Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
ZANDER
“What’s wrong?” I ask Kerian, looking at him from across the table as we eat at his favorite greasy pizza place.
It’s been a week since we got back from visiting my family and he’s been weird. I asked on the way home if I had hurt him when we were fucking, apologizing before he got a chance to answer. I told him I kind of got lost in it, and he scoffed at me. Really fucking scoffed.
“I can take more than that, Zandy, don’t worry,” he said, then looked out the window, his jaw set and silence resting heavily between us. I dropped the subject, since he said he was fine.
But he’s been strange. Anytime I try to hold his hand while we’re driving to his place or touch him when we’re semi in public, he clams up.
Like now. I reach across the table to grab his hand and he slides it into his lap. I raise an eyebrow, wondering what the fuck.
“Come on, Kerian,” I say, tossing the menu onto the table. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Nothing, Dimples. Practice. Shit is crazy.”
“Is it nothing, or is it practice?”
He ticks an eyebrow up at me. “Does it matter?”
“Yes, it…” I start and realize I’m almost shouting. I lower my voice and lean in. “Yes, it fucking matters. I don’t like you icing me out like this.”
“Not icing you out, Zander.” He sighs and looks up at me, his blue eyes flashing. He places his hand back on the table then motions for me to touch him. Even though I want to turn him down—be childish and tell him no, that he missed his chance—I would never give up an opportunity to touch Kerian.
“Is it because of what happened at my house? In the camper?” I asked him about being too rough, but I didn’t ask about… what he saw.
Kerian isn’t an idiot. He can read me like a fucking book, and no matter how hard I try to hide how intense my feelings for Kerian are getting, I know he saw how I felt about him as easily as if I had said the words to him.
I wanted to say them so badly. After I came inside him, marking him as mine, I wanted to spout those three little words. Small words that mean everything.
But it wasn’t the right time. I mean, who tells someone they love them after they dick them down? That’s a fuck-boy move and I pride myself on not doing that shit.
When is the right time, though? Now? In a restaurant that looks one step up from failing a health inspection? When we’re on the way back to his apartment? Through a text? A fucking voice note?
It wasn’t this hard to figure out when to tell my feelings to Megan. It had seemed like the next logical step after a year of us being together. But Kerian and I haven’t even been together half that time. Hell, a quarter of that. What the hell am I thinking, telling Kerian I love him?
Because I feel it .
More than I’ve ever felt love for anyone before. I’ve never had such strong feelings for anyone. Feelings that threaten to overwhelm me.
Kerian overwhelms me.
Sighing, I squeeze his hand, trying to find the right way to tell him. Once I get it out, I’ll feel better. I’ll be able to breathe easier if he knows.
“Kerian?” He looks up from the menu, both eyebrows raised. “I?—”
“Practice kicked my ass today, Dimples. Come over here and rub it better for me.”
I give him a deadpan look, but his cute little grin has me smiling and moving to his side of the booth. “Are you hurt or you just like me touching you?”
“Both things can be true at the same time.”
I roll my eyes and rub his thigh under the table. “Kerian, I lo?—”
Kerian threads his fingers through my hair and plants his lips on mine, licking into my mouth like we’re not in a public restaurant. And fuck me if I don’t give as good as I get. My fingers go to his hair, the strands silky and soft under my touch. He kisses me so thoroughly I can’t remember how to breathe, let alone what I planned to say to him.
Fuck, his mouth is fucking dangerous.
He releases my lips and I try to chase him for more. Kerian chuckles and pecks me once more just before the server comes.
After the server takes our order and leaves, Kerian turns to me slightly and asks, “When is your next game?”
I smile. “Next Saturday. Against Meridian, remember?” He scoffs. “Yours?”
“This Friday. Wanna come over after?”
“For the night?”
He shrugs, though the skin around his eyes tightens the way it does when he gets anxious. “Yeah. We’re always in your dorm in your tiny-ass bed. Mine is more comfortable.” He leans over and kisses my slack mouth. “And my sheets cost more.”
I bark a laugh, pushing past my surprise. We never sleep at Kerian’s. After practice, when he needs some comfort he comes to me, and we sleep back to chest in my bed, my arm wrapped snugly around him.
It’s a big deal for Kerian to ask me to stay with him. He’s giving me as much as he can and I love him for that. God, I love this man.
“Kerian.”
“Yeah, Dimples?”
He looks over at me and I open my mouth to tell him my truth, but his lips press into a thin line, giving me pause. Something about my tone must give me away.
What will my reception be if I tell him now? Will he brush me off? Tell me he loves me too? Fucking walk out on me?
Suddenly, it doesn’t seem like such a good idea to tell him. Not right now. Not here. Maybe I’ll give it a little more time. It won’t kill me to wait.
Blowing out a long breath, I say, “Yeah. I’ll stay the night with you after your game.”
The pinched expression smooths into a soft smile, but that look is still in his eyes. Fuck, I should have just waited.