Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“No, Daddy, I can’t do that. I can’t go to the Girl Scout thing today.”
Mitch blinked at Bekka, who was standing there with her hands on her skinny hips, looking at him just the way Allison used to do when she was incredibly frustrated. He blinked. “Why not? I thought you were looking forward to it.”
“I know all that. I can drop you off at Girl Scouts before I take Rachel off to her sleepover and before I go do that estimate with Mark.” Mitch’s even tone was hard-won.
“Somebody has to be here to let the therapist in, Daddy. Cam isn’t going to be able to get up and do it.”
He scowled at her. “You watch your tone with me, missy.” Cam was perfectly capable of yelling come in. “We can leave the door unlocked. The physical therapist is one of his cousins.”
Now she crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t want to go to Girl Scouts.”
“Why not? You love that stuff. Your friends are all there.”
“Because all they want to do is ask about Cam. Melinda’s daddy is a great big rodeo guy, and he told her all about Cam and his accident. That’s all they want to talk about.”
Oh shit, Mitch sighed. “Honey, I know it’s hard. Cam is still a new thing to a lot of people around here, especially when it comes to us. But they’ll get over it. Change the subject, talk about Christmas or something.”
“Then all they want to do is talk about Mark and why he’s staying for Christmas.”
Mitch counted to five. When her lower lip pooched out, he counted to ten. “And that’s when you tell him it’s because he’s family. It’s okay, kiddo. I know we’re a little different to people, but it’s not like we’re bad, right?”
Now she rolled her eyes. “Of course not, Daddy! But they all act like it’s so weird.”
“Well, I’m sorry it’s hard, but this is your meeting thing before the big party, and you need to go and make decorations with everybody else. I think you should go.” Not to mention the fact that Bekka needed to pay her dues, which she hadn’t done yet this month for some reason.
“I said no.” She stared him down. “I am not a little kid, and I am not just leaving Cam here alone in the house. Somebody has to start dinner. Somebody has to do things. There are more people in this house than ever, and I don’t have time to have fun and go to Girl Scouts.
They can just have the party without me. ”
“Bekka, I’m fine.”
She whipped around, pointed her finger at Cam. “Don’t you tell me!”
“Bekka!” he snapped. “That is enough. What the hell is wrong with you?”
She turned around and stared at him. “Are you serious? What is wrong with me? Before you got better, before Cam came here, before Uncle Mark came here, I was doing all the things. I was doing all the things I was supposed to and things I wasn’t supposed to.
And now that you don’t need me anymore, now you’re going to yell at me?
And ask what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me is that I tried and tried and tried to make everything right.
And you had to bring two people in, plus Granny Halley and all of those other people.
You had to bring cleaners, Miss Lori, Miss Leanne.
All of them. You had to bring them in to do all the things I was doing. And you don’t even care!”
“Baby, I did all that for you—”
“No, you did it for you. You did it so you didn’t have to feel guilty. You did it because I didn’t do a good enough job, but when everybody else leaves and nobody else cares about you, I’m still here.” She was crying now, just sobbing. “When the bad stuff happens, I’m always the one who’s here!”
His cheeks were hot with a mixture of shame, fury, embarrassment, and agony. “You’re my girl,” he said. “You pick up the pieces every time I ask you to, and sometimes when I don’t. I’m so proud of you.”
He sat down so he wasn’t looming over her, and he opened his arms.
“Baby, I will always need you. You are my baby girl. You were the first time I knew that I would give anything to keep someone safe, to help you be the person you wanted to be. I knew there was nothing on earth that could keep me from being your daddy.”
She shook her head and looked down, then looked back up. “I’m trying so hard, Daddy. I’m trying so hard to do all the right things, and I’m so tired.”
God, his heart was breaking, and he wanted to fix what was broken, but he didn’t know how.
He didn’t know if he could. “You did a great job. You’re still doing a great job.
And baby, right now what I need is for you to be a kid.
I need you to learn how to smile and relax a little bit.
No one is here because you couldn’t do it or because you did anything wrong or because you weren’t enough. You’re eleven.”
“I just turned twelve,” she corrected. “Remember? I didn’t get a birthday party. I didn’t get to—”
“Okay.” Dammit. He hadn’t had a fucking choice there, and she’d agreed to have her party on New Year’s Eve.
He was trying here. “I’m sorry about your party, but we rescheduled, and you are having an amazing New Year’s Eve party with all your friends.
I know, you’re twelve. You are goddamn twelve!
Twelve is slumber parties and Girl Scouts and first crushes and lots of friends, and I want that for you.
” He held her gaze, needing her to hear him.
“Cam’s not here because you did anything wrong.
Cam’s here because he loves us and because we love him— because I love him.
You don’t have to love him if you don’t want to. ”
“I just don’t want you to forget me. I feel like—”
He waited, because he needed to know. “You feel?”
“I feel like you’re replacing me.”
He kept his arms open even as his heart was breaking. He was going to outwait her, damn it. She needed his hug, and he needed hers more than anything.
“That’s not a thing. And I know that you don’t understand it and you don’t believe me, but it’s true.
” He shrugged, shaking his head. “I swear, I promise you, there’s not a force on earth that could replace you in my heart.
You were my first baby. You were the first moment I understood anything.
You were the very first time I really got what my world was going to be like.
You’re irreplaceable. Cam is here and things are easier on some fronts, so now we can do things and have fun.
You can go to Girl Scouts. You don’t have to hold the weight of the whole house.
And I’m sorry you had to before. But I’m so proud of how you did it.
I could never have made it through without you. ”
Bekka stared at him, silent, her eyes huge, and he could see his Allison, shining from her, and he missed her, right now, so badly. “Promise to God?”
He nodded immediately, no hesitation at all. “I promise to God. I love you, baby girl. Come here. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry that you didn’t feel like I needed you.”
That was obviously what she needed to hear. She ran to him, crying hard, and he closed his eyes against his own tears because he didn’t want to upset her any more than she was.
The storm, as wild as it was, ended, finally, and the weeping eased. Bekka wiped her nose with her hand, her tears leaking into his shirt and wetting it. “I don’t want anybody mad at me, Daddy. I’m sorry.”
“Honey, nobody’s mad at you. Breathe. Cam, are you mad at Rebekka?”
Cam shook his head. “Oh, honey, no. I’m sorry you’re upset with me. And I want… when I know what to do about it, I will.”
She sniffled and rolled her eyes. “I just want everything to be okay again. I miss my mom. It feels like everybody’s happier now, and nobody misses her anymore.”
He huffed out a hard breath. “Every day, baby girl. She was my best friend.”
“I thought that was Uncle Mark.”
“I never married Uncle Mark, and I never had babies with Uncle Mark. He and I are a different kind of friends. There isn’t a single day on earth that I don’t wish she was here to see you grow up, to help with stuff that I don’t know anything about, and I have to learn.”
“You’re pretty good at that learning about girl stuff,” she admitted.
He grinned. “You think so?”
“Yeah, you learned to crochet for me.”
Mitch nodded. “I’m going to try and learn everything you need me to learn.”
“Okay.” She gave him a wink. “When I start my period, though, Cam should have to go buy me stuff.”
“It’s a deal.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo — it used to always be strawberry-scented.
Now it was whatever all her friends used.
“I love you, kiddo. That’s what matters.
That’s the big part. Everything else is—” He winked at her.
“What did your momma used to say? Do you remember?”
She nodded and wiped her eyes. “Everything else is window dressing.”
“There you go.” He patted her back, holding on until she finally pushed away.
“I have to go get ready for Girl Scouts.” Her eyes were wide and just a little bit panicky.
“Okay, baby girl, you hurry up, and I’ll have your dues ready.”
As soon as she was out of earshot, Cam turned even wider, more panicky eyes on him. “Did I do that? This is my fault? Is there anything I can do? What can I do? I need to make it up to her somehow.”
Mitch took a deep breath because adult Cam he could deal with way easier than hysterical almost-twelve-year-old Bekka.
“You didn’t do it. I never thought about how she might feel because Sarah and Rachel were doing so well, and she never said anything.
Well, I know she’s acted out a few times, but…
” Mitch shrugged. “I was just so sunk in my own misery.”
“I don’t want to get in the way of you and your kids.” Cam looked like he might just puke.
“Hey, as of the first thing this morning, you said they were our kids. Don’t give up on me now.”
Cam took a deep breath and winced when his collarbone obviously shifted. “Okay, no, you’re right. I’m sorry. That freaked me out a lot.”
Mitch grinned, going to the fridge to grab Cam a Sprite, because he still looked green around the gills.
He didn’t need any more coffee, he thought, but Mitch might have another cup.
“According to Allison, and also your sisters and mother, we have a lot of that to look forward to, actually. Meltdowns like that, I mean.”
Cam’s eye ticked a little bit. “Really?”
“Yep, we’re gonna have teenage girls with raging hormones and all that good stuff. Not that teenage boys are any less wild, but there will be tears.”
“Well, I don’t like it.” Cam grinned though, finally. “I guess I’ll get used to it, huh? This is my first one. Like you said, the girls have all acted out a few times since I’ve been here, but this is my first real meltdown.”
“There’s no one else I’d rather do it with.” He reached over to run a thumb over Cam’s cheekbone.
He could see the questions in Cam’s green eyes, and he knew Cam would never ask them. Just like he would never tell Cam that sometimes he wanted Allison to be here to see her girls so bad.
But Cam was his lover now, and he was thinking about asking Cam to get married.
It was a grown-up kind of love, not a young love like his and Allison’s, and not a shelter from the storm.
It didn’t matter that his family didn’t care about him anymore.
He had Cam’s family, and they loved those girls, and that was important.
But even if it was just him and Cam against the world, like it had been with Allison, he would take it in heartbeat.
“I love you,” he told Cam. “Don’t you ever doubt that.”
“I love you too, baby, and I’ll be just fine here on my own for a few while you take her to Girl Scouts. You make sure she knows that.”
“I will, I promise. And she’ll come home and she’ll tell you all about her meeting. You know she will. She adores you. She’s just scared that things are changing. Again.”
Bekka had seen the most change out of all the kids, and he knew now that it was weighing on her. He would work on that. Hell if he had to, he’d get a therapist.
“I’ll be waiting right here. I want to know everything that happens.”
He bent down to take a kiss as Rebekka came pelting back into the room with her backpack over her shoulder. “I’m ready, Daddy.”
“Look at that; so am I.”
She flashed a look at Cam. “I… will see you after Girl Scouts, Cam.”
“I can’t wait to hear it all about it, honey. I promise I’ll be careful while you’re gone. In fact, I think I’ll go sit on the couch and hang out with Rosie.”
She looked relieved. “Rosie will take care of you. Come on, Daddy, let’s go.”
Mitch took her hand and gave Cam a questioning look. Cam nodded and waved him off with his good hand. So Mitch had to believe that he was going to be okay.
He had to believe it was all going to be okay because he wasn’t willing to go back to where he had been before Cam had come into his life.