33. Bethany
Chapter 33
Bethany
MARCH
T hree months go by in a blur.
With a reduced course load, Felix is now happily enrolled as a part-time college student. He attends high school for the first three hours, taking fun classes like shop, food economics, and PE. After lunch, I pick him up and bring him back to campus with me. He’s taking the basics for now. Learning how to manage college classes as a fifteen-year-old. He quickly realized that college was nothing like high school. The expectations were higher, and he was no longer being spoon-fed the material. Instead, he was expected to put in the effort outside of class. For a couple of weeks, he struggled with time management, but now has it under control and is thriving, just as I expected.
It’s been an adjustment for both boys. The other kids teased Finn, calling him the dumb twin, and he’s had to learn how to keep his anger under control. Give me a break. Finn is far from dumb. He’s just not as advanced as Felix, but he’s taking geometry, a sophomore math class, Pre-AP English, and Pre-AP Biology. He could be in more, but I didn’t want him taking on too much since he plays three sports: football, basketball, and lacrosse. Sports take up a ton of his time, which is a good thing for that kid. He needs them to keep him out of trouble.
Juggling both of their schedules has made it nearly impossible for me to address the shitshow my life has become. I feel like a zombie, pretending to be okay while dealing with the consequences of my own actions.
I miss Nolan.
It’s like an iceberg bigger than the one that took down the Titanic has parked itself between us. I’ve tried chipping away at it, but until I’m ready to take a flame thrower to it and admit he was right, it’s not going anywhere. And with each passing day, I swear it grows taller and thicker. Soon there will be no way for me to bust through, and I’ll have only myself to blame.
It’ll take an act of astronomical proportions to align just the right way to get us back on track. Which may explain my odd behavior. Why I’ve turned to the one person I’m hoping can help me talk my way through this mess I’ve made, by using her powers from beyond the grave to show me the way.
“It’s me again,” I say as I take a seat on the bench across from where she rests in peace. “I bet you’re tired of listening to me by now.”
I’ve been coming here since Mollie introduced us on Halloween. Morbid? Maybe? But who else am I supposed to talk to? Everyone knows psychologists are as bad as doctors. We know the importance of taking care of others, but we often neglect our own mental health.
“He’s as grumpy as ever. Refuses to even acknowledge me. I seriously think I could walk out of my house naked and he wouldn’t even notice.” It’s crossed my mind that’s how desperate I’ve become. “I know I hurt him. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It’s not like I planned this. He shouldn’t have been so damn irresistible and wormed his way in like a parasite you can’t get rid of without major surgery.”
The warm wind blows around me, picking up the scent of spring. It’s been a long, exhausting winter and I’m tired of the gloom. I want a fresh start. I need to find a way to turn this around. A way to prove, through actions and unwavering support, that my loyalty is unshakeable, and I’ll always stand firmly by his side, fighting whatever storms may come. That if he gives me another chance, I’ll never run again.
“One quick question before I go.” Standing there, I feel a giggle welling up inside me, growing stronger as I get closer and prepare to whisper. I don’t want the older woman, fifteen feet down from me, to overhear. “Did he ruin you, too? I mean seriously, I’m far from a saint. I’ve had my share of men. But Nolan is in a damn league of his own. Not even my best toys scratch that hellish itch. Between you and me, I think he does it on purpose.”
There’s no response, not that I expected one. There’s just something about this place that makes me feel a connection to Stephanie. It’s not something I understood before, not until I watched her daughter, who can’t remember her because she wasn’t even a year old when her mother died. Yet when I was granted the opportunity to witness Mollie sharing with her mother, it shined a whole new light on what a place like this represents.
Placing my hand on her name, I sigh. “You have an amazing family. I hope you know what the fuck you’re doing by trusting them in my care.”
This time, as I walk away, a voice in my head offers me some wisdom.
Buckle up, it’s about to get interesting.
That doesn’t make me feel better. If anything, it pushes my need to rush home so I can check on everyone.
In a hurry, I fumble with my purse, the cold SUV door handle a shock to my hand as I climb inside. Just as I’m about to pull away, my phone rings and Kellie’s name flashes on my dashboard.
“Hello.”
“She can’t breathe!” The car fills with the piercing, high-pitched sound of Mollie’s cries, a desperate wail that shreds through the quiet. “We can’t find her special pen.”
Oh, my god.
“Mollie, hang up and call 9-1-1.”
“Grammy already did.” The fear in Mollie’s voice mirrors the intensity of my own. “I called you because Daddy and Aunt Cora are working. Grammy took us for ice cream. Miss Beth, is my sissy gonna die?”
Jesus.
Her words amp up my need to find them.
“Where are you?” With trembling fingers, I unlock my phone, desperately hoping Kellie’s sharing her location. She shouldn’t be, but sometimes teens forget to turn that feature off, and I really hope that’s the case today.
“The ice cream place not far from school. The one with the big cone.”
I close my eyes and think. She’s four and can’t read. I need to think like her and remember which ice cream place has a big cone on its sign.
“Andy’s?” I confirm that when the dot that represents her location flashes. “I’m just around the corner. I’m coming.”
As I throw my car in reverse, the tires screech against the pavement, echoing through the cemetery. Traffic is heavy, making me slow down as I ease my way onto the main road.
“Her lips are turning blue.” Mollie informs me, her crying getting louder.
Fuck.
“I’m coming, Mollie.” I have no idea what I’ll do when I get there besides offer comfort while we wait for the ambulance.
A rusty van is causing a traffic jam, so I weave around it. When I do, my purse falls to the floorboard and spills out. A tube with a blue tab and orange cap catches my eye.
I step on the gas harder. “Mollie, I have one with me. I’m coming. Tell sissy I’m coming. I can see the big ice cream.”
“Miss Beth has one. She’s coming. She can see the cone.” Despite still crying, Mollie shows more self-control than most adults would.
I don’t even bother parking. As soon as I’m by the side door, I slam on my brakes and throw the vehicle into park. Reaching for the EpiPen on the floorboard, I take a much needed breath. It compels me to move faster, thinking about how Kellie can’t do that right now, and I throw open my door, jump out, and run inside.
There’s a small crowd gathered around a back table. Mollie’s still talking into the phone, holding Kellie’s hand. Susanne is on another phone. She’s pale as a ghost. Nodding her head frantically but not saying anything. I want to scream at her to get her shit together, but I don’t have time for that. Kellie needs my help.
Dropping to my knees, I tap Kellie’s thigh. I’m so glad she taught me how to use this damn thing several months ago.
“You ready.” My voice is calmer than I feel as I twist off the cap and release the blue safety thing. “One, two, three.” Mimicking the actions she taught me, I jab it into her outer thigh and keep it there.
Her lips are so damn blue. It seems like it takes forever for the medicine to work, but eventually she sucks in a deep breath, and I release the one I was holding.
Fucking hell.
Tears well in my eyes, blurring my vision as I clutch her hand, each weak breath a testament to the medicine finally taking effect. The rhythmic rise and fall of her chest is now more even.
Mollie falls onto her sister’s chest and hugs her so tight, I’m afraid she’s restricting Kellie’s breathing again.
“Mollie, sunshine. Not so tight.”
When I tug her shoulder, she releases her sister and leaps into my embrace.
“Hey.” Patting her back, it takes great effort to control the tremble in my voice. “You did so good, baby. I’m so proud of you.” The words are barely out of my mouth when the tears stream down my face, hot and heavy. I can’t help it. That was intense and these girls mean the world to me.
The moment Susanne sees me, she falls back on her usual response. “What are you doing here?”
You’d think she’d be more excited to see me since I just saved her granddaughter’s life, but once a bitch, always a bitch.
Mollie turns her head, so she’s looking at her grandmother. “I called her. I was scared. I knew she had a special pen, ‘cause I put it in her purse.”
That’s right. I’d forgotten about that. Mollie put it there on Halloween before we went out, so I’d have one, just in case. It’s a good thing she did. I’m so thankful I never took it out.
Kellie’s breathing is improving, but is still labored. “Thank you.”
Once the ambulance arrives, I stand with Mollie clinging to me like a monkey and move out of their way. Quickly assessing Kellie, they administer oxygen and then move her to a gurney for transport to the local children’s hospital.
After they load her, the EMT turns to us. “Only one of you can ride with us. Are you her mother?”
Susanne responds before I can. “She has no family ties to them whatsoever. I’m her grandmother. But I have her sister. Can we both come?”
“It’s not ideal.”
Knowing we can’t waste time, I step in. “I’ll bring Mollie with me. You go with Kellie, Susanne.”
Susanne harrumphs, displeasure evident on her face, but finally concedes. “Fine. But once we’re settled, you can go.”
That’s not happening, but I don’t bother sharing. Instead, I carry Mollie over to my vehicle and flip the built-in booster down so she can strap herself in. That’s the nice thing about these new vehicles. Most have built-in boosters, making it much more convenient when you have young children.
“You okay?” I ask her as soon as she’s strapped in.
Silent, she just looks at me with enormous, sorrowful eyes, a single nod, her only response. In fact, she hasn’t said much since Kellie started feeling better.
“Hey.” I reach up and run my thumb across her cheek. “Talk to me.”
“I was so scared she was gonna die just like my mommy did.”
Leaning in, I press my head against her forehead and make a bubble for just us. “But she didn’t. Do you realize how brave you were?”
She does that little hiccup thing kids do when they are upset. “I didn’t feel brave.”
“Oh, sweet baby, but you were. So, brave.” I love this kid so damn much it hurts me to see her suffering. “Were you holding sissy’s hand the entire time?”
“Yes.”
“I bet that helped her stay calm.” I offer her the warmest smile I can muster, though my heart aches. “Would you like to call Daddy?”
“Can we?”
With a slight creak of the console, I reach forward and pluck my phone from the cup holder. Once I have it in my hand, I find Nolan’s number and press the green call button.
“I thought you were calling Daddy. That’s not Daddy’s name.”
I swear this kid is too smart for her own good. The name that flashes across my screen on the dash is Sex God. I’m gonna have to change that soon.
Nolan picks up after two rings. “I just got the call from dispatch. They said you?—”
“Nolan, Mollie needs to talk to you. She can hear you. You’re on speaker, so I can drive us to the hospital.” I cut him off, not sure what he was about to say, and didn’t want him to upset his daughter more than she already is.
“Hi, Daddy.”
“Hey, sweetie. You okay?”
“I was scared.” A loud gust of air escapes her mouth as she exhales. “That’s why I called Miss Beth. She saved Kellie. She had her special pen so she could breathe again.”
“I heard.” The crack in Nolan’s voice is followed by a nervous cough as he clears his throat. “I’m waiting on my replacement to get here, then I’ll head to the hospital. I’ll see you soon. Both of you.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
“Love you too, sweet pea.”
The line goes quiet, and I thought he hung up, but I was wrong. “Bethany?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad I was close when she called.”
“Me too.” The sound of traffic echoes over the line. “I’ll see you soon.”
This time I know he hangs up because the music I was listening to earlier starts playing. Mollie sings along, no longer upset about what happened. Her world has been turned upside down again, but she displays the quick recovery of a child, her laughter echoing a surprising resilience. I’m sure she’ll have another meltdown, and the fear of it happening again may linger for weeks to come. But she’ll bounce back faster than the rest of us will.
On the drive to the hospital, I angle my mirror to keep a closer watch on her. Today showed me exactly where I want to be, and it’s not across the street in my home with my two messy teenage boys. I mean, I love them and wouldn’t trade them for the world. But I don’t want it to be just the three of us anymore. I want us to become a family of six. It won’t be easy. There will be all kinds of crazy obstacles to dodge. One of them being the grumpy man I’ve hurt who may not want me back in his life after what I did.
That’s okay.
I’m ready to fight for what I want and not let anything stand in my way.
Even him.