Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
KERIAN
I feel like I’m on a different planet. In theory, I know what families are supposed to act like, or at least how the television portrays it. All sweet and loving and shit.
In practice, I’ve never seen it.
Zander’s mom wakes us up in the morning with the promise of breakfast and hard work, and when she flings the door open and catches the two of us curled around each other, she just covers her smile with her fingers and tells us to hurry up.
The one time I brought a guy home, my dad threw him out of the house and kicked my ass so hard I had to call out of practice for a week. I’d been sixteen at the time, but the lesson stuck with me—don’t do shit around parents.
Guess that rule doesn’t apply in the Braithe house.
Zander’s mom has a place set at the table for me and it draws me up short, so Zander runs into my back as I block the doorway to the kitchen.
“What the—” He glances over my shoulder and I don’t have to see him to feel the smile radiating from his face. I can hear it in his voice. “It’s fine, Kerian. She probably wouldn’t poison you.”
“I might have slipped something into your coffee, though,” Colson says as he walks past, and the little good-natured barb is enough to get me moving again. I walk across the room and stop awkwardly at the edge of the table.
“Do you need any help?” The question comes out polite, and Zander’s mom turns and smiles at me… and I can see where he gets it from. She radiates the same sunshine he does, and I don’t know what in the fuck I’m supposed to do with the warmth as she flicks a dishtowel at me.
“Aren’t you the sweetest thing? Sit down, everything’s already done.” Zander hikes his brows over his mom’s shoulder, but the smile on his face is just as warm as hers.
He looks…
Happy.
He looks really happy that I’m here in the center of his world, even though his world is the strangest thing I’ve ever encountered. I’ve spent enough time around people and pretending to be polite that I know the exact motions to go through.
They just don’t feel fake this time.
We have breakfast, and Zander’s mom gives us an hour to digest before she drags us out into the yard—she said hard work, but I’ve never done anything like this.
I’m weeding a garden, and Zander keeps picking up grass and throwing it at me like he’s twelve. His skin is getting a little red from the sun, but I can tell that it’s just going to make him tan… and he keeps smiling at his mom while they talk about plans for Christmas.
I don’t…
This isn’t normal for me. The stark contrast between Zander’s family and mine is so apparent it’s almost like a physical line drawn between us.
Zander, and his mother who worked so hard to fill the gap of both parents. Zander, whose mom would give up anything for her sons without a question.
And me… who never had a moment like this. Me… whose dad never gave a reason for why he beat the shit out of me, and it took me years to work out that shitty people didn’t have a reason for being shitty, and he did what he did because he felt like he owned me.
He felt like I was an object… and Zander’s mom treats him like he’s the center of her universe.
I didn’t realize things could be like this, and when she comes across the garden and hands me a cool glass of tea, I feel something in my chest constrict.
I never thought I could be a part of anything like this.
Ever.
I have to turn my head so Zander doesn’t see the break in my expression, but his arms are still wrapping around me a few minutes later, pulling me into a hug that he doesn’t try to hide as he tosses his gloves off.
“Come on, Kerian. Let’s go take a shower.”
* * *
“Oh, Kerian. Do you think you’ll be back for the holidays? I know I’d love to have you here. I’m sure Zander would too.” His mom sounds so fucking warm, inviting… and Zander is blushing , but he looks up at me through the dark strands of his hair that’s still slightly damp from the shower we just took. His smile is absolutely helpless, and so warm I feel like he’s trying to burn me alive.
It’s probably the reason I give an answer at all. “Yeah, maybe.”
Fuck—I feel like they’re trying to draw me in. To make me a part of something.
To make me a part of this . Nightly dinners and board games, gardening and family and love.
Everything I’ve never had.
I can’t take it anymore. I’m not sure if it’s the way the emotions are overwhelming me, or if there’s a part of me that realizes exactly how empty the echo in my chest is. I’ve never cared before that I didn’t have a family—a life. I didn’t care that I had no one who really cared about me but myself.
I was happy with it.
I was content.
But being here with Zander is giving me a glimpse into the person I could have been if my life had been different.
My hand slips around Zander’s waist and I pull him against me—I feel his body tense for a second before he goes loose. He practically melts, and it just makes that weird feeling in my chest wind tighter.
I almost feel like I can’t breathe.
I feel like my entire world is shifting, and I can’t understand it—there’s a brand new pathway laid out in front of me, and I don’t have a fucking map.
I don’t have a goddamn thing but Zander Braithe and his fucking smile shining like the north star and promising he’ll lead me home.
I can’t do it.
I don’t know how to do this.
But there’s one thing I do know how to do…
“I’m tired, Dimples. Let’s go to bed.”
Maybe I’m not as subtle as I think I am, because I can feel it when his body goes tense for another second before his fingers squeeze against my wrist.
“Sure.” He pulls out of my grasp long enough to give his mom a kiss, then fist bump his brother who is looking between the two of us with curiosity on his face. I have to wonder if he knows what I’m planning, or if he can see the panic trying to scramble its way out from behind the mask I’ve firmly slapped into place. Zander holds his hand out for mine and I take it, waving at his family as I do.
“See you two in the morning. Try to get up early enough that we can have breakfast before you have to head out, okay?”
“Of course, Mom.” Zander’s smile for her is all affection as he pulls me out of the room, and he heads to the left instead of toward the bedroom we’ve been sleeping in.
“Where are we going?” There’s a smile in my voice, though—he can read me too well. He knows exactly what I wanted from him just from the way I touched him, the way I said I was tired.
Maybe that’s a problem in and of itself, but that’s something to unpack later. Zander knowing how fucking horny I am for him constantly isn’t an issue. I haven’t been able to hide that from the first time I cornered him.
I’d much rather him focus on that than how lost I feel.
“We have this old camper that we used to take out for trips. It was a piece of junk, but we always had a good time.” Zander pulls me outside and we circle around the house, moving to the back yard to approach the vehicle in question. It looks run-down, well used… and that just makes that feeling in my chest twinge again.
Spending summers holed up in that with him—the thought of being curled up under the stars.
Of not feeling pressure, or anger, or…
“Gonna take me camping, Dimples?”
“No, but I thought you might like some privacy. I spent the entire summer before I went off to college tearing the interior out and fixing it up.” He pulls the door open and half shoves me inside, and after a few seconds, he clicks on a light. “I thought you might want to check it out, so I came out here earlier and made sure everything was all charged up.”
I glance around and actually let out a low, impressed whistle. From the outside, it really did look like a total clunker. You can tell Zander took pride in fixing it up, though—everything looks clean, and neat. It looks like he ripped out some of the interior to make extra space.
And in the back of the hallway, a door is open.
This little fucker wasn’t even gone for that long when he stepped out earlier, but if I’m not mistaken there are lights flickering back there.
“You planned this?”
Zander’s wide grin is all the answer I need. He did do this.
For me.
For us.
“I just thought you might want our last night here to be special… that’s all.” Zander’s cheeks heat, and he bites his lower lip. “And I wanted to show you how much it means to me that you came here. How much I want you to be here.” He looks like he’s trying to work up to saying something else.
Something dangerous.
It’s that weird twist in my chest again that prompts me to speak. I step past him and into the bedroom at the back of the small space. It’s nothing special, but it’s clean, and he has battery powered candles lighting up the room.
There’s also fresh sheets on the bed.
I had full intentions of taking him to his bedroom and stuffing my fingers into his mouth to keep him quiet while I fucked him senseless.
I should fuck him senseless. Take out all of the confusion and twisting feelings I have on his ass, because I’m confident when I’m that person. I know how to be that Kerian.
I don’t know how to be the Kerian who crawls back on the cheap sheets Zander made the bed with and looks up at the man who took the time to decorate the room so I would feel…
What?
At home?
Romanced?
Cared for…
Maybe…
I refuse to think the last word, so I lean back on my elbows instead and arch a brow. “Seems like you deserve a reward for going to all this trouble for me, hm?”
Zander’s eyes light up, and he starts to pull his shirt over his head. I raise a hand to stop him, and his eyes widen when I strip out of mine instead.
“Kerian?”
“Why don’t you come here and show me how much you’ve been paying attention, Zander?” I spread my legs slightly, trailing my fingers up along my thighs, and watch his eyes follow the path they trace. “You’re really good at sweet talking… I want to see what that mouth of yours can do.”
His cheeks go crimson, but I can see his cock already getting hard in his shorts when he starts to realize what I mean.
“I—”
“Come on, Dimples. Don’t you want to know what it feels like to fuck me with that sweet tongue of yours?”