Chapter 19 Colt
Colt
My boots crunched across the gravel as I walked to the barn, where I knew my brother would be stewing.
The disappointed look on Violet’s face had faded as my family wrapped us up in words of support and congratulations, but the sadness in her eyes never left.
All because my brother was going to hold onto a grudge that wasn’t even his to have.
I marched straight through the open door of the barn. Beau was busy mucking out a stall, his back turned to me.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
His back straightened, and the rake fell from his hand as he turned towards me.
“My problem? When the fuck are you going to stop letting your fucking broken heart lead you around by the balls, man? Violet left. She’s been gone for almost ten fucking years.
And you can pretend now that those ten years weren’t hell.
You can forget those years as fast as you fucking want.
But I won’t. I won’t forget how scared we were that it wasn’t just Vi we were losing.
How we listened to Mom cry, and Dad try to reassure her that you would be okay.
I won’t forget how it was me, Lachlan, Jess, and Hayes who had to set up a rotation to check in on you when you were so depressed you stopped functioning. ”
“I never stopped—”
“You were a zombie for those first few years, Colt. We marched our asses to your house every fucking day to make sure you didn’t do something stupid to take away the pain.
She just left! She only cared about herself.
And you’re just going to let her lie like that?
You’re going to accept her back after she fucked someone else and left them behind, just like she left you?
Did he realize she was a selfish bitch, and that’s why he wants nothing to do with the kid?
” Beau spit on the ground as my hands clenched.
“Did she come crawling back to town to lick her wounds and then decide to hook you back in to play daddy? You’re a fucking idiot. ”
My fist connected with his jaw in one smooth motion.
Fuck. The bones in my hand cracked and electric pain—hot and sharp—radiated up my arm. But the blood my brother spit onto the barn floor filled me with such fucking relief that I almost fell over.
“I see how it is,” Beau laughed, his hand coming up to wipe away the blood dripping down his face.
“No, you fucking don’t. Because Vi is pregnant with my baby. Mine. Not some other man’s. She was never with anyone else.”
Beau scoffed, his hand rubbing along his jaw. “So she says.”
“And so I believe.”
“If you believe that, please, tell me how the hell a baby is conceived when two people haven’t spoken to or seen each other since their divorce?
I mean, I’m not living in an alternate reality where her pregnancy is going one hundred times slower than a normal one, am I?
Christ. Jessie told me about some weird alien romance she was reading a few weeks ago, but those pregnancies only lasted half the time.
Is that it? Are you here to tell me Violet is actually some weird intergalactic being with a decade-long gestation period? ”
His mocking made me want to punch him all over again. “Shut the fuck up, and listen to me. There was an embryo left over from the IVF we did.”
Beau shrugged his shoulders. “And?”
“And…“ My non-throbbing hand rubbed against the stubble on my chin. “I signed over my rights to it in the divorce. It was hers to decide what to do with.”
His eyes went wide, and the color drained from his face.
“She got to decide…”
I nodded. “And earlier this year, she made the decision to try one more time for a baby. It took. Now she’s here—”
“Now she’s here. Holy fuck.” Beau took a step towards me. “Please tell me you aren’t stupid enough to believe this. Please tell me you called the fucking clinic. That you asked for the records. That you’re getting a paternity test done!”
“I’m going to fucking punch you in the mouth again,” I warned. “I don’t need any of that.”
“Yes, the fuck you do! You’re so blinded by your love for her and this golden carrot she’s dangling in front of your face, that you can’t even see it!
You think we haven’t noticed the sadness creeping back in after Jess had Beckett?
That we didn’t see the way you pulled back into yourself because you were thinking of every time you lost your chance at fatherhood? ”
“I haven’t—”
“Save it. The others might want to tiptoe around you, but I don’t have the fucking temperament for it. Jesus, I want to shake you, Colt. Be fucking smart for one goddamn minute. Demand a test. Make sure you’re stepping up for the right reasons.”
“If you want a paternity test, I’ll be happy to do it.” I spun on my heel. Violet stood in the doorway, her jacket wrapped tightly around her body.
“Did you walk out here alone?” I growled.
“I’m perfectly capable of walking on my own.”
“I told you to wait inside for me.”
“The ranch is safe, Colt. And I’m glad I didn’t wait. If you feel like what Beau is saying has any possibility of being true, then I want to clear the air. I’ll have the test done.”
My jaw clenched. “I don’t. I know that baby is mine, and I don’t want to do anything that could hurt him, or you.”
She took a step closer to me, her eyes flicking to my brother before settling back on my face.
“But he’s right. You shouldn’t just take me at my word.
If it makes it easier, I’ll show you the paperwork from the transfer.
It has all the dates on it, and our information.
And the paternity test wouldn’t hurt me or the baby. It’s just a quick blood draw.”
I moved to her. “How would you know what a paternity test entailed?” I asked, cupping her cheek.
“I just thought you might ask. You have a right to, you know? And I’ll do it. No questions asked.”
“I don’t need it,” I sighed.
“You can think about it. Before things are complicated.”
Behind me, my brother chuckled, no humor in the sound.
“You got something to say?” I asked, whipping around to stare him down.
“Just feels like things are already complicated.”
“I swear, Beau—”
“Could I have a minute with your brother?” Violet’s request hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Vi?”
“Hawk and Jessie wanted to talk to you about something, anyway. Head back up to the house. I’ll be there in a minute.” She stood on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to my cheek.
My brother faded away as I stared into her eyes, fighting every urge I had to slip my hands around her waist and pull her in for a real kiss.
One that I could pour my heart and soul into.
One that would show her she was right where she belonged.
One that made her feel the love I was ready to share with her all over again.
“What was that for?” I asked, the warmth of her lips lingering on my skin. Fuck, I loved that feeling. I’d missed that feeling.
“For trusting me. For standing up for me. For not hating me.” Her voice caught on those last words.
“Never. I could never, ever hate you.” But I knew my brother could.
I dropped her hand, turning towards him.
“You stay the fuck over there and listen to whatever she has to say. Don’t take a step towards her.
Don’t be an asshole. If she walks back up to the house with a single fucking tear in her eye, your sore jaw will be the least of your worries. ”
Violet nodded, her hand coming out to squeeze my arm as I walked out the door. But I couldn’t leave her. I had to hear what Beau was going to say—what she was going to say—so I stopped walking as soon as my shadow made it out of the doorway.
“I’m sorry, Beau,” Violet said softly. Shit. I took a step back towards the barn, my ass hitting the wood of the building as I tried to press my body flat against it.
“It’s not me you need to apologize to.” My brother sounded irritated.
“Yes. It is. I owe every single person in this family an apology. I was so wrapped up in my own grief, in my own pain and failure, that I couldn’t see beyond that.
To any of you. To Colt. And you were here when I couldn’t be.
You kept him going. You helped him through.
The very least I owe you is an apology.”
Beau sniffed. “You don’t know how bad it got, Vi.
He’s loved you every day of his life since he was twelve goddamn years old.
He’s never stopped, not for one single breath.
And he would never admit how bad it got, because on all the days when one of us had to go drag him out of bed and force him to eat something, force him to get fresh air, to move his body, he still talked about you.
He talked about protecting you from the pain he caused you by not being able to give you a child.
So I don’t need your apology. I don’t fucking want it.
I’m happy that you’re getting what you want now, but I have to protect him.
He won’t survive when he finds out the truth—that you’ve come back for protection, or support, or whatever the fuck it is you need, and the only way you knew to get that from him was to tell him this kid in your belly is his. ”
“This is his baby, Beau. I know it’s wild and it’s weird, but this is his child.
When I walked away, it wasn’t because I didn’t love Colt any more.
He’s been the only one for me since I was twelve, too.
I have never stopped loving him. Do you know what it’s like to know in your soul that you’ve walked away from the greatest gift life ever gave you?
To have to leave so that maybe, just maybe, that person who is everything to you will be able to go on and have their own happiness? ”
“You want me to pat you on the back for breaking his heart because you thought maybe one day he’d find someone else? You’re not a martyr, Violet! And you’re not family. Not anymore.”
She didn’t respond right away. The hair on the back of my neck stood as I heard her clear her throat.
“I know that you want to make me into a villain, Beau. That you want to have someone to hate for the heartache he went through, and that’s fine.
I deserve to carry that. But this baby is his family.
His son is your family, too. I just wanted to say that I’ll stay out of your way now, and after the baby’s born.
When he’s with Colt, you’re more than welcome to have whatever relationship with your nephew that you’d like to have.
And because it’s painful for you that I’m back, I’ll stand off to the side.
I know how important it is to Colt to have his family by his side.
I want that for him. I want that for you, too. And for my son.”
I heard her walking towards me, but never in a million years did I expect her to walk out of the barn with her head held high. She closed her eyes for a second before turning towards the house. And that’s when I saw her realize I was still standing there, waiting for her.
There was no doubt in my mind an argument was coming, which is why I was so shocked when she walked over and wrapped her arms around me.
“Vi?”
“You stayed.” Violet’s words were muffled against my chest. “You weren’t supposed to hear all that.”
I saw how flushed her cheeks were as she walked out of the barn, so I didn’t hesitate to put my fingers back through her hair, lifting it off her neck so the night breeze could cool her down. “I’m so proud of you. You never would have said any of that to my family before.”
“It didn’t feel good.”
“But it needed to happen.”
“Yeah.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m really tired. Do you think we could head back home now?”
Home. Not my house. But home.
My finger slipped under her chin, tilting her face towards mine. “Of course. Want me to carry you?” I teased.
Her smile returned as she rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t even try. I’m perfectly fine on my own two feet.”