13. Colt
Chapter 13
Colt
T hree days had passed since I’d had Eli’s dick in my mouth, and I still couldn’t stop thinking about him. True enough, I was the one that told him we had to stop, the one that said we could never be anything together. And while it was true, it didn’t stop me from hating myself for saying it. Because, the truth was, I wanted him so bad I could barely breathe.
But I knew I couldn’t have him. Colt Dawson the bull rider wasn’t gay, at least not publicly. What happened behind closed doors was fine, but I seriously doubted Eli wanted to spend the rest of his life hiding in the closet so I could go risk my life in the arena every weekend.
Wait… what was I talking about? We exchanged blowjobs once. That didn’t mean we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. My stomach twisted as the realization hit me. Did… Did I want more out of this than I was willing to admit? I’d never felt a pull this strong before and I definitely had never met anyone that made my stomach flutter every time he walked into the room. But that’s what happened with Eli every single time.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts as I walked into the barn. The smell of hay and leather filled my nostrils, grounding me back in reality. I knew I was supposed to be on bed rest still, but my ribs were feeling better, and I was starting to go stir crazy. Besides, I needed something to get my mind off of... whatever this was with Eli.
But as I rounded the corner, there he was, leaning against a stall door, looking like he'd stepped out of a damn fashion magazine. He had on a pressed shirt, slick designer jeans, and a pair of boots that looked like they hadn’t seen much real work yet. My heart skipped a beat, and I silently cursed myself for it.
“Fancy seeing you here, Dawson,” Eli huffed, a frown permanently affixed on his lips. “I thought you were supposed to be in bed?”
I swallowed hard, trying to keep my voice steady. “I needed to stretch my legs. I can’t sit in that bed all day forever.”
Eli's eyes narrowed, scanning me from head to toe. “You look like shit. Are you sure you should be up and about?”
I bristled at his comment, my pride stinging. I knew he was baiting me, but I couldn’t help myself. “I'm fine,” I growled, more aggressively than I intended. “What are you doing here anyway? Doesn't seem like your kind of place with all your fancy big city clothes.”
A flash of hurt crossed Eli's face before his usual mask of cool indifference slipped back into place. “This is my family farm, you know. Just because I left doesn't mean I've forgotten how to be around horses. But clearly, you’ve forgotten how to be a decent fucking person.”
Guilt gnawed at me despite how much I wanted to despise him. I still couldn’t stop thinking about that night we’d been so vulnerable with one another. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I missed that connection terribly.
“Look Eli… I’m sorry, I didn't mean?—”
“Save it,” Eli cut me off, pushing away from the stall. “I was just leaving anyway.”
As he brushed past me, the scent of his cologne filled my nostrils, and before I could stop myself, I reached out and grabbed his arm. The touch sent electricity through my body, and I saw Eli stiffen, his eyes widening in surprise.
“Wait,” I said, my voice hoarse. “I really am sorry. I'm just... I'm not myself lately.”
Eli turned to face me, his eyes searching mine. For a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of the same longing I felt reflected there. But then his walls came back up, and he pulled his arm free from my grasp.
“Yeah, well, who the fuck are you today then, huh?” he barked, throwing his arms wide. “Are you Colt Dawson the famous bull rider or are you Colt Dawson, the guy I grew up with?” Then he lowered his voice, making sure no hidden ears could hear. “Or are you Colt, the guy I sucked off the other night? Which persona is it today?”
“Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass?” I spat back, feeling the anger blaze in my chest.
“Why do you have to be such a dickhead? You’ve been pretending I don’t even exist for three days now. Why stop now?”
He went to turn away, but I grabbed his arm, wheeling him around a bit harder than I intended. “I’m not being a dickhead! I told you why I can’t… why we can’t…”
“Right,” he nodded, scowling down at me. “Because you’re scared. Because you’ll lose your rodeo cred. Because things just aren’t that simple.” He scoffed, trying to pull his arm away, but I held tight.
“It’s all I have.”
“And it’s gonna fucking kill you!” Eli snapped, the heat in his voice surprising me. “I’ve seen what you look like Colt! You’re being held together by bruises and scars from head to toe! One more bad ride and you either be in a wheelchair or in the fucking ground. But that doesn’t scare you, does it? No, of course not. You’re Colt fucking Dawson, the man everyone wants to be.” He lowered his voice, getting close. “Too bad Colt Dawson is a fucking sham. A facade to keep you from facing who you truly are.”
His words hit me like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of me. I wanted to fire back, to tell him he was wrong, but the truth was, every word stung because it was true. I loosened my grip on his arm, my hand falling away as I struggled to find my voice.
“You don't know what you're talking about,” I finally managed, but it sounded weak even to my own ears.
Eli's eyes softened for a moment, and he took a step closer. “Don't I? I've known you since we were kids, Colt. I've watched you push yourself to the brink time and time again. But this isn't just about the rodeo anymore, is it?”
I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry. “What are you talking about?”
“This,” he gestured between us, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Us.”
“There is no us,” I hissed, even as my body betrayed me, leaning closer to him. “There can't be.”
Eli's eyes flashed with hurt and anger. “Right, because you're too damn scared to admit what you really want.”
“I'm not scared,” I growled, but the words felt hollow.
“Bullshit,” Eli spat. “You're terrified. Terrified of what people might think, terrified of losing your precious reputation. But you know what, Colt? That reputation isn't worth a damn if it means running yourself into an early grave. When are you going to live your life instead of living for everyone else?”
His words hit too close to home, and I felt my defenses crumbling. “You don't understand,” I said, my voice cracking. “This is all I know. All I've ever been good at.”
“That's not true,” Eli said, his tone softening. “You’ve just never tried anything else.”
“But this thing… these feelings I have for you,” I whispered, my forehead nearly resting against his chest. “It’s… It’s just too big. And too fast. I don’t know how to handle it. I feel like I’m going crazy…”
“You’re not going crazy, Colt.” Eli’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me tight against him. “We have years and years of history. We grew up together. There’s only one tiny step between best friends and… well, something more.” He rested his chin on the top of my head. “I think we both took that step without realizing it.”
We were quiet for a long moment, just holding one another tightly as the realization sank in. Somehow, we were both deeply mired in the same feelings, ones that seemed to have come out of nowhere. It made me wonder if they’d been there all along and I’d just been ignoring them.
“I can’t quit the rodeo Eli,” I said at last.
He let out a long sigh. “I figured you’d say that.”
“And if… if something were to happen between us… nobody can know.”
Eli tensed in my arms, and I felt him start to pull away. My heart raced, afraid I'd said the wrong thing. But he didn't let go completely, just enough to look down at me.
“Is that what you really want, Colt? To keep this... whatever this is... a secret?”
I swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his gaze. “I don't know what I want,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “All I know is that I can't stop thinking about you, and it's driving me crazy.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of Eli's lips. “Well, that makes two of us.”
Before I could respond, he leaned down and captured my lips in a searing kiss. All the pent-up tension from the past few days seemed to explode between us. I groaned into Eli's mouth, my hands gripping his shirt as I pulled him closer. The kiss was hot and desperate, filled with all the longing and frustration we'd been holding back. His tongue swept across my bottom lip, demanding entrance, and I eagerly obliged.
As our tongues tangled, Eli's hands roamed down my back, settling on my hips. He pulled me flush against him, and I could feel the hard line of his arousal pressing against my stomach. The realization sent a jolt of desire through me, and I rolled my hips instinctively, drawing a low moan from Eli.
“Fuck, Colt,” he breathed against my lips, breaking the kiss. His eyes were dark with want as he looked down at me. “We shouldn't be doing this here.”
I knew he was right. Anyone could walk in and catch us at any moment. But the rational part of my brain was quickly being drowned out by the pounding of my heart and the fire in my veins.
“I don't care,” I growled, pulling him back in for another kiss.
Eli groaned against my mouth, his hands gripping my hips tighter. He spun us around, pressing me up against the stall door. The rough wood dug into my back, but I barely noticed, too caught up in the feel of Eli's body against mine.
His lips trailed from my mouth to my jaw, then down my neck. I tilted my head back, giving him better access as he sucked and nipped at my skin. My hands fumbled with the buttons of his fancy shirt, desperate to feel his bare skin under my palms.
“We have to be quick,” he muttered against my neck.
“It won’t take long,” I growled back, my hand slipping below his waistband.
Heat filled my hand as I gripped his cock, pulling it free from his jeans. My other hand unbuttoned my own, pulling my throbbing dick free at last. Pre-cum was already gathering at the tip, lessening the roughness of my hand. I gripped us both, feeling the warm metal of his piercing against my shaft. He thrusted against me, fucking my hand as his tongue invaded my mouth once more.
Our bodies moved together in a desperate rhythm, the friction between us building to an almost unbearable intensity. Eli's hands roamed my body, one gripping my hip while the other tangled in my hair, tugging just hard enough to send sparks of pleasure down my spine.
I stroked us faster, my hand slick with our combined pre-cum. The feeling of Eli's piercing sliding against my shaft was driving me wild, and I could tell from his ragged breathing that he was just as close to the edge as I was.
“Fuck, Colt,” Eli groaned, his forehead pressed against mine. “I'm gonna?—”
“Me too,” I gasped, my grip tightening as I felt the familiar tension building in my core.
With a muffled cry, Eli came first, his hot release spilling over my fist and onto my cock. The feeling of his pulsing member against mine, combined with the slick warmth of his cum, pushed me over the edge. I bit down on his shoulder to stifle my own moan as I came, my hips jerking erratically against his.
For a moment, we stood there panting, our bodies pressed together as we came down from our shared high. The reality of what we'd just done slowly started to sink in, along with the very real possibility of getting caught.
“Shit,” I muttered, reluctantly pulling away from Eli. I glanced around frantically, looking for something to clean up with.
Eli, ever prepared, pulled a handkerchief from his pocket. “Here,” he said, a smile on his lips. He made a couple quick glances across the barn. “We’re safe for the moment.”
As we cleaned ourselves up, the reality of what we'd just done started to sink in. My heart was still racing, but now it was from a mix of lingering arousal and growing panic.
“Fuck,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair. “That was...”
“Amazing?” Eli replied, a smirk playing on his lips as he tucked himself back into his jeans.
I shot him a glare, but I couldn't deny the truth in his words. “Reckless,” I finished. “Anyone could have walked in.”
Eli's smirk softened into something more serious. “I know. But Colt, we can't keep doing this dance. Sneaking around, pretending there's nothing between us.”
I sighed, leaning back against the stall door. “What do you want from me, Eli?”
“A date would be nice.”
I furrowed my brows. “You know we can’t do that.”
“I’m not talking about a candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant where we both wear matching t-shirts with rainbows on them,” he replied, stepping back over to me. “I’m saying, let’s go have lunch down at the diner. Nobody has to know we’re more than just friends.”
“But… people will know.”
“How? You and I already have history. As far as they know, we’re just two high school buddies catching up. And as long as you don’t put your dick in my mouth in the middle of the restaurant, we should be fine.”
I couldn’t help a small chuckle. He had a point I supposed. And getting away from the house for a bit did sound nice. What was the worst that could happen?
“Alright,” I sighed at last. “I’ll go to lunch with you. But not a word to anyone.”
“My lips are sealed.”
Eli headed for the barn’s exit, and I couldn’t help but heave another sigh. Anxiety was already welling up in my belly. What we were doing… it was dangerous, for me mostly. But I couldn’t deny I wanted this. Wanted him.
Eventually it was going to bite me in the ass. I just knew it.