Chapter 46
Forty-Six
Jaclyn
Present
Watching Hayden hold Junior on his hip as they point to all the fish does something to me. Even seeing Hayden smile so wide when Junior yells at him to look at a certain fish or whenever Junior runs towards another exhibit and Hayden runs after him to make sure he doesn’t get lost.
Hayden has always been the protector type.
I, out of all people, should know.
Hayden would look over every so often and he would have a wide smile on his face showing me how much fun he’s having.
I can already see Hayden slowly starting to fall in love with Junior. It’s so easy to fall in love with Junior and his unique personality.
Seeing Hayden fall in love with Junior and show his protective side with him makes me want to fall in love with Hayden all over again.
I can’t stop smiling at them but inside I still feel guilty for having them be apart for so long.
I’m trying to make it up to not just Hayden, but Junior as well.
“How’s it going?” Brandon says as he walks up to me.
“Good. Junior is keeping him on his toes.”
Brandon wanted to give us some space in the morning for Hayden and I to tell Junior the news. He told me he would meet us at the aquarium a little bit later, which is now, making me realize how long we’ve been here for and how long I’ve been watching them and following them around.
We ate lunch before coming here. Hayden took us to a nice brunch place down the street from the apartment that he told me he would always go to.
“He looks happy,” Brandon says as he stares at the two of them. “It’s crazy how similar they look.”
“There’s no denying that he’s his son. His personality is also another indicator.”
“Junior looks like he’s having fun.”
He is.
But after all the meetings and hanging out with Hayden, what will happen?
That’s another thing I can’t stop overthinking about.
What will happen with Junior and I? What will happen between Hayden and I and the role he’s now playing?
There is still so much baggage and history that Hayden and I need to talk about and I know that it won’t be a pretty talk.
Hayden still doesn’t know about Junior's condition with his VSD or how he has to take meds.
It’s not a bad thing that he has his condition but Hayden should know.
And what will happen when Hayden eventually becomes more and more involved, especially with his lifestyle?
Do I want Junior to live the kind of life filled with people wondering about your every move or taking pictures everywhere you go?
“I can’t stop staring at them,” I admit. “It’s weird seeing them together. It makes me feel even more guilty with how happy both of them are.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty,” Brandon says but I don’t take my eyes off Hayden and Junior.
“I know, but after the conversation with Hayden, it opened my eyes to how selfish I was for not letting him know about Junior. I should have told Hayden.”
“You needed time to heal. If you told him, who knows what could have happened. It’s good that you both took time away from each other because that’s what you guys needed. Hayden may not agree because he doesn’t like spending time away from you but he needed that break too.”
“I know. It’s just hard to think that after seeing them together and how good they both are with each other.”
Hayden turns his head to me again and instead of smiling wide it drops and he’s glaring.
Shit.
Brandon.
“He doesn’t look very happy that I’m here.”
Even being far from him with people walking around us, I already know he is clenching his jaw.
Hayden puts on a mask and turns to Junior, asking him something. Junior looks up and smiles when he sees us.
Junior waves at Brandon making Brandon wave back.
“I never told him about you,” I admit. I look at Brandon and he’s now looking at me. “Sorry.”
Brandon sighs and nods his head lightly. “I have a feeling he’s going to threaten me or something.”
I shake my head. “I won’t let him. You’re my friend Brandon and a part of Junior’s life. Hayden will understand that.”
“I just don’t want him to think I’m taking his position.”
“He won’t. Trust me.” I look back at Hayden and Junior but instead of pointing to different fish, they are now walking up to us. I force a smile on my face. “All done playing baby?” I ask as they walk up to us.
“Yea. I’m tired and want to eat,” Junior says as he walks up to me and wraps his tiny arms around my legs.
“I did promise you cinnamon rolls, didn’t I?” I say, touching the strands of his hair once he’s close enough.
Junior smiles and jumps up and down. “Yes, yes, yes! And watch a movie! Spiderman!”
I look at Hayden and see him smiling down at Junior. But it’s not genuine. He’s just doing it so he doesn’t worry Junior.
“Okay, then we’ll head out.”
“Brandon!”
Junior runs towards Brandon and hugs his legs while Brandon hugs him back. I look at Hayden for a second but I swear in that second, I can see and almost feel how pissed off he is.
He’s glaring at Brandon and his jaw’s clenched.
“Let’s go, baby,” I say, moving away from Hayden to hold Junior's hand.
We eventually leave the aquarium in Hayden’s town car. I asked Hayden if we could give Brandon a ride since he lives in my complex.
Hayden didn’t like hearing that at all but then he looked down at Junior and said ‘yes’.
Hayden was still giving Brandon the stink eye while staying silent during the drive back to the apartment. Only talking and smiling to Junior.
“Can my papa come?” Junior asks once we get to the building.
I look at Hayden and see him staring at me. “I don’t think so, baby. Your papa has things to do for the rest of the night.”
“I’ll be here again tomorrow,” Hayden says, making Junior cheer and hug Hayden.
“You guys go inside and I’ll meet you up there,” I say to Junior and Brandon.
Junior lets go of Hayden and goes to Brandon. “Bye, papa! See you tomorrow!” Junior yells while waving goodbye.
I turn to face Hayden and see him glaring down at me.
Him glaring always reminds me of our times in college when he had a mad or serious expression on his face.
Or when he used to hate me and gave me these specific looks filled with lust but also hate.
“Brandon’s a friend. You don’t need to worry about him.”
Hayden shakes his head and walks closer to me. “I’m not worried about him.”
I furrow my eyebrows and my head tilts slightly. “Really?”
Hayden nods his head. “I know what I have and what he doesn’t. You and Junior are both mine and nothing will change that. I’m just not very happy with the fact that he probably got to experience what I should have been experiencing before me.” I’m about to say something but Hayden continues. “I know you needed to heal and to be away from me but I just hate the fact that I couldn’t experience Junior with you and growing a family. But that guy did,” Hayden says.
“I’m sorry,” I say, for the thousandth time this week. “I feel awful, Hayden, you have to believe me.” I look down at my feet, afraid to meet his eyes.
Hayden puts his hand on my cheek and makes me look up at him. “I know, Jaclyn. But I still can’t help but not be completely happy. Don’t get me wrong, I love Junior. I loved Junior before I even found out about him but I’m just not happy that I couldn’t love him or show him that love sooner.” I lick my bottom lip and nod my head lightly. “It’s going to take me time.”
I furrow my eyebrows and almost feel my heart break.
What does he mean by time?
He needs time to what?
To decide if we’re worth the trouble or the heartbreak?
He needs time to make sure I’m not going anywhere?
God, I hate the way he makes me feel, like I’m needy and desperate for his love and attention when I’m the one who fucked him over.
But instead of questioning him, I nod my head and take his hands off me.
“Goodnight, Hayden.”