BLUE
I ran towards the pine woods, reaching the small patch on the right where a handful of pine trees stood. I leaned against the rough bark, trying to hold myself together, my arms wrapping around my body. Then I looked down at my hand. Oliver’s blood stained my palm.
My heart sank even lower.
It shattered into thousands of pieces as he begged me to leave. And for the first time in my life, I left someone.
Fuck. Why did it have to be him?
Sobs broke from my lips as I sank to the ground. Then two gunshots sounded behind me. A cry escaped me, my palms flying to my mouth as I fought to stop myself from screaming.
Why did it have to be him?
Out of everyone I had loved and lost, losing him hurt the most. I know he saved me. I know he had to do it because he wanted me safe. But he doesn’t know there isn’t a single place in this world safer than his hands. And now I’ll never be safe again.
I pulled my knees to my chest, burying my face against them as the tears kept coming. My whole body shook. The worst part was that I couldn’t even scream for him. They would hear me, and everything he had done would have been for nothing.
No one prepares you for this kind of hurt.
Or for this kind of love. No one prepares you for finally finding your favorite person, only to lose them the next second.
You know it’s for your safety, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
You’d think you’d get used to losing people, but when you spend your whole life waiting for the one who brought the stars back to your eyes, and then they’re gone in a heartbeat, every hope you had dies with them.
And I broke my promise.
I looked back.
And another nightmare came true.
They put his body into a chest and dragged it towards the cliffs before shoving it into the deep, dark sea.
Sobs tore free, my whole body jerking as I cried out, “No, no, no.” My voice cracked. “God, please don’t let it be him. Anyone but him.”
I buried my face back into my knees.
“Why? Why? Why?”
I hit myself on the head.
“Olly, you promised you would stay,” I whispered. “You promised.”
I stared towards the horizon. The line that had once filled me with fear was calm now, as if it already knew he belonged there.
My whole life I’d lived in fear. Fear of the dark.
Fear of the deep ocean. Fear of people. Fear of losing them.
Fear of loving someone with my whole soul.
And now, with every one of those fears coming true, my mind went blank.
Nothing could ever be worse than losing the person you love.
The person I’d hated for thirteen years and loved for even more.
I heard footsteps closing in behind me, but I didn’t fight back. I just stayed there.
I turned my head, trying to make peace with the fact that I might die too.
Instead, I saw Luca.
He pressed a finger to his lips, telling me to stay quiet, then showed me his badge.
All along, he had been an undercover cop.
“We have to go,” he said.
“No.” I shook my head. “I want to stay here with Olly and Isa.”
“Gabriella, there’s no one here anymore.” His voice was gentle. “You can’t stay here.”
“No.” Quiet sobs escaped me. “I’m not leaving him.”
My lower lip trembled, my heart breaking all over again as the words rolled off my tongue.
“I didn’t say goodbye.” My voice cracked. “He didn’t kiss me one more time. He has to come back. He promised he would, okay?”
I looked up at Luca, sobbing, saying all these words to a stranger that just stared at me.
“This is my home now. My home is where he is.”
Luca crouched beside me and offered me a tissue from his pocket.
“We sacrificed his life so you could be safe. You owe it to him to go… and live.”
“What if I don’t want to?” I cried. “I have no reason to.”
“You can live for him,” he said. “People forget that. Everyone says you have to live for yourself, but when the loss is this deep, sometimes the only way to keep going is to live for the person who meant life to you.”
I looked at him, my eyes red and swollen, tears still streaming down my face.
He held out his hand again.
“You can always come back here,” he said. “Your father left Li Galli to you.”
I looked at him, still shaking. “Gianni faked all the letters. He never contacted him, but he wrote to you.”
He pulled the letter from his black shirt. “He died two years ago. In the winter.”
Courage was the last thing I had, but I still opened the letter and read.
“Princess,
Dad is sick. And I know you’re angry because you never replied to any of the letters I sent you, but I want you to know Daddy loves you. Even though your mother and I never got along, I thanked God every day that I met her, because she gave me you.
I know I put you through a lot, but you were always better than me.
I got tangled in some business I never wanted to be part of, and I had to leave.
Sarah and I hid two paintings on the island that I want you to find, but please be careful of the traps.
We placed them there because we didn’t want anyone getting to the scrolls before us.
I only have a few days left, and I’ll have to hand all of this over to Annie’s dad.
He’s the only honest man I can trust. And I heard about Annie.
I know you loved her very much. Losing people is hard, but living after them is even harder, so make sure you keep working and surround yourself with people, because grief can eat you alive.
I lost my friend Sarah the same way. And never blame yourself, because those were simply the decisions they made at the time.
Their minds were sick, and when the mind is sick, there is no cure.
You can only hope that one day they won’t be trapped in the dark anymore.
I hope one day you’ll forgive me for leaving.
With love,
Dad.”
The closure I got was supposed to bring me peace, but a storm raged inside my chest. Thunder rolled through me without stopping, leaving no room to breathe. A strange feeling settled in my mind. Everyone kept leaving, yet everyone asked me to forgive them.
And I was just… empty.
Oliver was gone.
And I had no reason to keep going or forgiving when my life no longer had any meaning.
I limped beside Luca, my eyes hollow, with no tears left to cry.
He helped me down onto the rocks, then to the ladder leading to a small police boat, where Annie’s dad was waiting.
He opened his arms to me, and I just looked at him, tears filling my eyes. My vision blurred, and I threw myself into his hands.
People find their way to you, whether you want them to or not.
No one is truly alone, and you only realize that after a tremendous loss.
Those people can’t replace the ones you’ve lost, and they can’t take away your pain.
They’re simply there because, when the ground disappears beneath your feet, you need someone to hold your hand.
By the side of the boat, I noticed the two scrolls they had recovered, labeled for the Art Museum on the Amalfi Coast.
Treasure was still treasure. It just wasn’t gold.
And I finally understood what Sarah Sinclair had meant about value. We never held it close enough. We saw the gold before we saw the beauty in everything else.
The boat’s engine rumbled to life and carried us away.
I closed my eyes and whispered to myself.
“In the deep deep blue sea there was a blue blue shark, and a blue blue shark swam further deep deep down, and deep deep down there was a sunken ship, and inside a sunken ship was a blue blue chest, and inside of a blue blue chest was someone dead.”