Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
KERIAN
No .
The word hovers there on the back of my tongue, growing into something enormous that feels like it’s blocking my airway.
No .
It’s all I have to say. I know if I tell Zander I’m not comfortable with the thought of him or anyone fucking me, he’ll back off. If I tell him the mere picture of being held down and exposed like that is too much, he’d probably flip over and let me fuck him so I could feel like I was in control.
No .
It’s the easiest word in the world to say, and I’ve sure as fuck said it to dozens of people who have wanted things from me… but for some reason, with Zander looking at me with his big brown eyes, it’s caught on the back of my tongue. It won’t come up. It feels like there’s little threads—tiny chains—wrapped around it and it’s somehow anchored to my ribs.
To my heart.
I can’t tell him no.
“I…” I frown, cutting myself off and pushing into a sitting position. His brows dip and he inhales sharply, like he can see right through me.
“Kerian, we don’t have to?—”
“Fine.” I cut him off before he can get worked up. It’s not just that I can’t tell him no; I don’t want to tell him no. “You really are a greedy slut, aren’t you? You just want all my firsts.”
That’s as close as I’m going to get to telling him I’ve never done this before, but I want to do this with him.
Zander’s eyes go wide and then soft, and I can’t stand the expression. I rise up and wrap my fingers around his wrists, using his shock to yank him down onto the bed so I can roll on top of him.
“What are you?—”
“There’s just one thing, Dimples. I’m still going to fuck you.” I roll my hips experimentally, and my sensitive ass brushing against his bulge is enough to make me shudder and my cock twitch.
“I—” Zander’s expression is dazed, but he slowly comes back to himself. “I can live with that.”
“Thought so.” I raise up on my knees and his hips chase the friction, the desperation on his face enough to make me smile. “Get naked.”
Zander Braithe is still a bottom, even when he’s fucking me, because he wriggles beneath me and strips faster than I thought possible without leaving the bed. Apparently he planned for this too, because he reaches over into a nightstand and pulls out a bottle of lube with a huge grin and a flush spreading across his chest that I feel mesmerized by, like I can see the blood running just beneath his skin.
He blows out a shaky breath when he’s finished, and I realize he’s just as nervous about this as I am—the only difference is he’s not trying to hide it. He just smooths his hands up along my hips and stares up at me like I’m God and he just discovered religion.
I force a cocky smirk across my lips and arch a brow. “Are you just going to lie there or are you going to use that lube?”
He lets out a laugh that tingles along my skin, and pops the cap of the bottle open. I have to force myself to bite my tongue so I don’t say something ridiculous like “Be gentle” or “This is my first time . ”
Nope.
Not happening.
Instead, I spread my legs and lean into it when he moves lube-slicked digits between my cheeks. I’m already open and wet from the way he was tongue fucking me, so it doesn’t take much pressure for him to slide one finger inside.
I shudder, leaning into the pressure and ignoring the slight burn. It must show on my face, though, because Zander smoothes his hand along my thigh, across my abdomen, and looks up at me with an expression full of wide-eyed wonder.
“Fuck, you’re warm. And soft, like silk.” He slides his finger out and comes back with two, but his touch on my stomach grounds me and I rock back, taking him in to the knuckle. I hiss out, but the sound punches into a low groan when he crooks his digits and I feel little starbursts of pleasure sizzle across my nerves.
“Fuck. You practice on yourself to know where that is, Dimples?” I rock back against him again, riding his hand in slow, steady movements that he eats up. This is easy—if I’m the one in control, I can do this.
I can give this to him.
“Is this why you want to fuck me so much?” Zander breathes the question out in a soft groan, his hips rolling against the air so I can feel the brush of his hard cock against my thigh. “Because it feels like this?”
I snort, but lean forward so I can trail my hand along his chest, tweaking his nipple hard enough to make him groan. “If you’re going crazy about your fingers, what are you going to do when it’s your dick?”
“Jesus , is this how I feel around your dick?” He gasps and I feel his cock give a bob between us, tapping at my ass like it’s begging to be let in.
“Such a cockslut.” The usual sting isn’t in the words because he twists his fingers and pegs my prostate at the same time. “Even when you’re going to be the one using your dick, you’re somehow still a fucking slut for me.”
He doesn’t even look ashamed. He just keeps up his steady pace as he strokes inside me, and I shudder from how right it feels. How much I could get lost and addicted to the sensation.
I need to move, even though Zander lets out a little whine when I pull back and reposition myself.
I lower myself onto his cock, trying to take it faster than I should, and it’s his hands on my hips that still me. His lips that say the words I refused to utter aloud.
“Slow down, Kerian.” I open my mouth to tell him I don’t need to be coddled, and he cuts me off. “I want to enjoy this. If you fuck me like we’re trying to get off before we get caught, I’m going to blow my load before we get started.”
Zander’s eyes are so intense when he stares up at me, his fingers squeezing my hips gently. And I feel my jaw clench, ticking slightly.
He’s a goddamn liar . I know he’s lying.
He’s lying for me, and I watch his face the entire time as I sink slowly onto his cock. It’s just this side of painful, but the way he fills me, the way he fits is…
Fuck, it’s distracting.
It’s good .
I didn’t think I was going to enjoy this—I was just going to give Zander what he wanted, but now…
Well.
I want it too.
I give my hips an experimental roll, and Zander shivers beneath me. I’m so caught up in the way he looks that it takes me a second to realize it didn’t hurt—between his tongue fucking earlier and his fingers, he fits just right. I’m stretched and full, speared on his dick… and it’s perfect.
I bite my lip and roll my hips again, and his fingers dig into my skin, spasming hard enough that it draws a low sound from my chest.
“Fuck, Kerian. I was going to fuck you… but I think—” His words cut off into an unintelligible gasp when I rise up and drop back down on his cock, and it takes him a few seconds to recover enough to speak. “Mmmfuck. I think watching you ride me might be the hottest thing I’ll ever see. Fuck, you’re beautiful.”
There’s so much heat in his voice it’s like he’s trying to scorch me down to charred bone and ash, something he can rub along his flesh to wear like a second skin.
The thought of being wrapped around him forever isn’t…
Fuck, it isn’t a bad thought at all.
I’m cautious at first when I start to move, testing the motion. It’s easy to pick up the rhythm, though, easier still when his grip on my hips urges me on. When I speed up, he doesn’t tell me to slow down this time, and when I lean forward and plant one hand in the middle of his chest so I can feel the thundering tempo of his heart, it picks up like he was waiting for that touch.
“Fuck… fuck Kerian,” he groans, and my body lights up at the way his voice drops lower, the way he’s staring at me, drinking me all in, wanting more.
Wanting everything.
I shudder because in that moment, that’s exactly what I want to give him. I give myself up to the sensation of his dick filling me, and bounce up and down, taking him in over and over, angling my hips so the thickness of his head drags over my prostate again and again. It’s almost too much—my body is still so sensitive from just orgasming, but I’d chase this high any day. Zander is better than any drug, any drink, any substance I could take.
Addicting.
Dangerous.
Fuck, he’s trouble, and I’m too eager to pull away.
I rock against him again and grab one of his hands, dragging his palm up so I can spit in it—it makes his eyes flash with saccharine heat, and I know what he’s thinking of.
That first time in his dorm.
My spit in his palm.
“You fucked yourself with my spit before, didn’t you? That first night?” My words come out staccato, punched out with every downward thrust of my pelvis.
He’s too caught up to try to lie.
“I did, fuck. Of course I did.”
“Show me how you did it, Dimples. Come on.” I drag his wrist to my shaft and smear his spit-slicked palm along the length of my dick. “Touch me.”
He wraps those long fingers around my length eagerly and starts to pump me—the pressure is electrifying, dragging a groan from deep in my chest that turns into a near growl as he starts to work me. Slick squelching, a perfect harmony to the sound of my ass sucking his cock inside over and over again.
I want more.
I want all of this.
I want to come and at the same time I never want this to end.
I want…
“Zander… fuck… fuck .” I drag my eyes up the length of his body and my gaze connects with his, sweet brown and sunshine. Warmth on my skin.
Something I don’t deserve, but I’m too greedy to give him up.
I rock forward and catch his lips with mine while I keep up the tempo of my hips, grinding myself on his cock while I lick into his mouth. I want to feed him all the words caught like jagged pieces in my ribs, broken confessions and demands and obsession spreading out like vines and wrapping us both up with thorns.
I want to bleed for him—with him. I want that feeling to tangle us together so I never have to let him go.
I want…
“Zander…” I murmur his name again, and my voice sounds so throaty. Husky.
Needy .
I’ve never sounded like that before.
It makes him jerk back, his eyes wide.
Shocked.
Hungry.
Without warning, Zander’s fingers on my hips spasm again, and his arms shoot up, wrapping around me. I think there’s a part of me that realizes what he’s doing as it happens, but I don’t fight against it. I just let him roll on top of me and settle between my legs, so the next thrust of his cock comes from the piston of his hips instead of the lift of my own.
“Fuck…” He whispers it again, dropping his head so he can press a kiss to my jawline and drag his lips up to my ear. “Fuck, Kerian. I want to live inside you forever.”
Forever .
What a heavy word, and I can’t even shove Zander off me and tell him to stop being so sweet because he wraps his arms around me and takes my mouth with his own, and I’m caught up in the feel of him rolling his hips to fuck inside me. His entire body is one fine tremble, like every move means everything , and I don’t know when it happens, but from one second to the next I have my arms around him. My fingers tangle in his hair, and I’m rocking my body up to meet his movements, letting out low groans that rumble from my chest, and he drinks them down with the fervor of his lips.
He slows the movement of our fucking down to a gentle rhythm that’s nearly a lull. It means I can feel every inch of him as he slides inside me, and we seem to hang suspended in eternity when he bottoms out, his body pressed to mine, his fingers digging into my skin. There are little breaths of forever in the seconds he stays there before he pulls out and rocks against me again.
It feels like I’m living a thousand lives each time he fucks his way inside me, and every one of them is painted in a kaleidoscope of Zander Braithe’s eyes and the taste of apples.
“Babe.” He chokes on the word, trying to swallow it down like the memory of what happened last time he said it streaks across his skin. It makes something in my chest wrench, and I rock my body up, digging my nails into his hair so I can drag his mouth against mine.
“Mmm?”
“I…” His eyes search my face, and there’s a question there—words—things that I can’t decipher as I feel the tension in my lower body slowly starting to build to a breaking point. “Fuck, I’m so close. I want…” Zander drops his hand down between us, taking my cock and pumping me in time with the thrust of his hips.
It makes my back come off the bed, but I still can’t stop myself from groaning.
“What do you want?”
“I want you to come with me. Fuck, I want to be with you.”
The words streak deeper inside me than his touch, arrowing along my spine and making my breath catch in my chest. By the time I draw it in again, his shoulders spasm, his hand on my dick pumping harder now… and it’s like I can’t help it.
I’m lost to his demands.
I’m drowning in the ocean of Zander’s eyes as my orgasm rips me down to the unknown depths.
It burns through me, and I rock, my body shifting up, my hips chasing every desperate piston of his. Pleasure makes him forget to be careful, and I relish the feel of him thrusting harder, faster, chasing the orgasm that makes him slam his lips against mine again. He kisses me almost viciously, and I pull back so I can bury my face against his neck, sink my teeth into that delicate skin as I follow along behind him.
It feels so fucking good.
I want to be with you . His words echo in my head, and it’s like they’re dragging me along as he comes inside me. I can feel my body clench around his cock, trying to keep him there, trying to keep me full of him. And in his hand, my own release is painting his fingers, my abdomen.
I want to be with you .
And I don’t know how to say those words back, so I do the best I can. “I’m with you.” It’s a whisper against his skin, so soft I’m surprised he can hear it over the sound of skin slapping against skin, but it makes his hands spasm, and he fucks into me so hard the air punches out of my chest. So hard it feels like he’s trying to fuse us.
We could be here, wrapped up in one another, in this shitty little camper, in a world that I’ve never belonged in. Together.
Fuck me.
Zander’s body twitches, and he strokes me through the rest of my orgasm until my vision nearly whites out and my oversensitized body is begging me to give it a break. Even then, he thrusts once… twice… three more times while chanting my name softly beneath his breath.
Then he finally stills, and for a second all I can do is lie there with my eyes closed and the feel of his cock slowly going soft inside me, slick and warm with the cum trickling from my worked hole. The thundering of his heart plays a symphony against my chest, demanding a duet from my own… and I can’t help the way mine races in perfect tandem.
I can’t do anything but lie there in the circle of his arms with my head turned, my face buried against his neck so I can inhale the scent of him, sweaty and warm, salt and musk. Sea and forest.
It’s nice.
Just as I wonder if I’m going to get completely lost, sinking into the feel of him draped over me, Zander pulls back. The movement is almost sticky sweet, and for a second I still feel like we’re pressed together.
I can still feel him there, even when he pulls out and yanks a blanket up over us, apparently not giving a shit about cleanup. I can feel him inside me—on top of me. I can feel him in places I never meant to let him be. The knowledge makes me open my eyes as he settles back on top of me.
He’s a shivering, trembling mess above me… His skin is coated in a light sheen of sweat and his pupils are blown while he looks at me. While he drinks me down , one fucking drop at a time. And I can feel it. I can feel him drowning in me , and I can see the words in his eyes that are starting to form on his lips.
Three words.
Three words that have the power to ruin me—three words that will change everything .
My entire life, no one has said those three words to me… and I can’t hear them now. I don’t know what to do with them. I surge up and take his lips with mine instead, licking into his mouth so I can catch a taste of that forbidden flavor.
I can taste my absolute ruin on Zander Braithe’s tongue, and I’m not sure what to do about it, because I can’t stop kissing him.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop kissing him.
Fuck.