23 - Syrsee
What a trick he is
There is a scream , the likes of which I’ve never heard before. And in this scream comes understanding.
I have always known the vampire Paul. He’s been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. But it is in this moment here, when Echo is viciously yanked out of the mist and back into her reality, that I finally understand who and what he really is.
A demon.
Evil incarnate.
And the funny thing is, it’s not even Paul who forces this awareness.
It’s Josep. Who is Paul, but worse. Because he’s the one who just pulled Echo out of my mist and as Lucia and I stand in front of the mirror and watch, our mouths open in complete horror, he rips an arm right off her body.
I scream and Lucia slaps a hand over my mouth, leaning in to my ear. “Shhh.”
But it’s too late. The monster called Josep turns towards us, looking down into what must be a pool of water inside his lair, and he is snarling.
In one hand he holds Echo’s bloody limb and in the other, he’s got Ryet by his leg. Thankfully, still attached.
I put a hand over Lucia’s hand over my mouth, just to make double sure I don’t scream. My Ryet . Josep’s got him and he looks dead. He’s not moving, he’s covered in bite marks, and the only reason I don’t freak out about all this is because I don’t think he can die.
Surely, though, there are things worse than death. Even I understand this.
But as I think those thoughts, Josep is in my head, laughing. It’s the most sinister laugh I’ve ever heard. Could ever even imagine. And then he’s got a hold of me somehow.
Not my body, which is somewhere else in the lodge right now, but my mind that is here in the purple and gold mist.
Then we are somewhere else. All the gold is gone and there’s nothing left but the purple.
The magic of vampires.
Josep has given up all his beautiful pretenses. His long, pointed fangs are dripping blood and his eyes are dark, black, empty pits. His muscular blue-black body with fully outstretched wings looms large over me.
It’s not real. He’s not real. At least not here. We’re dreamwalking, Syrsee. It’s not real.
No matter how many times I try and convince myself of this, it doesn’t work. I’m shocked still with fear. I don’t do anything but stare at him, wondering how the hell I got here.
“The truth,” Josep says, his voice deep and rumbly. “That’s how you got here. You started asking questions. Which is a very stupid thing to do if you don’t want to know the answers.” He pauses here to laugh and smile. “Do you want to ask questions, Syrsee? Do you want answers?”
“I want you to leave Ryet alone,” I blurt. “Let him go or else!”
He laughs again, this time louder. “Or else what?”
“Or else… I’ll stop you. I’ll stop everything you’re doing and?—”
“I don’t need you!” His response cuts me off and it’s so loud, it shakes the space we’re in like an earthquake. “I don’t need you !” And now he’s growling at me. “I don’t need Ryet either. Paul does. And so…” He lets out a breath, like he’s collecting himself. Pulling back his anger. “And so, Ryet has to go.”
“Go where?” But as soon as the words come out, I know where.
“The endless, eternal nothingness of infinite Darkness.”
And then we’re there.
Or, rather, we’re nowhere. It’s an absolute sucking away of everything. No air to breathe. No lungs to breathe it. No light, no eyes, no sound, no ears.
Just nothing.
I can’t scream, I can’t talk, I can’t move .
It’s like being trapped inside… evil.
That’s the only way to describe it. I’m trapped inside evil.
“ No ,” Josep bellows. “You are evil, Syrsee. Just like me. Just like Paul. Just like Ryet. You. Live. Here . Inside the nothingness. For all eternity. And there is no way back.”
A vision appears in front of me. Like a movie, but I’m inside it. And I suddenly know everything . All the truth I ever wanted plays out around me. It’s like I read every book in the Guild library, and understood all the meanings of every word, all at once. I see the Darkness, and Josep, and Paul, and Lucia, and Ryet, and me. I see everything about all of them.
Josep spits words at me. “Oh, we’re just getting started, little Black witch. Keep watching!”
Time, or whatever it is, starts moving forward and I see everything that comes next. The end of Paul. The end of Ryet. The end of me.
But not the end, of course. Not really. Just the end of us as we know it.
Because what happens next when the Darkness takes over is a thousand years of Hell on Earth. Volcanoes, earthquakes, and floods. Blizzards, and wildfires, and heatwaves. Dust bowls and sandstorms. Landslides and sinkholes. Starvation and death.
This is what’s coming.
And as soon as I realize it, I understand that I am the cause.
Josep is laughing. “You,” he says through this laughter. “You feed us, Syrsee. You feed evil because you are evil. Without you, little witch, my reign here on Earth would not be possible.” His laughter dies and now he’s growling. Snarling out his words at me. “But make no mistake, without you, evil still exists. Because this world was made evil. It belongs to me .”
There’s a bright flash now. Orange, and red, and yellow. It’s like being inside a nuclear explosion. And this is when I see the truth. In this flash, everything is revealed. And it’s just like he said.
I am perpetual magic. I don’t control anything, I just feed the Darkness so I can make more evil. The horse and rider eating its own tail.
Eating my own magic to make more, and more, and more.
That is my only purpose.
I am not evil, I am just the source.
The flash ends and I slump to the floor of the misty place with all my mirrors. Lucia is bending over me as she screams words that I cannot hear.
No. The only thing I hear is my own voice inside my head telling me that I should’ve killed myself when I had the chance.
Because this is worse than death.
Maybe it wouldn’t have worked, but then again… maybe it would’ve?
For the first time I fully understand what’s at stake here.
It’s not about me and Ryet. It’s not even about Paul and Josep. It’s about good and evil.
It’s the black emptiness. The endless infinity of nothing.
I’m looking at the closest mirror as I think this and inside it is Josep’s beautiful face. His perfectly symmetrical face with the strong, square jaw. His black eyes go red, then blue, then purple and they start to glow.
I thought Ryet was handsome. I thought Paul was beautiful. No. Josep is the most exquisite man I’ve ever seen. He’s like an angel. Not made of light, though, made of Darkness itself. He speaks, and his voice is soothing now. “Would you like me to save him, Syrsee?”
Who? But I don’t even bother saying it. Because I already know. And anyway, Josep tosses Echo’s arm aside and reaches over to grab Ryet’s leg. He holds his body up like a prize. Ryet is upside down, limp and lifeless, his wings spread out across the cave floor, just a bunch of worthless feathers.
“Do I want you to save him?” I ask, repeating his question to me.
Josep smiles. Because he already knows the answer. But just in case I’m wavering, he adds, “You are part of me. You already know this. And that emptiness I took you to? That nothingness? That is not where you will go, Syrsee. That is what you are .”
He’s right. That is the truth I was looking for. And right now, I’m very, very sorry I ever started asking questions. I would give anything to be ignorant again.
As if he’s reading my mind, Josep says, “I can make that happen.” He holds Ryet up by the leg again. “I can give you ignorance, Syrsee. Give me your blood. All of it. And I, in return, will set you free. And as a bonus, I’ll set him free too. You and Ryet, living out eternity together. How does that sound? Good? Would you like that? To be ignorant? To go back to that day in White River when you were standing in front of the hardware store, plotting a runaway adventure?”
“How do you know about that?”
He laughs. “I know everything , Syrsee. I am Darkness and this is my realm. I can give you and Ryet that dream. I can put your minds back in that moment. I can trick you into believing it’s real, and the best part is, it can last forever!” He smiles, and wow. What a trick he is. So beautiful.
Magnificent promises . My grandma’s words fill my head. Be very sure about the man you give your heart to, my love. Because he will be your downfall. He will steal your soul .
But she wasn’t talking about Ryet. Or Paul.
She knew. I knew, because I am her. I knew that we’d get here eventually. And that I would have to make a choice.
I understand what Josep is offering. An eternal dreamwalk where all the things I could ever want are mine. Where all my desires become real.
What I don’t understand is what he’s getting out of it.
Because it’s not my soul. If I ever had one, that’s not it.
It’s something else.
Suddenly, there is a fluttering in my stomach. And for a moment I think it’s fear.
But then I know it’s not.
And this is what Josep wants.
The baby.
The new Darkness.
Something real. Not a cloud of black sand, or nanoparticles, or whatever the hell this creature is, but something with a body .
Which, circular thinking proves, is the essence of me and him. This thing standing in front of me. I hold a piece of it. If he could take it for himself, he would, and he hasn’t, so he can’t .
It’s mine.
The horse and rider.
Eating its own tail.
Power infinite.
That’s what I would be trading for his magnificent promise.
I hold up a hand and then slowly raise my middle finger. “Fuck. You.”
Josep swipes a clawed hand through the water, breaking the image into nothing but an endless series of ripples. And at the same time, he screeches at us. This noise is not anything I’ve ever heard before. It’s some kind of frequency and suddenly the mirror we are looking through shatters, exploding all around us.
Lucia and I recoil backwards, hands over our faces even though we both know this isn’t real and she’s not even alive. It’s just instinct. We end up on the ground, nearly drowning in the mist, as the glass settles around us.
Echo is gone and so is the doorway to Josep’s lair.
We just sit there for a few moments, breathing hard, trying to come to terms with what just happened. But even Lucia is at a loss. Because when she looks at me, she’s frightened.
I shake my head. “No. No, no, no, Lucia. You do not get to be the scared one here. You’re already dead!” I point at the empty frame that used to be a mirror. “That thing has Ryet! And he just ripped Echo’s arm right off her body! So, no! Fuck you! You do not get to be the scared one here! You’re the one who’s been calling me to this moment! You better have a fucking plan or I swear to God, I will… I will… follow you into the mist, or wherever the fuck you’re going, and I will ruin your happily ever after! Do you hear me ! Tell me the fucking plan !”