14. Eli
Chapter 14
Eli
I couldn’t believe I was sitting across the table from Colt out in public. It felt like a fever dream. And I might’ve been convinced it was if not for his nervous demeanor and constant fidgeting.
“You’re fine,” I said softly, nudging his foot with mine under the table. “Nobody suspects a thing.”
He pulled his foot away sharply. “Don’t do that, Eli!” he hissed. “Someone could see!”
“Are there people under the table I don’t know about?”
“Stop bein’ an ass.”
“Only if you stop being a nervous wreck. It’s just lunch.”
“You know why I’m nervous,” he growled, his fingers fidgeting with the brim of his hat that was sitting on the table next to him. “I’m serious Eli. People can’t know.”
“And they won’t. I promise.”
I sighed, resisting the urge to reach across the table and take his hand. “Colt, buddy, you need to relax. We're just two old friends having lunch. Nothing suspicious about that.”
His green eyes darted around the diner, scanning for any prying eyes. “I know, I know. It's just... this is Sagebrush. People talk.”
“Let them talk,” I said, leaning back in my chair with a casualness I didn't quite feel. “What are they gonna say? 'Oh look, there's Colt Dawson, our local rodeo hero, having a burger with that disgraced city slicker Eli Daniels.' Trust me, they've got better things to gossip about.”
Colt's lips quirked into a reluctant smile. “Like what?”
“Like how I saw old Mrs. Henderson chasing her escaped chickens down Main Street this morning, wearing nothing but her nightgown and curlers.”
That got a chuckle out of him, his shoulders relaxing slightly. “You're makin' that up.”
“I swear on my life,” I said, holding up my right hand. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“You're awful,” Colt said, but there was fondness in his voice.
Our food arrived then, steaming plates of burgers and fries. Dolly, of course, delivered them personally.
“Hope you boys are hungry,” she said, putting the plates down. “Although, what am I sayin’? Boys are always hungry.” She glanced down at Colt, giving his arm a pinch. “Especially boys as handsome as you! My god, you look like a three-pound steer stuffed into a two-pound sack in that shirt. Damn thing’s about to burst open.”
“Dolly,” he sighed, his cheeks turning pink. “You’ve known me since I was thirteen. That’s weird.”
“You ain’t thirteen anymore,” she grinned, putting her hands on her hips. “Besides, I don’t see you chastisin’ all the men down at the car lots. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with lookin’ at a new model even if you don’t intend to buy.”
He turned an even deeper shade of pink and I couldn’t help but laugh. Seeing him this worked up by Dolly was quickly becoming one of my favorite things.
“What are you snickerin’ at, Eli?” she said in an accusatory tone. “You’re lookin’ pretty handsome these days too.”
“I know,” I replied nonchalantly. “Thank you for noticing.” I decided to turn it back around on her. “So, when are you doing one of your famous karaoke nights in here again? I haven’t seen that guitar of yours in a while.”
Dolly's eyes lit up at the mention of her beloved karaoke nights. “Well, now that you mention it, I was thinkin' of havin' one this Friday. You boys should come! I bet Colt here has a real nice singin' voice. All that time spent yellin' at bulls, I'm sure he's got some pipes on him.”
Colt groaned, sinking lower in his seat. “I don't sing, Dolly. You know that.”
“Aw, come on now,” she cajoled, giving his shoulder a playful shake. “I bet if we got a few beers in ya, you'd be beltin' out some twangy old country in no time.”
I couldn't help but grin at the mental image. “Now that I'd pay good money to see.”
“Don't you start,” Colt warned, his eyes narrowed at me, but there was a glimmer of amusement beneath his stern expression. “Don't you dare encourage her, Eli. I ain't singin' in front of nobody.”
Dolly clucked her tongue. “Such a shame. Well, how about you then, city boy? You got any hidden talents?”
I flashed her my most charming smile. “I've been known to carry a tune or two. Though I'm not sure your patrons are ready for my rendition of 'Like a Virgin'. I like to sorta roll around on the floor a little while I do it.”
Colt nearly choked on his drink, and Dolly let out a hearty laugh. “Oh honey, you'd be surprised what this town's ready for. You come on down Friday night, and we'll see about expandin' some horizons.”
As she sauntered away, still chuckling, Colt shook his head at me. “You're incorrigible, you know that?”
“That’s a mighty big word for you, ain’t it?” I grinned, picking up a fry. “It's part of my charm.”
“Is that what you call it?” He glanced around again, his voice dropping. “Listen, Eli, about Friday night...”
“We don't have to go,” I said quickly, sensing his discomfort. “It was just talk.”
Colt sighed, running a hand through his red hair. “No, it's not that. I mean, yeah, I don't really want to go, but... I was thinkin' maybe we could do somethin' else. Just us.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Oh?”
“Yeah, I...” He lowered his voice even more. “I mean… I have that apartment over on the Baker Ranch all to myself and… I don’t know… it would be nice to get away from your family for a bit.” He glanced up, holding his hands up. “I like your parents just fine, it’s just that they’re?—”
“Always around?” I finished. “Believe me. I get it.” I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the table. “I can’t believe you’re asking me to spend more time with you. I thought lunch today would run you off for sure.”
“It’s just… It’s impossible to be myself around all these… people.”
Colt's eyes darted around the diner again, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know it ain't easy for you either, bein' back here after... everything. But at least you can be yourself. Me, I feel like I'm always puttin' on a show.”
I nodded, understanding all too well. “The great Colt Dawson, rodeo hero and local golden boy. Must be exhausting.”
“You have no idea,” he sighed, absently pushing his fries around his plate. “Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just... stopped. If I told everyone the truth.”
“About… us?” I asked, my heart rate picking up.
He shook his head. “About everything. The accidents, the warnings from the doctors, how scared I am every time I get on a bull now. How I'm not sure I want to do it anymore…”
I furrowed my brow. “Colt… what are you trying to tell me?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I’ve just been thinkin’ a lot, and I don’t have anyone to talk to about all this stuff. Doing things on my own is how I’ve lived up until now. I suppose it might be nice to… talk. Without holding back.”
I leaned back, studying Colt's face. The vulnerability in his green eyes was something I'd never seen before. It stirred something protective in me.
“Okay,” I said softly. “Friday night. Your place. We'll talk.”
Relief washed over his features. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. And hey, if you decide you want to belt out some country under the stars after a few beers, I won't judge.” I winked, trying to lighten the mood.
Colt rolled his eyes, but a small smile played at his lips. “In your dreams, Eli.”
We finished our lunch, the conversation drifting to safer topics. As we stood to leave, I noticed Colt hesitate, his hand hovering near mine for just a moment before he pulled it back.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, not quite meeting my eyes. “For listenin’.”
“Anytime,” I replied softly. We walked out of the diner together, careful to maintain a friendly, but not too intimate distance.
The Texas sun blazed down on us despite it still being spring. The sidewalk was dusty, a few green plants still clinging to life in the cracks. Colt squinted and pulled his hat low over his eyes. I wished I could reach out and touch him, offer him some comfort. But I knew better. Not here, not now.
“It feels kinda weird going to your place this Friday when you practically live with me right now,” I said, heading for the car. “But it’ll be nice to get away for a minute. Mom’s been a bit attentive since everything went down with dad.”
“I still feel bad that I’m taking up your bedroom,” he muttered. “But your mama isn’t gonna let me leave until the doctor gives her the okay.”
“You’re right about that. She’s not the type to let a man suffer alone.”
“No, she sure ain't,” Colt agreed with a wry smile. “Your mama's got a heart of gold.”
We reached my car and I unlocked the doors. As we climbed in, I couldn't help but notice how Colt winced slightly as he settled into the passenger seat. The injuries from his last rodeo accident were still bothering him, even if he tried to hide it. After more than a week at my house, he was still bruised up pretty badly.
“You okay there, cowboy?” I asked, keeping my tone light.
“I'm fine,” he grunted, but I could see the tightness around his eyes. “I’ve had worse.”
“I believe that.”
I started the engine and pulled out onto the dusty main street of Sagebrush. We drove in comfortable silence for a while, the familiar landscape of rolling prairie and scattered ranches passing by outside the windows.
“So,” I ventured after a few minutes, “you really want to talk about quitting the rodeo? I think out of everything you said, that surprised me the most.”
Colt shifted uncomfortably in his seat, staring out the window. “I don't know, Eli. It's just... after that last accident, I can't shake this feeling that my luck's runnin' out. Doc says one more bad fall could...”
He trailed off, but I knew what he meant. One more bad fall could kill him.
“But it's all I know,” Colt continued softly. “Been ridin' since I was barely eighteen. It's who I am. If I'm not Colt Dawson, bull rider extraordinaire, then who the hell am I? I don’t know how to do anythin’ else.”
I glanced over at him, noting the tension in his jaw, the way his fingers fidgeted with the brim of his hat.
“You're still you,” I said. “With or without the bulls. You're still the stubborn, pig-headed, surprisingly sweet guy I've known since we were kids. And you've got plenty of other skills. If I recall, you're great with horses, you can fix just about anything mechanical, and let's not forget how you single-handedly saved old man Johnson's prize bull during that flood back in junior year of high school.”
Colt snorted. “That was just dumb luck.”
“No, that was quick thinking and guts. Two things you've got in spades, cowboy.”
He was quiet for a moment, mulling over my words. “Maybe,” he conceded. “But it still feels like givin' up. Like I'm lettin' everyone down.”
I sighed, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel. “Look, I get it. I really do. When everything went down with my company in Dallas, I felt like I was letting everyone down too. My parents, my colleagues, myself. But sometimes,” I continued, “you gotta put yourself first. Your health, your happiness. And sometimes you just don’t have a choice. But it’s what you gotta do to keep on living.”
Colt turned to look at me, his green eyes searching my face. “When did you get so wise, Eli Daniels?”
I smirked. “Probably around the time I lost everything and had to move back to this dusty little town. Nothing like total humiliation to give you some perspective.”
He reached over and squeezed my shoulder, his touch lingering just a moment longer than strictly necessary. “You didn't lose everything. You've still got your family. And... well, you've got me too. For whatever that's worth.”
My heart stuttered in my chest. “It's worth a lot, Colt. More than you know.”
It was difficult to sit there and listen to him say such sweet things. Mostly because I didn’t know what he meant. When he said I had him too, did that mean as a friend? More? Permanently? Temporarily? I wanted to ask, but as his hand slipped away from my shoulder, I knew I didn’t want to ruin the moment or cause him anymore duress.
Instead, with a featherlight touch, I reached out and laid my hand on his thigh. He jumped slightly, surprised by my touch. His green eyes swung up to me under the brim of his hat, surprise and joy written across his features all at once. I gave him a small nod before turning back to the road. Within a few seconds, I felt his hand land on top of mine, squeezing it affectionately.
Maybe I didn’t know what I was to him, but I knew I liked this. Whatever was between us, I wanted more of it. That would have to be enough for now.
We lapsed into silence again as I turned onto the long dirt road leading to my parents' farm. The familiar sight of the weathered barn and sprawling farmhouse came into view, but I found myself wishing the drive was longer. I wasn't ready to let go of Colt's hand just yet.
As we pulled up to the house, I reluctantly withdrew my hand and put the car in park. Colt cleared his throat, adjusting his hat nervously.
“Listen, Eli...” he started, his voice low and husky. “About Friday night...”
“Yeah?” I prompted, trying not to sound too eager.
He hesitated, then shook his head. “Never mind. We'll talk then.”
I nodded, forcing myself not to push him for answers. “Okay. Until then.”