30. Chapter 30
I’m lounging on the couch between Foster and Talon, watching a movie, when I feel Foster’s phone vibrate in his pocket.
I pause the movie and nudge him, “Your phone’s ringing.”
He pulls it out and looks at the display, “It’s my mom. I’m going to take this in the other room. You guys finish the movie.”
He leaves the room, and I press play. Talon scoots me into his side now that he doesn’t have to share. I lay my head on his chest. About half an hour later, Foster comes back in. He doesn’t look happy. I hit pause again and sit up.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him.
“My brother’s wife just gave birth. It’s another girl.”
Talon throws his arms up, “Why is everyone having babies?”
I give him a confused look over my shoulder before returning to Foster. “That’s great. Why don’t you sound happy?”
“I’m thrilled about being an uncle again. My parents want me to visit for Christmas in a couple of months.”
“How long has it been since you celebrated with your whole family?”
“I think it’s been three years.”
“Then you need to go. Family is important.”
He shakes his head, “Nope, not without you.”
“Am I invited?” I ask him.
He shrugs, “She didn’t not invite you”
I shake my head, “I can’t leave my mom alone for the holidays, but you need to see your family.”
He nods, “Maybe I need to make the case for our family dynamic again. They need to get over it before we have kids.”
I throw up my hands, “Whoa, no kids here for a very, very long time.”
“That’s what you think,” Talon mutters behind me.
“How long exactly is a long time with two verys? We’re not getting any younger here,” Foster adds.
I look between them, “What’s with all this baby talk?”
Talon shrugs, but Foster answers, “Just baby fever going around, I suppose. Cole has one, and now we’re jealous.”
“Guys get like that?” I ask, skeptical.
They both nod.
“Let’s table the kid talk for now, but not completely off the table?” I propose.
Both agree, and Foster sits back on the couch. I’m happily squished between the two of them. I love having the three of them in my life.
Even though Cole and I aren’t official again, I know I love him.
I couldn’t imagine picking just one to be with. I need them all, and if that makes me greedy and selfish, so be it.
Talon grabs me around the waist and pulls me back to lie with him. “Kitten, I can hear the thoughts running around in your head. Give it a rest.”
“Cole has a problem with his child’s family because of me. Foster has problems with his parents because of me. Maybe I’m just a problem,” I pout to him.
“I have no problems, so you should dump those two losers and stay with me. We’ll make all the babies.” Talon teases.
“You don’t have a problem yet. What about when the press gets a hold of the information? You could end up with the biggest problems of all,” I point out.
“Let’s not borrow trouble from tomorrow. We love you, Blake. You are the best part of my life. If it comes to choosing between my music career and you, I will always choose you.”
“That doesn’t seem fair since I can’t even choose between the three of you.”
Foster grabs my chin and makes me look at him, “Neither of us is asking you to. Ever. I chose you over my small-minded parents, and I will continue to do so over and over because I love you and don’t want to imagine a life without you in it. Cole can’t choose you over his son, and he knows you’d kill him if he even tried to. We love you, don’t get skittish on us when life gets just a little complicated.”
I sigh. He makes good points, but it doesn’t stop my anxiety from peaking.
I stumble into the house on aching feet after a day of shooting a wedding. It’s after midnight, and the house is quiet. Cole is staying the night at his moms house, trying to get in as much time with baby Connor before the back-to-back away games he has coming up. The custody arrangement with Hannah has been going well, though I have not spent time with them. Im still not ready, and Cole isn’t eager to rock the boat.
Assuming the other two are already asleep, I crawl up the stairs into my room. I debate just throwing myself in bed, but my skin is tacky from sweating all day, so I opt for a shower first. I quickly get in and out, throw on a towel, and leave my ensuite for the bedroom. Finding Talon perched on the end of my bed startles me. He looks up at me, in only a towel, then back down at his hands.
Whats up? I ask him, suspicious that he hasnt gawked or made any sexual innuendo.
Ive finalized the dates for the winter tour, he answers, still not looking up at me.
Thats good, right? You guys have been putting this together for the last few weeks.
I go over to my dresser, slide my underwear under the towel, remove it, and pull on a T-shirt to sleep in. It doesn’t seem like the best time to be flashing him my nakedness. He looks distraught.
It is good. Ill headline shows in the best smaller venues nationwide.
Isn’t that what you wanted? Did you want to do something bigger?
He shakes his head, No. I love to do more intimate performances, especially with this album.
I sit on the bed beside him, Sooooo, then why cant you even look me in the eye?
His head snaps up, Sorry, Im just nervous.
I throw my hands up in the air. Talon, you are frustrating me beyond belief. This isn’t you. Can you just tell me what’s wrong with you
Do you want the list alphabetically or chronologically? he asks.
I reach behind me for a pillow and hit him with it, and he laughs.
At least you can smile now. Talk to me, please.”
He sighs, The tour is going to be three months long, from December through March.
Straight?
No, theres breaks in there. But I promised you that youd be my priority. We wouldn’t be separated much, but now I’m going out on the road for months. And Vic wants me to do Australia in the Spring. My numbers are outstanding over there.
I take his hand in mine, Is this what you want?
I dont want to be away from you for this long. But the fan response is great, and theres demand for me everywhere.
Thats not a bad problem to have. If this tour is what you want to do, well figure it out. Winter will be slow for photography. I could visit you here and there. We can make it work.
He lets out a long breath. You dont need to be so damn understanding. I know that this upsets you. I want you to feel comfortable enough with us, with me, to express that.
I take a second before I reply, Youre right. It terrifies me that youll be away from me, where I cant hold, kiss, and be around your energy. I will miss you a lot. But I also know thats what comes with being in love with someone who belongs to his fans, too. We can handle this.
He jolts forward, bringing his face to mine. I feel his breath touch my lips before he talks, I belong to no one but you. I love music, but I need you, Kitten, to breathe.
That doesnt sound healthy, Talon.
He huffs a laugh, Healthy or not, youre stuck with me.
He kisses him softly before pulling away, Go on your tour. Go to Australia. Live your dream. But stay true to yourself and me. Come back to me every chance you get. That’s the beauty of this relationship. Ill still have two other boyfriends here to keep me from going crazy without you.
He nods, If its not working for you at any point, I need you to let me know.
I hold up my pinkie in the air, Pinkie swear.
He wraps his around mine, smiling at me.
I sit in the passenger seat of Coles car, watching the cars and trees as they pass us by. Cole puts his hand on my knee, stopping it from bouncing.
Are you sure you want to do this? he asks me.
Were halfway through the forty-five-minute drive to Hannahs parent’s house to pick up Connor. I cant avoid Cole’s son if I want a long-term relationship with him. It’s been almost a month since he was born, and it’s time to face that head-on. Over this month, the two of us have been moving closer and closer to where we were before. The fact that he wasn’t upfront about everything still hurts, but I’m moving past it.
Blake? Are you sure about this? I can always take you back home, Cole says again, bringing me out of my thoughts.
I shake my head, No, youll lose time with him if you take me back. Ill be fine.
He squeezes my thigh again, I somehow dont believe you.
Is this going to hurt? Probably. But I need to push through. Hes just a baby. Hes part of you, so I know hes amazing. I need to get over it.
I will never tell you to get over it. I hurt you and destroyed us twice now. I dont deserve your forgiveness, but I am delighted youve given it to me. I wont push you for anything youre not comfortable with.
I place my hand over his, Im okay.
We dont say anything else, riding in comfortable silence until we pull up in front of a large house. I would have called this a mansion before I moved in with Talon. Cole gets out and waits for me, wrapping my hand in his when I meet him. We walk up together, and he rings the doorbell.
Hannah answers the door with a scowl, What is she doing here?
Cole rolls his eyes, Shes my girlfriend, and shes going to spend the day with us. I want my son now.
Im not letting him go with you and her. Its against our agreement.
Its absolutely not. You’ll have to drag me back to court if you want it to be. Do you want that?
Hannah stands there silently. I hear her mom yell for her to let us in, so she steps aside. Cole leads me into their living room, where baby Connor lies in a bouncy seat, cooing at his grandma. She looks up and gives us both a small smile.
Im frozen, staring at the miniature version of Cole. I knew they looked alike, seeing pictures after every visit, but I wasnt prepared to see the reality. His clear, sky-blue eyes stare at me like hes taking me in too. Cole was right, his nose is an exact replica of his dad’s. I meet Coles gaze and give him a shaky smile, trying to reassure him Im fine but probably failing. He squeezes my hand that hes still holding, and I squeeze back.
Mom, tell him he cant take Connor with her.
The older woman stands and turns to her daughter, Hannah, you are being unreasonable. Nothing in the agreement you both agreed to states she cant be present for Coles visits. It is time for you to grow up. Your relationship with Cole is over. He has someone new. As a parent, you need to do whats best for your child, and right now, that is making sure he gets time with both parents. Legally, there’s nothing we can do about her lifestyle.
Her disapproval is clear, but she’s not arguing against Cole taking Connor, so I keep my mouth shut. Hannah is quiet, eyes wide in disbelief, staring at her mom.
Fine, but if I find out shes a danger to him, I want her to stay away.
Everyone agrees with that. Hannah and her mom pack a backpack full of the supplies he’ll need as Cole picks Connor up and places him in the car seat. He takes the bag from them, and we return to the car. Cole clicks the car seat into place in the backseat, facing the rear window. He hangs some toys from the handle, squeezing them to make them squeak. He comes back around and takes the drivers seat.
Look at you, all domesticated, I tell him with a smile.
He smiles back at me before his face goes sad. He was supposed to be ours.
No more. None of us can live in these what-ifs of the past anymore. We need to move forward with what life is. Hes yours, and he looks perfect to me. Its time for us to quit looking back.
And just like that, I have accepted this new reality for myself and the family we have built.