Chapter Eleven
It took surprisingly little time to pack up the flat Winnifred had called home for four years.
She’d accumulated very few things and had left very little mark on the city.
She had come to get an education, and she had done it.
Most everything she had was contained in two trunks.
Rather than pack away Fred’s clothes, she had given them to a vendor on the street who specialized in reselling used clothing.
That poor woman could make a little money off of them, and Winnifred would never have to see them again.
Being Fred had been a trying experience.
Having to pretend to be someone else was a misery she would not wish on anyone.
She would be leaving Dublin in the morning, returning to Kinnelow as a doctor.
She wasn’t certain how the village would refer to her, if they would call her “Dr. Fitzsimmons” or simply “Winnifred who knows a great many things about medicine.” Amongst themselves, they would all know she was as educated as any man of medicine—more so than some—but amongst anyone not one of them, the explanation would be too fraught with falsehoods and confusion.
The rest of the medical students would be remaining at Trinity for a short time, to have their letters conferred and participate in the celebrations and the honors.
Some part of her would regret losing those moments of recognition, but she had not come here in order to be flattered.
She had come to save her village, and now she needed to return there to do just that.
Someone knocked at the door. That would be her landlord.
The quiet but kindhearted man had looked in on her a couple of times as she’d been preparing to leave.
His building had proven the perfect place for her to live, as he was one who kept to himself and asked very few questions.
He had sometimes crossed her path as Winnifred, sometimes as Fred.
He had never questioned that. When she had dropped in on him to say she was leaving, she’d done so as herself and told him Fred had returned home to their village already, wishing to get a start on his new practice.
He had expressed concern for her, having been left behind to see to all of this on her own.
She thanked him for his concern but assured him she was capable of completing the work here.
When she opened the door, Liam stood on the stoop. His smile was uncertain and tremulous. Hers was likely even more so.
“Good afternoon,” he said, his tone cautious.
“And to you.”
She had not seen him since the day he’d sorted out her secret, and she hadn’t had a chance to talk to him since Dr. Poole related the explanation Liam had offered.
She owed him more than one word of gratitude, but there was so much awkwardness between them in this moment that she wasn’t sure how she would manage it.
“I heard from Dr. Poole that you were not remaining behind for any of the ceremonies,” Liam said. “That is, Fred was not.”
“Fred has left,” she said. “And I am leaving in the morning.”
For just a moment, she thought she saw regret in his eyes. But it was gone quickly, tucked behind the friendliness interwoven with a very real discomfort that comes when two people have had a difficult interaction.
“This is likely an impertinence on my part,” he said, “but I would be grateful to you if you would consent to taking a little stroll with me. Just a walk through this part of Dublin.”
“Would you really like to?” She couldn’t imagine he wanted much to do with her.
“I really would,” he said.
Refusing would allow for a clean break, a chance for both of them to go their separate ways and leave this brief but unsettling chapter of their lives behind them without the awkwardness of discussing it.
But Winnifred hadn’t the strength to deny herself one final afternoon with the one friend she had made in Dublin.
She put on her bonnet and wrapped a light shawl about her shoulders.
They left behind the flat and her trunks and walked slowly along the always bustling city streets.
They didn’t speak as they walked. She couldn’t tell if he didn’t actually want to or simply couldn’t think of what to say.
For her part, she wanted to know what he thought, what he was feeling, if he would miss her.
But she couldn’t bear to ask. The courageous and unshakable Winnifred had disappeared.
She had been brave before Fred; surely, she could be brave without him.
They reached the lovely green beside St. Patrick’s Cathedral and turned in. Liam broke the silence between them.
“I do not believe Rev. MacDonnell and Dr. Poole intend to pry any further into Fred.”
“It seems you did a very good job of convincing them Fred’s awkwardness and oddity were the result of mourning.”
He looked at her with worry. “It was all I could think of that was both honest and sufficient. I did have to make it seem as though your parents’ passing was very recent.”
“Dr. Poole gave every indication of believing that,” she said. “He even went so far as to apologize for having added to my grief by being suspicious of me—of Fred, that is.”
“I’ve discovered he can be very single-minded, but he’s not an entirely unfair person.”
“One might say the same for you,” she said.
A hint of a smile touched Liam’s lips. “My da made a similar observation. He told me connections with people are not like bridges; they cannot be defined in black-and-white or mathematical terms.”
“Do you often confuse people with bridges?”
His expression lightened. “He wasn’t being literal. He was trying to help me see that there is often more than one answer to a question.”
“You talked to him about this?” Nervousness fluttered in Winnifred’s heart.
“Only in the vaguest of terms. I was at a loss. I didn’t particularly want to lie to the two men who asked me to do them this favor, but neither was I willing to see you tossed from Trinity, disgraced, and perhaps even prosecuted.
Your reasons for doing what you did are good and honorable.
I could not repay that with dastardliness. ”
“Seems you were in quite a dilemma.”
“I was, and my da is the wisest person I know. I was certain he would help me sort it out.”
Unsure where the impulse came from, Winnifred hooked her arm through Liam’s. “And does your da design bridges as well?” she asked.
“He’s a fisherman. Lives a simple but upright life. Wise as the sea.” His tone was filled with love and admiration. “Every time I visit home, my da gives me a difficult time, teasing me that I sound city when he knows very well that I am not.”
“Being in Dublin can change a person,” she said on a sigh.
He set his hand atop hers where it rested on his arm. “Has it changed you?”
“I believe it has. I came from Kinnelow a very trusting and na?ve girl. I am leaving not merely more educated, but also more wary. I don’t know if that is a positive change in me or not.”
“I fear I contributed to that change.” He seemed to regret his role.
“But you also helped me realize that being cynical is not always the best way to view the world or the people in it. The wariness I’d learned here convinced me that once you had discovered my secret, you would betray me.
But you didn’t. You sorted a way to keep me safe and safeguard your own integrity as well.
That took a degree of effort I hadn’t expected anyone to expend on me.
For that, I am grateful. Not merely because you saved me from punishment, but because you showed me there are still people in this world I can trust as well. ”
“I believe that’s more credit than I deserve, but I’ll accept it.
” He grinned at her, that same look of amused bedevilment she had seen in his face during their previous days together.
They’d not spent a great deal of time with each other, but in that time, he’d shown her that he was precisely the sort of man she could fall top-over-tail in love with.
If only there’d been more time. If only there’d not been so many half-truths between them.
“You have finished your studies now as well,” she said. “What comes next for you?”
“Rev. MacDonnell is recommending me for membership in the Institution of Civil Engineers of Ireland. I was hoping that he would. Membership there will help me find a prestigious internship, setting me on the path to claiming an important place in the profession.”
“Here in Dublin?”
“Likely.”
“And how does your da feel about you staying in the city? You’ll lose more and more of your countrification the longer you’re here.”
Liam chuckled low. “He’ll likely tease me mercilessly, but he’ll support whatever path life takes me on.”
With more boldness than Winnifred realized she still possessed where he was concerned, she said, “’Tis a shame that path won’t take you near Kinnelow.”
“Would you like for it to?” He asked the question in little more than a whisper.
“Would it make a difference if I did?” she asked, equally as quietly.
“It’s difficult to say, isn’t it? Fate saw fit to introduce us when there was so little time and so much to prevent us from coming to know each other truly well.”
’Twas accurate, but it wasn’t the comfort she had wished for.
Her dreamer’s heart had not entirely stopped beating during her years in this hard and often cold city.
She had wanted him to say that he wished for nothing more than to find a means of being near her.
She wanted him to say that if only he could find a way of living near her, there was reason to hope for something more between them. She wanted him to say that he cared.
Instead, he had said, in essence, their time together had come to an end, with no reason to hope for anything else.
They wandered back in the direction of her flat, speaking of inconsequential nothings and commenting on the day.
It was a pleasant conversation, but a strange one.
They knew this was a farewell, and farewells were often sad.
If not for him, she would not have had any heavy goodbyes to make in this place.
But watching him walk away after leaving her at the door of the flat that would only be hers for a few more hours, her heart sat in her chest like lead.
She would miss him, would mourn the tenderness that might’ve grown between them if only circumstances had been different.