Chapter 5
Five
Jaclyn
Present
I wasn’t able to sleep at all last night. I didn’t bring Junior into my room to sleep with me either.
I just needed to be alone with my thoughts as I process what the hell I’m doing today. Junior even asked me to pay attention to him this morning when he was telling me about his dream. I laughed it off and said I was just daydreaming when in reality I was overthinking every scenario that could happen with Hayden today.
Brandon kept giving me worried looks but I ignored him. He was being a little bit pushy this morning and I always appreciate Brandon and his help but lately, ever since I told him about the new pill dosage, he has been up my ass more.
“Ready to go?” Diego, the cameraman says from the driver’s side of the car. I look at him and nod my head while I smile. I clench my hands in fists before releasing them and breathe out slowly. Diego is my partner when it comes to interviewing people on video. He records while I ask the questions. Sometimes he will ask follow up questions here and there but most of the time, it’s me asking the questions. “Why do you look constipated?” Diego asks as we get out of the car.
I grip onto my notebook and hold it to my chest as we walk towards the arena.
“I don’t look constipated,” I argue.
“You kind of do,” Diego says as he holds onto the camera and other equipment we need. “Are you nervous?”
I look away from Diego and instead look at the large posters that showcase Hayden with his name in big red letters across his waist.
I called up Patience the day after I found out I was going to interview Hayden. She told me that throughout the interview I just need to block everything out. I could think of Junior because he is my happy place but then thinking of Junior at the same time I am interviewing Hayden would make things worse because that would just remind me that Hayden has no clue he has a son.
Junior can’t be my safe space today. I have to depend on myself and how strong I can be without him facing his father.
I wipe the sweat from my hands onto my dress as we walk inside the building, security holding the door for us.
For the fight, I’m wearing a red silky mini dress that has thin straps. It flows from the waist down which complements my shape.
I would have never worn this dress a few years ago. It took me a long time to bring my confidence back up after I had Junior. I gained so much weight and next thing I knew, I was back to hating myself.
I hated how whenever I looked in the mirror I would dread going outside because I felt so ugly. All of my clothes consisted of sweaters, leggings, or sweatpants. Even when it was hot outside I would wear large sweaters to hide what I really look like underneath.
“Have you ever been to a fighting match before?” Diego asks as we sit in our seats at the front.
The whole arena is filled with people. In the crowd I see a lot of red compared to green, which is the color that the other fighter reps.
Red is Hayden’s color.
“Yea, something like that.”
Only illegal ones.
The lights start to dim making everyone cheer. An announcer walks inside the ring and he taps the mic.
“Ladies and gentleman!” the announcer yells in the mic making the crowd go wild. “Welcome to the fight of a lifetime. Let's just get on with it and bring our fighters out!” the announcer says before turning to one area of the arena. “Let me introduce, Robert Chua!” I hear some people cheer but it’s mostly booing. Robert walks inside the ring and starts to warm up and throw some small jabs while walking around the ring. “Now let's bring out our heavyweight champion, Hayden Night!”
“No Church In The Wild” by Kanye blasts on the sound system as lights showcase Hayden walking out from the hallway.
My heart aches as I see him walk towards the ring. I can’t see him that well because he is far from us but on the big screen I see him clearly.
Just knowing that Hayden is only a few feet away from me makes the butterflies in my stomach swarm.
They shouldn’t be swarming because once that happens you just end up getting hurt in the end.
The crowd goes wild for him as he walks towards the ring, not throwing punches or anything, simply just walking. He looks up at his fans who are cheering for him, but behind those eyes, there is nothing.
Whenever I would catch him on TV or a poster, I would see nothing in those eyes. It’s like after everything that happened, he lost his light and what made him happy.
Hayden walks inside the ring with a familiar face behind him.
Freddie pats his shoulder and brings him towards his side of the ring.
Freddie is Hayden’s lifetime coach. Freddie taught Hayden everything he knows when it comes to fighting. I’ve always seen Freddie as Hayden’s guardian angel because he saved him from the streets.
Junior is the spitting image of his father, fortunately. Hayden is a good looking guy and I understand why all of the ladies, and some men too, love him.
In person, Hayden looks larger than life. I didn’t realize how big he got until now. His biceps look like the size of Junior’s head and I don’t know if it’s possible but he looks like he got taller.
He also has more tattoos. The same sleeve on his arm from college but now a new one on his other arm. He also has one on his back, a small crown right below his neck, at the top of his back.
And there is small writing right underneath but I can’t tell what it says.
I immediately touch the tattoo on my ribs, or at least where the tattoo was before they ruined it.
Hayden stands up from his chair and my eyes go to his hands as he messes with a ring, on his ring finger. My heart stops as I watch him take it off and hand it to Freddie. Freddie puts it in his pocket and pats Hayden’s shoulder again, whispering something in his ear before pushing him in the middle of the ring where Robert is.
There’s no way he can be engaged already. How does he have a ring already?
Did him and that model get married already?
I’ve never seen that ring in pictures or anything.
That green, jealous side of me wants to come out and tell the world that I had him first and I’m the one who has his kid.
But I can’t.
No one can know what I went through or how I left Hayden for that.
Hayden Night is the reason I can’t ever move on, fully. He is literally a part of me forever, in my heart, my memories, and my life.
“And Hayden gives the first punch of the night!” the announcer yells, making me tune back into the fight.
I watch Hayden pummel Robert and push him against the ropes. Robert blocks his punches and tries to protect his face but Hayden’s punches are too strong.
He has almost killed with those punches, I’ve seen it many times before.
“You good?” Diego asks, making me look at him and nod.
“Yea, I’m fine.”
“You have that face again,” Diego comments.
“What?” I furrow my eyebrows at him.
“That constipated face.”
I roll my eyes at Diego and focus back on the fight. Hayden and Robert are still going at each other, punching, and blocking as they pounce around the ring.
Robert goes to punch Hayden, but he misses as Hayden leans to the side and punches Robert across the face. Robert wobbles and Hayden walks forward and starts throwing punches at Robert repeatedly.
It still amazes me after all this time how powerful his punches are, but I can tell they are just as strong and deadly as they were five years ago. From one punch, Robert looks like he is going to faint.
I feel a weird sense of déjà vu as I watch Hayden fight.
I feel like I’m back in the club, watching Hayden become the beast he is while in the ring. Showing no mercy to anyone in his way.
He was always a great fighter. He was the best. I'm not surprised he is a champion today.
The bell rings and Hayden and Robert go to their sides of the ring. I watch Hayden sit down on his side of the ring as his team attends to him. Freddie talks to him while he pats his shoulder and checks his face.
Hayden nods and sometimes he just glares at Freddie while Freddie talks to him. I haven't seen him since Hayden and I broke up.
The bell finally rings and Freddie pats Hayden's shoulder making him get up and walk towards Robert.
But then Hayden does something that makes me feel like all my air is gone.
His eyes connect with mine from across the ring.