Chapter 5
It was two days after Wren’s dramatic return to Bluebell Cove, the early morning at just barely four o’clock.
The first of the light oozed through the crack in the drapes.
Because of the jet lag, her body thought it was closer to noon, and her heart pounded dramatically, telling her that she was wasting her time and her life.
She sat up in bed and listened to the wind flow past the big Victorian house.
She could just barely make out the sound of the ocean at the bottom of the cliff, churning and sloshing against the rocks.
These were the sounds of her childhood. They were the smells, too—the lavender bush outside, the freshly mown grass, the ocean.
Yesterday was her first official full day back at Bluebell Cove—she’d spent most of her time here in her bedroom, hiding from everyone and resting.
Maybe because Ivy was too angry or too confused about her return, Ivy hadn’t come to find her to demand answers from her, and Ivy’s children hadn’t knocked on her door, either.
Celia had tried to call, and Juliet had texted, but Wren had sent them basic texts back, saying she was “fine but resting.”
She’d wanted to come up with a plan, but she felt less than creative.
Being in here, sequestered from her family but within the old family house, reminded Wren of those terrible months before and after her Graves’ disease diagnosis. It made her feel as though she’d fallen back through time.
Now, she willed herself to go back to sleep, but it wasn’t happening.
She couldn’t sit in bed for a moment longer.
She crept through the house and into the kitchen, where she brewed herself a pot of coffee and watched the sun come up over the cove.
It truly was a mesmerizing sight. It was hard to believe that this water, the Atlantic Ocean here at the coast of Maine, connected with the water that encircled those gorgeous Greek islands.
More than that, it was hard to believe that this same water connected with the water she’d dipped into in Thailand before everything this year had exploded in her face.
How could she talk to her sisters about it?
There was a creak on the kitchen floorboards.
Wren turned to find Lily, Ivy’s eldest, coming in, rubbing her eyes.
She was in college, a sophomore or junior, Wren thought, but she went to college closer to home and visited often.
At least, that had been the story Wren knew before she’d stopped calling home.
“Oh! Did I wake you up?” Wren asked.
“No, no.” Lily smiled and walked over to the coffee pot, which she used to fill up her own mug. “I’ve been getting up early lately. I like to get a morning swim in before everyone gets to the beach.”
Wren’s heart softened. “That’s beautiful.”
Lily sat down across from her. She looked every bit like Ivy’s daughter, and although Wren knew that things had not always been easy between them, she sensed that they’d found a way to mend their mother-daughter relationship.
“I can’t believe you’re back,” Lily said.
“Me neither,” Wren said. “I didn’t really plan it.”
Lily sipped her coffee. “Where were you before this?”
“Greece,” Wren explained. “I was there for three months. My visa to stay in Europe was about to run out, so I had to go somewhere else.”
“Usually you don’t just come home, though,” Lily pointed out. “Usually, you travel somewhere else, right? That’s sort of your thing.”
Wren didn’t know what to say to that, so she drank her coffee, then asked, “Are you still studying, um, environmental stuff?”
“Environmental journalism,” Lily affirmed with a smile.
“Even while away at college, I’ve been helping out with things at the Eco-Lodge.
I’m so proud of all the energy we’ve saved over there.
Did you see all the stats on the poster?
We’re talking to seven other hotels that want to become more eco-friendly and are giving them advice about how to proceed. ”
To Wren, Lily seemed passionate and motivated. Wren tried to remember what she’d been like back then and couldn’t find herself within the chaos of her memories. Maybe she should have gone to college, but back then, she didn’t have the patience for it.
“How is photography going?” Lily asked.
Wren couldn’t help but wince. “It’s good,” she lied. “Everything’s good. I just needed a little break. And I wanted to check in to see how everyone was doing.”
“Of course,” Lily said. She finished her coffee, then asked, “Want to come swim?”
Twenty minutes later, Wren found herself at the edge of the beach.
She wore her black one-piece, while Lily had on a racerback swimsuit, one meant for Olympic champions.
Lily explained that it was actually made of a recyclable material, unlike most suits.
“I can send you the link when we get home,” she said before plunging into the cold Atlantic and coming up ten feet away.
Wren had forgotten how frigid this water was.
She took another tentative step forward, hissing at the feeling around her ankles.
The sun was still low in the sky, casting pinks across the waves.
Lily began to swim laps parallel to the beach, while Wren took another pathetic step.
For the first time, she realized that this was what it was to get old—to watch the younger generation take charge of their bodies and minds and go faster and farther than you.
Because Wren had always been the baby of the family, she’d never really imagined herself getting old.
Yet here she was—older than she’d ever been and messed up.
By the time Wren got herself all the way in and started swimming, Lily had finished her laps and was treading water, smiling at her aunt. “It’s not so bad, right?” she asked.
“I’m used to different temperatures,” Wren admitted. “In Thailand, the water’s like bathwater.”
“That’s creepy!” Lily cried, sounding a little younger than she had.
Wren laughed. “Greece was perfect. Sparkling turquoise waters. I swam every day.”
“I’ve always wanted to go there,” Lily said. “I’m a little confused about how I feel about flying. Like, it’s so bad for the environment. Would I be a hypocrite to fly somewhere? Then again, I want to see the world.”
Wren’s heart pumped with love for this young woman, who thought so hard about everything. “You could fly and stay a while, so that it’s worth it,” she suggested. “Or, I guess, you could take a boat?”
“Like the olden days,” Lily said, laughing.
Twenty minutes later, they were on the sand, wrapped in towels and looking at Wren’s phone for details on how Lily could sail to Europe rather than fly.
“You’d have to take off from New York City,” Wren reported. “And it would take about ten days to get to England. After that, I guess…. Trains? Buses?”
Lily nodded seriously, as though this were a possibility for her. “Maybe after I graduate.”
Wren darkened her phone and wrapped her towel tighter around her. The sun was already warming the tops of their heads, drying their hair. She ached with what felt like jealousy for Lily. Lily had the rest of her life ahead of her. She hadn’t yet made the mistakes Wren had.
Maybe Lily was smarter than Wren. Maybe she wouldn’t make mistakes.
“Aunt Wren,” Lily began, “how long are you going to stay here?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Wren said, turning to look at her. “I missed all of you. I wanted to say hi.”
Lily’s eyes were laced with red. “Mom thinks something’s wrong. You were so sick last time you were here. And then…”
“I fainted,” Wren finished for her.
“You fainted.”
Wren laughed gently. “I can’t believe I did that. How embarrassing. But I hadn’t eaten all day. I can be a little thoughtless. It’s nothing to worry about.”
Lily’s eyes brightened. “We should go back to the house and eat breakfast. I have to work with Aunt Celia later, but I’m always so hungry after I go swimming.”
Wren followed her niece back up the trail to the house, where she changed back into her pajamas and watched Lily cook eggs and sausage.
The smell drew her little brother Tyler downstairs.
Ivy came a little while after that, with Elliott hot on her heels.
Wren hadn’t known that Elliott had moved in since she’d last been here.
But, she supposed, Ivy and Elliot had been together quite some time at this point. A year and a half, maybe?
“Morning!” Elliott said brightly.
Ivy didn’t smile. “Are you feeling better?”
“We just went swimming!” Lily answered for Wren.
Ivy stalled with her hand on the top of a kitchen chair. “Are you sure that’s smart?”
“I’m fine,” Wren said, hating that annoyance crept into her voice. Up until very recently, she’d had an incredible amount of freedom. Now, she had to answer to Ivy for everything.
Lily made enough food for everyone, and the five of them sat around eating and sipping coffee and juice.
Wren was captivated by the ease with which Ivy and Elliott handled one another.
Ivy even laughed several times, which was an Ivy rarity.
Wren realized that, in coming home like this, she’d reminded Ivy of her anxieties.
She’d torn Ivy’s beautiful and easy life apart, if only because now Ivy felt she had to worry about her.
Wren could only eat half of her breakfast before her stomach told her she needed to get upstairs and lie down again. “Sorry,” she said, watching as Tyler happily filled the rest of his plate with her leftovers. “My stomach is always weird after traveling.”
She knew that Ivy was watching her like a hawk.
Upstairs, Wren got into bed and shivered for a while before opening the banking app on her phone.
Again, she stared at the dwindling amount on the screen.
Her bank account hadn’t been so low in years.
The last time was when she was twenty-seven or twenty-eight and much scrappier than she was now.
If she remembered correctly, she’d been in Argentina, and she’d picked up a few under-the-table bar jobs to pay the rent.
She’d dated an Argentinian man named José and learned a lot of Spanish and eaten a lot of empanadas, and she hadn’t cared at all.
Now, her situation had changed. She knew she couldn’t just go bartend somewhere, certainly not in Bluebell Cove, certainly not as time went on and things got more dire with her health.
More than that, she knew she had to make money quickly, not only for her mental health and Ivy’s mental health, but for reasons she couldn’t fully face or say aloud.
She was a ticking time bomb.