23
TJ
I slid fully and completely into love on a Wednesday in November. I’d been heading full-speed ahead in that direction for weeks, but in the middle of the afternoon on an otherwise mundane Wednesday, the last piece of my heart slid into place with an inaudible click.
No declarations were made. No promises given. Just the smile of a boy with sunbeams streaming in from the window behind him, lighting up his golden blond hair like spun gold.
Jimmy was sitting at his desk and turned as I entered our room. And I saw it, the split-second recognition dawned and his face lit with a smile. It happened so fast—he had to have known it was me entering—but the way his expression transformed into one of utter delight had my heart tripping, skittering and stuttering, and then settling.
I was filled with warmth and a sense of rightness so complete I nearly took a step back with the impact.
I crossed the room in three strides, yanking him out of his chair and pulling him into my arms. He gave a surprised “Oof”
and then melted into me as I claimed his mouth. My hands came up to either side of his face as I held him in place while my tongue swept inside.
It had been nearly two weeks since Halloween. Since I’d found out about the audition and asked Jimmy to go with me. Twelve days of toggling between excitement over the opportunity and fear of how it might affect our relationship. Too many moments when I’d caught him staring at me with a wrinkle of worry creasing his brow.
All that faded as we stood in our room, wrapped in sunbeams and clinging to each other, kissing as if our lives depended on it. Without releasing him, I stepped backward and he followed until the backs of my legs hit the edge of my bed.
“I want you,”
I said into his mouth. “All of you. I want to fuck you.”
I bit his lip. “Or you can fuck me. I don’t care. I’m vers. I just… I need…”
I brushed my thumb across his cheekbone. “I don’t want to know where I end and you begin.”
Jimmy surged forward and kissed me, surprising me so much that I pulled him down with me as I fell backward onto the bed. We laughed as we landed in a heap with him sprawled across me, but the laughter faded as something more solemn passed between us. There was a moment happening here, something bigger than the both of us. “I think I want you to fuck me. I mean, I know I do. I just… What if I don’t like it?”
“Then we stop, and you fuck me instead. Or we do something else that you’re more comfortable with.”
“I want to try.”
“Do you want to ride me? Or do you want me on top?”
He flushed all the way to his ears. “When I’ve imagined it, you’re on top.”
I grinned, even as I cursed the way my jeans were suffocating my dick, which had attempted to flex at his words. “You’ve been imagining it, huh?”
“Pretty much since we started dating back in September.”
I flipped us so he was lying on his back and I was straddling him. I whipped off my hoodie and T-shirt and ground my erection into his. “You should have said something.”
“I liked all the other stuff too. I was enjoying the journey.”
He flashed me a cocky grin, or at least as cocky as Jimmy ever got. I loved it when he got sassy with me.
I leaned forward and kissed him, sighing as he slid his hands up my torso and chest, trailing his fingers along my bare skin. I dragged my lips down his jaw, nipping and licking until I found his earlobe and bit gently. He hissed and bucked his hips up, sending sparks along my spine as his erection rubbed against mine. I continued to trail my lips down the column of this throat, becoming frustrated when I came into contact with his shirt and was barricaded from going any farther.
Too many clothes. We are wearing too many clothes.
I hopped off the bed and began unbuttoning my jeans. “Off,”
I said. “Clothes off.”
Apparently, I’d been reduced to a caveman, unable to utter complete sentences. Jimmy didn’t seem to mind as he moved to comply. While he finished undressing, I grabbed supplies from my drawer and tossed them on the bed, taking in the sight of all that creamy white skin laid bare for me. “You’re so fucking beautiful, sunshine.”
I didn’t give him an opportunity to respond as I climbed on the bed, swinging one leg over his slender hips so I was straddling him. I lowered myself until our bodies were flush against each other, skin against skin. He gave a little shiver beneath me, and I groaned at the delicious contact of his dick brushing against mine. Sliding forward, I pressed a kiss to his forehead, his nose, and then his lips, forging a path along his throat to his collarbone, working my way down, down, down, past his sternum and his happy trail to the thatch of blond curls below his waist.
His dick jutted out proudly, the pink tip straining, begging to be touched. I trailed my tongue down his length but didn’t stop to explore farther, instead continuing my path lower. I mouthed each of his balls, then gently pushed his thighs open so I could get a good look at his hole. The room had been dark the last time I’d been in this position, but I was gratified to see that the dusky pink color of his hole was exactly as I’d imagined.
“I can’t wait to be inside here,”
I said just before flattening my tongue against his entrance in a long, thick stripe.
He whined low and guttural as I repeated the motion over and over again, lapping at him like an ice cream cone.
I trailed my tongue back up, sucking his dick into my mouth as I patted around the bed with my hand until I found the lube. I blindly poured some into my palm, hoping I wasn’t making a mess, but unwilling to stop my assault on his dick to look properly. I continued licking and sucking as I slid my fingertip inside him, teasing his entrance, pulling out and pushing back in but not pressing any farther inside.
Clearly frustrated, he raised his head off the pillow and glared at me. “More,”
he demanded before flopping his head back down.
I gave his dick a long, slow suck, applying as much suction as I could manage while simultaneously pressing my finger all the way in as far as it would go. He groaned, and I held still for a moment, allowing him to adjust to the intrusion. When he wiggled his hips, I pulled my hand back and pressed forward again. And again. Over and over, adding another finger and then another until he was fully stretched around me.
I pulled my mouth away and looked at him, keeping my hand right where it was. “You ready, sunshine?”
“Please,”
he whined.
I slid my hand out and picked up the condom, dropping it twice before getting it open and rolling it on. My hands were shaking as I squirted out more lube and slicked myself. I’d been a horny teenager. I’d experienced lust and want and desire, just like most guys I knew. But this need I had for Jimmy was different. It was all-consuming, as if every atom in my body was focused exclusively on possessing him. I was shaky and lightheaded with it.
I leaned forward, lining myself up with his entrance, holding there while I took a deep breath. My eyes trailed up, needing to see his face, needing the emotional connection as much as the physical one.
Jimmy’s eyes met mine and he nodded, as if he knew I was asking permission one more time. Permission to enter his body. Permission to take this next step. Permission to irrevocably change our lives in ways I couldn’t possibly predict.
I would be changed though. I was certain of it.
I slid forward, pressing into him slowly, watching his face for any sign of pain or indication that I should stop. His eyes never wavered from mine as I sank in farther, pausing in increments to allow him to adjust. I wasn’t a huge guy, wasn’t hung like a horse. It wasn’t something I’d been particularly concerned with, but now, as I continued to sink into him, I was grateful. Because it meant I was a perfect fit for him.
His eyes finally slipped away from mine as I closed the last bit of distance, my hips pressed flush against his ass, fully seated inside of him. “Baby, you okay?”
I asked, breathing through gritted teeth as I did my best to hold still while every fiber in my being screamed for me to move.
His eyes flicked back to mine, the intensity in them eviscerating me. “I need… I want… I don’t know what I need. Move? I think I need you to move.”
I nodded, pushing his knees closer to his chest as I slid almost all the way out and then plunged back in.
“Oh. Oh shit. Do that again.”
So I did. And again. Sliding in and out of his body over and over in rhythmic strokes, performing a choreography as old as time. He whimpered and whined and grunted, spurring me on as I picked up the pace. My body found a home in him every time I bottomed out, the slap of our skin saying mine, mine, mine and I love you and you’re my everything.
Knowing I was quickly approaching imminent release, I fisted his cock and began to stroke him as I tilted my hips up with each stroke, trying to find his prostate.
“Fuck,”
he shouted when I finally found it. “Fuck. Oh shit. Oh goddamn. Jesus.”
And then he clenched his jaw and his entire body stiffened as he erupted in my hand.
I followed suit, slamming home one final time and holding there as my cock pulsed inside him, filling the condom.
It was exactly what I’d been looking for. That moment when I lost track of where I ended and he began. And it was so much more than I could have ever imagined.
“Are you nervous?”
We were still naked, lying in bed, curled around each other, basking in the afterglow. Jimmy had one of my hands in his and was tracing his fingers over my knuckles in an oddly soothing pattern. We both had things to do this evening. He was working a shift at the library while I was teaching a couple of classes at the studio in trade for someone covering my classes tomorrow. We should be showering off the stink of sex before we had to go back out into the real world, but I couldn’t bring myself to move from this spot.
I thought about Jimmy’s question—we were set to head to Chicago tomorrow after classes in order to be there for my meeting and audition on Friday. “Yes and no. As a general rule, I don’t get nervous for auditions. I trust my abilities as a performer, but it’s out of my control whether someone else thinks I’m a good fit for a role. On the other hand, I’ve never auditioned for something like this before, where there’s this much on the line. It’s hard to know what to expect.”
He was quiet, letting that sink in while he continued the rhythmic motion of his fingers on mine. “You’re a wonder to me. The confidence you have is astounding. Is there anything that scares you?”
Losing you. Was losing Jimmy the price I’d pay if I got this role? It wasn’t a conversation I was ready to have yet. Not when I was lying in bed with him after the best sex of my life. Not when I’d just realized I was in love with him. Maybe not ever.
So I deflected. “Spiders. Calculus. Needles. I want to get a tattoo, but I’m terrified of needles.”
“Really?”
He propped himself up on his elbow to look at me. “What would your tattoo say?”
“I kind of want to get something for each of my shows. Though I’m not sure how far back I’d go. I think my first theater camp was when I was nine.”
“What would you get from Rent?”
“I’m not sure. Probably a lyric from “I’ll Cover You”
or “No Day But Today.”
Or maybe I won’t do a lyric at all. Maybe I’ll just get an image of the sun.”
He stared at me long and hard, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine, and then he leaned in and kissed me. It was deep and slow and filled with emotion, and when he pulled back, his eyes were moist, though he blinked a couple of times in an effort to clear them.
“I think that’s perfect,”
he whispered. And then, as if a switch had been flipped, he pulled away and climbed out of bed. “I have to shower,”
he said, pulling on a pair of sweats and grabbing his towel and shower supplies. He gave me a weak smile as he shut the door behind him, leaving me alone in the room.
And why did I suddenly feel the need to cry too?