Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
Jaclyn
Present
I’m in my hotel room watching the movie, Freedom Writers .
Today has been a long day.
After breakfast this morning, Natalia and I went shopping.
The whole entire time we were together I kept lecturing her and asking her why she did what she did at breakfast and all she kept saying was to wait and see.
Wait and see for what?
It’s going to end in a disaster like last time.
Hayden and I can’t happen and that’s what I told her but she just shook her head at me and continued looking at clothes to buy.
Natalia doesn’t understand the demons that Hayden left me with. He left me with so much overthinking, worse than before. Although while being here, I haven’t gotten any nightmares, mostly because of the meds I think.
Most nights I just replay the memories between Hayden and I that I wish I could forget.
Remembering the good things between us hurts my heart because I know we are ruined.
Hayden and I were doomed the day we met in that alleyway. But the universe just keeps pulling us closer together.
No matter how hard I try, Hayden will always be a factor in my life. I won’t be able to rid myself of him.
Coming to this wedding was a mistake because I’m just digging myself into a deeper hole with Hayden and it will just continue to grow bigger.
I can’t forget about Junior either. He is the priority and he needs to meet his father but God, I’m so scared.
I’m scared of growing attached to Hayden again and eventually getting hurt because with love comes pain and heartbreak.
A knock on the door makes me look away from the TV.
I get up and walk towards the door. When I open it, I see familiar gray eyes that are heated and almost look furious.
Hayden looks mad.
So royally pissed off probably from the show that Max, Kayden, and Natalia pulled this morning.
Now I have to deal with the aftermath.
“You know, since I’ve laid my eyes on you in that alleyway, I’ve never been able to understand why I was so obsessed. Why, out of all people, did I become obsessed over a girl who doesn’t give two shits about me?” Hayden says, walking inside. I back up and Hayden closes the door behind him and locks it, sealing our fate almost. “Every second of every day I think about you. It’s like my mind is addicted to you and the only way to control this addiction is to be with you.” We stand in the middle of the room as energy pulls us closer. “I sometimes wish I hadn’t met you so I wouldn’t know what falling in love meant. I wouldn’t have to be fucking vulnerable.”
“Then why did you? Why’d you continue to pursue me if you didn’t want this to happen?” I ask, a tear falling from my eye making me realize that I’m crying. “Why did you have to start all this?”
Hayden puts his hand on my jaw and tilts my head so I can get a better look at him. “Because somehow the universe wanted me to end up with you. Even if we destroyed each other five years ago.” I shake my head and remove Hayden’s hands from my face. “You promised me you would stay.”
“That was before!” I say, tears streaming down my face as everything in that fucking room replays in my mind. “That was before I got fucked up! That was before they fucking broke me, Hayden!”
“You never told me what they did in there.”
I shake my head as my heart speeds up. “Please don’t make me tell you.”
An image of Eric flashes in my head.
Eric walks closer to me, a menacing smile on his face with a knife in his hand.
“Won’t hurt much, sweetheart. I’ll go easy on you.”
And when he finally puts his hands on me, I scream.
Hayden walks closer to me and I step back, screaming.
I don’t mean to scream but I can’t stop.
Hayden still walks towards me and he wraps his arms around me as I sob into his chest.
“Please, please don’t make me. I don’t want to go back there,” I cry while pushing my face into his chest more.
Being this close to him feels like home but when will these images of Eric, Marco, and that room pass?
When will it all go away?
“It’s okay. You’re okay, you’re going to be okay. I’ve got you.”
I shake my head in his chest. “No it’s not. It’s all going to end in a disaster again.”
Hayden runs his fingers through my hair and rubs his thumb against my cheek softly. “Just give me a chance.”
“You’re getting married,” I mumble and lean away from him to stare at his face. “Whatever you and I want to happen, can’t. It’s wrong and not who I am.”
“You’re the only one I want and if I can’t have you then I don’t want to have anyone. I told you so many times that I’m obsessive and almost addicted. My heart is dedicated to you. My fucking heartbeats are dedicated to you.”
“Then why would you marry someone if this is how you feel Hayden?”
Hayden pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. “I can’t tell you. Not yet,” Hayden whispers. “Make my world fucking stop, Jaclyn,” he says, turning my head so that I can look up at him.
His eyes are heated again and they almost look daring.
“Hayden,” I say as a warning but my mind is telling me to shut up.
“Stop my world again, princess. Destroy my heart and everything that makes me Hayden Night. I’m begging you.”
And as I look at Hayden, who almost looks desperate, I can’t help but lean forward and kiss him.
His lips connect with mine and my eyes automatically close. Hayden’s lips feel smooth and warm against mine and so familiar.
It’s like he sucks all the negative air out of me and breathes in love. His kisses will always have this kind of effect on me. Kissing him makes me smile against his lips and wrap my arms together around him.
Hayden instantly grabs my cheek and his other hand is on my waist, squeezing and gripping me tighter.
Hayden sucks my bottom lip and I breath out heavily before connecting our lips again. The spot between my legs pulses and my heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest.
He has a way of melting every part of me without even trying.
We can’t.
He’s still getting married.
Whether he loves her or not.
I lean away from him and rest my forehead against his. “You’re still engaged,” I whisper.
Hayden sighs and presses his lips to mine. “I’ll take care of it.”
“You also have a ring on you finger.” I say, looking at
that goddamn ring, just wanting him to take it o! at least. Hayden sighs and takes o! the ring and giving it
to me.
I take it hesitantly. I look on the inside of the ring and
see my initials.
“I’ve been wearing that ring for almost four years now. It’s always been you, Jaclyn.”