Chapter 11
ELEVEN
VIC
Iboard the plane for a straight connection to Texas, back to my old life, to Dani, and everything that’s home.
The flight seems to drag on for an eternity, but when the captain's voice crackles through the intercom, announcing that we are making our final descent into the Austin airport, I can’t help but feel a tinge of excitement at his words.
I grab my carry-on, and with my pulse thrumming in my veins just below my skin with anticipation, I step into the rental car that is reserved and waiting for me at the curb.
The temperature here is so vastly different from up north that it makes me start sweating.
I peel off my hoodie, which still smells of pine trees and crisp autumn air, and toss it into the back seat along with my bag before stepping in and driving away to see my girl.
The engine hums to life as I start the car, and it zooms onto the highway.
The city lights blur past the windows with each passing mile until I reach farm fields on the outskirts of town, where the landscape of our rural town comes into view.
I should be elated, brimming with joy because I'll be near her soon, and if I'm lucky, I'll be enveloped in her warmth for the entire weekend, or longer if I can help it.
Instead, unease envelopes me, and a reckless foreboding invades my thoughts.
To settle the whispers in my head, I try calling her again, but it goes to voicemail.
Her silence is more deafening, so I don’t leave a voicemail.
I should let her know that I’m on my way, but for some reason, I choose not to.
Now, I’m wondering if I misunderstood. Maybe she is working again tonight, trying to save up that much-needed cash to join me.
I know that sometimes she also picks up shifts for extra money because that was the plan, right?
To meet me as soon as possible? At least, that was my understanding.
But as I turn onto Dani’s street, a twinge of unease settles in me, twisting low in my gut.
I lift my foot from the gas, and ease forward, letting the familiar street slowly come into view.
The unease continues to grow, and dread begins to consume me.
I should be overjoyed that in just a few minutes, I’ll finally be holding her.
Yet, to settle whatever this is, I try calling her once more, but it goes straight to her preprogrammed voicemail.
Again, I hang up without leaving a message.
“I bet she’s working. That has to be it,” I say, snapping my fingers as if doing so will make it happen.
All I need are the magical words with a chant of abracadabra to go with them.
I hope that isn’t the case tonight, because it will seem like forever until I can see her, but so be it.
I’ll just show up and surprise her at work and wait until she gets out at eleven.
Will she be as excited to see me as I am to see her?
I slowly pass along the familiar homes close to ours, and that’s when I notice someone in her driveway.
At first, I don’t think much of it until I realize the car is one I’ve seen before, but for the life of me, I can’t place it.
A chill prickles at the back of my neck.
“Why can’t I place it?” I bring my hand to my chest as I feel it tighten there.
I try my best not to overreact and calm the beast inside that knows something is wrong with this situation.
The name, the face—it’s right there, just out of reach.
We have a solid relationship. I should trust her.
Although I know I shouldn’t worry, something tells me to pull over immediately, so I decide to wait there for a couple of minutes, giving me a perfect view while the engine idles.
I want to see who this is, and I’ll wait here for as long as possible.
My legs begin to shake nervously, and I’m jittery.
But I don’t have to wait too long because that's when I see them together.
I do a double-take to see if I'm imagining things.
I lean forward as if maybe I can hear the conversation.
My ears turn hot, and I swear I can feel my heartbeat thumping loudly in my chest. I try not to jump to conclusions, but it is getting harder to resist.
He’s holding a bag. Did he stay the fucking night?
My knuckles turn bone white from gripping the steering wheel like I envision gripping his throat, squeezing so tightly as I watch the light fade from his eyes when he realizes the grave mistake he’s made.
I don’t dare move as I try to calm the monster that wants to wreak havoc and ask questions later, breathing in and out like I used to when my father spewed his venomous words.
Then she hands him some keys, and he hugs her, kissing the top of her head, and I fucking lose it.
He holds her like she means something to him.
He looks at her like she’s his, and I wonder how long Dani and Brandon, my previous realtor, have been having this relationship behind my back.
I can hardly believe what I'm seeing, but it's undeniable. Did it happen as soon as I left? They are obviously together, and the thought makes me want to vomit. My brain screams in silent protest, rioting inside in what my lips refuse to voice aloud. She’s mine. She’ll always be mine.
I feel something inside me crack. My fists begin to shake, and I imagine him suffering a terrible fate at my hands.
Would Dani help me with the body this time?
No. Not for him, her new lover. The thoughts turn acrid in my mouth as my mind races, unraveling every small detail of the past couple of months.
I remember old phone calls, and how I thought I was imagining Dani’s clipped voice growing detached and distant with each passing day.
I blamed myself, calling it paranoia or my increased exhaustion from countless sleepless nights either studying or missing her, as well as having the most fucked up past to resurrect every insecurity I thought I had buried along with my parents.
I feel the betrayal first, knocking the breath out of me, leaving a hollow ache.
Then comes disbelief, not because she chose someone else, but that she did it so easily despite our instant connection and shared secrets.
Lastly, the rage. It’s all-consuming, made ten times worse by the knowledge that I meant so little to her as it implodes within me.
Everything I have done, I did for us and the future I wanted to share.
However, it was just a dream, nothing more.
I was too focused on climbing my way to the top by finishing medical school, becoming a doctor, forging a life as a partner and a husband.
I’ve been so consumed by my goals that I can’t shake the fear that what I left behind might be gone when I return.
And yet I clung to our love, stubbornly refusing to question that she would wait for me, even as the thought of her slipping away turned every moment into torment.
Maybe I’ll never get the reason I deserve, and be forced to accept that I’ve been replaced.
Unable to fathom any reason to further torture myself by staying to watch the rest unfold, I leave just as quickly as I came, my heart heavy and praying for bleach to scrub the scene from my eyeballs.
I drive in silence, my cold hands on the steering wheel, with a clear path straight to the airport, unable to escape the heavy thoughts swirling in a maelstrom of emotions roaring through my head.
I move on autopilot, dropping the rental off at the kiosk and grabbing my bag from the back as I walk to the departing terminal, quickly calling the hotel to cancel my reservation and informing them that I have an emergency that requires my immediate attention back home.
Just like that, my old life is gone. This is no longer my home.
As I board the plane with a newfound purpose, I feel my new identity begin to take hold of me.
It is filled with loathing and a relentless need to destroy, born from a shattered heart beyond repair.
There is no recovering, no returning to the man Dani once knew.
He is gone and buried, replaced by a coldness that envelops me, solidifying into something methodical and calculating in the wake of her absence.
I shut myself off from the emotions that threatened to consume me because I won’t allow myself to feel what I felt for Dani ever again or with anyone else.
She is the only woman I have ever loved and will love.
She holds all the power. Now, I fight the monster within that knows only pain and cruelty.
He is the one who has resurfaced, staying to protect me from ever feeling that way again. And I welcome him with open arms.