Chapter 22 Ilsa
Ilsa
Spencer sat hunched over a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table the next morning. He was still dressed in his pajamas from last night, his hair sticking up at odd angles. As he shoveled corn flakes into his mouth, he studied Dad’s atlas.
It seemed like days, not hours, had passed since we’d all sat around the table studying that map. I hadn’t felt this exhausted and emotionally drained since, well . . . since after Dad had died.
This was a mild heartache in comparison, and it wouldn’t take me long to mourn the loss of Troy’s friendship. Still, this morning, I was raw.
“Hi,” I told Spencer, walking to the coffee pot.
“Hey,” he said as he chewed.
After pouring myself a mug, I joined him at the table, glancing down the hallway toward Cosi’s room.
“He left while you were in the shower,” Spencer said.
“Oh.” I swallowed the disappointment with a sip of coffee that scalded my tongue.
“He told me to tell you he had to get to work early.”
“Ah.” Was that the truth? Probably not.
“Want some cereal?” Spencer asked. “I’ll pour you a bowl.”
“No, thanks.” No matter what happened with Cosi, I was glad I’d had the chance to see this sweet, considerate side of Spencer. “I’m not hungry yet.”
“Okay.” He shrugged and picked up the bowl, guzzling the last of his milk before he carried his dishes to the sink. “I’ll get showered and dressed, then after I make my bed, I’ll be ready to go.”
“All right.”
“Cool.” He left for his room while I stared blankly at the mess on the table and contemplated the mess of my life.
Even though it hadn’t ended the way I’d hoped, with our friendship intact, that conversation with Troy had been long overdue. It was as sad as it was freeing.
I had months left at Dalton High before the semester was finished. It was time to stop avoiding the teachers’ lounge. It was time to eat Trick’s cheeseburgers. It was time to meet those neighbors on Cotters Lake. It was time to make some friends.
If I left someday, I wanted one or two people here to remember Ilsa Poe as more than the harsh substitute who’d forced their children to learn math.
While Spencer got ready for school, I finished my coffee, then collected all of Dad’s belongings and stowed them in my briefcase.
Maybe stashed inside, the puzzle pieces would shuffle themselves into a complete picture.
Then I filled my water jar and grabbed my purse, waiting in the living room until Spencer emerged with his backpack on a shoulder.
“Ready?” His hair was damp at the ends and covered in a baseball hat. He was dressed in jeans and a Dalton High sweatshirt.
“Are you going to wear a coat?”
“No.”
“It’s freezing.”
He rolled his eyes but dropped his bag to put on his jacket. “Happy?”
“Yes.” I winked, then headed outside.
We started down the sidewalk, and as we took the familiar path along Pine Street, I let my mind replay last night.
I wished we had never heard the phone. I wished we hadn’t answered the door. Just thinking about everything Troy had said, accusing Cosi of vandalism, made me cringe.
“You okay?” Spencer asked.
“Great.” The feigned enthusiasm in my voice fell like a snowball on the concrete, going splat.
“Really? You seem . . . off.”
Definitely off. But Spencer wasn’t the Raynes who could put me to rights.
All I had to do was survive this day, then Cosi and I could talk. I’d tell him about Troy. I’d find out exactly what he’d overheard. And maybe, we could talk about us.
“Are you worried about your dad’s stuff?” Spencer tapped the side of my briefcase with his knuckle. “Because you shouldn’t be. We’ll figure it out. I know it. We can’t really hike in the mountains until the snow melts, so we have time.”
“You’re right. We do.”
His hazel eyes lit up. “How cool would it be if we found a lost treasure this summer?”
“Very cool.” I laughed and took a deep breath, letting the cold, crisp air fill my lungs and give me a boost of energy. “Where’s the mechanic’s garage in town?”
“Second and Maple. Why?”
“I was going to walk over during my lunch break and check on my truck.”
“Dad said it wasn’t working.”
Because the tires had been slashed.
Cosi must not have told Spencer about the vandalism, and I certainly didn’t have the energy to give him those details. Besides, if there was an active investigation, if Cosi or his deputies started asking questions around the school, it would be best for Spencer to hear about this from his dad.
“Yeah, it’s not working. But hopefully they’ve been able to fix it.”
“Are you going back to your house?”
“Well, I can’t share your bathroom forever. Aren’t you sick of my makeup taking up your counter space?”
“I don’t care. It doesn’t bug me.”
I bumped his shoulder with mine. “Thanks. But I do need to go home.”
It was time to get the cabin in order. Again.
When we reached Main, an older man with a cloud of black and gray hair waved from the parking lot of the Grizzly Café across the street. “Howdy, Spencer.”
“Hey, Mr. James.”
“Thanks for shoveling my walk.”
“Welcome.” Spencer tipped the brim of his hat. “That’s Mr. James. He lives next door to Grandma.”
“That’s nice of you to shovel for him.”
“No big deal.”
“You’re a good kid, Spencer Raynes.”
“Your favorite?”
I laughed. “Is that what this is about? The newfound focus on school. The good behavior. You wanting to beat Richie for the top spot?”
The flush of his cheeks was confirmation enough.
“You’re my favorite student in Montana. He’s my favorite student in Arizona. How’s that?”
Spencer nodded, that blush turning a deeper shade of pink.
Most teenage boys with a hint of humility didn’t know how to receive compliments, so I changed the subject. “Is the café good? I haven’t eaten there yet.”
“I like it. The hot beef sandwich is my favorite.”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever had a hot beef sandwich.”
“Dude, you have to. They’re the best.”
I laughed. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever been called dude.”
“It’s a good thing. Trust me.”
“I trust you.”
This kid was good for my heart. I might have to stick around Dalton just so I could see him graduate.
Buses and cars rolled past us, most destined for the school. The lot was busy when we arrived, parents dropping kids off as teachers and students pulled into parking spaces.
A navy blue Impala was parked in the teachers’ lot. I hadn’t seen it before and would have noticed because it was almost identical to the car my mom drove.
A woman about my age with blond hair stood in the open driver’s side door, scanning faces like she was searching for someone in the crowd.
When her gaze shifted toward us on the sidewalk, she did a double take. Then her eyes widened.
I slowed, checking over my shoulder to make sure she wasn’t looking at someone behind me. But when I turned back, she was already inside the car, reversing out of the spot.
Weird. Who was that woman? I didn’t recognize her, but I definitely would have remembered that car. Was she a parent? Did I know her child? Did her kid hate me enough to vandalize my house?
That thought nearly stopped me cold.
Paranoid much, Ilsa? That poor woman was probably wondering why I’d been staring at her.
After everything that had happened at the cabin, I was clearly on edge and searching for villains around every corner. I tracked the Impala, watching it pull through the exit on the opposite end of the school. The exit that parents used after dropping off their kids.
“Ilsa?” Spencer touched my arm. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
The smile I gave him was wobbly, but I didn’t want him to worry. “Peachy.”
“Dad says that when he’s really not. You can tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I’m fine. Promise. Just a little tired today.” I yawned to reinforce my point. “What do you have going on today?”
“Dad does that too.”
“Does what?”
He gave me a knowing look. “Changes the subject when he doesn’t want to admit something is wrong.”
Well, damn. “You are too observant for your age.”
But my troubles were too big for a kid. I wasn’t going to explain that I was stressed and upset about the vandalism.
That I was sad about the end of an important friendship.
That I wasn’t sure what to make of my relationship with his father, but the more I was around Cosi, the more I never wanted it to stop.
“I really am fine. Don’t worry.”
That only earned me a teenage side-eye, but as we got closer to the front doors, he let it go. “I have a pretty normal day, I guess. I have to meet with the career counselor this morning.”
“And when she asks what you want to be when you grow up, what’s your answer?”
“I don’t know.” He lifted a shoulder. “Probably a job at the railroad or something. My grades aren’t good enough for college.”
“And whose fault is that?” I quirked an eyebrow. “Think of how far you’ve come with just a teensy bit more effort lately. Imagine what you could do if you gave it your all.”
“Yeah,” he mumbled.
“What do you want to be?”
“Maybe . . . a cop. Like Dad.”
Because Cosi was his hero. “Put those observation skills to good use. For the record, I think that’s a very noble profession, and you’d make a great police officer.”
“Thanks, Miss Poe.”
“If you want, you can call me Ilsa when we’re not at school.”
“’Kay.” He gave me a shy smile. “I have a basketball game tonight. It’s about an hour away. Dad usually drives to our away games. Want to come?”
“Um, maybe.” I wasn’t sure if Cosi wanted to be stuck in his Bronco with me for an hour both ways. And arriving at a game together wouldn’t exactly be keeping our relationship out of the public eye.
Rather than run off to meet his friends, Spencer walked with me to the front door, opening it and waving me inside. Then he headed for the hall that would take him to the freshman lockers. “See ya.”
“Bye.” Normally, I went straight to my classroom, where I’d mentally prepare for first period. Where I’d spend thirty minutes convincing myself it didn’t bother me when Paul Johnson called me Miss Crone.
But today, after a shitty night, I needed more coffee, so I walked to the teachers’ lounge.
Two ladies were sitting at the small table, laughing and talking. Mrs. McNally, the home ec teacher, and Mrs. Hamilton from the office. Their happy chatter died a swift death the moment I walked into the room.
“Good morning.” I smiled and poured myself a cup of coffee.
Neither of them spoke a word until I was gone, then their whispers followed me into the hall.
It wouldn’t always be like this, right? Eventually, they’d realize I wasn’t the enemy.
Don’t quit. Don’t give up.
I carried my coffee to my classroom and repeated that mantra over and over and over again.
Even when Paul Johnson took his normal tormenting up a notch and called me a cunt when I handed him his latest failed test.
I didn’t bother trying to keep control of the first period seniors.
Mostly, I simply tried not to cry. When the boys spent the hour whispering behind my back every time I turned to the chalkboard, sending the rest of the class into a fit of giggles and cackles, I ignored them and kept going with my lecture.
During second period, everyone might as well have been asleep.
And by third period, it had started snowing outside, changing my plan to walk to the garage during my break.
I was finishing the banana and yogurt that was my lunch when a knock sounded at the door, and Cosi filled the threshold.
“Hey.” He didn’t step into the classroom. And the serious expression on his face only made the ache in my chest pinch harder.
“Hi.” God, he looked good.
I wanted to walk into his arms, wrap my arms around his waist, bury my face in his chest and breathe in his masculine scent until I no longer wanted to cry.
But he looked every bit the Dalton County sheriff at the moment and this visit wasn’t for fun.
He was here on business, so I stayed in my chair.
“I’m meeting with Harlan in five. We’re going to be calling in parents and bringing in the students you’ve been having trouble with for questioning. Wanted to give you a warning.”
It wouldn’t take long for news that the sheriff was asking kids questions about Miss Poe to leak through the building. If I wasn’t already hated, this would tip the scales.
But I wanted justice for my father’s cabin. For those possessions of his that someone had carelessly destroyed. Even if I decided to let this go, Cosi would not.
“Okay,” I whispered, setting down my spoon, my appetite gone.
“Spencer has an away game tonight,” he said. “I’ll leave a spare key to the house under the door mat.”
Meaning I wasn’t invited to the game. It was probably for the best. I didn’t understand basketball. And showing up together would only fan the flames of the gossip fire. Except it hurt, almost as much as my fight with Troy.
“Sure. Thanks,” I murmured, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.
Cosi opened his mouth, like he wanted to say something. But then he closed it and, without a goodbye, walked away. The clop of his boots faded as he headed toward Harlan’s office.
The last half of the day was as frustrating as the first. Maybe it was the students. Or maybe it was me. My bad mood had infected the air.
It took until eighth period for the students to find out the sheriff was asking questions. Every kid in the room stared at me like I’d betrayed them. Every kid called me Miss Crone.
When the last bell rang, I wanted to be anywhere but Dalton, Montana.
I called the mechanic after school, hoping that by some miracle my truck was finished, but the seat replacement hadn’t come in yet and wouldn’t arrive until Friday.
So with nothing else to do, and nowhere else to go, I packed up my briefcase and walked through the snow to the café for dinner at four thirty in the afternoon.
The hot beef sandwich was delicious. I ate my meal and bonded with the waitress, Dawn, over her unfortunate encounter with that asshole from the bar—Jackie. And when I couldn’t avoid it any longer, I walked down Pine Street to Cosi’s house.
The porch light was on and the key was tucked beneath the mat.
Part of me wanted to curl up on the couch, to watch TV until they came home. To ask Spencer about his game. To beg Cosi to take me to his bed and help me forget a bad day.
But I wasn’t Spencer’s mother. I wasn’t Cosi’s girlfriend.
And it was time to stop playing house.
So I shut myself in the guest bedroom, and by the time Cosi and Spencer made it home, I was already asleep.