Blindly Yours

27 | New years

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The days that lead up to new years feel like torture. They pull and drag and wind on and on, forcing me to waste my thoughts on Nolan's promise.

Midnight.

At midnight he'll kiss me.

It feels like a fairytale, not my best friend's brother who I let stick his finger down my throat and I also partially rode finally kissing me in a dingy field. Because it is a field, the one where they always have fireworks at midnight every year.

Most of the time we gather with the rest of the townsfolk, huddled up warm to watch a shitty firework performance that is only just enough to make it worth going to every year.

It's a little different today, though.

Brandon Wright, a kid we went to high school with, lives in a huge fucking house on a hill overlooking the firework field. His family's loaded, his dad owns half the new fancy construction on the south side of town. He's hosting a party this year, one which Cole managed to score us invites to.

It's apparently some sort of makeshift high school reunion, one that I'm not majorly interested in going to. I'm boring, my friends now are the same as they were in high-school, everyone else, including Bradley, seem like huge assholes to me.

But a party means a lot of people, a lot of drunk people, which will make finding and having a moment alone with Nolan much easier for me.

I blink down at my phone, at the messages still coming through. My heart stalls in my chest, caught between the reality of what'll happen tonight and the fear that for whatever reason, Riley will find out and this whole thing will come crumbling down.

Me: Are you sure you'll be able to stay away from her?

Nolan: Stop worrying, pretty girl.

Me: Don't do anything stupid.

Nolan: I promise you, everyone will be too wasted to notice me.

I hope he's right.

I blink my eyes upwards, gaze connecting with myself in the mirror.

My fingers smooth down the sparkly, navy halter top around my neck, slightly cropped and showing part of my belly button.

A black skirt rests below that, short, too short.

It curves dangerously around my ass, leading down to my bare legs and bottom of my thighs.

I'll be freezing my ass off, but that's the spirit of new years.

My blonde waves are curlier, falling in layers around my face and matching the hoops dangling from my ears, bigger than I'm used to. Smoky eyeshadow brushes the hoods of my eyes, making them sharper, more alluring. My lashes are darker, longer.

I look different.

I'm dressed like I was at that photoshoot, purposely.

For once, I don't hate looking at myself. Maybe Nolan's pretty girls have gone to my head, maybe it's the way he looks at me like I'm eating him alive or maybe it's just us in general. The excitement, the desire, the need.

It makes me feel playful, fun again. It makes want to wear things that make me look good, feel fucking sexy because I deserve to. There was a short time I didn't care in college, before I dropped out, and as stupid as I was, the freedom felt exhilarating.

I still don't fully feel like the girl with a ring of dark eyeliner and a dark red, shiny lipgloss but I'm getting closer to being able to channel her, at least temporarily.

Feeling odd about my appearance for years on end can't just disappear in one night, especially not because my relationship with a man has given me a confidence boost.

But I want to try, for myself, for the girl that deserves a break.

My phone buzzes beside me, an unexpected following message from Nolan. I hate that an almost giddy smile overtakes my face.

Nolan: Can I see you?

I stare at the words. He wants a photo.

Me: You'll see me tonight.

I place the phone down, hoping that'll discourage him enough. I sent him one only slightly sexy photo drunk and now he expects one any time I'm stupid enough to think it's a good idea.

A second later it buzzes again.

Nolan: It's not enough.

Greedy bastard. I roll my eyes. He'd smirk at me if he saw it.

Me:Patience.

If he's making me wait this long, after everything, then he can handle a few more hours too.

I take a few more minutes to glare at myself, rearrange loose curls, adjust my bra straps, then I take a deep breath and walk down the stairs.

The second I open the front door Riley's mouth drops open, her eyes widening.

"Who are you and what have you done with Ava!?" She squeals, mouth falling open.

"Let's go," I murmur, not wanting her over-the-top reaction to make me change my mind.

But, it's Riley, so it's hard to escape her making a big deal out of everything.

"This has to be me forcing you to do those photos, right?" She gleams as we get into the Uber that's just pulled up (there is no chance either of us will be able to drive after tonight), "Remember? Project remind-Ava-how-hot-she-is?"

I slot my seatbelt over me, nodding reluctantly, "Maybe, I don't know. I just... needed a change."

Change. Everything seems to be changing around me at the moment. Riley's moving out, my dad is trying to force his way back into my life, the person I thought I wouldn't see ever again has somehow permanently invaded my headspace.

But I'm staying still. I'm in the same house in the same job, stuck with a future I can't even see. The least I can do is try something different, rebel against my stupid, boring life in a tiny sense. Even if I know it won't change anything.

Riley compliments me a few more times, giving me barely any room to say something nice about her appearance back.

My attention grazes the darkness outside the window, then back to Riley as she launches into yet another topic.

The few beers I had before we left the house start to go to my head. I need a lot more of them.

When we're five minutes away Riley picks up a phone call from someone she deems is important and very unprofessional for calling out of hours. She scowls, spewing marketing jargon, not really hiding her annoyance.

I take that as an opportunity to look at my own screen, the messages from earlier.

My brain is easily swept up in Nolan, our last encounter, the promise he whispered into my lips. The echo of his touch, his body beneath me, his hands steadying my waist, all rush back. An involuntary smile spikes my lips.

He's an asshole, but maybe I can send him one photo. Nothing scandalous.

The camera app blinks open to show me in the partially-lit car, shadows blowing over my face as it moves. My eyes dart to Riley, who's still whisper-yelling and faced the other way. I don't have time to second-guess or obsess over small details this time. I just have to take it.

I drag my top as low as it can go whilst still being decent, pulling the camera down so it cuts out anything above my nose. I bite my lip gently, tilting my head and letting my hair fall just out of the way of my cleavage. Snap.

Without thinking anymore I send it.

The second I click off the screen and lay the phone on my lap Riley's voice cuts through.

"Who's that for?"

I whip my head to face her, her own phone lowering as the call ends.

"What?" I ramble out, panic sparking behind my eyes.

"So it is for a guy?" She frowns, all calculated excitement.

"What- no, when did I say that?"

She grins, ignoring my pleas, "Are you finally back on the market?"

"I didn't send anything to anyone," I say, finally gaining some composure.

"So you took a hot fucking selfie, for yourself? When I haven't seen you take one at all since we were like, twelve?" She questions as the car begins to slow.

Shit. My mind whirrs, so caught up in everything that I'd forgotten how out of character it was for me. I push a smile over my face to cover the hesitation. Riley'll be happy that I'm pushing myself out my comfort zone, that's the narrative I have to stick with.

"I thought you were supporting this new version of me?" I jest playfully.

She throws her hands up in surrender, "I am, I'm just fucking surprised. That's all."

Her voice keeps going as we get out the car and walk up to meet the others waiting for us.

"I love you, Ava," She grabs my arm, stopping me so I can face her, "Seriously. I wanna support you, in everything, even silly shit like this."

I smile, her affection warming my heart. It's a gentle care, but it's there, present just with how much time we've always spent together. I know she means every word, worries about me when there's much bigger shit she should concentrate on. I really don't deserve her.

"Thank you," I mutter with a low breath, "I appreciate you, I always do."

She winks, giving me a loving nudge in the arm which I reciprocate back. The smile between my cheeks doesn't fade, that wedge of happiness staying with me. The small amount of alcohol in my system is numbing me to the guilt of everything I'm doing behind her back.

"Brandon is still an asshole," Kat scowls as we reach her, hands crossed flat over her chest. Her long curls are up in a bun, a few twirly brown strands falling down beside her face.

"He was never an asshole," Cole insists back, though not very convincingly, "He was an alright dude. We had some real good times back when we played football together."

"And that's why he was never a dick towards you."

Riley snorts, "I can't believe we're back to high school locker room talk."

"Me neither," Alex cringes, eyes glancing over to me. His gaze lingers a little, communicating a friendly hi.

I offer a gentle nod back and when everyone starts moving, now running through a list of who from high school still constitutes as an asshole, he walks up to my side, gentle wind threading around us.

"You good?" He asks quietly, friendly smile across his lips.

"Yeah, fine," I reply. He's been asking me that a lot lately.

He sucks in a breath before hesitating.

"Can I ask you something?"

I nod, "Of course, always."

His dark hair is done a little neater, matching his dark shirt and jeans, but his face is slightly off.

Our friendship is almost as long as me and Riley's but we don't always get a chance to speak alone, it doesn't help that someone always inevitably brings up the crush thing.

I value him, as a friend, so much. I'm sure he knows that - so why is he being weird?

"A couple weeks ago, when that snowstorm hit, why did you ask me to cover for you?"

I pause. Oh. I wasn't expecting that.

I tilt my face up to meet him, his blinking blue eyes and sort-of boyish appearance. When I don't reply straight away he chuckles awkwardly, breaking our gaze and squeezing his pupils shut for a moment.

"I know we... don't usually talk about that shit, like it's a friends cover for friends type deal, it's just..." His voice fades, brimming with concern, "You've been distant recently. I just want to know that everything's all good with you..."

I should feel more stressed that he's poking into shit with Nolan but I can't help but get a flush of gratitude, it's sweet, that he's noticing things about me at all.

He's a good guy like that, not douchey and oblivious like Cole, definitely not as stupidly cold as Nolan.

Sometimes I wonder why he's still wrapped up with all of us and our problems.

"Um..." I mumble, trying to find the right words.

Do I lie? Nothing had happened at that point, fuck, I spent two weeks telling myself the almost-kiss shouldn't have even gotten close to occurring. That's the reason we lied in the first place, because it sounded worse than it actually was. He'd understand that.

But then again, there are a lot worse things that have happened in the last couple days. Words ring in my ears, threatening to drive blush up my cheeks. Another woman isn't on top of you...I am. Nolan's face close to mine, the deadly look in his eyes, my lips grazing the shell of his ear.

I can't tell Alex. It's too risky.

"Were you... with a guy?" His voice says, suddenly.

My lips part, confused, unsure what to say, trying to decipher Alex's angle here. I mean, he's not technically wrong... it was just the worst guy it could ever be.

"Shit, sorry, not in a weird way," He shakes his head, "It's none of my business, I know."

"It's okay," I reply, trying to throw a smile. I know he didn't mean it in a weird way, it's written all over his face. As quiet and brooding as Alex tries to be he is extremely readable, "I was..."

Before I can come up with a hurried excuse Cole spins round, sweeping Alex up under his shoulder so fast I barely comprehend it happening.

"How much do you bet I can get Kat to kiss me at midnight?" He rambles, trailing the two of them away from me and up towards the house, "She said she'd rather die so I'm making it a challenge..."

I guess I'm going to have to think of something before me and Alex next talk.

The party is very high school. Very Brandon Wright. Red solo cups, music way too loud, a guest list of too many people, probably half the young people in this town. Goosebumps trickle away from my legs as the warmth of the space consumes me, beat thumping at a low rhythm.

I follow my friends straight to the table of drinks, knowing the only way I can enjoy this atmosphere is if I'm half-conscious for it. I squeeze past two girls who look vaguely familiar, avoiding a giggly couple making out. It only reminds me of what I'm looking forward to.

Two hours until midnight.

Two hours until him.

A while later everything is softened the edges, that hazy glow taking over my mind.

The good place, where I'm probably drunker than I feel and nowhere near that night at the bar.

Never again. My head spins as I lean against an outside wall, watching over the large garden everyone will gather in to watch the fireworks.

"I don't know how you do it," Jenny Carter spews, a girl who me and Riley used to religiously avoid because she seemed to have no awareness of anything at all, "When I left for college I knew I was out of here, for good. Coming back to visit this dump reminds me why I left even more!"

I can feel my nose scrunching up. It's almost like some people are tied to family issues and money problems and avoidant brothers.

"Guess we're stuck here!" Riley bumbles with a very sarcastic tone to her words, "Cause we just love Ivefield sooo much."

I stifle a laugh in my hands, happy to observe the way Jenny tilts her head like a dog.

"It's not that hard to just go to college and get a job! It's just lazy not to. Some people stay here and spend their lives as low-life waitresses. I could never do something so sad."

Riley's brows dive inwards at that and I know something probably less sarcastic is going to fly out of her lips. I don't hear it, though, because my eyes are fixated on the notification that has just flashed up on my lock screen.

Nolan: Inside. In living room.

Nolan: Second living room?

Nolan: How many do they fucking have?

I breathe a laugh through my nostrils, brain already mapping out every inch of his face. That restraint seems to have melted a long time ago, giving in to wanting him has been the real torture. A torture that ends so soon I can almost taste it.

I send him back a sideways smiley face, my brain processing that as the emotion I'm feeling right now, seeing his words, knowing he's here.

When I blink back up Jenny is gone and Riley seems more pissed off than before.

"What did she say?" I murmur.

"You don't wanna know," She grumbles, "She's such a bitch."

"I can believe that."

"I need another drink after that, you wanna come?" She suggests, her familiar smile back on her face.

I shake my head, "Bathroom break."

She nods, "Meet me back out here later though, trust me, you don't wanna get wrapped up in Cole's high school friend reunion tour that he's dragging Alex and Kat around on."

It makes me laugh, especially because I can see Kat a little further into the garden from where I'm standing. She widens her eyes at me, mouthing help me before Cole re-includes her in the conversation. It's all former football jocks Cole was friends with. Not her type of people.

I part from Riley, staying back for a second to watch where she's going. Nolan wasn't invited, though it wasn't difficult to infiltrate this place at all. I think Riley was trying to put a little bit of space between them anyway, at least tonight. She needs a break.

She hovers at the alcohol table before some old face pulls her into another conversation. I take that as a sign to move, navigating my way through every room of this place. It's less busy towards the back, one of the living rooms becoming empty as the couple inside leave when I approach the door.

When my eyes blink up I realise the room isn't completely empty.

Nolan smiles, quicker than he usually does, then his gaze very unashamedly drops lower. I can feel the burn of his pupils over my boobs, my stomach, my thighs, my legs, then back up to my face. I suddenly feel a little exposed, I'm aware of how different I look right now.

He doesn't say anything though, just watches, brows furrowed in a mix of amusement and something deeper. My words float away, throat closing up. He's being all intense again, glaring at me with that look that makes my heart thud against my chest.

Then he moves from the wall he's leaning against, slowly approaching me with a few strides. He closes in, forcing me backwards until I'm planted against the wall, head tilted to meet his face. My eyes drop to his lips like magnets, electricity pulsing between us.

The alcohol in my system speaks before I can think it through.

"You like that photo I sent you?"

His eyes darken, lip captured in his teeth as he moves his face closer to mine. I'm so attached to his burning expression that I barely notice his finger snaking into my hair and holding a stand of curled, blonde hair up slightly in front of me.

"You really like being a tease, don't you?" He breathes eventually, voice husky and a little alcohol scented, "You like dressing up all pretty?"

I shrug, a small smirk tugging at my lips.

"When I saw you like this, all those weeks ago, I thought terrible things, things that would send my sister into a fucking coma," He whispers, finger now gently caressing my hair.

It's weirdly affectionate. "I can't wait to hear those pretty noises you made the other day, louder, as you take all of me.

I want to hear my name on your lips as you sob, beg for me. "

"What terriblethings?" I hum, biting down on my own lip. Arousal starts to grip my body, flush creeping up my neck. The things he's describing run through my vision, need pooling in my core.

Nolan smiles, like he didn't already name one of the many things he wants from me. I want him to whisper filthy promises forever, escalate his gentle touch into something rougher.

His hand suddenly fists into my hair tighter, not enough to hurt, but enough for him to hold my head slightly further back, lips leaning in to hover by my ears. When he speaks the warm air sparks heat through my skin.

"I've always liked you quiet, Ava, you know that.

I want you gasping for breath as I bend you over every surface and fuck you, I want you choking on my cock just like you gagged on my fingers, I want you scrambling for words as I eat out that pretty pussy," His voice is a gravelly whisper, "I want you to give in so much I'm the only thing consuming your mind, no more bratty little comebacks, just rawdesire. "

Jesus Christ. Images of us keep appearing, the thought of him touching me, fucking me, devouring me whole. The slickness between my thighs throbs, lips pulsing with the need to kiss him.

"You like my bratty little comebacks," I murmur, voice laced with mocking. I know he does, he wouldn't be confessing in my ear if he didn't. Wearing this outfit alone is a rebellion in itself, I didn't even need words to do it.

In a way, I like that Nolan acts like an asshole sometimes, it pushes me out of the person I was, stops me feeling like such a coward.

Yes, he has the power to keep me silent, but not out of fear anymore, not out of intimidation.

I'm quiet because I know he'll take care of me, in more ways than one.

His hand comes up to my thigh, fingertips sliding just underneath the material, "Careful. Keep speaking and I'll finish what I started at the cinema."

"No, you won't," I say, because I know he's bluffing. There's no chance he'll break his midnight promise after all this. He's just trying to make me squirm.

He chuckles, pulling back to run his eyes over my face again, "See? This is why I need to shut that bratty mouth up."

"But you can't, there's still an hour on the clock," My hand moves up slowly, grazing the side of his face, "I guess I'll have to go find someone else to take care of me."

"Don't," He snaps back immediately, one hand slamming down on the wall beside me, "Don't do that shit, pretty girl."

I'm suddenly even more caged in, tension rising in my throat.

His dark hair is wild, less curly today, but still that chocolate brown I'm so used to.

His eyes have a hazy alcohol-tinge to them, it's hot, making him seem even more serious.

His tongue fiddles with his piercing, slowly, like he's tormenting me on purpose.

"I'm sure every guy here is already eye-fucking you," He adds, letting me smooth my finger over the side of his face, "They're begging to get their grimy little hands up this inhumanely short skirt."

He's not necessarily wrong. I've felt glances, lingering stares, had a few people I've definitely never met before attempt to chat me up. If it wasn't for the protective veil of my friends I'm sure I would've had to deal with a lot more bullshit.

"Why, you jealous?" I taunt with a small tilt of the head.

His eyes narrow, "No."

I flash him a look that says, really?

He grins and it's deadly.

"Because...they don't have you, Ava," He whispers, mirroring my own words from his car, "I'm the one running my hand down your skin, inches away from the slick, aching mess between your thighs,I'm the one who's going to be actually fucking you.

I don't need to glance at you across the room like an idiot, you're mine already; the clock hasn't even struck midnight. "

Goosebumps trickle down my skin, spurred on by the almost bruising grip of his hand under my skirt, caressing the flesh of my upper thigh. It's repetitive, soothing circling of his finger, purposefully avoiding the flood dripping from my panties. My leg twitches before I can stop it.

He's made me speechless, like he wanted. He's stripped away my teasing, leaving me with burning lust, raw want, excruciating need. I'm so still it probably wouldn't even take a hurricane to pry me from under his grip.

In my momentary paralysis he moves suddenly, taking the hand from the wall and placing it down on my neck, fingers gripping my throat. Like all his touch, it's not painful, it's not stopping me from breathing, but it's firm enough that all I can feel is possession.

Then he's leaning in.

It's sudden, my eyes widen, body celebrating before anything's even happened.

Wait, is he doing this now?

I watch his lips get closer, my heart gnawing at my chest, urging me to respond.

Only half a second later he pulls away completely.

"What are you doing...?" I murmur, wondering if I just imagined that.

If he's really messing with me this much I might kill him. Prick.

He just nods his head to the open doorway, encouraging me to follow his line of sight.

"Just getting rid of prying eyes."

There's a few people out there, but one guy in particular is looking at me. His face flashes crimson and his eyes dart sheepishly back down to his cup when our eyes connect. Then he's gone, moving away with the crowd.

"He was checking you out," Nolan murmurs, releasing my throat from his grip as a wicked smile spreads across his face.

"You're an idiot... we're not supposed to be seen together? Remember?"

"I don't care what an Ivefield nobody thinks, what's he going to do?" He murmurs, "Plus, you like the thrill of this, or you wouldn't be here, pretending you're not thinking dirty little thoughts."

He acts like he's not the reason my brain is running wild with bad things.

"You call me a tease," I mutter, off-handedly, "All you do is fucking tease me."

He doesn't say anything at that but keeps burning my skin with his eyes, tracing his gaze lower over my collarbone and down at my cleavage.

"I need to go, your sister will worry."

He sighs, leaning in a little closer but nodding. There's a small reaction, like he wants to kiss me goodbye, but can't. It makes me a little happier that this restraint is hurting him as much as it hurts me.

When he lets me slip out from under him I push an innocent expression onto my face.

"You know, I could really do with a goodbye kiss..."

He lets out another one of his chuckle-laughs, a little in disbelief at my teasing but more turned on. I can see it coursing through his face, through the way his jaw clenches and muscles harden.

"One hour, pretty girl," He hums, "You can wait."

Barely.

I throw him one more wink before twirling around and leaving.

I feel his gaze behind me the entire time.

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