28. BLUE
BLUE
Six months later
My mother left for work, leaving me alone.
It was the first time I’d been alone in months.
Everyone had been coming to check on me.
Even my mother, who I’d thought hated me, pitied me now and stayed by my side, as if God forbid I did something stupid that ended in another tragedy.
Annie’s dad kept checking on me, growing closer to my mum with every visit.
Oliver’s dad was always here, asking how he died.
Everyone else were just neighbors, curious enough to come by, asking how I was, how I’d survived such a tragedy.
Isabella’s dad still asked if he could go and bring her back, but it was all useless, because I hadn’t spoken since the night I lost Oliver.
My therapist says I’m mute because of the heartbreak, that grief stole my voice. It’s not that I didn’t try. My brain simply forgot how to work after I watched him disappear into the deep blue sea.
Words no longer meant anything when I didn’t have him to share them with.
I thought about ending my own life more than once, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face, lecturing me about how stupid that decision would be.
So I slept instead. I slept because I could only hear him and see him in my dreams. I ignored everything else just to spend a little more time with him.
I lay alone in my bed, wrapped in white sheets like a corpse, waiting for sleep to find me so I could see him again. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly, letting the light slip away until thousands of stars shimmered behind my eyelids.
And we were all there.
Isabella and Gianni had moved to Paris. Annie and Inno lived in Greece.
Oliver and I stayed on Li Galli. Eventually, they would all come to visit, and we’d hold our Light Festival.
We’d sit on the rock beneath a sky full of stars while Annie told us stories about Callisto.
When midnight came, we’d each write down a wish and set it in the sea.
Mine was always the same. I asked the sea to bring Oliver back. His wish was always to stay with me.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang, pulling me from the dream. My eyes opened. For a moment, I stayed in bed, listening as it rang again and again. With a quiet sigh, I pushed the sheets aside, climbed out of bed, and slowly made my way downstairs.
I didn’t even bother to check who it was. I wrapped my fingers around the doorknob, lowered it, and pulled the door open.
In front of me stood a little boy, no older than two, holding out a single blue hydrangea. His hair was a deep shade of brown, with a few lighter strands catching the light, and his eyes were green. Long lashes framed them, and every time he blinked, they shimmered as though dusted with glitter.
I looked up and found a face I hadn’t seen in so long. Her hair, once its familiar shade of pink, was now dyed blonde.
“Hey,” she said softly, lifting the little boy into her arms.
He stretched the flower towards me.
“Bwu,” he mumbled.
She smiled. “I came to see you,” Nikki said. “I was going through some things, and I found a letter Oliver wrote in 2001.”
I stepped away from the doorway, letting her inside. As she walked in, I closed the door behind us and watched the little boy as he wriggled free from her arms. The moment his feet touched the floor, he toddled towards the living room.
It was Oliver’s son.
The son who would never meet his father. A child who would grow up never knowing the man who had loved him before he even got the chance to meet him.
We followed after him. Before sitting down, Nikki picked him up again as he reached for a vase on the table.
“He’s at that age where he wants to touch everything,” she said with a small smile.
Her smile faded when I watched her, just standing still.
“I know you probably hate me and don’t want to see me.” Tears welled in her eyes. “But I wanted you to meet Elliot Blue.”
She looked down at her son before meeting my eyes again.
“I know Oliver never loved me the way he loved you. But I still wanted to bring you a piece of him.”
A tear slipped down my cheek.
I held out my finger towards Elliot. His tiny hand wrapped around it without hesitation. His touch was warm and impossibly small. With my other hand, I pressed the blue hydrangea against my chest.
“When I heard what happened, I knew he didn’t have any other choice,” she said. “He would never have left you. It’s one of the reasons he was always there.” She sniffed. “It was always you.”
She let out a quiet laugh and nodded, wiping away her tears as the little boy reached up and touched her chin.
“I guess I was jealous. I never had anyone who loved me that much. And the two of you just kept pushing each other away. I didn’t know how to cope, so I took something that wasn’t mine, thinking it would finally make me feel better.”
She held out the letter. “I never opened it.”
Then she kissed the boy’s forehead.
I unfolded the paper, but there were no paragraphs. It was only a poem.
“We were the sea, we were the tide,
Too full of hurt, too full of pride.
Now all that’s left for me to do
Is search for you in every blue.
A tear slipped down my cheek.”
I smiled.
It was as though he’d wanted me to read this. As though he’d wanted Nikki to bring his son to me, so I could finally learn how to live.
“Anyway,” Nikki said, standing. “Keep it.”
The little boy giggled before hiding his face against her chest, his thumb slipping into his mouth.
“Bye, Gabby,” she said. “If you ever want to talk, or…” She stopped herself. “Whatever.” She sighed. “You still have me. Even if I’m the last person you want around, I’m still here.”
I pressed the poem against my chest.
My lips parted, and for the first time in months, my voice found me.
“S-Stay.”
She turned around, her eyes already red with tears.
“S-Stay,” I whispered again.
I stepped closer and held out my finger to the little boy. This time, instead of taking it, he reached both arms towards me.
I smiled.
Nikki didn’t hesitate. She placed him gently into my arms, trusting me as though we’d been friends all along. And I held him close, the poem still clutched between my fingers.
He reached for my necklace, turning it curiously between his tiny fingers before resting his head against my shoulder.
Across from us, Nikki pressed her thumb to her lips, wrapped one arm around herself, and smiled through her tears.
He saved me once more.
He showed me again how easy it was to love him. Learning to live without him… that was the part no one ever prepared me for.
Oliver stayed behind in pieces of all of us. In the love story that had found its ending.
In his son. In everyone who carried him in their hearts. And in mine.
Locked away where no one could ever take him, while I searched for him in every shade of blue.
I wasn’t afraid of the deep sea anymore.
Because I knew there were things far worse than not knowing what swam beneath you.
The worst fear of all was forgetting the person you’d waited for your whole life…
…only to lose them all over again.
THE END.