Chapter 14 #2
He proceeds to show me where various things are stored and briefly tells me how to use the oven and microwave. But I’m not really paying much attention. I’m just fixating on getting out of here.
Some logical part of my brain knows he’s only being kind. But this feels like a trap. Like he’s saying all this now, but if I do actually help myself to a steak or fix myself a drink, I’m going to accidentally break a rule anyway and then he’ll be mad.
The last thing I want is for this incredible man to be mad at me.
No, much safer to stick to buying my own food and staying in my own space and…
God, I’m starting to feel kind of panicky and claustrophobic. This is all too much. My brain can’t cope with everything that’s happened since I woke up just a few hours ago. I started the day luxuriating in a little slice of heaven and now I’m careening aimlessly through a nightmare.
I don’t want to be homeless, but accepting this much from Julian is making me want to start running and not look back. How can I possibly repay him? I’m not worth all this fuss.
“Romeo?” he says, and I blink back into the present moment, wondering if he’d tried to get my attention before.
“Hm?”
“Are you all right?” he asks with a concerned frown.
“I know you’re going through a lot. But I don’t want you worrying about me or us or anything.
You’re more than welcome to stay as long as you need.
And I’ll give you as much or as little space as you want.
” He checks his watch and grimaces. “Starting now, unfortunately. I really need to get back to my team. But only if you promise me you’re okay. ”
I manage a smile and quickly negotiate with myself.
No, this doesn’t really feel okay to me, certainly not in the long run.
But for right now, surely I can manage to take a breath and chill in the free apartment that’s been handed to me on a silver platter.
I can be gracious and not reject his incredible generosity.
That would be so offensive, and I’d be cutting off my own nose to spite my face.
Until I hear from the inspection team, I need to surrender and accept that Julian wants me to stay here, so that’s what I’m going to do. And I’m going to be damn well thankful to have met such a ridiculously kind person at just the right moment in my life.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I assure him somewhat truthfully. “Just, um, you know. Way too much to process at the moment. I think I need a cat nap.”
He nods and squeezes my arm through my blouse, making my skin feel like fire in the best possible way.
“Sleep genuinely will help. Your mind needs time to recover. So make yourself at home, and I’ll be back at around nine tomorrow morning unless there’s another emergency.
If so…” He pulls his phone out and taps the screen a couple of times.
My own phone vibrates in my pocket, and he grins.
“If so, I’ll message you. And now you have my number in case you need to get in touch.
It’s best to text rather than call in case I’m in the middle of something, but you can reach out at any time you need. Cool?”
“Cool,” I repeat with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. The need to pass out is becoming overwhelmingly urgent, and my feet feel sluggish as I follow him back out the front door with heavy eyelids. “I’ll be fine, though. You don’t need to worry about me. You’ve been so nice.”
My voice catches on the last word as several emotions overwhelm me. Gratitude. Embarrassment. Regret. Hope. Guilt. Fear.
Lust. Yup, it seems kindness can definitely be a kink.
Not sure what else to do to stop myself bursting into tears, I stumble forward and fling my arms around him. He immediately melts against me, pulling me tightly against him.
“Thank you,” I mumble into his shoulder.
“You’re more than welcome,” Julian assures me. “You’re dead on your feet. Why don’t you go back inside and work on that nap while I order an Uber. They’re usually here pretty fast. You don’t need to wait.”
I sniff and drag myself back together, or something close enough. “Thank you,” I say again, because I probably won’t ever be able to say it enough. Julian Valentine has been there for me when not many people in my life other than my sister ever have been.
“I’ll see you in the morning?” he says, posing it like a question. As if he doesn’t trust that I’ll still be here when he gets back.
I don’t like that. Whatever happens, I won’t disappear and ghost him. I might have issues, but I’m not an asshole.
“See you in the morning,” I assure him.
With that, I stumble my way back up into my temporary home and barely manage to get my boots off before faceplanting onto the bed.
I’m done with reality. It always fucking sucks.
Time to sleep for as long as possible, and hopefully when a new day dawns, I’ll have a clearer head and a better idea of how quickly I can get out of Julian’s hair.
Because I’m not going to be a burden on anyone. Especially not a man as good as Julian Valentine.