Chapter 47
Forty-Seven
Hayden
Present
Waking up alone in my apartment is what I’ve become used to after not living with people for a while.
I will say, it’s more peaceful and the mornings go by slowly which means I’m able to just relax and enjoy them.
But I’ll also admit that I miss someone waking up next to me.
A warm, specific body next to me to wake up with.
I could already imagine waking up next to Jaclyn in the morning and then a few minutes later, our children running into the room and jumping on our bed. Making breakfast and just spending the whole day together.
Being with her is a dream itself.
But I also can’t help but still feel pissed off that a motherfucker named Brandon had the chance to be a “father” figure to Junior instead of me.
The bag in front of me swings fast as Freddie tries to hold it still.
“What’s on your mind?” Freddie asks as he holds the bag. “Your punches seem nasty.”
Freddie doesn’t know about Junior or what the fuck happened in Italy with Jaclyn.
I haven’t talked to him since I left for Italy.
I stop punching the bag and try to control my breathing.
Every Friday morning, Freddie and I train together. Usually he is in Utah with his family but he flies out every Friday to check in on me and train.
I think I talk more to Freddie about things than I do with Carter.
I take off my gloves and walk towards the bench where my phone’s at. I unlock it and go to the camera roll, clicking on the most recent picture and showing it to Freddie.
He takes the phone and furrows his eyebrows at the photo I took of Junior when we were at the aquarium.
“His name is Hayden Junior Night. He is mine and Jaclyn’s kid.”
Freddie’s eyes widen as I expect them to and he looks up at me with a shocked expression. “Really?” I nod my head and take the phone from him.
“Yup. And I didn’t know about him until about four days ago.” I sit on the bench. “I’m pissed off about it. I want to be mad at Jaclyn for keeping him from me and allowing another guy to be a father figure in his life but at the same time I can’t. The whole reason why she couldn’t be with me or see me is because she was scared of me. After everything she went through five years ago, she’s scared of the danger I come with.”
“That’s understandable. I mean I feel for both of you.” Freddie sits down next to me on the bench. “It’s not fair for you to not be able to meet your child but I also understand why she would want to keep her distance. Son, I have no clue what they did in that room so I can’t really say much about her feelings.”
I nod my head lightly. “Yea. I just don't know how to feel. My emotions have been all over the place. Sometimes I want to argue with her and ask why she would keep me from having the family I’ve always wanted and then whenever I actually see her, I want to hold her in my arms and just protect her from everyone, including myself.”
“Did she tell you or did you find out yourself?” Freddie asks.
“I found out when I walked inside the hotel room and heard her talking to him.”
“Tell me about him.”
And I do.
I tell Freddie everything I learned about Junior when we were talking at the aquarium.
Junior’s favorite color is dark blue.
He loves cars which I’m not surprised about since his mother likes cars too.
He loves whenever Jaclyn reads him bedtime stories.
His favorite superhero is Spiderman.
His favorite movie is The Lion King, just like his mother.
Junior loves pasta, especially pasta that has cheese on it.
He has three friends in school. Matt, Josh, and Kyle.
My son has a crush on a girl already even though he is only four years old.
Her name is Scarlett and she has blonde hair. He told me he plans on marrying her and I just laughed at him when he said that.
He likes clownfish although he calls them Marlin because of the fish from Finding Nemo .
Freddie listens with a small smile on his face while I tell him all about Junior. I even have a smile myself that I didn’t even notice while talking about him.
I just love talking about Junior and the fact that I have a son.
Jaclyn and I talked about kids when we were together in college. Our plan wasn’t really to have kids right away. We were going to graduate, I was going to propose, then travel and enjoy life by ourselves before having kids.
“I want 3 girls and one boy. The boy first so that he can protect the girls,” I explain to Jaclyn.
We’re in bed right now as I hold her hand in mine and she is laying on my chest. I’m comparing our hand sizes because her hands are so fucking small compared to mine. I know Jaclyn loves how big my hands are because sometimes when she looks down at them, she’ll blush before looking away.
“I don’t think you can decide which is first, Hay.” Jaclyn looks up at me with a teasing smile.
“Well I happen to be a lucky person so I’m not worried.”
“I won’t be having four kids, Hayden.”
“We’ll see about that. What do you want?”
Jaclyn thinks for a little bit before replying with. “One boy and one girl.”
“Any name ideas?” I ask, kissing her shoulder.
“I like the name Sydney a lot. I also like the name River or Easton too.”
“Sydney is pretty.”
Jaclyn looks up at me again. “What about you?”
“I like the name Isabelle, Belle for short.”
“Like Beauty and The Beast.”
Because I can’t help it, I lean down and kiss her.
“Jaclyn and I talked about having kids. I just loved thinking about the future with her. I liked the fact that she was going to be pregnant with my kids and living in a house together just enjoying life.” I explain to Freddie. “I guess I just jinxed it.”
“The universe is a very weird thing and fate is even weirder. You guys were put in this position for a reason. You don’t ever know the reason but it happened and you both are trying to do better for each other and Junior. What do I always tell you?”
“Everything always happens for a reason,” I mumble while rolling my eyes.
Freddie always tells me this.
Whenever I win a fight, get in my weird moods when I met Rowan, etc.
Freddie always told me that everything had a reason.
Now looking back at it, Jaclyn told me her doctor told her the same thing when she found out she had diabetes.
Everything happens for a reason.
And sometimes we may never know the reason.
“Exactly. The universe or God or whoever is in charge of this life, they have a plan. Jaclyn and you are both strong. You both love each other so much. I can tell, Natalia can tell, your family, everyone who has met you guys can tell. I’m not worried and neither should you.”
I nod my head. “What if she doesn’t love me anymore? What if she leaves again?”
“She won’t. And if she does then she’s just scared. Just be patient and trust that everything happens-”
“For a reason,” I repeat with him, making him nudge my shoulder as we chuckle.