29. Chapter 29
Since my alarm woke me up about four hours ago, I’ve been at my computer editing photos. After a week back in the house, I still have work to catch up on. My back is stiff from sitting, and my stomach rumbles, so I head downstairs to grab a snack. Cole is sitting at the counter when I reach the kitchen, staring into space. The last few days have gone well. My relationships with Talon and Foster are solid. Cole came back yesterday, but we haven’t talked.
“Are you okay?” I ask him quietly, careful not to startle him.
He doesn’t react. I go into the cupboard to find some cookies and grab a bottle of water from the fridge. Still, he sits and stares. I lean onto the counter across from him and wave my hand before his face. He blinks and focuses on my face.
“What’s going on?” I ask him.
“Hannah’s mom called. She’s at the hospital. She’s in labor.”
“Isn’t this too early?”
“Yeah, by five weeks. The doctors are saying the baby should be fine. Maybe a short hospital stay.”
Are you going up there?”
He shrugs, “I don’t know what to do. It might not be my baby. It’s probably not.”
“But there’s a chance it could be. Did she even contact the other potential fathers?”
“Not that I know of.” He stares out the windows into the yard again, and I let him collect his thoughts. No matter how I feel, he must figure this out alone.
“Will you go with me?” Cole asks me, then grimaces. “Sorry, that’s not fair of me to ask you. I know that would be extremely hard for you. Forget I asked.”
I reach across the counter and place my hand on his, “If you need me there, I will be.”
Cole gives me a small smile, “You’re amazing, do you know that? I have to leave for practice in a minute. Her mom is going to keep me updated.”
“That’s great. You’re making the right decision. I know you’d regret not seeing your son after he’s born. If he’s not yours, there’s nothing lost by being there.”
He nods, “You’re right.”
He stands from his stool, comes around the island, and hugs me. We still have a lot to say, but I hope we can make our way back to being friends again.
Hannah gave birth to her son, Connor Michael, at around two in the morning. after being in labor for over eighteen hours. I’m with Cole six hours later as he pulls into the hospital parking lot. I don’t know what kind of shitshow awaits us upstairs.
“Her mom said she’s on the fourth floor, but the baby is in the NICU on the fifth. I can’t see the baby without Hannah present.”
I see his hands shaking and take them in mine, “Everything is going to be okay, no matter what.”
His blue eyes soften when they look into mine, and he lets out a breath, “Let’s get this over with.”
We walk into the hospital and take the elevator to the fourth floor. We find Hannah’s room easy, but I hesitate to walk in. I know that my presence won’t be welcomed. Cole takes my hand and drags me with him.
“Cole, you’re here,” Hannah says in a tired voice. She lays in the bed in a hospital gown. I expect her to look worn from her hours of labor, but she looks good. When she sees me, her eyes narrow, and her face reddens in anger. “What is she doing here?”
An older woman, who I’m assuming is her mom, tuts. “Hannah, we’ve talked about this.”
And then a miracle happens: Hannah shuts her mouth.
The woman stands and hugs Cole, “I’m glad you came, son. Hannah will be discharged tomorrow morning, but Connor has to stay for at least a week. His lungs are mostly developed, and he looks healthy otherwise. We can do the paternity test and have it back tomorrow. Hannah can take you upstairs to see him now.”
She turns to me, “Hi, I’m Hannah’s mother, Cheryl.”
“I’m Cole’s friend, Blake.”
“Yes, I know. You can’t go with them, but you can stay here with me.”
I nod, letting go of Cole’s hand to sit on the bench on the other side of the room. Hannah gets out of bed and leads Cole out of the room. Cheryl says nothing to me while we sit in the room together. I occupy myself by checking emails, messaging the other guys, and playing games on my phone. About an hour later, they’re back.
Neither of them looks happy. Cole says nothing to Hannah. He politely says goodbye to her mother, takes my hand, and pulls me out of the room. We walk briskly out of the hospital without him saying a word. He’s silent until we get in the car when he throws his head back against the headrest and sighs.
“He has my nose,” he says quietly. He looks over at me, regret written all over his face. “I know that it doesn’t mean shit, but I think he’s mine. They swabbed my test.”
My throat has gone dry, so I clear it before I can speak. “Okay. Then you should contact a lawyer and figure out what to do from here.”
“I don’t know if I can do this alone,” he admits.
“You’re not alone. You have your family.”
“But I don’t have you,” he points out.
I gesture to myself, “Am I not here?”
“As a friend.”
“That’s all I can give right now, Cole. You know that.”
“Right now?” he asks, sounding hopeful.
“Right now. No promises.”
He nods, “I’ll take it. I know I have more groveling to do. I am sorry that I lied and I hurt you.”
“Let’s just focus on one thing at a time right now.”
He nods, “Okay, just know this isn’t over.”
The next afternoon, the paternity test results confirm what Cole had already suspected. He has a son by a woman who isn’t me. Though he was almost sure of it, I had held out hope. And that hope was crushed, leaving a hole inside of me. Teenage me had dreamt about building a family with Cole, but now another woman has given him his firstborn.
It’s been a week since his son’s birth, and we’re again on our way to the hospital. I’ve supported Cole in any way he’s needed, giving gentle advice when asked or holding his hand when his feelings become overwhelming. There have been times when I couldn’t be strong anymore, and Foster or Talon have stepped up. They remind me that taking care of my own emotions is not being selfish. They’ve also been great friends to Cole. I want to think that this experience has shown us all what good can come from our group dynamic.
Cole’s been back a couple of times with his mom to visit baby Connor, but I haven’t returned until today. This isn’t just a visit and a time for them to discuss custody arrangements going forward. Everyone involved wants to keep things out of the courts as much as possible. The goal is an agreement reached on amicable terms.
We make our way to the fifth floor, where Hannah waits for us in the hallway wearing an everyday outfit of leggings and a hoodie. “They moved him to the regular nursery downstairs. They’re hoping to discharge him in two days. There’s an empty waiting room down the hall, though, where we can talk.”
She doesn’t acknowledge me but also doesn’t give me murder eyes, so I’m taking that as a win. We get to the room where her parents are waiting and greet each other before taking our seats.
“Thanks for meeting me here. I wanted to get a few things straight before Connor leaves the hospital. I will care for my son, providing anything he needs or wants. Based on my income, I will comply with the courts requirements. I will pay my share of any of the medical expenses. I will not, however, pay a large lump sum for the right to see my child. I’m confident the court will be on my side of that argument.”
I watch Hannah’s mom look surprised before giving Hannah an angry look. Hannah thought she could get a chunk of money out of Cole. I know she’s still begging him to marry her, worried that she won’t be able to find anyone else now that she’s a single mother. He’s turned down all her advances.
Cole continues talking when no one argues, “I know my unusual schedule and the fact that he’s infant will make custody difficult. I want to spend at least three days a week with him when my schedule permits.”
“You can come to spend time with us whenever you want,” Hannah says.
He shakes his head, “No, my custody time is mine. I will take him back home with my family to spend time together. At least a couple of hours.”
“You can’t do that. Your visitation must be done together,” Hannah argues.
Her mom, Cheryl, steps in. “No, Hannah. Cole has no reason for supervised visits and has every right to spend time with his child however he wants, just like you.”
Hannahs smile turns devious before she points to me, “You don’t want your grandchild spending time with that tramp. She has multiple boyfriends, and they all live together with Cole. Their home is not fit for a child to be around.”
The woman gives me a disgusted look, “That changes things. She’s right. That is no lifestyle for an innocent child to be involved with.”
Cole’s face turned red with anger, and he opened his mouth to attack them both, but I squeezed his knee. No way will I let my decisions affect his relationship with his son.
“Would it be acceptable for Cole to spend time with Connor at his mom’s house? It’s a compromise for the two of you,” I asked, hoping to appease everyone.
Hannah looks at Cheryl, who nods. “That would be fine.”
Cole looks at me, still angry, then back at Hannah. “That will work for now, but you must get over this. Blake will always be in my life. I love her. I’m going to go see him.”
I don’t resist when Cole grabs my hand and drags me out of the room. We don’t halt until we reach the elevators.
“Why did you let them shit all over you like that?” he asks me harshly.
“Because most people are going to feel that way about my love life, and I’m not risking you getting into a giant fight for custody. Why did you stir shit up more by declaring your love for me?”
The elevator opens, and we both step inside. I press the four button, and Cole barely waits for the doors to shut before he crowds me against the wall. “Because it’s the truth. We might be doing this friend thing for now, but I promise this won’t be forever.”
“You don’t know that,” I retort.
He hits the button to stop the elevator. “I know that you are mine. I know you date and love my friends, but you were mine first and will always be.”
He slams his mouth on mine, cutting off any argument I could make. The kiss is hard and claiming. His body crowds mine. I can feel his hardness pressed into me. I weave my hand into his hair and grind myself on him, kissing him back just as brutally until I come to my senses and shove him away.
He backs away. His chest is heaving, “You’re mine, Blake. Say it.”
I shake my head, still catching my breath.
He leans in again, but not as close. “I love you. I know I royally fucked up, and you have every right to tell me to fuck off, but I can’t do any of this without you by my side. Please.”
The pleading in his blue eyes makes my heart clench, but I’m not ready to forgive him yet.
“Let’s go see your son,” I say to him instead, punching the button to get the elevator moving again. It takes only a second for it to reach the floor and the doors to open. We find a nurse and get directions to the nursery. There, I stop at the door.
“Are you not coming?” he asks me.
I shake my head, “I’m not ready,” I tell him.
His face relays his sadness, but he doesn’t push me.
I wait for him in the hall, unsure how to feel about everything that has been thrown at me. Once I lay eyes on Cole’s son, I’ll be a complete goner, and I can’t handle that right now.