Chapter 42
Forty-Two
Rowan
Present
I’ve always been the big brother in the family.
I’m used to the role and to always having to be the fixer in situations because that’s what I’ve been doing since I got into this whole certain business that I’m currently running.
But with Hayden, my little brother, it’s always been different with him.
Maybe it’s the fact that he’s the youngest of all the siblings, maybe it’s because he and I are full brothers and not half like the rest of my siblings, but all I know is that I've always been closer and more protective of Hayden.
He’s destructive and impulsive. Completely different from me who is in control at all times.
Ever since I met him, I just keep learning new things about him, like how he has a short temper. I know his trainer taught him how to control it and he does it well when it comes to fighting.
Fighting is the only way for Hayden to let those demons lose.
Everyone needs an outlet. Fighting just happens to be Hayden’s.
My eyes find his figure at the bar. He is sitting on a stool with a crystal glass in front of him. It’s half empty and looks like an old fashioned.
I sit next to him but he keeps his eyes on the drink. He doesn’t look drunk, plus I’ve been watching him for a good thirty minutes and after a few sips he just stopped and started to stare at the old fashioned instead of drinking it.
“About time you stopped being a stalker,” he mumbles before taking a sip of his drink.
“Well, you were kind of just sitting and staring so I thought I’d figure out what’s going on.”
Hayden pushes the drink away and leans in his chair instead of resting his arms on the bar. He looks tired, like his mind has been running 100 mph for the past who knows how long.
Overthinking causes a lot of damage. It can make you drained and tired without you actually even doing anything.
Your mind constantly running like that is kind of like a car. Eventually it gets tired and runs out of oil which makes it all suddenly stop.
He doesn’t look at me as he says, “I have a kid and I didn’t even know.”
I can’t help but widen my eyes a little because I didn’t see that coming.
I knew about Jaclyn King and her issues with my brother but I didn’t keep an eye on her because I wanted to respect my brother's relationship with her.
But after knowing this piece of information, I should have.
“Don’t know what to say?” he says, downing the rest of the old fashioned and then slamming the glass on the table. He looks at me, his jaw clenched and rage filling his eyes. “Yea, that was my reaction except I was a lot more pissed off. Thing was though, I wasn’t allowed to act out and fucking punch something because then that would have scared her away.” Even though Hayden is older now and a lot more responsible and controlled, he has more anger in him. He just knows how to control it at certain times. “I have a fucking son and I didn’t even know.”
“How old?”
Hayden laughs dryly. “Fuck if I know.” Hayden shakes his head lightly, still staring at the glass. “Hayden Junior Night. That’s his full name.”
“Want me to get information on him?”
Hayden looks at me, no he’s glaring at me. “He’s my son. I shouldn’t have to ask you to get information on him.”
“How’d you find out?'“
“I was getting back to the hotel from getting Jaclyn’s meds and then when I walked in, I heard a little boy on the phone. I stay for a few seconds and keep hearing him call her mama. I walk in and the kid stares at me.” Hayden looks at me. “The kid has such familiar eyes. He had these dark gray eyes and I swear I was looking at myself. He told Jaclyn there was someone behind her and then she hung up before telling me he was mine.”
“Did she explain why?”
“Yea. She told me she was scared and that’s why she never told me. I don’t understand why she was scared because I would have been there for her. I would have helped her and held her hand every step of the way. I would have been in that fucking delivery room with her, telling her how good she’s doing and that she was going to be a great mother. But no, she did it all by herself because she was scared.” Hayden runs his hands through his hair. “And the shitty thing was that I didn’t care she was scared because I’m fucking hurt. She didn’t think about my feelings with this and I know it’s shitty that I’m mad at her but-”
“You should be mad at her, Hayden. But you should never make her feel guilty for it because she had a valid reason.” Hayden looks up at me instead of at his hands. “You have no clue what she went through in that room, right? You don’t know what they did to make her scared of being with you. They fucked her up in there. Thank God Jane didn’t go through what Jaclyn went through instead. Because if Jane did, I’m not sure I would have gotten to her. Jaclyn is fucking strong for taking care of a whole child by herself while also facing her demons.”
“She’s strong,” Hayden agrees. “I just wish things were easier for us.”
“God gives the worst situations to people who he knows can handle it and Jaclyn is strong. She can handle it and still come out okay. She just needed a little time. I think if she was still scared of you and the possibility of you she wouldn’t be here right now,” I explain. “Like I said, be mad at her but don’t make her feel guilty for it because she was just protecting herself and your kid from the possibility of all that trauma happening again.”
Hayden rests his head in his hand. “And I left her in the hotel room screaming.”
I shake my head and shove his shoulder. “Then why are you here drinking instead of talking to her and making everything better?”
“I didn’t want to do anything that I would later regret.” Hayden takes his head out of his hand and looks at me, regret all over his face. “Fuck, I just keep fucking up.”
I shake my head. “You can still fix it. You just need to talk to her and understand her side of the story. She knows what she did is wrong but she was thinking of herself and her child.”
Hayden nods his head. He is about to throw a bill on the bar to pay for the tab but I shake my head at him. “You sure? You just gave me your wisdom and now you want to pay for my drink?” Hayden raises an eyebrow.
I nod my head. “Just big brother things.” Hayden rolls his eyes and is about to turn away before I say, “You love her, Hayden, and she knows that. She is just scared that she loves you too much to let you go. Take your time with her, that’s what I did. Let her come to you.”
Hayden nods his head before walking away.
My phone rings and I see the name “Fawn” pop up. A smile makes its way to my face as I answer.
“Fawn.”
“Where are you? It’s late,” Jane says from the other side of the phone.
It sounds quiet which probably means the kids are asleep.
“I had to be with Hayden,” I explain to Jane. “He had a situation.”
“He always does. Is he okay?”
“Yea. He found out he has a kid so he’s taking it kind of rough.”
I explain the whole situation to Jane while she just listens and gives her input every so often.
After a while we just talk about our days. When she’s talking, I can’t stop smiling because hearing her voice is one of my favorite things. She has no clue how that sound gives me such a huge wave of euphoria. She talks about the kids and how their day was but I’m honestly just happily drowning in the sound of her voice for the rest of the phone call.