Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
KERIAN
Zander’s eyes go so wide I’m pretty sure I can see straight into him. His mouth opens and closes.
“I… uh. Oh.” He breathes out, the sound as shaky as I feel on the inside. “Oh.”
“Right then.” I push past him while he’s still stunned and duck into the locker room, hoping he has the sense to go home, or at least go to my apartment and wait for me now that he forced those words out of my mouth.
God damn it.
That was not how I wanted to say it.
I’d had plans… but if I knew anything by now, it was that my plans never worked out when they were with him.
For fuck’s sake, I’d invited him over to my place—I thought he’d get the idea. But of course that was me assuming Zander wouldn’t be…
Well, Zander .
Soft and sweet and needy as fuck.
“Fuck.” I grumble it out as I head to the back of the locker room to grab something to drink. I know our coach is probably going to want to give us a pep talk—he’s always lighter on what he has to say during half time when we’re winning—but I can’t concentrate.
All I can think about is the way I completely fucked up what I meant to do because Zander looked like he was already breaking up with himself on my behalf and I couldn’t let that happen.
I was never going to let him go.
“You need to tell your little boyfriend to stay out of our space before he gets hurt.” Easton’s voice is a hiss in my ear that pulls me out of my thoughts, and my hand comes out in a flash, grabbing him by the throat so I can jerk him closer.
“Threaten him again and see what fucking happens, Easton. I’ll?—”
“Slade! Kirby!” Coach’s voice is an irritated roar that forces me to let go, though I flex my fingers on Easton’s throat for just a second to let him feel the pressure of my threat.
We both give a quick “Sorry Coach, just messing around,” but I keep my eyes on Easton as he makes his way across the room.
Damn it. Zander really is fucking with my head, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t give him up—I can’t take those words back.
I love you .
Plans—I’d had plans. And now I was having to put my game face on so we could go back onto the field.
And fuck me if he isn’t standing right there waiting, following along beside our team with a lost expression on his face.
“Kerian?”
Who the fuck follows someone to the edge of the field?
“Kerian!” He shouts it this time, and I can’t ignore him. I pivot on my heel, feeling every stride of anger in my step, every bit of frustration that he’s forced me into doing this.
That Zander Braithe is fucking up everything.
I’m rough when I grab him by the front of his shirt, and my kiss is hard enough that I can taste copper. I don’t care—and I don’t pay attention to the sounds coming from the stadium or anyone around me. For just a second, my world is narrowed down to that kiss—apples and copper.
Zander. Everything is Zander.
It always has been from that first kiss until this one.
It makes me lean into him before I completely pull back, a tender swipe of my tongue brushing away the pain. “Listen, Zander… can you please just go into the stands and fucking cheer for me like a normal boyfriend for five goddamn seconds? We can talk after I win.”
And there’s that wide expression again, chased by a blush that blossoms across his cheeks and a smile that’s brighter than the floodlights above us.
“Boyfriend?”
“Oh, my God . Zander? — ”
“You said boyfriend.”
“Fuck’s sake, go sit down.” I shove him away from me, but my eyes chase the stupid grin on his face as he bites his lower lip and nods, then half stumbles, half runs toward the stands.
Fuck, this is different . I was the one who came across the field this time and kissed him, and I did it with intention.
I did it with a purpose.
I did it because it felt good to show everyone here that he’s mine . Maybe it’s ridiculous, but I really don’t care.
And knowing Zander is in the stands cheering for me, I feel like a fucking superhero.
I’m pretty sure I can hear him screaming my name, and it makes me play better than I ever have before. I’ve never felt like I had someone here cheering for me—not for what they could get from me, and not because they’re excited about the game.
For me.
God, he’s all for me.
I blow through post-game congratulations and the fastest shower I can manage, and by the time I come out of the locker room, he’s there waiting at the end of the hallway.
That grin is still on his face.
He’s practically vibrating by the time I reach him, and I nearly fall over when he knocks into me, wrapping his arms around me.
“Fuck, you were on fire .” He pauses and his lips press against my jawline, and his face feels hot when he buries it against my neck. “My boyfriend was on fire.”
“Is that your new favorite word?” I grumble it, but my arms wrap around him and I tug him against me, only forcing his body away from mine enough so we can start walking.
“Maybe.” He grins, and I see the second his expression softens. “Maybe it’s what else you said.”
Yeah, what else I said. My lips pinch into an irritated line. “I was going to tell you at my apartment after the game. I don’t know why you got so upset.”
His eyes widen. “You’ve been ignoring me for three days, Kerian. What was I supposed to think?”
“I said I needed to think.” My frown deepens.
“Most people say that when they’re going to break up with someone.”
Oh.
“I wouldn’t really know that. I don’t date.”
“I—” He cuts himself off again, looking me over. I see the second the fight runs out of him, because he leans into me. “You mean you didn’t date?”
A low laugh escapes me. “Yeah, you kinda fucked everything up, Dimples.”
“But you love me for it.” It’s there, singsong and sweet in his words—how happy me saying that made him. How much it lights him up from the inside out.
“Yeah…” I shrug. “Yeah, I do.”
It’s Zander who manhandles me this time, dragging me through the rest of the tunnel and pressing me against the wall.
“You know, you really are an asshole.” My mouth drops open, but he presses his lips to mine to catch the expression in a kiss that leaves my body feeling warm. “I was going to tell you first.”
“I know.” I can’t help the slight grin that crosses my lips. “I had to practically keep my tongue stuffed down your throat to stop you.”
“ Asshole .” He hisses again, but he raises his hands, threading his fingers through my hair. “But you’re mine, right?”
I’ve never wanted to belong to someone before. I’ve never wanted to feel tethered. I’ve always been adrift in some weird atmosphere, aware that the earth was below me but not understanding why people would want to touch the ground. But there’s Zander, and he makes me realize why.
I wasn’t meant for the dirt.
I was meant for the sun.
For his light.
For his smile.
“Yeah, Zander. I’m yours.”
His mouth brushes mine again, soft, sweet… and he feeds me the words I haven’t let him say.
“I love you too, Kerian. Fuck, I love you so much.” He takes my hand and presses it to his chest, where I can feel his frantically beating heart. “You have my heart. Only you.”
It doesn’t make sense that I feel dizzy when he says it, and it makes even less sense that my shoulders relax against the wall and I draw him against me. He’s like a blanket of warmth on my skin, and I want to bask in it—I’m willing to let some of the chill in my chest melt. For the first time since I was small, I’m willing to let someone close enough that they could break me if they wanted—because I know he could. Zander could cut that tether and leave me floating, cold and alone and breathless in space. Lost.
But he wouldn’t. He’s… safe.
And I’m willing to drift among the stars as long as he’s there to keep me trapped in the gravity of his love.