Chapter 2
Chapter Two
There would never be a day when I’d be used to waking up so early for my shifts.
For some reason, day shifts always felt like they dragged on for far longer than nights.
My first coffee of the day, which I’d brought from home, was almost empty, and I still didn’t feel very human.
At least, not human enough to deal with Olivia, who always decided to call me just as the sun had barely risen.
She sighed into the phone. “Well, honey, I just think it would be a good idea, you know? Get out there, have some fun, maybe even find the one.”
“The one? Olivia, with all due respect—”
“Nuh-uh. Don’t go there with the respect bullshit. You know I’m right.”
Marcus laughed from the driver’s seat. I massaged my temples, closing my eyes to try to find a sense of willpower for the conversation she was trying to have.
“Sure, but your insistence on this is almost weird if you think about it, and I’m not sure that I want to keep having these types of conversations with you. ”
She gasped loud enough to hurt my ears. “Emerson Drew Blake, I know you did not just dismiss me like that! I am your best friend. Your only friend, actually.”
“Oh, my god.” I groaned.
“Shut up. I am trying to help you here! I just think you would benefit from prioritizing building new relationships now that you’re in a brand-new town in a brand-new district.”
Well, she didn’t have to mention it so plainly like that.
Now, it was all I could think about. I’d only been in Heaton Springs for a few weeks, and I barely knew anyone—aside from my partner, the people at work, and I saw Moon at the bakery the other day, which was surprising.
Though it probably shouldn’t have been. The idea of meeting new people in between settling down in my brand-new house in my brand-new neighborhood, while I learned completely new routes and locations, only made me anxious.
More anxious than I already was, which was my baseline.
The usual low ringing in my ears grew in volume, but only in my right ear, where Olivia was talking my head off. Even after all these years, I still tried to shake my head to get rid of it, though I knew it wouldn’t do anything.
A call came through the radio just before I planned to open my mouth and make Olivia stop her rambling. “Hold on, Ol.” Everyone and everything paused as we listened to the information relayed to us. “Gotta go, I’ll call you later.”
“Love you!”
“Love you too.” I stuck the phone back in my pocket just as Marcus pulled us out of the parking lot we’d been stationed at. I watched the signs as we went, trying to map everything in my head. I’d known Lindenbergh like the back of my hand, and now I knew nothing about anything.
Marcus took a couple of turns down a residential road with one hand. “Sounds like an argument between civilians. Hopefully, it stays verbal, and we don’t have to break any fights up this early in the morning.”
It was barely seven o’clock, and the ringing in my ears was already driving me up the wall. “I haven’t seen very many fights around here. Are they rare?”
“I wouldn’t say rare, but most people have enough sense in them around here. Not sure how your old town was, but it’s usually pretty mild around here.”
I thought back to all the usual calls we got in Lindenbergh.
They were usually tame with a few drug-related calls or the odd carjacking, but most of the time it was disputes, petty theft, or loitering.
Except for that one call. The one from six months ago, where my entire view of the town had changed.
Until then, I hadn’t even thought about people like Jude existing in our community.
He was a form of evil I hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting yet.
Homicide was such a rarity that we didn’t even have a dedicated homicide division.
Stepping into Elio Hampton and Crescent Miller’s home that night was like stepping into the Twilight Zone.
I’d never forget how hollow Moon looked when I clasped the handcuffs around his wrists and helped him off the floor.
I’d never seen him with light in his eyes, but deep down, I knew they used to sparkle.
That night, he’d lost it all. When I saw him at the bakery, it didn’t look like he’d found it yet, no matter if he’d admit to that or not.
I still hoped he’d call me, if only so I could take some of that burden and shine some light back into his big, cavernous brown eyes.
Something about him haunted and intrigued me all these months later, and I couldn’t wrap my head around the reason.
Marcus shifted the cruiser into park and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Oh, this looks real fun. Wonder what the story is gonna be.”
My hand was already on the door handle before I finally looked up at the scene. “Holy shit.”
“What? You recognize one of them?”
Oh, did I. The short platinum hair and sharp black tattoos I knew ran all the way down his arms beneath his sleeves were burned into my memory. “Yeah, you could say that.”
“Cool, I’ll let you lead then.”
I nodded as if I was confident, but my heart rate had already sped up, and the ringing had gone from amplified in my right ear to my left.
It was disorienting, to say the least. We got out at the same time, but Marcus stood back as I approached the two men, both of them arguing with their voices raised.
“I fucking saw you, asshole! Don’t even try to say you didn’t!”
“Oh, my god, you didn’t see shit! I wasn’t trying to steal your fucking bike.”
I stood off to the side, right between them. “Woah, woah, woah, what’s going on here?”
Moon turned his head, a scowl etched on his face. “What are you doing here?”
“My job. Gonna tell me what’s going on?”
He scoffed and shook his head, pointing to the man in front of him. “This asshole tried to steal my bike.”
The asshole in question intervened immediately. “That’s bullshit! It’s my fucking bike, and you know it!”
“No, it isn’t, you idiot!”
I put my hand between them, signaling Marcus over. “Alright, you two. Marcus is going to talk to you, and I’m going to talk to you. Separately.” I placed a hand on Moon’s shoulder, moving us away from the scene.
He sighed, rolling the bike alongside us. “I can prove this is my bike.”
Nodding, I looked down at the bicycle in question. “Okay, I believe you. What happened, exactly?”
He was wearing a turtleneck again, the black collar going all the way around his neck.
“I’m headed to my brother’s house, right?
I saw a patch of daisies right over there, and Cres and Elio have this weird thing with daisies.
Like, they’re in every painting Elio does just about.
Anyway, I leaned the bike against the wall so I could pick some.
When I turned around, that dude—who I’ve never met, by the way—had his hands on the handlebars and was walking away with it. ”
“Okay, what next?”
“I yelled at him to get away from my bike, grabbed the handlebars from him, then he looked all fucking guilty and shit, and then tried to say it was his. He kept yelling at me, claiming it was his, so I yelled back. I guess someone called you guys because we were being loud.”
I nodded along with him, though the ringing in my ears was close to drowning him out. It was getting harder to focus the louder it got. “Sounds pretty clean cut. I saw this bike when I left the bakery the other day. Can you just humor me, though? Show me how you can prove it’s yours?”
He went to the handlebars and peeled back a piece of rubber on them. The piece lifted easily, revealing the initials ‘MM’ etched into the metal underneath. “See? Those are my initials. I carved that just in case something like this happened, or the bike got lost.”
“Yeah, it makes sense. Hang tight for a sec, okay?” I made my way back to Marcus, who had the most bored expression on his face I’d seen in a minute.
The guy was still talking pretty loudly, moving his hands animatedly while he did. “Hey, Marcus. That’s definitely not his bike.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” Marcus cut the guy off. “Go ahead and get out of here, man.”
The guy’s jaw dropped as he sputtered a response out. “But…but that’s my bike!”
I stood my ground. “Either go, or we’ll force you to go. How’s that sound?”
He started to walk away, still grumbling, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I marched back over to Moon, who wore a pretty smug smirk. “You can head on to Crescent’s house now. Sorry about all that.”
“Thanks. I hate that we dragged you guys out here like that for something so stupid.”
“No problem, that’s what we’re here for. Who knows if he would’ve gotten violent?”
“I can take care of myself, but thanks.”
Moon had gotten back on his bike and was about to leave. “Hey, do you still have my card?”
“Uh, yeah. I do.” His big, sad brown eyes stared back at me, and I almost lost it right then and there. I’d never met someone whose pain was so obvious like that. At least, aside from my brother.
“Good. Use it.”
All I got was a nod before he finally took off, heading straight.
I didn’t know why I was so intrigued by him, but I couldn’t get him out of my mind, and now he kept showing up wherever I went.
There was something there. Something I couldn’t figure out yet, but I planned to. At least, I hoped I would.
Coming home to an empty house always reminded me of the gaping hole in my heart.
It was always there, ever present, through anything and everything I did.
The house echoed as I walked through it, and I tried not to look at the scattered boxes I still hadn’t unpacked.
A few of them would be left until the very last minute, just so I could pretend for a little while longer.
Pretending like the empty kitchen didn’t bother me in the slightest was hard. Pretending like I didn’t miss my home in Lindenbergh was also hard. Pretending like I wasn’t missing the complete other half of me every waking moment was even harder.
I showered, got changed, and prepared dinner for myself, all while pretending like there wasn’t a missing piece deep inside of me.
Just as I went to work every day, like my life was perfect and complete, and I wasn’t the loneliest I’d ever been in my life.
Back home, I had Olivia, who stopped by my house at least once a week and met up with me for breakfast or dinner pretty often.
I had friends who loved and supported me.
I’d indulge myself with random hookups with women who didn’t mind an older man in their bed.
I had been surrounded by people. Now, I was alone.
Sure, I could call Olivia whenever I wanted to talk.
Actually, she’d do that for me, always pestering and sticking her nose where it didn’t belong.
It was her way of showing me she still loved me, despite our failed marriage.
We were always meant to stay friends. That didn’t mean I didn’t miss our married life together.
It wasn’t the same, though. Phone calls and FaceTimes would never completely fill the void in my heart that yearned for human connection.
Not only that, but for a connection I’d had with Harrison that I couldn’t have anymore.
One that’d suddenly ceased to exist, and I still hadn’t learned how to cope with that.
Everyone said it’d get easier with time.
How could that be possible when time hadn’t existed for us, because our time started with each other?
God, I missed my brother. I didn’t think there’d ever be a time when I didn’t.
Trudging into my bedroom, I stopped by my dresser.
There we all were, a happy, healthy family of four with no worries or cares in the world, stuck in a picture frame, frozen in time forever.
Mom and Dad were smiling so wide, I could barely see their eyes.
They had their arms wrapped around me and Harrison, looking straight at the camera with so much love, it always brought tears to my eyes.
I’d been no older than fourteen in the picture.
Next to it was my second-most-precious photo. My twin and I, arms around each other’s backs, smiling wide with our identical dimples in each cheek. Harrison was holding a beer in his hand—his third one of the day.
I was forced to leave the photos there, my only reminders of when I’d actually had a family I could rely on.
My only saving grace was that Harrison and I were there for each other when Mom and Dad died, but then he did.
And it felt like I had no one. I’d been separated from the only person I’d ever truly, fully understood in life, and I was just supposed to deal with it.
As I crawled into my bed, tucking the blankets under my chin, I let them watch over me as I fought for sleep.
Alone. It was never easy to do. Sleeping, that is.
I kept a soundtrack of rain sounds in the background to try to focus on instead of the ringing in my ears, which had only gotten worse as my damn anxiety had gotten worse, which had skyrocketed since Harrison died so suddenly.
Sometimes, I still wondered if there was something more I could’ve done. If there was a way, I could’ve stopped it from happening. It always made the ringing worse, but I was a victim to it, and there was nothing else I could do.
Haunted, hollow eyes followed me into my fitful sleep. The deep, unspoken universe of pain Moon held within them called to me, though I wasn’t sure I was allowed to answer.