Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
Jaclyn
“Wicked Games” by The Weeknd is blasting through the speakers as we walk through the club doors.
Clubs definitely have a different vibe than college parties. A lot more people are dressed up, hoping to find someone to go home with and all drinking alcohol at the bar.
None of us are twenty-one so me and Natalia drank at the house. I only had two shots because I felt Hayden’s eyes on mine and Natalia kept asking me if I should drink or not. I told them one drink was okay and that I would be basically normal.
I just wanted to be included with Natalia so that I could have fun with her.
Nothing will happen if I have one sip or shot. The reason I got admitted to the hospital was because I ate more than I should and I didn’t really control myself when it came to food. I can eat and drink whatever I want, I just have to do it in moderation and pay attention which I didn’t do last time.
Chris and Hayden are sober tonight like they always are. I know that Chris can’t drink because of football but Hayden said he just doesn’t drink much. I’ve seen him drink a few times but that’s it. He never gets drunk, only one drink to probably keep his mind at ease.
Thinking of Hayden makes me look at him walking behind me with Chris. Him and Chris are talking while looking around the club. Natalia is by my side with her arm hooked around mine. She is telling me about last New Years and how she spent it with Chris.
Things with Hayden have been different.
Being in Utah with him, he seems a lot nicer than usual which is unexpected and shocking but I like it.
He keeps staring at me across the room and sometimes when he would sit next to me at the table or the couch he would graze his finger on my hand or thigh lightly. They are soft and light touches but they make such a huge impact.
I haven’t taken off the necklace he gave me and whenever I’m standing in front of him he looks down at the necklace making his eyes fill with heat before looking at my lips and then my eyes. Him looking at me like that always sends chills down my spine and butterflies to my stomach.
I never know how to handle the way he makes me feel on the inside. It’s weird feeling all excited and tingling and I can’t help but love it.
He’s different from all the other guys I would be attracted to or like. In Hayden’s own way, he’s special.
He has this dark and mysterious aura that makes you want to know more about him.
“Jaclyn and I are going to dance. Wanna come?” Natalia turns around to look at them.
Hayden’s eyes go to mine before looking at Chris. “Go. I’m going to go to the bathroom really quick,” he says before looking at me once more and leaving to the direction of the bathroom.
Chris grabs Natalia’s hand and they go to the dance floor. I follow them, trying not to feel like a third wheel.
I wish that either Kayden or Max were here to dance and hangout with me. I feel awkward asking Hayden to dance because things between us just feel weird in general. I don’t know where we stand with one another.
Natalia wraps her arms around Chris and she dances with him while I close my eyes and try to block out the world. I dance to some song by The Weeknd they are playing.
Too many people are yelling and laughing, there is so much background noise .
This is why I want to drink whenever I go to clubs or parties because I’m too in my head. I can never just stop overthinking and have fun. My mind always has to ruin it.
My thoughts take over my mind often. It’s a never ending cycle with my mind and me. It feels like a burn in my head that never stops. It goes on and on until eventually I get worn out and need a break.
“You can try to block out the world but never me.” I hear his voice in my ear as his big, warm hands slide around my waist, pulling me into his hard chest. I rest my head on his chest and his lips trail down my neck, sending chills down my spine and a tingling sensation between my legs. “I’m always going to be here princess,” Hayden whispers as he finally presses his soft lips on my skin.
This is the first time a guy or anyone for that matter has touched me like this, put their lips on me like this and whispered to me the way Hayden is.
The cold air against my skin with his lips on me feel cold, sending shivers down my spine and make goosebumps rise on my body.
Everything eventually blocks out, except for Hayden touching me with the music in the background.
Hayden turns me around and I open my eyes, staring at him through my half lidded eyes. “I thought you weren’t going to dance?”
Hayden smirks, looking down at my lips. “Well I just can’t seem to leave you alone. ”
Hayden and I stand in the middle of the room, staring at one another for what seems like eternity. The way he stares at me is so intense I try not to blush or look away because whatever is happening, I want it to happen.
Damn my mind.
It doesn’t know what to do.
“You’re so confusing Hayden,” I mutter.
“And you’re goddamn maddening,” Hayden says before he pulls me in closer by the waist and covers my mouth with his.
Kisses with boys have never felt like this.
I remember my first time kissing a boy and I hated it. It was weird.
But kissing Hayden feels like everything is right. All I can say about kissing Hayden is that it feels way too good to stop. My eyes close and I freeze, making Hayden thrust his tongue inside my mouth, with an animalistic groan that sends pleasure through my body down to my core.
I feel like my whole body is shaking and I’m just going to burst. I kiss Hayden back, the only way I can. Light and soft even though his lips are attacking mine in a demanding and rough way, as if he is staking his claim in public.
His grip on my waist turns harder making me let out a sound against his lips.
Suddenly I'm back in that closet with his big hands and arms around me, blocking out the entire world and making my mind relax.
In the closet we were alone in the dark, hidden away from everyone else. It was so peaceful there.
Hayden nips my bottom lip slightly making me moan. “Fuck,” he curses before ripping his lips off mine.
I don’t know what’s happening, my mind is in a daze. He grabs my hand and pulls me out of the crowd.
I don’t pay attention to where he’s taking me, I’m too focused on what happened two seconds ago and I’m replaying every single second of it in my mind so I don't forget what a kiss is supposed to feel like.
I feel cold air hit my skin making me look around. Hayden is walking along the sidewalk with determined steps and I want to ask him where he’s taking us but I don’t care.
I think I would do just about anything with him if it meant feeling what I felt in a room full of drunk people who are lustfully dancing.
My back hits a cold wall and I see that we are in an alleyway, not a creepy one, more like a nice private one with lights and the kind you see in romance movies.
Four years ago we were in the same kind of situation, in an alleyway.
But Hayden wasn’t about to rock my entire world and make me feel special and like I’m the most important girl in the world .
I look at Hayden, about to ask him what we’re doing, when his soft, plumped lips attack mine again.
Pleasure jolts through me and I close my eyes, leaning into him. I grab onto his shirt tightly while opening my mouth to let him do what he did to me in the club.
His tongue is against mine, making pleasure burst beneath my eyes and between my legs. I press my thighs together and another sound comes out of me.
Hayden groans and grunts, pressing me against the wall harder. He’s roaming his hands all over my waist and thighs.
“God, you have no clue, Jaclyn,” he whispers against my lips.
I’m too focused on the way his lips feel against mine to give a shit what he said. All I know is I want to keep enjoying what he’s doing to me.
It feels so good, I don't ever want to stop.
I never thought kissing could feel so good.
Kissing Hayden is like air is being taken from my lungs and his lips on mine is the only way I’ll ever breathe.
Hayden leans away a little, kissing my lips once, twice. Three times before resting his forehead on mine. I open my eyes, slowly and he has his eyes closed, his eyebrow rings brushes against my skin making me shiver.
My heart feels like it’s going a hundred miles per hour and I try to slow down my breathing, thinking I’m going to die from not having enough air in my lungs. “Hayden- ”
“Go back inside,” Hayden says with a frustrated tone, leaning away from me.
I’m still against the wall while Hayden takes a step back from me.
Even though I can see him and reach out to touch him, I feel like he is so far away, physically and figuratively.
“Why? What happened?”
“Go inside, Jaclyn,” Hayden says, in a demanding tone. He looks straight at me, almost emotionless and like there is nothing beneath his eyes. I am about to say something else but he says, “What are you waiting for?”
I furrow my eyebrows, still in a daze and confused. “I’m waiting for you to tell me why you’re being rude and demanding all of a sudden as if I did something wrong.”
Hayden shakes his head lightly and licks his bottom lip. I look down at his hand which is in his pocket, making him look standoffish and unbothered but I know his hands are fisted.
“Maybe I just want to be alone and not followed everywhere by some desperate girl.”
My heart cracks and that little voice in my head starts yelling at me saying, “I told you.”
“What the hell is wrong with you? I’m not the one who made the first move, you did. If anyone is desperate it’s you, you fucking asshole.”
Hayden chuckles darkly. “You really think I made the first move just so I can take you in the back of an alley? No, princess, I did it to see how easy you are. It’s just like four years ago. I mean, let’s be honest, you probably would have let me up your dress, wouldn’t you?”
I can’t help but raise my hand and slap him on the side of his face. A single tear slides down my cheek, thank God the light in this alley is dim so he can’t see the pain and tears.
I don’t even know what to say to him and I can’t stand to look at him any longer. I get out of the space between him and the wall, leaving him alone in the alley.
Once again I’m that little teenage girl that no one wanted.
My mind does that overthinking thing and I desperately try not to cry because it’s the New Year officially.
I can’t cry at the beginning of the month.
It’s too early.