Chapter 29
Idon’t get a wink of sleep, even after crying for far too long into a warm bath.
As soon as I slammed the door to my room, I instantly regretted what I said to Bes.
How I treated him. He didn’t mean to say I’m unimportant; I know that now.
In the moment, I let my temper get the better of me, and we both paid for it.
Like Cec told me, he doesn’t often open up to people, and I’ve just set us back to the first time we met. Maybe even before that.
Whatever might’ve happened between Bes and I… I ruined it. Like I do everything else.
The lack of sleep did give me time to come to a conclusion about what to do next, though: I’m not waiting three days for Ansaldo’s team to go after Gurlitt.
Not only does three days give him far too much leeway, but I’m tired of being told what to do and where to be, whether I get to live or die under the order.
I’ve let them dictate my life since the moment Nonna received that telegram from the museum in Cairo—and likely long before that—and I won’t allow it anymore.
Besides, if what Nonna Alessa said is true about his interest in ancient Egypt, then Gurlitt may have more information on the Amulet of Amun—something the order’s collection doesn’t contain.
Tomorrow morning, I’m leaving to find Gurlitt, with or without Bes and Cec.
I could still run; that’s never not an option. But I don’t want to end up like my mother. Knowing what I know now, I value my own life too much to risk the God Men or the order’s wrath.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can’t go back to the way things were before. Not with Nonna, or my old life, or with Bes. All I can do is move forward.
And if I can prove I don’t need their idiotic leaf tattoos to complete a mission, maybe they’ll let me leave this place without pledging myself wholly.
In order to do that, however, I have to make a show of good faith by swearing the blood oath Ansaldo is so desperate for me to take.
Because, the truth is, even if the Order of Cavendi is the lesser of two evils, they possess weapons that the greater of the two evils cannot get their hands on.
I refuse to be the reason the Third Reich gains any ground. Even if that means my own death.
The blood oath merely stops me from speaking about the organization; it does not bind me to them. At the very least, it’ll buy me more time.
I hold on tight to this decision as I knock on Ansaldo’s office door. I shiver from the coolness of the stone around me, but that could be from the lack of sleep as well. I blink my eyes rapidly, raw and exposed, as I stare at the brushed metal, reminding myself I’m doing this for a reason.
“Miss Hawkins,” a familiar voice booms behind me, and I turn to find the man himself, wearing a similar variation of the outfit he always does. “What can I do for you?”
I swallow hard before my next words. “I want to take the blood oath.”
He pauses from taking the key out of his pocket to unlock his door. “You want to take the blood oath?”
“I suppose want is too strong a word for it,” I admit. “I’m ready to take the blood oath, to show that I mean the order no harm. That I can be trusted.”
He turns, eyeing me from head to toe with his dark, beady eyes. “If you’re truly ready, then you’ll have no issue with taking it now.”
“I’m not bluffing, Ansaldo,” I assure him. “If doing this is what it takes for you to trust me to leave this place, then I’m willing to do it.”
“And what about becoming one of us?” He folds his arms across his chest. “I haven’t forgotten.”
I stand up straighter. “Believe me, I haven’t either. I’ve only been here a few days; just give me some time to consider it further.”
He watches me, expression neutral, before speaking, “I suppose that’s only fair.”
Without waiting for a response from me, he heads back down the hall. I stumble after him, working to compose myself before we approach the tree of life. I knew he would agree to me taking the blood oath, but that doesn’t mean I’m wholly ready for it. Not after what happened the first time.
The hall is about half-full, with some of the initiates eating breakfast—including Bes and Cec. I don’t care for this much of an audience, but at least now there’ll be plenty of people to spread the rumor that I’ve finally taken the blood oath.
Bes is slouched and sulking in a chair at the head table, picking at his food with his fork. Cec, on the other hand, remains content at his side, taking a healthy bite of pastry.
We’re about to pass the table when Bes finally looks up. Hurt flashes across his face when he sees me, but it’s quickly replaced with confusion when he notices Ansaldo at my side. I don’t slow.
“Miss Hawkins?” he wonders softly, almost as if he wants to call out to me but can’t. I flinch at him using my last name again.
“What’s happening?” Cec asks, mouth full.
I ignore them. Approaching the tree, I kneel before the bowl without ceremony. Ansaldo takes his place beside me without hesitation, though the ritual blade at his hip remains unsheathed. I forgot that the tree already took the two drops of my blood required.
“Miss Hawkins, what are you doing?” Bes asks at my back.
“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Cec asks, concern tainting his words now. I glance over my shoulder at him to find worry furrowing his brow, his milky eyes squinted in alarm.
“I’m taking the blood oath,” I say, throat dry.
“Why?” Bes asks, although it almost sounds like an accusation. He hoped I would hold out, the way he never could. Something pricks inside my chest. I hate disappointing Bes.
“Because it’s the only way I’m ever getting out of this place,” I offer, not wanting to get into the other reasons right now.
Bes comes up beside me without touching me. “You don’t have to do this. What happened last night—”
“What happened last night was inevitable,” I cut him off, my own words tasting like ash in my mouth.
When I look at him, I try to convey through my eyes that I have other reasons for doing this, and he’s just going to have to trust me.
After a moment, his lips part and his features soften in understanding before he nods imperceptivity. I glance behind me as murmurs begin to arise from the others eating breakfast, a few even getting to their feet to see what all the fuss is about.
I clench my hands into fists as my knees dig into the stone. “Let’s get this over with.”
Ansaldo smiles. “Happily.” He gestures to the tree. “Place your hand on the bark and repeat after me: I, Amelia Hawkins…”
I do as he asks, the bark smooth against my healing fingertip. “I, Amelia Hawkins…”
“Swear to never reveal the precise location of the Order of Cavendi.”
“Swear to never reveal the precise location of the Order of Cavendi.”
“Nor repeat the full name, the Order of Cavendi.”
“Nor repeat the full name, the Order of Cavendi.”
“Nor share who its leader is, or who any other Themis’s in the organization are.”
“Nor share who its leader is, or who any other Themis’s in the organization are.”
“Upon pain of death.”
“Upon pain of death.”
Ansaldo gets to his feet.
Removing my hand from the tree, I look up at him. “That’s it?”
“Believe me, it’s plenty,” he assures me, expression serious. “And I don’t think I need to remind you: it’s quite binding.”
“No, I recall,” I mutter, hoping I never have to stab my left foot with my father’s switchblade for some unfathomable reason.
“What about the word I need to know?” I wonder. “The one I’ll have to say to activate the oath?”
Bes kneels down beside me and points at an etching in the bark I didn’t notice above the bowl: LETHUM.
“It means death in Latin,” he explains.
“Subtle,” I mutter.
“Now that that’s settled,” I continue, getting to my feet and turning my back on Ansaldo, “I need to speak with you.” I glance at Bes and Cec. “Both of you, privately.”
Ansaldo bows wordlessly and hurries off, leaving me with Bes, Cec, and dozens of watchful eyes.
I take their hands and pull them into the hallway, toward my room.
Before I can ask them anything, Cec slams the door. “What the hell, Hawkins? You decide to take the blood oath without telling us?”
I put my hands on my hips. “Since when do I need your permission to make a decision for myself?”
“Never, but you could’ve at least warned us,” Bes adds.
I glance at him and away again, embarrassed for what I did yesterday. “I only came to the conclusion last night, when I couldn’t sleep.”
Neither of them say anything.
“It was the right thing to do,” I say finally. “Ansaldo was never going to let me leave without swearing that oath.”
“He won’t allow you to leave until you bear the ouroboros tattoo, either,” Bes argues.
“I know, but I’m hoping it’ll soften him up for what I’m about to do.”
“Have you heard anything more about what Nonna Alessa told us?” I ask before either of them can ask me what I mean. “About the Ahnenerbe?”
“Only rumors,” Cec admits. “We only heard it for ourselves from the Maestro. When I spoke with my father about it, he said we’ll have to find a way to place someone on the inside, to get a complete idea of what we’re up against.”
“And what about Gurlitt?” I wonder.
“We’ve narrowed down his location to the Gutenberg Castle in Balzers, Liechtenstein,” Bes interjects, “where he’s staying with an acquaintance, and the owner of the castle.”
I swallow, not sure how the two of them will react to my next suggestion. “I have a proposition for you.”
Cec grins. “Not that you’re not my type, Hawkins, but this is neither the time nor place for it.”
I slap his arm with the back of my hand. “No, you idiot. I want to go after Gurlitt before the order does.”
The pause afterwards is heavy, filling the room with uncertainty. I have no idea how they’re going to react, but at least they’re not saying no outright.
“Why?” Bes asks finally.