Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Hey. You’re awake. How you feeling?”
Cam had expected Mitch when he heard the knock at the bedroom door, but it was Mark. He was carrying a tray of something that smelled like heaven.
“Okay.” He croaked the word out, then winced as he tried to reach for the drink sitting on his nightstand. He just needed to remember not to make any sudden moves that would jostle his collarbone.
“Here, let me help you.” Mark set the tray down across his lap and then grabbed the drink, letting him suck some cool liquid out of the straw.
It was perfect, too. It was Sprite, and it tasted so good going down. The bubbles burning out some of the goo in the back of his throat.
“Better?” Mark asked, setting the drink aside.
“Yeah, much better thank you.” Cam could actually talk now. “Where’s Mitch?”
“He had to go take the girls to some Girl Scout thing. He said it would be cool if I hung out and helped you out if you needed it. Do you need to hit the head first?” Mark waved a hand at the tray on his lap as if to say, before you eat.
“Yeah, no, I don’t think I’ve got enough to drink for me to have to go pee yet. I’ll let you know.” Cam grinned, because what else was he supposed to do?
“Here, let me get you all set up.” Mark got the spoon where he could reach it and made sure he could get to the buttered bread. “I just kind of gave you a little bit of all the casseroles that were in the fridge. I hope that’s okay.”
“That’s perfect, man. I really appreciate it. You don’t have to hang out if you don’t want to.” Cam wasn’t sure he wanted Mark watching him try to struggle to eat.
“Mitch has threatened me with death if I let you hurt yourself. So you’re just gonna have to suck it up.”
Cam laughed even harder. “Ow, don’t do that. Don’t make me do that.”
“Hey, no worries.” Mark grinned back at him. “Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about a couple of things without risking the kids listening in.”
Cam raised an eyebrow, half intrigued and half concerned. “What’s that?”
“Well, first of all, Mitch says you’re okay with it if I stay on past just the holidays. Is that true?”
Mitch had told him last night at bedtime about how bad Mark had had it in Denver.
Nothing super personal, but he had hinted at some awful shit.
“It’s totally true. This is your place, man, if you want to be here.
However long you want to be here.” He met Mark’s gaze head-on and let him know he was serious. He meant it.
“Wow, okay.” Mark took a deep breath in and then let it out slowly. “That’s super cool. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, man. I know what it’s like not to have some place to go and people to be with. I’ve always had my family, but Mitch is different, you know?”
“I do. Okay, cool. So, the other thing I wanted to talk to you about is your damn horse trailer.”
Cam frowned. “What’s wrong with the horse trailer?”
“Everything, man. It’s like a giant boat with no rudder. You attach it to the truck, and it’s just like pulling along a dead weight.”
He arched an eyebrow.
“Not only that, have you watched Mitch try to unload horses from that damn thing? Or load them, for that matter? This is ridiculous. Honestly. There are some hardcore improvements that could be made.”
Cam sort of stared at him. “Do you have any idea how much those sort of types of fancy-ass trailers cost? They cost a fortune. I don’t have a fortune, and if I did have a fortune, I would want to spend it on something that’s not a horse trailer.”
Mark shook his head. “But it doesn’t have to cost a fortune. I could make some improvements. I know a machinist.”
This man was insane, the dude damn near burning with enthusiasm.
“Improvements?”
“Hell, yeah. A pull-down ramp instead of those doors where your horses could just walk in and out, and then you just pop it up. An improved hitch. Better wheel base. There are things that we could do to your existing trailer that would make it way more safe, way more functional, and I need to try.”
“Okay, I mean, it’s not like if you mess up my trailer, I can’t just make you fix it. Right? You’re a damn mechanical engineering genius.” At least that was what Mitch had told him.
“Exactly.” Mark beamed at him, clapping as if he’d done something amazing. “Exactly. I am a damn mechanical engineering genius, and this is a mechanical engineering piece of garbage. So I’m going to fix it.”
Cam chuckled. It wasn’t like Mark wouldn’t buy him a new one if he fucked his trailer up. Why not? “Fine. Have at it.”
Mark grinned at him. “Yeah? If that’s cool with you, I’m in.”
Hell, it would give the man something to do. Maybe he could engineer a reading nook for Sarah… “I’m not going anywhere for a while. You got some time. I’m gonna stay here and be with my kids.”
Mark tilted his head and grinned at him. “Your kids, huh?”
Cam leaned back against the pillows and nodded. “You know, I never thought for a second that I’d say that. I love my nieces and my nephews; I love them to death. But I never felt the desire to spend hours with them. I guess I’m all kinds of a fool, ain’t I?”
“No, you’re just in love. It’s okay. It’s all I ever wanted for him.” Mark leaned back against the doorframe and sighed. “Eat your food, buddy. You know, it damn near killed him when he lost Allison.”
He winced, but picked up the bread. “Yeah, I know it was hard for him.”
“It was hell. She was nine months pregnant, and she just had an aneurysm. She was here, and then she was gone in no time. I mean, they cut the baby out of her right then and there. Then Mitch had to go home and tell Rebekka and Sarah what’d happened and bring this brand new baby home.
I don’t think he even got to cry about it for six months, maybe longer, because about the time little bit was spending sleeping through the night, Allison’s parents tried to get custody.
You want to talk about a war? All of Allison’s life insurance went to that war, and they knew it.
They knew Mitch couldn’t fight them forever, but he did. ”
Cam didn’t even know what to say. He was fairly sure he hadn’t said that many words in a row in his entire goddamn life. “Why are you telling me all this?”
Mark shrugged. “Well, partially because it’s true; partially because I guess I want you to know how happy you make him. He’s a better dad now because you let him be. I think that’s so cool.”
Mark was giving Cam a headache. “I don’t follow, man. What do you mean?”
“You let him relax. He doesn’t look hunted anymore.
I mean, tired? Yeah. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, and Christmas is coming, but he still looks happier than the last time I saw him.
He’s doing things and living instead of just fighting to get through the next little bit of time.
Hell, he started his own business. It means a ton that you did this for him. ”
“Well…thanks? I don’t— I’ll be honest man; I just love him. I love the girls.” All the rest was bonus.
“They love you too.”
Cam gave Mark a wry grin. “Well, sometimes I don’t know about Bekka….”
Mark chuckled, the sound warm. “She’s such a little mom. She puts a lot of pressure on herself.”
“She does.” And Cam got that. And he knew he was the new guy. The interloper. So she was trying to adjust. It was tough on everyone.
Mark shrugged. “It’s just how she is. Mitch got her into therapy for a few times after Allison died, but he just couldn’t manage to keep it up. You figure she was in kindergarten so that puts Sarah in the terrible threes. And let me tell you. Sarah’s terrible threes were dark.”
“I bet they were.” Cam couldn’t imagine, and doing it all alone. Damn. “Did he put them in daycare?”
Mark shook his head. “He stayed with them for almost a year. And then, once Sarah was in pre-K and Bekka was in first grade, he could put little bit in—well, he didn’t put her in daycare, but you know somebody watched her in one of those home things.
I helped out with that part, and then he could work. ”
It made sense. “Mitch is nothing if not utterly fucking responsible.”
Mark cackled. “You know it, man. So at any rate, I’m glad you’re here, and I think they all are too, even Bekka. Just think, one day she’ll come to you and will have started her period.”
“Don’t say that.” He wasn’t ready for anything of that nature.
“It’s the truth.”
“It won’t be soon, I don’t think. She’s too skinny still. Was her momma real skinny?” Cam couldn’t really remember. He’d known her of course, but only in that incredibly vague sort of way.
“Oh yeah, yeah. She was tall and skinny. Looked a lot like Bekka, in fact. You know the other two are way more like their daddy, but Bekka is like Allison.”
Cam tilted his head. “Did you like her?”
Mark blinked. “I did. I really did. I don’t think that either one of them were unhappy.
” Then Mark chewed his bottom lip. “I think they were being safe together in a small town, and I think at some point being safe together in a small town meant pregnant. Pregnant meant marrying, and then marrying meant more babies. But I think they loved each other very much.”
Cam desperately wanted to ask if Mark thought Mitch loved him more. He wasn’t going to because that thought was ugly and ridiculous and inappropriate, but God he wanted to.
He wanted to know he was the most loved, which was this awful selfish thought, but he guessed it was human. He didn’t know.
Mark glanced at him with knowing eyes. “I will tell you that Mitch is in love with you. Like, all the way hooked through the balls in love with you, and I think had you showed back up on a permanent basis when Allison was alive, well, I think that Allison would have worked really hard to try to convince you you were bi too. She was kind of a horn dog.”
He must have had a wild expression on his face because Mark cracked up.
“Oh…did I break you, Cam?”
Cam flipped Mark off, and dug into his food, waiting until Mark was relaxed before he shot off with, “You guys didn’t ever—”
Mark’s eyes went wide. “Oh God, no, no.” He held out one hand, as if to warn Cam off.
“No, no, no, I am queer, like gold-star gay. Also me and Mitch—there’s nothing there.
It’s like kissing the back of your own hand.
That’s not why we’re friends. We’re friends because he’s one of the nicest guys I know and because we have a lot of fun and because we’re friends. No.”
“You relieve my mind,” Cam said. “I would never get that picture out of my head.”
Mark hooted. “Yeah, I hear you. There are things I don’t like to think about. Mitch doing anything like that is one of those things.”
“Okay, so you want to work on my trailer. That’s cool.
Let me just check and make sure we don’t have to take that new mare anywhere.
The vet should come here to see her, but sometimes you have to take them in.
I know she’s been skittish. I’m worried about that sweet baby girl.
” Copper Penny was doing pretty well, but she wasn’t interested in anybody putting a saddle on her.
She wasn’t interested in doing anything but sitting in her stall and having her sweet feed and rest. He knew she needed to get out there and at least get on a long line and run around the corral, but he was in no condition to do it.
“Sarah’s been out there a couple of times to talk to her and Fire. Then that mare you got right before you left. They’re all doing pretty good. They haven’t threatened to bite each other at once.” Mark waved a hand at him. “Although, I am hardly an expert on horses.”
Cam snorted. “Shit, I’m not sure I am anymore. I sure didn’t have control of that situation when I went flying over her head.”
Now Mark gave him a hard look, the kind Mitch would have given him for saying something like that, which made him smile. “That was hardly your fault. Somebody threw a firework into the arena. You couldn’t have responded fast enough to keep her from bucking you off and from hurting herself.”
“Yeah, that’s true enough, but it doesn’t avoid the fact that I was on someone else’s horse and I let her go down.
I have guilt.” Cam always had guilt when an animal he was in control of at the time, or even if he wasn’t, got hurt during the rodeo.
It was an awful thing because the relationship they had with these working animals was a sacred one.
“You can have all the guilt you want. Just don’t let it eat away at you. Use it to make her well again.”
“You forgot to call me grasshopper or something like that,” Cam teased.
“I guess I did. And you probably don’t need me giving you advice.” Mark backed off, standing up, his cheeks red. “I’ll let you finish up your meal. You holler at me when you’re ready.”
“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you, and you don’t have to run off. Look, I’m bored out of my mind. If you want to hang out and talk with me, that sounds like a winning plan.” He grabbed the spoon and gave himself some more squash casserole. That stuff looked like shit, but it was his favorite.
Mark sank back down in his chair. “Cool. I kinda wanted to talk to somebody too. So, thanks for listening.”
Cam just nodded, which was getting easier every day, even if it did pull things. “You’re family, man; it’s no big deal.”
At that, Mark gave him a smile that made him blink because, my God, it was pretty, and grabbed a bite of his buttered bread, popping it into his mouth. Cam was learning that family wasn’t all people you were born to, and he thought Mark was learning that too, a little bit at a time.