Chapter 10 #2
There are pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon and French toast, all still hot from the looks of the steam coming off them. But also various sliced fruits, yogurt, and a couple of types of cheese with butter and jams that could all go with the white and brown rolls in the breadbasket.
“Is there any breakfast left downstairs,” I wonder, cracking a joke rather than get emotional…again.
Julian chuckles and indicates that I should help myself. “I was pretty sure you didn’t have any dinner either, and after all that alcohol and then…other activities…I figured we’d both appreciate a hearty meal.” He glances up from the mango he just slid onto his plate. “Don’t worry, I paid for it.”
That hadn’t even occurred to me, but I appreciate it.
As much as I’d love to be blasé and tell him he could have charged it to my room, this whole wedding has cost me an arm and a leg.
I shouldn’t really be staying the extra couple of nights, but I threw caution to the wind figuring my mental health was more important than my bank balance in this instance.
However, an outrageous breakfast bill probably would have made me feel more guilty than anything else.
“Thank you,” I say shyly.
Once I’m loaded up with pancakes, banana, and bacon, all covered with maple syrup, I take a second to breathe and truly appreciate how incredible this moment is.
“Really, thank you,” I repeat. “No one’s ever…I mean, I haven’t really done something like this before. It’s all a bit grown up.”
“You’re welcome,” he says warmly. “I thought you deserved some spoiling.”
I’m not sure what to say in response to that. I can’t exactly agree, can I? That would come off as arrogant or conceited. Yes, I’m so special, Daddy! Buy me shit!
So instead I just give him another shy smile, and for a while, we happily dig into our food with the gentle breeze and birdsong as our only soundtrack.
The calories are greatly appreciated, but after a while I’m able to slow down and just sip on my coffee.
I’ve let it go a little cool, but as I look out over the forest, it’s really not that much of a tragedy.
Now I’m not being distracted by my stomach, though, my thoughts begin to whirl. The silence starts to feel more awkward than peaceful.
“So, um…” I utter, not even sure what I want to say.
Julian raises his eyebrows at me, but then I think he realizes I’m floundering. “So,” he agrees with that warm smile that puts me at ease again. “Your sister said you’ve got this room for a couple more days. Have you made any plans, or do you think you’ll just relax?”
“Oh, definitely just relaxing,” I scoff. “The most taxing thing I plan on is getting a massage, but even then, I might not bother. Glorious nothing is the only thing on my agenda.” I glance down at the table. “And maybe some more room service.”
“Excellent plan,” he commends me. It’s a silly compliment, but it buoys me all the same.
My audacity gets the better of me before my nerves can remind me to be sensible.
“You’d be more than welcome to stay, too…if you wanted.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, regret floods through me like a wave of icy water.
But instead of gracelessly rebuffing me or giving me some bullshit about how he’s remembered he’s got to wash his hair, he takes a moment to ponder.
I watch as he runs his thumb against the rim pf his coffee cup, holding my breath for an answer.
“I wish I could, Romeo,” he says. Maybe it’s pathetic, but I feel like he’s being sincere. Then he looks up and meets my gaze, and I know he is. “In fact, I’d love to. But something tells me that if I stay much longer, it’s going to get even more impossible to leave.”
I’m charmed that he thinks so highly of me. But also sad that he appears set on going. “And leaving is firmly on the agenda, right?” He sighs and nods, glancing out into the tree branches as they sway, like they’re dancing for us. “Are you married?” I blurt out.
“What?” he cries, looking back at me with a startled laugh. “No, nothing like that, I promise. I really haven’t been with anyone for a very long time.”
Relief makes me sassy. “Could have fooled me last night,” I tell him before popping a blueberry in my mouth.
He shakes his head at my grin. “Thank you, but I mean it. My life has been upside down for ages and that hasn’t really left any room for a relationship.”
I want to jump in and point out that I’m not suggesting a relationship, just some more hanky-panky. But I catch a sadness in his eyes that stops me.
Plus…I’m not not suggesting dating, and I know it.
Concerned at the hurt I can see, I sit up straighter in my seat. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is it still upside down, then?”
He bobs his head from side to side. “Not really in a practical sense.” He sighs heavily then offers me a smile that doesn’t reach his troubled eyes.
“My dad passed away a couple of months ago. He had a long battle with cancer. Before that, we lost my mom to ALS. Now they’re both at peace and together again, and I’m grateful for that.
The logistics of dealing with their affairs are pretty much done, too. It’s just…”
He rubs over his heart, his grief painfully clear. I want to burst into tears for him. Instead, I carefully get up from my chair and—throwing caution to the wind—boldly sit across his lap, draping my arms around his neck and tucking my head against his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry, Julian. Were you close?”
“Very,” he says tightly, stroking my back even though I’m the one that’s supposed to be comforting him. “They were wonderful people and I wish I’d had more time with them. But I also thank God every day that I was blessed with as many years as we had. I know not everyone has that.”
He squeezes my side and I pretend like I don’t know exactly what he’s referring to. Except there’s no hiding from this man, it seems, and I also remember that I don’t want to.
“I’m glad you had great parents,” I tell him truthfully. “It doesn’t seem fair that they were taken from you too soon when people like my folks…”
I can’t finish the sentence. I genuinely don’t wish my mom and dad bad health or fortune or whatever. But I can also be sad that good people get sick and leave us while others might greatly outlive them.
For a few minutes, Julian just cradles me as we both feel our feelings. Then I take a shaky breath and look up at him again. “I can’t believe you’re going through all that and yet you still volunteered to help my sister out like you did.”
He chuckles ruefully and nods. “I did take some time to really think if it was going to mess with my head. But soon enough, I realized it would heal me more than anything, and I was right.”
A strange pride fills my chest. It’s not like I did anything to make this situation happen other than be born and disappoint my parents every moment since.
However, I love that Julian’s also apparently the kind of person who recharges his batteries and mends his heart by bringing joy and hope to others.
“That’s because you’re a firefighter, Captain Daddy,” I tell him. He gives me an exasperated look, but I just broaden my grin at him. “You help people. It’s your calling.”
He considers me for a moment. Our faces are so close I could easily lean in and kiss him, but it doesn’t feel like the right moment.
“It is my calling,” he says. “Taking care of the One-Thirteen is more than just my responsibility. It’s my world.
If I lose focus, maybe someone doesn’t make it home.
Or they might be struggling with something and I don’t see it.
I’d give my life for any of those annoying-as-hell bastards.
” He chuckles, and I can see how much he really does care.
“They’ve always been like family to me, but now I’m not caring for my pops anymore, it’s obvious they really are family. I can’t let them down.”
“Of course you wouldn’t let them down,” I say sincerely, knowing it to be true even after only knowing this man barely a day. “But I’m guessing that doesn’t leave much room for much else.”
I try not to take it personally in any way. I’m still just a tiny bit wistful, is all. I’d quite like it if Julian Valentine made room in his life for me. I’m only little, I wouldn’t take up a lot of space, I swear.
At least he gives me a remorseful look. “I feel like I’ve been running on empty for so long now,” he explains. “It wouldn’t be fair on anyone to try and start dating. No matter how much I like the idea while they’re sitting on my lap.”
My breath whooshes from my lungs and I stare at him while my ears ring. Did he…
“Are you saying…” I begin, but yet again don’t know how to finish.
Julian fiddles with the belt on my robe, looking at his fingers while he thinks. “I’m trying to do the right thing, Romeo. I promised your sister I wouldn’t mess you around, so I won’t. But…if I maybe gave you a call in six months, would you consider picking up?”
I try and play it cool for approximately half a second. “Yes!” I blurt out. “Are you kidding? Yes, Julian. I’d love that. I’ve never met anyone like you before and I think there’s something kind of magic between us, right?”
“Right,” he agrees with a soft smile.
It takes everything I have not to shake him and say that I’ll take whatever I can get from him right now so long as he doesn’t disappear from my life today.
But he’s made it very clear that he’s been through some gut-wrenching heartbreak and is barely coming out the other side of if now.
I respect that completely. In fact, setting clear boundaries and considering what’s best for not just his well-being but mine as well is actually a huge green flag.
“I don’t want to hold you back, though,” he continues with a frown that I don’t like. “It might be longer than six months. I have no idea what my life is going to look like moving forward. I don’t want you hanging around while I’m stumbling my way through, trying to find a new normal.”
I roll my eyes and use my finger to smooth out the wrinkle between his eyebrows.
“Why don’t you let me worry about that, Mr. Hotshot Fire Captain, hmm?
Just trust that if you feel like dropping me a line, do it.
Don’t cockblock yourself because you think I won’t want to hear from you. I pinkie-promise I absolutely will.”
He blinks at me a second. “I wasn’t sure you’d be interested in anything more than last night,” he admits.
It’s my turn to be vulnerable now, and I shrug against him.
“Do I keep people at arm’s length to try and prevent them from hurting me?
Yeah, I think you worked that out yesterday, smarty-pants.
But the idea of never hearing from you again scares me more in this instance than the fear that you’ll rip my heart to shreds.
Neither of us can know what’s going to happen in the future, but…
please trust that the idea of seeing you again one day will make me very happy. ”
“That’s what I promised last night, wasn’t it?” he murmurs. The energy between us has shifted, and my lips are suddenly awfully close to his. “To make you happy.”
“Exactly,” I inform him, my heart swelling…as well as another part of my anatomy. “And Daddy Captains shouldn’t break their promises, should they?”
He huffs and narrows his eyes, but his objection to my nickname doesn’t appear to dampen the tension sizzling between us. Instead, he switches tactics and nuzzles our noses together, amping up the heat.
“Okay, Diamond,” he says, his breath ghosting over my lips. “I promise not to lose your number. Once I get you to put it in my phone, that is.” I giggle and trace my fingers along his skin just underneath the lapel of his robe.
As if I wouldn’t leave the porch light on for a guy who calls me Diamond, for fuck’s sake.
“Just so we’re clear,” I say, shivering as his palm slides over my thigh. “I am very definitely interested in something more than last night. Both in six months…and right now.”
“Oh, thank Christ,” he utters, standing up with me in his arms and knocking back his chair all at once. I shriek in delight. “Please can I take you back to bed, bad boy?”
“You better, Captain Daddy,” I tell him with a laugh. He’s already marching us back inside, and my heart is racing. “Otherwise, I might just have to set something on fire to get your attention.”
“Trust me, Romeo, you already have my undivided attention,” he growls.
At least I do for now, and that’s a hell a lot better than what I thought I’d gotten when I woke up.
If I’m being honest, diving headfirst into a relationship would probably be a really bad idea from both our sides.
He might think he’s a mess, but he’s got a lot of years’ experience on me.
I’m still trying to work out so much stupid stuff.
So if that means I’ve gone from thinking he snuck out while I was sleeping to clinging onto the hope that he’ll call me for a date when he’s ready, I’ll take it without hesitation.
I’ll take everything this man wants to give me.