Chapter 1
1 year later
Caleb fingered the cards in his Rolodex. He still used one and his sister Maisy had called him a Luddite. He chose to think that he was just a simple man. Ah. There was her card. Gemma Kendrick .
He reached for his phone. Stared at it. Then set the cell down again. She’d offered to talk to him five months ago, when they met at a foster care seminar but he hadn’t called. Mainly because he’d felt a spark of attraction for her. He noticed those long legs in ridiculously high heels and the way her prim suit didn’t hide her curves. No, he wasn’t ready for romance then.
He wasn’t ready for it now, either, but he did know he needed to take his work to the next level. Maisy and he had fostered a boy together and when she married, Freddie had gone to live with her and her husband. Though he still spent time with him, Caleb needed more in his life now. More work. Not more women.
To hell with it. The phone beeped as he punched in her number.
“Gemma Kendrick.” Over the phone, her voice had a husky quality.
“Hello, Dr. Kendrick.” He cleared his own throat. “This is Caleb Shepherd.”
A pause. Then, “Hello, Dr. Shepherd. I’m surprised to hear from you.”
“It’s Caleb, please.”
“And Gemma on my end.” Now she sounded amused.
“I didn’t call six months ago because I wasn’t ready to pursue more counseling work then. But I’m ready now. And you said you had advice on my options.”
“Yes. I’ve worked in large practices in New York and there are many pros to it. But cons, also.”
“I’d like to hear about your experiences. I can come to you, whenever it’s convenient.”
“Let me check my schedule.” The phone clicked. “I’m free for lunch tomorrow. After that, I’m slammed.”
“I can make it tomorrow.”
They set up a time and place.
“Thank you so much. I appreciate it.”
“See you then. Goodbye, Caleb.”
“Goodbye, Gemma.”
He sat back and only then realized his heart was beating at a clip. Well, it was a big step to be taking in his professional life. He refused to entertain the idea that there was anything personal about this.
* * *
Gemma sat back in her chair and stared out the window at the Pathways campus. It sprawled over acres of land with strategically placed buildings and cabins for the boys. This school had been a blessing to her six years ago when she applied to join the faculty. She’d become bored with her New York City practice, no matter how much money she made. She happily ditched it when Jackson Kane’s ad in Psychology Today caught her eye; she’d interviewed for and gotten the position. It had been the best move of her career.
“Knock, knock.” She looked over to find Jackson had come to her door. The man was smiling. And he had a lightness in his step when he walked over.
She said, “I was just thinking about you. Sit.”
Jackson dropped on the couch. She joined him there. “Why were you thinking about me?” he asked.
“I remembered when your ad came out for a psychologist at Pathways. And I got the job.”
“Huh. You were the most qualified. Actually, you’re overqualified.”
“I may be, but this position has made me happier than I’ve ever been with a job.”
He cocked his head. “I didn’t know that. In fact, I know very little about your personal life. Even after six years.”
“You know enough.”
“Not true. What I do know is how hard it is to share personal things. I could only open up with Maisy, and that took a long time.”
“Maisy’s a force to be reckoned with. How is she?”
“Happy. She adores me and Freddie—her word—and is three months pregnant.”
“Oh, Jackson, I’m so glad to hear that.” Glad and a little jealous. Why , she didn’t understand.
* * *
The next day Caleb walked into The Garden Grill, a cute little restaurant tucked into a side street off the main road in Westwood. Gemma was already there at an outdoor table and waved him over.
He smiled when he reached her. As it was a hot August day, she’d swept up her auburn hair in some kind of knot and she wore a sage green sundress. He’d put on his lightest pants and shirt, too. “Hello, Gemma.”
“Caleb.” She smiled back as if she was glad to see him.
He took the chair across from her. “This is a nice space.” About a dozen tables with umbrellas sat outside and the greenery and multicolored flowers surrounding them were lush. “Maisy and I came here once.”
“I talked to Jackson yesterday about her. I don’t see much of her since she left Pathways.” When his sister had fallen in love with Jackson, the CEO, she transferred to another school.
“She loves her job at Westwood Elementary. And she’s three months pregnant.” The only true joy Caleb had experienced in a long time was when he heard she was having a baby.
“Jackson told me.” She cocked her head at him. Her eyes had more green in them today because of the color of her dress. “Do you have kids, Caleb?”
I want to have a baby.
Who will take care of it? You’re already too busy with this damn church.
“No. That never worked out for me and my ex. But you probably remember that Maisy and I fostered a little boy.”
“Freddie Pecorino. At the time, we lost his brother Frankie from Pathways. But he’s back with us.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, Jackson broke the rules after a few months and let him return so he could graduate with the class.”
“Freddie didn’t tell me.”
“It only happened last week. Everybody agreed to giving him a second chance. I’m hoping I can reach him this time.”
“I’m sure you did your best. Some kids are harder to reach than others. I had a youth pastor work with me and he couldn’t help them all.” Maybe because he was too busy stealing Caleb’s wife. “Do you have any kids?”
“None. In fact, I’ve never married.”
He feigned recoiling. “I’m shocked! What is wrong with the men in Westwood?”
She laughed at the compliment. It was both innocent and sexy at once.
Caleb asked, “Shall we order first before we talk?”
She checked her watch. “I’ve got 90 minutes. So either is fine.”
“Talk first.” The waitress came over. “Hello, I’m Marlena, your server.”
“Hi, M-Marlena.” Caleb struggled to keep himself from reacting. “I-” He cleared his throat. “I’ll have coffee to start.”
“Me, too.” When the waitress left, Gemma asked, “What happened just now, Caleb?”
He cleared his throat. “Marlena was my ex’s name. It’s an unusual one.”
She reached over and covered his hand with hers. “I’m afraid I heard rumors.”
“I’m not surprised. Word spreads in Westwood.”
She shook her head. “I can’t imagine how traumatic it was to have a church blow up in front of your eyes.”
He felt himself close down. “I can’t talk about that, Gemma.”
“All right. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“Don’t be sorry. This is all on me. Now, you have to tell me something personal about you.”
Uh-oh. She wasn’t used to sharing either. But she blurted out, “I was falsely accused of plagiarism in my early career.”
He sighed. “This world. It can be heartbreaking to live in.”
“It can be. Thank God there are good psychologists like us to help people figure out their lives.”
He couldn’t keep himself from asking, “Do you believe in God?”
“I believe in a higher power. Not sure what its scope is, though.” Her eyes narrowed. “You don’t?”
“Not anymore. I lost God in that blast, too.”
* * *
She’d blown it. She asked about his personal beliefs after he told her he wasn’t ready to talk about his past. The rest of the meal was stilted and he apologized at the end.
“I’m sorry, Gemma,” he’d said after he insisted on paying the bill. “I ruined our lunch.”
“No. We talked about the pros and cons of a big practice and that’s what you called about.” She squeezed his arm. “I hope whatever you do, you’re happy.”
He sighed heavily. “I should go. Thanks.” He stood and walked away.
She waited until she was sure he’d left, then she stood and headed out of the restaurant. She had extra time so she walked down Main Street remembering when she first got here. She’d thought Westwood was smothering and decided she couldn’t live in the town. So she settled in Syracuse. But the commute got to her so she moved here six months later. Now, she lived on a hill near the lake. And actually, she’d learned to love the cozy little place.
“Gemma, hey.” Annie and Diego Rodriguez stopped to greet her. She’d been distracted so she didn’t see them coming. She noticed they were holding hands.
Annie said, “I haven’t seen much of you this summer.” The content teachers didn’t work in July or August but Diego had been at Pathways doing special presentations.
He said, “Nice to see you, Gemma. Did you have lunch nearby?”
“The Garden Grill.”
“We’re headed there.”
She smiled. “You two look so happy.” She nodded to the tiny bump in Annie’s belly. “Must be pregnancy agrees with you.”
“Ha! I have bad morning sickness.”
“Aw.” She kept her envy to herself. “Well, I’ll let you go. Have a good meal.”
Sometimes being around so many happy people was hard for her. Those two and Maisy and Jackson. She closed her eyes. What a horrible thought to have.
She squelched the negative feelings and kept walking. Thankfully, the sun warmed her face and the exercise gave her energy.
* * *
The black cloud overcame him sometimes. And Harlan couldn’t stop it. So he left his cabin and went to find somewhere private. He dropped down on an isolated bench under a tree. And put his hands over his face.
He couldn’t stand the thought of going home. He could manage his feelings here because he had a lot of help. But he didn’t share everything, even with them.
He could still hear his father screaming at his mother that Harlan was sick in the head. At least she kicked the jerk out. But she’d cried every day afterward. That’s why he got in trouble, enough to be sent to juvie. But Pathways rescued him from that. Still, he’d felt the pain he’d caused his mother. He put his head down on the picnic table and sobbed.
* * *
After checking in with the guard at the gate, Caleb drove to a parking lot on the Pathways campus and turned off the car. He was dreading this. It had been three days since he’d gone to a dark place with Gemma and needed to apologize. He had a few minutes before meeting her so he got out of his vehicle and walked down a path to clear his head. He went north, then turned around. On his way back, he caught sight of a boy sitting on a bench.
Crying.
He stopped, of course. “Hello, son.”
Bloodshot eyes stared up at him. Anguish filled his face. “Don’t call me that.”
“Son? I apologize. I’m Caleb Shepherd.”
“H-Harlan Ford.”
He gestured to the bench. “May I?”
“I guess.”
Caleb needed to be careful here. “I’ll listen if you want to tell me why you’re so upset. As I understand it, all six of you will be going home at the end of the month.” The boys had finished their year at Pathways and satisfied the state requirements. Soon, they’d return to their families.
Harlan looked away. “I don’t wanna go back home.”
“I’m a psychologist, Harlan. Maybe I can help.”
“Nobody can.”
“Did you talk to Dr. Kendrick about this?”
His eyes widened. “No. She’s a girl.”
“Ah. So this is a boy issue.”
He nodded. “I couldn’t tell her.”
“Don’t sell her short.”
Harlan’s brown eyes searched his face.
Caleb said, “Maybe you can talk to me then.”
The boy blurted out, “My father came back home.”
“And you don’t want to see him?”
“He don’t wanna see me.”
“Are you sure?”
“He tried to kick me out of the house. But my Ma made him go instead.”
“Did he want to kick you out because you were sent here?”
“No, that happened afterward. Ma was miserable and it was my fault.”
Caleb waited, hoping Harlan would go on.
“He hates me.”
“Why would you think that?”
“He called me an abom… I don’t know the whole word.”
“An abomination?”
“Yeah. That’s it.”
“What could you have done to deserve that?”
A very long pause. “He found me and Jimmy having sex in a car.”
“Ah. Too many people call those who love the same sex that word. For the record, I think those people are despicable.”
“You do?”
“A lot of people do. And I can guarantee that Dr. Kendrick feels the same way.”
“Yeah, but this is about having sex.” Harlan sighed. “I can’t say those things to her.”
“I think you need professional help, Harlan.”
The boy waited a long time. Then, “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Can I see you, talk to you more? You said you were a psychologist.”
He didn’t know the protocol here. “I don’t know if they allow outside counselors at Pathways.”
“They’ll let you in.”
How would Gemma feel about that?
Put the kid first.
He used to think those thoughts were from God. Now he knew his unconscious mind gave him messages. “Tell you what. Why don’t we go to Dr. Kendrick’s office and ask her if I can counsel you?”
“She’s cool. She’d let you.”
“Let’s see what she says.”
“I don’t wanna make her feel bad.”
Aw. That said a lot about this kid. “I think she’ll want what’s best for you.”
“Will you go talk to her without me?”
“No. But I’ll do the talking with you.”
He scrubbed his face with his hands. “Okay.”
Together they got up and started toward the mental health building. As they walked, Caleb took surreptitious glances at Harlan. He seemed lighter than when Caleb found him. That made him forget his own issues for at least a little while.
* * *
As she waited for Caleb, Gemma took a call from Ryan. “Hey, there,” she said to the man she was seeing these days. He was a doctor, but kind of a bad boy, too.
“Hey, babe. Having a good day?”
“Sure.” They kept things light and didn’t share their feelings. “You?”
“I got a funny story about one of my patients. I’ll tell you when I see you.”
She wished he wouldn’t. She didn’t like it when people made fun of their clients.
“When will that be?” he asked.
“Let me check my calendar and get back to you.”
“Be careful. My dance card might fill up.”
“It better not.” When they first got intimately involved, she insisted he’d be exclusive with her. Mostly because whoever he slept with, she was physically affected by. And she made the same promise to him.
“Jealous?”
Time to be flirty. “Maybe. I’ll be back in touch.”
“Do that.”
They disconnected and she checked the time. Caleb Shepherd was late. She was anxious about seeing him, which was a new feeling for her. But she liked him. And she couldn’t let her inappropriate behavior stand. She knew he didn’t want to talk about his situation and she pushed anyway.
A knock on the open door. “Oh,” she said and stood to greet him and his companion. Her gaze focused on the boy. She could tell just by looking at him that he was not in a good place. “Hello, Harlan. Is there something I can do for you?”
The boy shook his head. Caleb answered for him. “Harlan is having trouble with leaving here. With going home.”
“Do you want to talk to me about it?” she asked softly.
The boy stared down at his feet.
Caleb spoke again. “I was early coming to see you so I took a walk. I found Harlan on a bench crying.”
The boy’s face reddened.
“I’m sorry, Harlan. Shall we talk now?”
“He wants to talk with me, Dr. Kendrick. Because I’m a man.”
That meant his problem was about sex. “I’ve talked to the boys here about sex, Harlan.”
Harlan’s face turned beat red.
“Dr. Shepherd?”
“I think I can help him. But I won’t do it without your permission.”
“Is that what you want, Harlan?”
He nodded.
“It’s fine by me. Dr. Shepherd is an excellent counselor.” She glanced toward the door. “There’s an empty office right down the hall. Why don’t I take you there and you two can talk.”
Caleb sighed in relief. What did he think she would do? No matter. The boy’s welfare was at issue. “Let’s go.”
They followed her to a room at the end of the corridor. She flipped on lights. “Go ahead. But know, Harlan, I’m on your side too, if you change your mind.”
She started out. Caleb walked with her. When she got through the door, he followed her into the hallway. “Thank you, Gemma. Honestly this was his decision.”
“Of course it was. I don’t doubt you.” She squeezed his arm. “Go ahead now and help him today. I’ll have to get the okay from Jackson for you to go further.”
“Of course.”
With that she walked away. She felt comfortable leaving Harlan in Caleb’s hands. She’d have to figure out her reaction when she was alone.