34. Nolan
Chapter 34
Nolan
K ellie was already in a room when I got to the hospital. I’d been out on a call and only allowed to leave once my replacement arrived. It’s been three hours, and I haven’t stopped worrying.
My team and I were working one of the worst five-car accidents I’ve witnessed during my career as a first responder. The air was heavy with the smell of gasoline and burning rubber. We fought our way through the grid-locked traffic and were working the scene when my daughter’s medical emergency was reported by dispatch. The news only escalated my already heightened adrenaline.
There’s no feeling quite like the helplessness that washes over you when you get a call like that. Staying calm under pressure is crucial for us to perform our duties. This often requires you to suppress your emotions, like flipping a switch, to avoid influencing your decisions. It’s almost a rote response that can’t always be turned off, even when it’s your family in crisis. And because I’d activated mine while working the scene, when I finally walk into my daughter’s room, everything hits me at once.
The only light comes from the television. Its low hum a barely audible whisper in the quiet room.
Kellie’s asleep. She has a tube under her nose, feeding her oxygen. Curled up next to her, also fast asleep, is Mollie.
My hand on the cold handle tightens as I quietly close the door, so I don’t wake my girls. With a sigh, I head to the chair next to the bed, the worn fabric cool beneath my aching body as I let myself fall onto it. My eyes remain on the two most precious gifts ever given to me.
My daughters.
A flicker of movement in the shadowy corner catches my attention. I expected Susanne to be there when I turn to look. Instead, I lock eyes with Bethany.
Scanning the room and seeing no one else, I frown. “Where’s Susanne?”
With a subtle nod, Bethany rises and gestures for me to follow, her footsteps echoing softly as we enter the hallway.
It’s the last thing I want to do, but after the hellish afternoon my girls have had, I don’t want to add to their stress. Standing, I bend and press a kiss to both of their foreheads—neither stirs—then follow her into the hall and close the door behind me.
“Where’s Susanne?” I ask again.
Bethany’s touch is light, yet firm, as her hand rests on my arm. “She left.”
“She left?”
“Yep. My refusal to leave upset her. Then she got a phone call and excused herself.” A frown lines Bethany’s face, etching itself into her skin as she furrows her brow. “When she came back into the room, she told Kellie she had to go.”
“Let me guess. Barney called and summoned her home.” With a sigh, I drop my head, the weight of the world pressing down as I take a few controlled breaths. “Did she at least explain why?”
“Something about business and that it couldn’t wait. Kellie was a champ. I could tell she didn’t want her to go, but she told her we’d be fine.” Bethany clears her throat. “I followed her into the hall and tried to get her to wait for you, but she only glared at me and then stormed off.”
“Jesus.” I need to sit down. With no chairs in sight, I settle onto the cold, hard floor of the hallway, stretching my legs out and resting my head against the wall.
“Nolan?”
Hearing the panic in Bethany’s voice, I tilt my head back to look up at her. “It’s been a shit day, and I need to sit. I don’t want to leave the girls, and since there aren’t any chairs in the hall, this will have to do.” I pat the floor next to me. “Sit. There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Unless it’s super important, it can wait.” She slides down next to me and crosses her legs the best she can. “But this can’t. I need to apologize for being a selfish bitch who was scared of her own shadow and ran like a coward. I know it’s probably too late, but if you could find it in your heart to forgive me and let me do everything in my power to make it up to you, I’d like to start over.”
As I bend my knees, I prop my elbows on them and direct my gaze toward the wall in front of us. “What do you mean by that, exactly?”
“I mean, I’d like us to be more than grumpy neighbors who are miserable because one of them fucked up.” She pulls her knees up, drawing her long skirt down over her legs, before folding her arms around them. “There’s more, but I don’t want to have that conversation on a dingy hallway floor inside a hospital. But understand, I plan on bugging the hell out of you, making your life miserable, and not stopping until you either agree or kill me.”
“Those are some harsh terms.” My eyes shift to look at her, and damn the woman for looking so good, even in this horrible light.
“Desperate women do crazy shit.”
I take a moment to think about it, not that I really need to, but it’s not just me I need to worry about.
When I don’t speak fast enough, she says more. “Your face is gonna freeze like that. Not that I’d complain. That sexy frown of yours does terribly awful things to my libido.”
Her words make me growl, and it’s not because I’m mad at her, but I’m not telling her that. “The girls took you abandoning us hard. I can’t let that happen again.”
“I’m all in. Promise.” She lifts her hand and crosses her heart. “Hurting them again will kill me.”
“ If I give you another chance, you’ll have to do some serious groveling.”
“By groveling, do you mean I’ll need to invest in kneepads?” She waggles her eyes and then drops her head against my shoulder. “It will be my pleasure, sir.”
I growl and turn my head to kiss the top of her head. “Remember that when your ass is so red, you can’t sit.”
“Promises, promises.” She tilts her head just enough to look up at me. “I’m sorry. I know it’s going to take time for me to regain your trust, but I want you to know that I lo?—”
I close her lips by pinching them with my fingers. “Not here. Not now. You don’t get to say those words until I say you get to say them.”
She nods.
“Thank you for being there.” I squeeze her hand. “Knowing you were with them helped keep me calm. I knew I didn’t have to worry because you had everything under control. You’d take care of them until I could get here. Can you tell me how this happened?”
The way her body stiffens while she wrings her hand has my mind thinking the worst.
“Bethany, tell me.”
“Kellie grabbed Susanne’s cup by mistake, thought it was her chocolate shake.”
To avoid losing my temper, I press my fist against my mouth. This is why we have rules in place to prevent that from happening. When you’re responsible for a child with a severe allergy, you never gamble with their life by ordering something that could be deadly.
Never.
It’s a sore subject Susanne fought us on. She wasn’t willing to give up the things she liked, all because her granddaughter couldn’t have them. She had it in her head that the reason Kellie never outgrew the allergy was because we babied her. Her belief had always been if we slowly exposed her to nuts, then she’d eventually tolerate them. We weren’t willing to take that risk. It was a fight Stephanie and her mother had often, and why my wife stopped letting her take Kellie anywhere, always afraid Susanne would do something stupid like this.
To ease my anxiety, Bethany reaches out and lays her hand gently on my arm. “Susanne swears she double-checked. Was absolutely certain that her shake contained nothing that would trigger Kellie’s allergies.” With a frustrated sigh, Bethany shakes her head. “Then told me it was some kind of Heath Bar shake.”
I grunt as Bethany continues.
“When I explained Heath Bars have almonds, she looked at me like I was stupid and didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. Which is when I googled it and showed her. Her face immediately paled, but she recovered quickly and told me I needed to leave because I wasn’t family.”
“I’m sorry.” I’ve dealt with Susanne enough to know that Bethany pointing out her mistake only fueled her and had her lashing out. “It doesn’t really matter what kind of shake she ordered. Any kind of shake or concrete mixed using a blender—that isn’t cleaned as well as it should be—puts a kid like Kellie at risk. Which is why we try to avoid them all together. Plain is best. Or a float. Or even a goddamn sundae.”
I need a minute before I go back into the room where the girls are resting. “Can you go back in? I need to get some air.”
“I can.” She pushes herself up and stands, and then extends her hand to me.
I accept her hand and use it to help me to my feet. “I won’t be long.”
Once she’s inside, I walk down to the waiting room and dial my mother-in-law’s number. It rings three times before she picks up. I don’t give her a chance to make excuses. “I think it would be best if you stay away.”
“They are my granddaughters. I have the right to see them.”
She doesn’t, not legally at least, but getting into that now will only put me in a shittier mood. “You can see them, just not without supervision.”
“Stephanie wouldn’t?—”
I raise my voice. “Don’t! You and I both know that isn’t true.”
“This is because of that woman. What lies did she tell you?”
“At least that woman didn’t run out on her granddaughter when shit got real. I can’t believe you left them alone in the hospital all because your cheating bastard husband called.”
“I didn’t leave them alone.”
“No. You left them with the woman you can’t stand and then proceed to tell me not to trust her.” The line is quiet, but I know she’s still there. “Yet you trusted her enough to be there for them when they were scared and needed someone. You can’t have it both ways, Susanne.”
“You can’t cut me out of their lives.”
“I wouldn’t do that. But until you can follow the rules, then this is how it will be. Bethany isn’t going anywhere, so you better figure out a way to accept her. It’s what Stephanie would’ve wanted.” I close my eyes, shutting out the bright light and focusing on the darkness. “I will never stop loving your daughter. She was supposed to be my end game. But she died. It wasn’t her fault. It just happened. And I refuse to be a miserable man and not show my two amazing daughters what it means to live and love. Bethany completes us. She makes me a better father and man. Give her a chance.”
“I’ll try,” she grumbles, unconvincingly.
“Good. Because that woman is amazing.” I don’t know why I share this with her, but I think it’s something she needs to hear. “Every week she visits Stephanie. Sits on the bench and talks with her, just like we do.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I’m not sure I’m supposed to know.” With a sigh, I rub my forehead, trying to ease the tension. “But I do. I know today was an accident, and while I’m upset about it, I’m more upset with how you handled things afterward. Do better. I’ll talk to you in a few days.”
I hang up after she says goodbye and think back to a few months ago when I stumbled upon the most beautiful sight I’d seen in forever. Bethany sitting in front of Stephanie’s grave spilling her soul out while sharing why it was so hard for her to believe in real love. I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but damn, I’m glad I did. It dawned on me then that I had to let her work through her challenges at her own speed. My timeline was irrelevant to her healing process.
And I’m not about to make this easy for her. Nope. Repairing this relationship will be no easy task. She’ll have to swallow her pride and grovel a whole fucking lot.
I can’t wait.