28. Chapter 28
When I walk through the garage door and into the kitchen, I’m almost shocked that no one is there waiting for me. Not that I expect them to be puppies, wagging their tails and ready to jump on me because I came home, but I expected…something. With all the cameras and security notifications, I know someone knows Im here. I cant decide if Im relieved or disappointed.
I look around the empty kitchen. It’s clean, and everything is precisely as it was when I left three days ago. I want it to look different because I feel different standing here. I remember being so happy here while cooking with Foster, throwing food together for Talon, and sharing kisses with Cole after realizing our relationship wasn’t doomed. Instead of that, Im full of hurt and never-ending sadness.
Hello, I call out, and my voice echoes back to me. Truly, no one is home. I take out my phone and check for messages. After not answering for days, they’ve stopped sending them.
Have they given up on me so quickly?
I drop my phone on the counter and my duffel bag on the floor. I dont have the energy to climb the stairs, especially when I’m not sure I’m staying. Instead, I go into the fridge, grateful its always well stocked. I grab a beer in each hand. I pop the top and drink the first completely while standing there. I grimace. The flavor is not my favorite, but Im not drinking for enjoyment right now.
With my second beer in my hand, I walk to the family room and throw myself on the couch. I open the bottle and just take a sip, slowly drinking this one.
I havent rehearsed what I want to say to these men. I was hoping that when I see them it will just come to me. I’d know if I could forgive them or if it was time to cut and run. This time, there will be no more chances. We’ll be over for good. That thought makes my heart hurt. I was so happy with them until it crashed.
I finish beer number two and return to the kitchen for another and a bag of chips. I sprawl out on the couch, eating and drinking while the sun sets outside. My eyes start to feel heavy, so I close the bag and finish my drink before setting everything on the coffee table and cuddling up. I didnt sleep well while staying on Emmas couch, and now its catching up to me.
Something awakens me with a start. The room is in complete darkness, but I know someone is there with me. I sit up quickly, making my head spin a little.
Whoa, take it easy, Blake, Foster tells me. Hes cleaning the mess of garbage I left on the table. Was this all you? he asks.
Yep. That was my dinner, I answer, then get up and go to the bathroom. When Im done and return, Foster has picked up the mess I made and is sitting on the couch, waiting. I sit down on his left, leaving an empty cushion between us.
Are you okay? he asks me.
Foster, I—
He cuts me off, No, we dont have to talk now. Its late, and I know you’re out of it. It can wait until tomorrow. I want you to know that Im so sorry for keeping things from you. I need to know youre okay.
I cant answer him because I start crying. Huge sobs wrack my whole body while a waterfall of tears falls. I try to speak but cant get past the lump in my throat.
Please let me hold you, he begs me. I promise I wont assume this means Im forgiven. Its killing me watching you cry like that.
I give in, scooting close enough that he scoops me up and settles me in his lap. He holds me to his chest, rubbing circles on my back with his hands, comforting me through my breakdown. When the tears slow, I pull back. He brushes the hair out of my face and kisses me on the forehead.
Sometimes it feels like my grief cracks my chest wide open. The wound bleeds out everywhere. Why did I survive, but my child inside of me and my dad had to be taken from me?
I dont know. I dont know why we sometimes lose the ones we love too soon. Has Hannahs pregnancy triggered you? I was afraid of that.
A little, but it’s not the only thing. You guys were gone, and it was thinking about back then, when you guys left me. Emmas pregnant again. Its been a lot. Sorry, I’m unloading on you.
Lets get a few things straight, pretty girl. Foster holds up a finger, One, no apologies. I will always be someone you can come to with whatever you feel. He adds another finger, Two, we did not abandon you this time. You walked out on us. I dont blame you, but weve been waiting for you. Another of his fingers is added. Three, Im sure Emmas pregnancy, on top of everything else, was a lot. I know youre happy for her, but its okay to be sad, too. I know you know that. And one last finger goes up, Four, this is why I didn’t want to tell you about Hannah myself. I knew it would be hard on you, knowing she’s pregnant with Coles son. In my defense, I tried to get him to tell you repeatedly. Both me and Talon did, but he kept finding reasons not to. Thats between the two of you.
I give him a light kiss, Thank you for this. I want to go to sleep now.
He takes my hand before I walk out, Okay, pretty girl. Please dont shut me out.
I wont. Well talk tomorrow, I promise him. I grab my duffel bag and go upstairs to my room. I pass out as soon as my head touches the pillow.
I’m up late the following morning with an emotional hangover. I regret my choices from the night before. Dragging myself out of bed, I hit the bathroom and then head out to find the guys. I’m ready to finish this and move on with my life.
The smell of bacon wafts up to me while I skip down the stairs. At least one of them is in the kitchen. When I get in there, Foster is in front of the stove, wearing just a pair of blue basketball shorts hanging low on his hips. His sculpted back makes my mouth water.
“You just going to stand there and gawk?” he asks without turning around.
“Nope,” I answer, taking a stool and seeing that along with the bacon he’s cooking, there’s a bowl full of scrambled eggs with ham and cheese, a stack of buttered toast, and a jelly jar. “This isn’t your usual breakfast.”
“I know, this one’s for you. I’m apologizing with food and sexual favors... if you’ll let me.”
He turns away from the stove with a platter of bacon he adds to the spread. He hands me an empty plate and a fork. “Enjoy.”
He sits on the stool next to me as I load my plate with all the goodness in front of me.
“Hungry?” he asks.
“Starved. Dinner last night sucked.”
I notice a few red marks on his chest, “Wasn’t a great idea to fry bacon shirtless.”
He shrugs, “Not my best, but it got you to ogle me, so I won’t complain.”
I snort and shovel in more food. “Talon downstairs?” I ask him.
“No, he’s out in California. Vic booked him some shows on the East Coast, including a reunion gig with his bandmates tonight for charity. He’ll be home the day after tomorrow. Cole is on a three-game road trip. He’ll be home next week. It’s just you and me, pretty girl. Is that okay?”
I smile at him, “That’s wonderful, just like the food. Thank you.”
I finish eating, with Foster practically watching my every move. When my plate is cleaned, he takes it and puts it in the dishwasher before leading me into the family room. We sit side by side on the couch this time, and he takes my hand in his, tangling our fingers together.
“I just want to say again how sorry I am. I was trying to protect you, but I see how that is wrong. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known. You have been through so much, but continue to power through with your head held high.”
“I’m not strong at all. Everyone tiptoes around me like I will shatter from any little thing. I did about shatter last night.”
“Being strong doesn’t mean you don’t break down ever. It means you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back out there. You don’t have to do it alone anymore. Even if it’s just as friends, I will always be here for you.”
“There were times, right after the accident, when I didn’t want to pick myself up anymore. My life seemed like it was just never-ending sadness, pain, and struggle, and I didn’t want to continue. I dont think I would have made it if my mom didn’t need me to help her with almost everything those days. Once she had healed enough that she didn’t need me, life was feeling less bleak.”
Besides a therapist I’d had seen for a couple of years after the accident, I had never admitted the feelings I’d had back then to anyone else. A weight was lifted from my shoulders.
“I understand, pretty girl. After my injury, I was in a dark place. I was angry with the world. I’m sure you remember what a dick I was. When the final determination was made that I would never play professionally, it hurt to watch my friends and teammates move on with their dreams while I sat on the sidelines. I leaned too much on the pain pills and became dangerously addicted. I was lucky that one day, I woke up and saw what I was becoming and where I would be headed if I didn’t change something. I flushed the pills down the toilet and got myself clean. I learned about nutrition and found a new way to engage with the sport I loved, but it was difficult to get there.”
He takes my face in his hands, “I know what you mean by life being just an endless loop until I found my way back to you. You’ve brought a light back to it that I was too busy to see was missing. I’m glad you found a way to survive those years because I don’t want to be a part of a world you’re not in. I love you, Blake Knox, and I will jump through any hoops you want me to as long as you’ll still be mine.”
“I love you too. A part of my heart will always be yours. I’m sure it always has been. Can you kiss me now?”
“Absolutely,” he whispers before he takes my lips with his, and it feels like coming home.
The two days I spend hanging around the house with Foster are blissful. We reconcile all over the enormous house. We have to part today because he has practice with his team, so we’re making breakfast in the kitchen. I sit on the counter, with nothing on but his T-shirt and goofy smile, and eat my cereal. He leans across from me, taking the last bite of an apple before he throws the core in the garbage.
When he’s done, he steps between my legs. “I’m sure going to miss you today, pretty girl. What are you up to?”
“I have an engagement session to edit. Thanks to somebody, I’m a little behind. I need to play catch-up.”
He leans in for a kiss. I was expecting a quick goodbye, but the kiss heats me up. It’s disappointing that we don’t have time for another make-up session.
The sound of the front door opening breaks us apart. I hear footsteps and a suitcase rolling our way. Talon walks in and stops in the doorway to the kitchen. His black hair is sticking up all over his head, and he has dark circles under his eyes. He smirks when he sees us.
“Well, isn’t this a lovely sight to come home to? Don’t you have somewhere to be, though?” He pushes Foster aside, taking his spot between my knees. “It’s my turn with our girl now.”
“She’s not your girl again until you get on your knees and apologize,” Foster tells him.
Talon raises an eyebrow, “You did it on your knees? I can do that.”
He starts to kneel, but I grab his shirt, pulling him back up. “Not so fast. We have talking to do.”
I lean to the side to tell Foster, “I love you. Have a great day with your team.”
He leans in for another kiss, “I love you too. You have a good day with this schmuck.”
He smacks Talon on the back, then walks out of the room.
“Finally, I have you all alone. I took the earliest flight I could. I missed you, Kitten. Please don’t do that to me again. Be mad, fight, and rage at me, but don’t freeze me out.”
“I’m sorry for that. I just needed to be alone with my thoughts for a while.”
“I understand. Next time, check in occasionally so I know you’re okay.”
“Can we not do this here, with my bare ass pressed against the cold counter?”
He throws his head back, looks at the ceiling, and groans. “You’re naked underneath that shirt? Are you sure we can’t skip the talking for now?”
“Nope.”
“Fine,” he slides his hands under my butt, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He walks us towards the family room. The tips of his fingers wander, grazing my pussy.
I slap his chest, and he smiles, “I can’t help it. You’re wet for me, and it’s driving me nuts.”
I roll my eyes, “You’re incorrigible. Talk. First.”
When we get in front of the couch, he lets me go, and I flop down on the soft cushions. He sits down practically on top of me.
“Oh no, scoot one seat over.”
He mumbles something under his breath but complies. “I’m sorry about what went down, Kitten. I know you were blindsided. It wasn’t fair of us to keep you in the dark like that. Honestly, it was Cole’s fuck up, so he was the one who needed to man up and tell you about it. Foster and I nagged him incessantly, but he wouldn’t budge. He’s almost as stubborn as you. I love you and never meant to hurt you with my silence.”
“I accept your apology, Talon.”
He smiles before he tackles me on the couch, kissing me while his hands wander underneath my shirt.