down the hall. They aim curious glances at me and Jonah, and Jonah’s stance tenses alongside a smack of sharper uneasiness.
It’s them he’s worried about. The other people at the school—what they think of him?
Of him when he’s around me. Of whether he’s broken the rules and what that would mean about him.
Any embers of enthusiasm still shimmering inside me go dull. I dip my head and turn around. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that. I’ll see you in class.”
I hurry away, my heart heavy.
I accidentally inflicted my surprise power on Jonah out of a desire to be closer. What kind of fate did I offend that these supposed bonds have pushed him—and maybe all the men I care about—so much further away?