12. Chapter 12
Istand in the bathroom of Emma’s house and stare at the two pink lines.
How can I be pregnant? And who is the father?
Emma knocks, “Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” I choke out.
“Positive?” she asks.
I nod, holding the test, “Maybe it’s wrong.”
“That’s the fifth test you’ve taken,” she gestures to the four other positive tests scattered on her bathroom counter. “I think it’s safe to say you’re knocked up.”
“Okay.”
I let her lead me out of the bathroom and into her room. We lay side by side on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
“I have to tell them,” I say.
“There’s no law that says they have to know today,” she points out.
“They should know.”
“They should also be answering their girlfriend’s calls, but they haven’t been doing a great job of that lately, have they?”
She’s not wrong. Since moving to campus three weeks ago, contact with Cole and Foster has been sporadic. They have very little free time between their classes, homework, and hockey practices. Those weekends that we were supposed to spend together? Not one has happened.
I’ve been patient, giving them time to adjust. Their limited communication is still better than Talons radio silence. He sent several texts after returning to LA, but it’s been a couple of weeks of absolutely nothing now. I know hes alive, thanks to the band’s social media accounts. A baby could derail Cole or Foster’s pro hockey careers before they’ve even started. Talon won’t want to give up his new rockstar lifestyle for diapers and bottles.
Will they even want the baby? Will they even care?
Do I want this baby?
Yes. Absolutely
That answer comes quickly and without hesitation. I will raise my child and give it all the love in the world, whether their father is in our lives or not.
“I’m keeping the baby,” I tell Emma.
“Whatever you want to do, I’ll have your back. Your parents will, too.”
“I’ll talk to them after the guys. I need to see Cole and Foster. I need to tell them face to face, look them in the eyes. I can’t have this hanging over me for weeks or even days. Tomorrow is Saturday. I can drive, stay overnight if I have to, and return home on Sunday.”
“Do you want me to go with you? I work in the morning, but we can go after my shift.”
“No, I need to do this for myself and get it over with. I appreciate you so much. Thank you.” I give her a giant hug for being my rock all the time.
“You’re sure this is what you want to do right now?”
I nod, feeling more confident. “Yes. Once I talk to them, I can move forward.”
I leave Emma’s house and go home. My parents are happy and lighthearted. I try to match their energy but fail miserably. I go straight to my room, claiming a headache. It’s not a lie. My brain can’t wrap its head around anything right now.
I decide to cross Talon off my list since seeing him in person is impossible. He doesn’t answer my call, which is no surprise, so I send him a message. The emotional upheaval of the day has exhausted me, and I fall into bed. I check my phone one last time. He hasn’t even read my text message.
As soon as I wake up, I check my message to Talon. Its been read, but theres no reply. I send another one, then pack my backpack for an overnight stay. I let my parents know Im leaving to visit Cole, and they don’t argue but look confused. Before they ask too many questions, I hurry to my car and hit the road.
It takes me over two hours to make the drive to their campus. Its early afternoon, and though I have the name of their building, I need an access card to get inside. They’ve been ignoring my texts and calls. Just when Im about to turn around and tell them to fuck off, my phone rings. Its Foster.
Finally. Thanks for answering, I say, voice heavy with sarcasm.
What do you want? he asks harshly. He doesn’t sound like himself at all, but maybe it’s just a reaction to my snotty tone.
I soften my voice, Im here, and I need to see you.”
What do you mean? He sounds royally pissed off, making my hackles rise. This asshole has ignored me for months.
I mean Im waiting outside your building but cant get in.
He hangs up on me.
What the fuck?
Minutes later, Foster shows up at the glass entrance door on crutches.
What happened? I ask him, concerned. He’s never mentioned to me that he was hurt, and neither has Cole.
Just get inside. Well talk about it in our room.
I follow behind as Foster leads me down a hall and onto an elevator. We get off on the second floor. The hallways are packed with college boys, and he waves to quite a few as we pass. A few doors down, Foster stops and ushers me into their tiny dorm room. Inside are two twin beds, two desks, a futon, and a microwave on top of a mini fridge. There are pictures of hockey players and sexy women plastered on the walls. Foster gestures for me to sit on the futon as he sets his crutches aside and hobbles to one of the beds.
What happened to your leg?”
I hurt my knee during practice last week. Why are you here?
I need to tell you guys something, but it can wait. I want to know whats going on with your knee.
He shrugs like it’s no big deal, Torn meniscus, maybe some other damage.
I pester him with more questions. How long are you out for? Are you going to miss the next game?
The doctor thinks I need surgery. I dont know when or if Ill play hockey this season.
Its that serious?
It might be. And I never got to play in even one fucking game. But at least the pain pills are good.
His voice hasn’t lost its bite of anger. I don’t know what his problem is, but he’s obviously not happy to see me.
Why didnt you tell me? I ask quietly.
Why would I tell you?
He didn’t think of me when something this important happened to him because I am nothing to him.
Because, if nothing else, I thought we were at least friends. Maybe even a girlfriend,” I argue with him, but my heart isn’t in it. It’s broken in pieces at his feet.
Foster goes silent, and I fidget while I wait nervously. This is not the time to drop another bomb on Fosters life. I can tell that this injury has messed with his head.
A girlfriend, at least a real girlfriend, doesnt sleep around with many guys, he throws in my face.
That’s the final blow. I won’t tell him I’m pregnant like this with so much hostility coming from him. Hes not ready for that, and I cant sit here and take whatever fallout would come.
I want to escape this hateful version of Foster because I cant be around him anymore. “Do you know where I can find Cole? He didnt answer my call earlier.”
Hes at the ice rink, skating. Hell be there for about another fifteen minutes.
I stand up from the futon, I should go to meet him there and then head home before it gets too late. Take care of yourself, Foster. I hope all goes well with the knee.
Thanks. Good luck with Cole, he says, and I awkwardly walk away, feeling like Im closing the door on our relationship.
I turn the doorknob, ready to walk out when Foster calls me. Didn’t you have something to tell me?
Its nothing. Goodbye.
I walk out, and part of my heart stays behind with Foster Holland.
My chest aches after my encounter with Foster. Whoever I had just left was different from the boy I had spent the summer with. I’m already regretting my decision to drive all this way, making me apprehensive to find Cole. I can’t handle that kind of brush-off a second time.
I pull up to the ice rink only five minutes before his skate ends. I go inside and wait. A sweaty Cole emerges from the locker room about twenty minutes later and stops dead in front of me.
His face shows his shock, “Blake?”
I nod, “It’s me.”
He wraps me in a bear hug, and my body sags in relief. The boy I’ve known my whole life is holding me.
“What are you doing here? Why didn’t you call me?”
“I’ve been trying since this morning. I wanted to see you, needed to talk to you face to face.”
He looks at his phone, “Sorry, I must have missed them. I have my notifications turned off. How long have you been on campus?”
“Not too long. I got a hold of Foster and saw him first.”
As we’re talking, a small group of girls walks in. A tall, pretty brunette looks over at Cole and breaks away from her friends to come over.
“Spartacus, are you going to be at the party tonight?” she asks him with a flirty smile.
“I’ll be there, Hannah.”
“Can’t wait to see you,” she reaches out to squeeze his arm before going back to her friends.
I raise my brow at him, “Spartacus?”
“Because I used to be a Gladiator, get it? It’s what the guys on the team call me.”
“She’s on the team?”
“No, her brother’s a junior.”
The jealous bitch in me wants to come out and play, but I keep her locked down. Now is not the time to freak out over what is probably nothing. He didn’t act overly friendly with her.
“Is Foster okay? Really?” I ask him.
“This injury has him down a little, but he’ll be fine. He’s stressed that if he doesn’t get to play this season, his chances to get drafted will be shot.”
“Will they be?”
“It’s possible, but him sitting in the room and freaking out about it isn’t going to fix it. I’m guessing things between you didn’t go well?”
“No, I think we broke up. If you can break up in our situation.”
Cole looks around at the rink that has cleared out.
“I need to go back to the room and clean up. Then I need some food before that party. Did you want to stay?”
He might be polite like his mom raised him to be, but he obviously doesn’t want me to stick around. He knows my aversion to parties, and I won’t know anyone else there. I’ll ruin all his fun, and I can’t even drink.
This plan to come here and break the baby news is a bust. Cole doesn’t have time to have the conversation we need to have. I’ll have months to tell them and to get a paternity test. I’ll figure it out. Emma was right. There’s no hurry.
“No, you have fun tonight. I’m going to head home. Hopefully, I’ll make it back before it gets dark.”
“Send me a text to let me know you made it safe. It was great to see you. I hope we can get together soon. Maybe you can come to some of the games this season.”
“I’d like that.”
Cole pulls me into another hug and kisses the top of my head before walking away without an “I love you” or anything. My heart sinks as I walk back to my car. I take a deep breath once inside and let it out slowly. This day hasn’t gone the way I expected it to.
The road before me is blurry through the tears streaming down my cheeks. I swipe at them with my hand and keep driving. Cole and Foster’s dismissals have left me shattered.
Why couldn’t they have been happy to see me?
Foster was so cold, like I was a stranger. No, even worse than a stranger. He made me feel like I was a nuisance he needed to get rid of. Cole was distant even when he’d hugged me. Cole’s hugs were always my favorite, but that one was dead. I have no doubt that they’re lost to me now.
I’m afraid that if they find out about the baby, they’ll assume I’m using it to trap one of them into a relationship. I have no problem with raising this baby alone, and I will not beg for a scrap of attention from them.
My phone rings, breaking the silence in the car. I see that its Talon. He’s my last chance to save my day from total disaster. I pull off onto the shoulder and wipe away my tears.
“Hello,” I answer.
I hear music and what sounds like a lot of people yelling in the background, but no one is answering me.
“Talon, are you there?” I yell into the phone.
“Blake? Can you hear me?”
“Barely, can you move somewhere else?”
“Give me a minute,” he says, and I hear him moving.
The background noises get softer.
“I found a bathroom. What’s the big emergency that has you blowing up my phone?” Talon asks, and I can barely understand him. His voice is hardly audible, and he’s slurring his words.
“Are you drunk?” I ask.
“A little. The guys invited some people over.”
“Isn’t it like noon there?”
“They’re still going from last night. We finished recording the album and we leave on tour next week. We’re celebrating.”
“You’re not going to make it home before the tour?”
“Nah, I’ve decided to hang around here. Springbrook isn’t home anymore, and there’s nothing there for me.”
As if Cole and Foster may have implied, I was nothing to them, but Talon just came out and said it aloud. My chest constricts, and my vision blurs. I need to get off the phone and get home.
“Okay, I need to get off the phone. I’m driving.” I say to say to him, ready to hang up.
“What was the emergency?”
I’m surprised he even remembers what we were talking about.
“Nothing important. My parents are going to help me with it. Goodbye, Talon.”
I hang up and spare us both more of that awful conversation. I break down in my car on the side of the road. This whole day was cursed, and I want to get home, crawl into bed, and forget any of this ever happened.
Six Months Later
I wait in the car for my parents so that we can leave. Today is my twenty-four-week appointment with my OB, and my parents are coming to see the ultrasound. My dad is eager to see his grandson for the first time.
After today, my self-imposed deadline is up. I need to tell the boys about the baby. I also need to tell my parents that theres more than one potential father. I’m sure that will go over well. But that’s future me’s problem. Now, we need to make the hour-long drive to my doctor’s office.
Both of my parents come out of the house and get in the car. It’s already dark out, even though it’s barely past six. I took the last appointment of the day so my dad could come along.
“Are you going to call Cole as soon as we get home?” My mom starts on me as soon as we get on the road.
“Celia, give her a break. She’ll tell him when she’s ready. He’s the one who abandoned her. She owes him nothing,” My dad tells her.
I smile. My dad has been Team “Cole Sucks” since the day I gave them the cliff notes version of what happened between him and me when I visited. It was enough to stop them from hounding me about him every day. I appreciate his support now, but I also know that leaving this tension to fester will do no good in the long run. There are a lot of issues to be worked out before my son is born in a few short months.
First on my list is telling my parents that I’ll need a paternity test. Next is telling Cole because he’ll be the easiest to reach. He has a new girlfriend now, so that should be fun.
Nope, I can’t think about that.
Next, I’ll let Foster know and hope he doesn’t hate me. I’ve heard his hockey career is over, and I feel terrible for him. The final thing to do is try to contact Talon. I have no idea where in the world he is right now. I’ve deleted all my social media accounts to protect my mental health. I don’t need to see pictures of them all having a good time while I work my ass off to support my son. I’ve had to quit school and took a job at the grocery store. It blows my mind how much stuff a little baby needs. And it will only get harder when he gets here in just a few months.
I tune back into my conversation with my parents. “First thing tomorrow morning, I am giving Cole a call. But you have to remember that his actions against me have nothing to do with whether he will be a good father or not.”
“That’s a very mature way of thinking,” Mom tells me.
We’re still about thirty minutes away from Dr. Wilson’s office, and all I feel is anxiety about the mess my life will be tomorrow. I look down at Emmas text.
Emma: You there yet?
Me: On the way. I promised Mom I’d tell Cole tomorrow.
Em: And the other guys?
Me: Them too. I’ll get it over with.
Em: Good. I’ll come over and hold your hand. You’ll be ok. Love you, send me pics of my nephew.
Me: Love you too. I will.
A noise has me looking up and seeing the blinding headlights.
They change my life forever.
They take away my father…and my son.