Chapter 3
Annie said, “Lara, this is Gemma Kendrick, a psychologist I work with.”
Gemma looked over at Lara and gave her a warm smile. “Nice to meet you. Annie told me that you’re married to Joe Romano.”
She grinned. “I am.” The two of them went off to an island to elope. Neither wanted fanfare. She sighed. “Sometimes I still can’t believe everything worked out for us.”
Gemma said, “One of you had to move firehouses, I assume.”
“Yes, luckily Joe got a promotion to Battalion Chief.”
“Congratulations to him.”
“So you work at Pathways?” Lara asked. “I’ve heard such wonderful things about that place. Joe taught a class there.”
“The school is a life saver. Literally. We have a small population but that’s one reason we’re so successful.”
“Amen to that.” Maisy was beaming these days. “I worked there, too.”
Gemma added, “And now your brother’s helping out.”
“He is?”
Apparently, Caleb kept his counseling of Harlan to himself.
“Didn’t you know?” Gemma answered. “It’s not a secret. He’s signed on to help a particular boy who wanted a male counselor.”
“Jackson didn’t tell me, but I’m surprised Caleb didn’t.”
“It’s only been a couple of weeks.”
Annie asked, “Will you enjoy working with Caleb?”
“I will. We’ve become good friends.” Very good. She had a flash of him in bed, leaning over her, talking naughty.
“That’s great.” This from Maisy. “He’s had such a hard time.”
Gemma nodded. “I know.”
Lara said, “I do too. But he must be doing better.”
“He is.” Gemma spoke up before she realized it was Maisy’s place to answer.
Maisy eyed her. “Have you gotten… close to him?”
Gemma wasn’t comfortable sharing the details in front of strangers. So she said jokingly, “I’d like to change the subject, please.”
Maisy let it go. But when they parted ways after lunch, and Gemma got in her car, she was surprised when Maisy slid in the other side. “Do you need a ride?”
“No. Did you really not want to answer my question about you and Caleb?”
“Actually, I’m dying to have someone to talk to about it. But I don’t know Lara very well.”
Maisy’s eyes lit with mischief and she turned fully in her seat. “Dish.”
“I pushed him to share his feelings about his past before I realized he couldn’t do that.”
“He should talk about it.”
“Since then he has shared some things with me. And, well, he came over for dinner and we talked. Things went further than either of us planned.” She sighed. “A lot further.”
Maisy watched her. She went red-faced. Then she burst into tears. Sobs.
Gemma grabbed her friend’s hand. “Maisy, if that displeases you this much—”
“I-I’m not displeased.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m elated.” She wiped her cheeks. “I didn’t think he’d ever let himself care enough to be intimate with a woman again.”
“Whew. That’s a relief.”
Maisy gulped back the emotion. “So, is he happy?”
Gemma couldn’t help but smile. “He’s happy, Maisy.”
“Thank you so much. Now when can we have you two over for dinner?”
* * *
Caleb got home an hour before his next client was due. He was still riding high on the night he spent with Gemma. Her face swam before him in a myriad of scenarios: her taking off his clothes, him kissing his way down her body and that glorious moment when they came together.
For a minute, he felt guilty about his joy. Thoughts of Harlan, of the boy and the dragon, still plagued him, but he’d had another session with the boy and he stated firmly he wasn’t suicidal.
His phone rang. He had to answer because it could be a client. It could be Harlan. “Caleb Shepherd.”
“Dr. Shepherd, this is Chief Olson from Binghamton PD.”
His heartbeat sped up. “Yes, Chief.”
“I have new information for you about the bombing of your church. I know I said the trail went cold but that didn’t sit right with me so I kept on digging. I’m sorry to tell you that we think your youth pastor, Saul Jacobs, was responsible for planting the bomb. He had help, too, but we don’t know who. We don’t think anyone else in the congregation was involved, though. I’ll email you the full report.”
“Is he in custody?”
“We’re still searching for him.”
All the good energy from before drained from Caleb. His limbs went weak. He was catapulted back to that awful day when his parishioners, his friends, blew up in front of him. He could still hear the blast, smell the acrid smoke, almost feel himself stumbling back on the altar. Then the stark confirmation came that the majority of his congregation, adults and kids, was just…gone.
“Dr. Shepherd? Are you still there?”
He came back to the present. “I’m afraid I’m in shock.”
“Understandable. Do you mind if I ask if you had a good or bad relationship with Saul Jacobs?”
“I thought it was good, but I found out later he was having an affair with my wife.”
“Hell, we didn’t know that.”
Caleb said nothing.
“Do you have questions?”
“Let me read the report first, then I might.”
“Wait for my email then. I’m sorry, Pastor.”
“Yeah, so am I.”
Feeling numb, Caleb dropped down on his couch.
* * *
Gemma sat in an afternoon staff meeting and couldn’t keep herself from daydreaming. God, her time with Caleb had been wonderful. Physically, of course, but she and Caleb connected emotionally. The intimacy had been deep and still made her shiver. She had to make time to talk to Ryan today and break things off.
“What do you think, Gemma?”
She tuned back in. Oh, dear. “I’m sorry, Jackson, I have a lot on my mind. What was the question?”
“Are you free next week on Thursday afternoon? I’d like to have a staff outing.”
She quickly checked her tablet. “I am.”
“Great. Okay, everybody. That’s it. Thanks for all you do here.”
Jackson was smiling when she waited afterwards and he dropped back down into a chair. “That’s unlike you,” he said in a teasing tone. “Is there a new man in your life?”
“Did you talk to Maisy after our lunch?”
“No, actually, I didn’t. I’m asking as your friend.”
She laughed. “As a matter of fact, I am seeing someone.”
His eyes twinkled. “How nice. Then your drifting off is forgiven.”
“Thanks, Jackson.”
An hour later, Gemma watched as Ryan walked into Magnolia’s for drinks. She sat in a corner table at the bar.
He wore a taupe blazer with a silky t-shirt and brown pants. She hoped he didn’t dress up for her. “Hey pretty lady.” He kissed her on the mouth.
She moved away as soon as she could. “We have to talk, Ryan.”
His gray eyes narrowed as he sat down across from her. “Good news never follows those words.” He signaled for a waiter. “I think I’m going to need a drink first.”
She didn’t deny it, and he didn’t ask anything more. Luckily, the place wasn’t busy, so they got their drinks in minutes.
He picked up his double bourbon and took a hefty gulp. “What is it, Gemma?”
“You’re right. You won’t like this. I’ve met somebody else…”
She explained how quickly things happened with Caleb and expressed her hopes that he wasn’t too hurt.
“Seriously? I’m shocked.”
“We’ve been casual about our relationship since we started going out. Maybe we’ve run our course.” She studied him. “I’m actually flummoxed by your strong reaction.”
He scraped back his chair and stood. “That makes this even worse. Fuck it, lady. I’m outta here.”
“Goodbye Ryan,” she said to his retreating back.
She left the bar and drove home. As she walked inside, her cell rang. She felt better when she saw the ID. Just what she needed. “Hello, Caleb.”
“Gemma. Do you think you could come over here?”
“Are you all right?”
“Physically I am. But something from the past happened. It would help to see you.”
“I can be at your place in fifteen minutes.”
She raced out to her car and drove to his house. The back door to his office was ajar. She went inside.
Caleb sat on the couch with some papers in his hands. She rushed over and dropped down next to him. “What happened?”
He looked really sad. But he didn’t say anything. He handed her the sheaf.
She scanned them. “Oh, no. Oh, Caleb.” She rubbed his back. “How much more can you take?”
He blew out a heavy breath. “I have to handle this. I can’t go back to that dark place. I almost couldn’t climb out.”
“Do you want me to call your counselor?”
“No.
“Maisy?”
“Don’t you want to stay with me?”
“Of course I do. I’d never leave you like this. But others can help, too.”
He took her hand. Linked their fingers. “I need to do something?”
“Exercise?”
“Maybe after. Right now I want…you.”
It took her a minute to realize what he meant. “Of course, let’s go upstairs.” Then she frowned. “Or is someone else here?”
“Nobody’s here or coming tonight.”
She grabbed his hand. Tugged on it. “Let’s go then.”
He held her back. “You sure you want to? I don’t want…what’s it called a…”
“Mercy fuck.”
“Yeah, I don’t want that.”
She actually laughed. “I’ve thought about sex with you since the last time. Let’s go be free and wild.”
An actual smile on his face. She could work with that.
After a vigorous half-hour of sex, Caleb lay on the pillow with her. She cuddled into him. He kissed her head.
“Want to run now?”
“It’s dark out already. Let’s stay here a while. You’re enough to drag me through this.”
Gemma found she was thrilled by the notion.
* * *
Later that week, Caleb was feeling somewhat better about the bad news he’d gotten about the bombing. And he’d checked in twice with Harlan and he seemed okay, too. But Caleb was restless, so he’d gone to the Y to work out. He retrieved some weights, sat on a bench and did some arm curls. After ten, his biceps were saturated.
The guy next to him said, “I think you started out with too many weights, pastor.”
He looked over. Joe Romano was working out on the bench next to him. “Hey, Joe. I didn’t see you there.” He knew Romano because Joe was a close friend of Jackson’s. Caleb had even driven Jackson to a fire scene when Joe was in trouble.
“Yeah. I’m new to this. I decided I need a physical outlet. And I’d like to get into better shape.” It wasn’t for Gemma. Or at least not only for her. He wanted to feel better.
“Exercises release endorphins. They make you happier.”
Caleb cocked his head. “Why are you at the Y? Don’t you work out at the fire house?”
“Actually, I got a promotion and I’m not assigned to one house. I could have gone to the fire academy but the Y is closer to where I live.” Joe stood. “I’m pretty much done.” They chatted for a few minutes then Joe said, “Good luck, Caleb.”
He watched Joe as he left. The man was happy now. He knew from Maisy what happened to him last month. He had a stalker who blamed him for not being able to save her twins’ lives in a fire where he’d lost his own brother. Caleb shook his head. The world was full of danger and evil and he no longer had God to help out.
Which makes you sad.
“Yeah, it makes me sad.” Silly to answer your unconscious mind. But there was a huge hole in his heart at the loss of the deity.
It’s not too late, son.
But it was. For that. But not for living in the present.
He got up from the bench and went to a universal machine and did the exercises the trainer here had shown him.
Finally, he used the bike and elliptical to reach muscles not strengthened through running. Then he stretched. By the time he left the Y, he was lighter. Happier. And hopefully, a little bit healthier. Joe was right about the endorphins.
* * *
Mr. Kane asked, “Would you like me to be there when your mother comes in, Harlan?”
Harlan ducked his head. “No offence, Mr. K. But I’d rather it be just me and Dr. Shepherd.”
Mr. Kane nodded. “No offence taken. I’ll leave you to it.”
He opened his office door and Harlan saw his mother waiting in the reception. His heart began beating faster. What would she do?
“Come right in, Mrs. Ford.”
When she walked inside, Harlan saw she clutched at her purse strap, like she always did when she was nervous. And man, she was a lot thinner since the last time he saw her. “Harlan,” she said rushing to him, hugging him. Harlan held on tight. She still smelled like the bath splash she wore.
When she sat, she asked, “Is something wrong? You’re still getting out of here, right?”
“Yes, Mom.” He looked to Dr. Shepherd.
Dr. Shepherd took the reins. “Mrs. Ford, Harlan’s worried about coming home with his father living in the house again.”
“Oh, that.” His mom often dismissed Harlan’s concerns. "Your father’s okay with you coming home.”
“Mrs. Ford, Harlan’s worried because his last encounter with his dad didn’t go well.”
“I know but Carl’s over all that.”
“How can you be sure?” Harlan asked.
“’Cause I talked to him about it. He said he didn’t really feel that way about, you know, those people. He was just surprised to find you…and that boy. Besides, Harlan, you’re not gay. It’s a phase. You’ll get over it.”
“Mom, I am gay.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand. I raised you right. How could something like that happen to you?”
“Nothing happened, Mom. I was born this way.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “I don’t know what to say.”
Dr. Shepherd intervened. “Mrs. Ford, we can deal with that later. Right now, the immediate problem is Mr. Ford’s attitude toward your son.”
“What do you want me to do, Harlan?”
“I don’t think I can live with him.”
“You asking me to make him leave again?”
Harlan felt his face redden. “Maybe.”
“I can’t do that, Harlan. I don’t want to. You know we can’t afford the house without him.” She glanced at Caleb then back to Harlan. “I work as a waitress but it’s not enough to live on.”
“There’s government aid you can get, Mrs. Ford.” At least Dr. Shepherd was on his side. “I could help you with that.”
His mother scowled. “I don’t wanna kick him out again. It was awful the last time he left.”
Harlan lifted his chin. “Then I don’t wanna come home.”
“You don’t mean that, son.”
“Where else can I go, Dr. Shepherd?”
“Well, there are group homes. Foster parents.”
“He’s got parents!” His mother bolted up. “I won’t stand for this. Harlan, you’re still 17. You will come home. Be a good boy and do that.” Then she walked out the door.
Harlan couldn’t breathe. He felt his chest might cave in.
Dr. Shepherd grabbed his hand. “Harlan, no matter what your mother thinks, she doesn’t have the final say. If Pathways decides it’s not an acceptable situation in your home, you don’t have to go there.”
“Are you sure?”
“Uh-huh. It’s in the court order sending you here. That’s true for all the boys.”
“But a group home sounds awful.”
“No, not necessarily.”
Harlan shot out of the chair. “I gotta go.”
The Rev tried to hold him back. “Don’t leave like this, please.”
Harlan shrugged him off. “Look, Dr. Shepherd. You did your best. It’s oaky. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.”
But Harlan was already fleeing out of the room.
* * *
Jackson smiled at the five boys who would be leaving Pathways in a few weeks, then he sobered. “Where’s Harlan?”
Silence.
“Guys?”
“He wasn’t in his cabin when we went to pick him up to come here,” Timmy O’Malley offered.
Jackson picked up his phone, punched in numbers. “Harry, see if you can locate Harlan Ford.” He turned back to the kids. Gemma could see he was upset now. And Caleb’s expression matched his.
“Let’s concentrate on you guys for the time being. How you doing?” He waited. Gemma knew he wouldn’t go without an answer. The boys did too.
Finally, they spoke up. “Doin’ great…Super…cool that we’re gettin’ out…”
“Glad to hear all that.” He gestured to Gemma. “You know Dr. Kendrick. She’s going to run through some things with you. And most of you know Dr. Shepherd. He’s on staff too.”
Gemma had been at a conference for three days but got back in time to say goodbye to the kids. She’d miss them. “Hi, everybody. I’d like to make a list on the whiteboard of some issues you need to think about when you leave us. You can call them out. No need to raise your hands.”
Again, Tim O’Malley went first. “Dealing with siblings. I got three brothers and sisters all under ten. I—hope they didn’t forget me.”
“Did they visit at all Timmy?”
“No. My mom said it wouldn’t be good for them to come see me in this place.”
She wasn’t right, Gemma thought. She’d tried to talk the woman into bringing her children on visitor days. But Mrs. O’Malley wouldn’t budge. And somewhere in his mind Timmy knew that she’d chosen their welfare over his.
“Anyone else worried about siblings?” Two more kids raised their hands. “Then let’s talk about some strategies for getting reacquainted.”
The boys all contributed. The answers ranged from doing activities they’d done before to spending time on things their siblings liked.
Caleb sat forward. “I have a couple of ideas, if you don’t mind Dr. Kendrick.”
“Of course I don’t. Go ahead.”
“I’ve spent time with your brother, Frankie. He likes to look at photos of you two together. Pictures like this will reinforce the place you have in their lives.” Though they’d lived in different places. Maisy and Jackson had adopted Freddie and Frankie was going to a group home. They’d just have to find ways to connect the brothers.
“I hadn’t thought of that.” Gemma smiled at Caleb and he smiled back.
After they brainstormed some more concerns, the meeting ended, and they all said goodbye to her. Some even hugged her. They’d miss her, she hoped.
When the kids were gone, Jackson turned to them. “I’m worried about Harlan.”
“I am too,” Gemma said.
Caleb said, “Me, too. As you know, our meeting with his mother didn’t go well. And before that, he let me see his sketchbook. I’m breaking confidentiality here, but it’s necessary. There were some disturbing images that made me think he could be suicidal. I made him promise me he’d call me if he ever felt like he was going to hurt himself.”
Jackson blew out a heavy breath. “Then it’s worse than I thought. Maybe if he knew we have a plan to place him with foster parents, he’d be better. Caleb, do you think you could convince him to go into foster care if I set it up?”
“I can try. But I’ve got a bad feeling about him. He missed our meeting yesterday, too. I don’t know where he is now.”
Jackson stood. “I’ll head back to my office. I’ll let you know if Harry came up with something.”
When Jackson left, Gemma turned to Caleb.
“I’m worried about Harlan too.”
“I know. But it’s good to see you.”
“I feel the same way.” She hadn’t seen him since she’d rushed to his house after he’d called distraught over the release of the bomber.
“How was your conference?”
“The speaker was excellent. I still felt bad about leaving you after what happened.”
“Don’t. You got me through the worst of it.”
“That’s nice of you to say. Can we get together tonight? I’ve missed you.”
He grasped her hand. “I missed you too.”
“Come to my house again for dinner and swim? We’ll keep checking with Jackson about Harlan.”
“Sure, I’d like that.” His eyes twinkled. “I remember the last time I was there.”
“Hmm. I want a repeat of that , too.” He cocked his head. “But you’re working the rest of the day. How about if I pick up take-out? I know what you like.”
“That would be helpful. See you then.”
Gemma looked forward to tonight but her worry over Harlan eclipsed the positive feeling. When she left, they still hadn’t located him. She arrived home a little early and changed into a bathing suit with a coverup. She got out some fixings for salad, then the doorbell rang.
“Hi,” she said to Caleb. He wore the swimming trucks and a shirt well. He seemed happy, but on edge too.
“Hi, love.”
She let him inside and he set down the food. Its sweet and spicy scent wafted up to her. Caleb circled around and drew her close. Kissed her. Her mind spun as he pressed his lips against hers, then wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. When he stood back, he said, “I needed that.”
“I guess I did, too. No news on Harlan?”
“I’m afraid not. I called him several times, but he didn’t answer.”
“I guess Jackson’s on it. We’ll have to wait till we find him or maybe he’ll return our calls. Can we put that away, just for a few hours?”
“Yeah. A respite from the worry sounds good.”
“Cocktails?”
“Sure. A gin and tonic again.”
She made quick work of fixing the G&Ts, then they brought them out to the pool. He was seated in a chair and she dropped down into another one.
“Hmm, this is great,” he said when he sipped his drink.
She tasted it, too.
“Tell me about the speaker’s talk. You said it was on dealing with closed off teenagers.”
“He had some innovative ideas.”
The were in the midst of a discussion of the conference content when they heard from behind, “Well, isn’t this cozy?”
Gemma bolted up, spilling her drink. Caleb set his down and stood too. They both turned. A big, handsome guy dressed in designer clothes, stood behind them.
“How the hell did you get in here, Ryan?”
Caleb stared at the man, who said, “I still have my key.”
She crossed to him and lifted her chin. “I’ll take that now.”
Ryan slapped it in her palm. He angled his head to Caleb. “You didn’t waste much time.”
“Get out.”
When he didn’t move, Caleb took out his phone. Punched in two numbers. “I’m calling 911 to report a breaking and entering. I’ll finish the call unless you leave right now.”
Ryan glared at Caleb. Then said, “Be careful buddy. This one bed hops. She screwed me two weeks ago.” Ryan turned to Gemma, said “Fuck you,” and strode out.
Shaking, she reached for Caleb’s hand. He stepped back. “Were you sleeping with him at the same time as me?”