16. Colter
CHAPTER 16
COLTER
A s soon as Poppy is out of sight, I stride down the path toward my cabin. I have so much anger inside of me right now, and I'm trying to rein it in so I don’t lose it. I want to settle this fast so I can get back to Poppy and make things right. I just pray she will forgive me.
I push open the door, and my ex-wife is sitting on the couch. The only good thing is that she’s fully clothed. I don’t want to even be in the same room with her, but if I have to be, I don’t want her to be without clothes. Hell, even being alone with her makes me feel like I’m betraying Poppy.
I leave the front door open. Carrie’s suitcase is by the front door, and I roll it to the porch. “Get out,” I tell her.
She doesn’t move from her spot on the couch.
I cross my arms over my chest. “I’m not sure what the hell you think you’re doing, but you know we’re not married, and you have no right to be here and disrupt my life.”
She waves her finger at me. “The stutter is better. You look good, Colter.”
I grit my teeth. “I want you the fuck out of my house.”
She shrugs. “I was just passing through. I thought we could catch up for old times’ sake.”
“We can’t.”
She points at the door behind me. “Because of your girlfriend?”
My nostrils flare. “We can’t catch up because I don’t want anything to do with you, and she’s not just my girlfriend. She’s my future wife if I can convince her to forgive me for this little trick of yours.”
She points at her chest, and her nose snarls. “You were my husband first.”
I laugh out loud. “Yeah, and you didn’t want me anymore. It’s over between us, and as far as I’m concerned, we have no reason to see each other. I’ll be back in an hour, and I want you gone.”
I don’t want for a response. I turn on my heel and walk down the path toward the parking lot. It’s not until I’m sitting in my truck that it all starts to catch up with me. If Poppy won’t listen to me, I’ll have lost everything. Somehow, some way, I need to fix this.
I drive faster than I should across town. The parking lot is full, and I pull my truck up in the grass before sprinting toward Poppy’s condo. I knock and yell at the same time. “Poppy, open the door.”
She’s on the other side, but she doesn’t open it. “Go away, Colter.”
I lean against the door. “I’m not leaving until you hear me out.”
“Go. Away,” she yells again.
I take a deep breath. “I can’t, Poppy. Please just open the door. I can’t lose you.”
There’s silence on the other side of the door, and when I think I’m going to be standing out here for hours, I hear the locks turning, and I back up when she opens the door. “Poppy.” I say her name worriedly. Her eyes are red-rimmed, her lips are swollen, and there’s so much sadness in her eyes it guts me. “I’m so sorry.”
She sniffles her nose and crosses her arms over her chest. “So you are married?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m not married. I’m sorry that you had to find out I was married before. This is a horrible way to find out. My ex and I have been over for a long time, and I don’t even think about her anymore.”
She juts her chin at me. “If that were true, why wouldn’t you just tell me you were married before?”
When I don’t immediately answer, she uncrosses her arms and holds her fists at her sides. “I thought we were…”
Her voice trails off, and when she doesn’t finish, I take a small step toward her, not wanting to spook her but needing to be closer to her. “You thought we were what?”
She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
I put a hand on the door jamb. “It matters to me.”
When she doesn’t answer, I know I need to come clean, but I don’t even know where to start.
She blows out a breath. “So you’re not married. Anything else you want to say because I’m tired and I want to lie down.”
I put my other hand on the door too. “Poppy, please.”
She laughs bitterly. “Please, what? There’s a naked woman in your home, and she said she’s your wife. I’m not sure how you expected me to react, but I think?—”
I cut her off. “You have every right to be mad.”
Her arms cross again. “Okay, anything else?”
I point inside her apartment. “Please, let me come in and explain. If you don’t like what I have to say, I’ll leave.”
I’m not lying to her. I will leave, but there’s no way I’ll be giving up.
“Where is your wife now?”
I groan. “She’s my ex-wife, and I told her to be gone by the time I get home.”
I’m almost positive she’s going to refuse me, so I’m surprised when she steps back and waves for me to come in.
I walk in and sit down on the chair next to the couch. She doesn’t sit down. She walks across the room, putting a couch and table between us. “I didn’t tell you that I’d been married before because I would have to explain to you why I was no longer married.”
She’s staring at me, waiting patiently, and I hate what I’m about to say. “After the uh, accident?—”
“When you were hurt?”
I nod, and some of the anger starts to fade from her face. “And?”
I grit my teeth, hating the way this confession makes me feel. “When I got home and with my injuries and everything, Carrie didn’t want to be married to me. She didn’t want to have a family with me.”
Poppy gasps and shakes her head. She walks from behind the couch and sits down in it across from me. “I’m sorry. Are you saying she divorced you because you were hurt?”
“It was more than that. I had a TBI and?—”
She bangs her hand on the coffee table. “You were hurt! It says it in the vows, in sickness and in health.”
I lift my shoulders. “It was bad then, Poppy. I was angry and?—”
She moves to the coffee table and sits on it before grabbing my hands and holding them. “I’m sure it was bad, Colter. But you don’t divorce your husband when… he needs you most.” She stops and sits up a little taller. “Oh my God! Is that why you said you don’t want kids? Because she said she didn’t want to have kids with you?”
I’m not sure how to answer. I don’t want to push all the blame on Carrie. Not because I want to protect her but because I wasn’t innocent in all this. I was difficult to deal with. I was angry and scared, and it seemed like every day I was having a new symptom. “Poppy, the person I was back then… it was ugly… and that person shouldn’t have kids.”
I want to beg her to be with me, but I can see she’s trying to process everything. I don’t want to end up pushing her away, but I don’t want to miss my chance either. She’s still holding my hands, and I turn them so I can hold hers. I thread our fingers together, and a calm comes over me. That’s what Poppy does to me.