17. Poppy
CHAPTER 17
POPPY
H e’s looking into my eyes, waiting for me to say something, and I say the one thing I’ve been thinking since I walked away from his house after seeing his ex-wife there. “Can you put yourself in my shoes? What would you do if you showed up here and some naked man answered the door?”
His face turns red and twists in anger. “I would kill him.”
I laugh and squeeze his hand. “Trust me, I felt the same way…” I let my voice trail off and shake my head, trying to get the image of that woman in a towel in Colter’s house out of my head.
He scoots to the end of the chair, and my knees are caged between his. “She’s my past, Poppy. You’re my future.”
I want to believe him, I really do, but it’s all so fresh. I ask him again because I have to know. “Is she the reason that you don’t want kids?”
He tilts his head to the side. “I do want kids. I just didn’t think I should. After everything that happened with Carrie, I just never thought I would have kids. I just never thought it would be an option. I had mentally prepared myself for that fact.”
“And now?” I ask him.
“Since I met you, I’ve been picturing a little girl with brown hair and blue eyes calling me Dad.” He squeezes my hand. “You make me want things I never thought I could have, Poppy.”
I want to believe him. I would like to think that we could work through this and be together, but I still have to be sure. “I don’t want to be your second choice. If you still love your ex-wife?—”
He reaches for me, puts his arms around me, and then pulls me over to his lap. I can’t help but laugh. “What is it about you always wanting to hold me?”
He squeezes me like he never wants to let me go. “I want you close to me, always.” He lets out a breath slowly. “And I don’t love my ex. I haven’t loved her in a long time. You could never be my second choice.” He puts his hand on my chin and brings my face up so I have to look at him. “You’re my only choice, Poppy. I love you.”
I gasp, but he continues. “I know you said it was bad timing earlier, but for me, it’s never a bad time. I do love you, and I should have told you before today.”
I can’t resist him. This whole thing scares me, but I have to tell him how I feel. “I love you, too.” I suck in a breath. “I love you so much, Colter.”
He kisses me, and as soon as our lips meet, I get lost in his touch. When I pull away, I’m panting, but I’m not finished yet. I need some assurances from him. “Colter, from this point on, you can’t keep things from me. I get it, I understand why you didn’t tell me, but if we’re going to do this, we have to be honest with each other.”
The possessive man that I’ve become addicted to nods his head. “Well, we’re happening. I’m not letting you go, Poppy, and I promise that I won’t keep anything else from you.”
Unable to just give it up, I put a hand to his chest. “If you decide you don’t want to be with me, you tell me, Colter. If you decide you’d rather have her?—”
He puts his hands on each side of my neck and holds me steady. “That’s not going to happen. I promise, that’s not going to happen.”
I want to believe him, so I nod my head and lean into him, pressing my head to his chest. He sighs as if he’s had the weight of the world on his shoulders and he’s finally been relieved of the stress. His arms go around me, and even though he squeezes me tightly, I don’t complain.
He whispers against my hair, “You’re stuck with me baby, because I’m not letting you go.”
I lean into him and let his words soothe me. “I love you, Colter.”
He groans. “I love you too.” After kissing my head again, he says, “You’re coming home with me.”
I don’t want to deny him, but just thinking about it, I’m picturing Carrie in her towel, and I have to clench my eyes shut to get the image out of my head. “I don’t think…”
He leans back and looks in my eyes. “Honey, I need to go home because my computers are there, and I need you there with me.”
His face is filled with remorse, and I know he feels bad for what I had to deal with today. This is not payback or anything; this is me not wanting to deal with Carrie again. “Maybe you should go and deal with your ex-wife.”
He shakes his head. “No, I sent security a text message, and Carrie is off the premises by now and has been warned not to come back.”
Before I can ask him, he tries to reassure me. “But I still want you home with me. I want to sleep next to you.” I can feel myself caving, but he continues. “And I don’t just mean tonight, Poppy.”
I trust him, and if he says Carrie is gone, then I have to believe that. “I’ll pack enough for a few days.”
He strokes his hand up my arm. “Okay, but we’re going to talk soon about more than just spending the night with each other. I want something more permanent with you.”
I pat him on the chest. “Let’s get through today first.”
He nods. “Yeah, I get it. Today was a lot.”
Without looking him, I tell him everything I’m feeling. “I told you I love you, Colter, but what I didn’t tell you is that I’m always thinking about you. When I’m with you, I feel safe, I feel loved, and I don’t want this between us to end.”
“Oh, baby, it’s not going to. I want to be with you, and even though I’m scared about everything I want with you, I’m not backing down because I’ve been given just a glimpse of what our life can be like these past few weeks, and I’m not letting you walk away. I’m going to spend my life making you happy.”
I’m feeling overwhelmed because I’m loving everything I’m hearing from him, but at the same time, I’m scared to believe it. I push up from his lap. “I’m going to go throw some clothes in a bag.”
I can feel his eyes on me, and it’s not until I’m in my bedroom that I let out a breath. As I pull out a bag and start filling it, I’m hoping that I’m making the right decision.
Only time will tell.
After I pack my bag, he carries it outside. He keeps walking to his truck, and I stop at my car. When he realizes I’ve stopped, he turns and comes back to me. “Ride with me.”
I shake my head in denial. “No, I’ll need my car to get back and forth to work.”
He measures me with a look. “I can take you, and if I’m working, you can use my truck.”
I grab onto the door handle like it’s a lifeline. “No, I need my car.”
He walks toward me until we’re toe to toe. “What’s this about, Poppy?”
I shrug, not really wanting to get into it right here and now. “I want my car… just in case.”
He puts a hand to my chin. “In case you need to run?”
I jerk from him defiantly. “I’m not going to run, but in case you have another nude woman claiming to be your wife, I’m not going to want to stick around.”
He lets out a deep sigh. “We were doing so good, honey. Don’t let this come between us.”
I’m looking over his shoulder instead of at him. I know he’s right. We were doing so good, better than good. His voice is soft and filled with patience. “Poppy, look at me, baby.”
I openly glare at him. “What?”
“It’s you and me. I need you to remember that. I should have told you that I was married before, and trust me, if I could go back in time, I would. No more keeping things from you, and I’m going to prove to you that you’re the only woman I want. I love you.”
I sigh. “I love you too.” Gesturing to my car, I tell him, “I’d really like to take my car though.”
He nods and walks around to help me in. He kisses me until I’m breathless. “I’ll follow you, honey.”
He closes the door, and I watch him walk to his truck, put my bag in, and then get into the driver’s side.
I follow him to the Heroes Rehab Center. It’s only when I’m alone that I’m able to process everything that has happened today. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions. I understand why he did what he did, and I’m hoping we can work through it because more than anything, I want to be with Colter. I don’t want to lose him.
I park beside him in the parking lot, and he carries my bag on one side and holds my hand with the other. I can feel myself getting tense the closer we get to his house. I wish I could let it go, but it’s going to take me some time, it seems. Hopefully he understands where I’m coming from because he said himself he wouldn’t like it if someone tried to claim me.
He must feel me tense next to him because he asks me, “What’s wrong?”
I look around, wondering if we’re going to run into Carrie again or not. “Nothing is wrong.”
He sighs softly and leads me up the steps to his cabin, using his keys to unlock the front door. We walk in, and Colter drops my bag on the couch, but I am a little slower in following him. I’m looking around, searching for any remnants of his ex-wife.
Colter is looking around too, and I’m wondering if he’s doing it for the same reason as me. “What can I do to fix this?”
I inhale. “There’s nothing to fix. I understand why you didn’t tell me, but I just don’t want to be in that position again, that’s all.”
He kisses my forehead. “I promise, there’s no more secrets between us, honey.”
I put my hands on his arms and look up at him. “I just don’t want to lose you.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not going to happen. I’m yours.”
I loop my arms around his neck. “Prove it. Make love to me, Colter.”
He lifts me in his arms and carries me to the bedroom. “Gladly.”
As he lowers me to the bed, he’s looking at me intently. There’s a sadness to him, and I cup his face. “What is it?”
He swallows. “I’ve been to hell and back, Poppy. I’ve been through war, I’ve had my best friends—my brothers—permanently injured and even die. I’ve experienced it all, and at one point I even wished my life was over.”
I whisper his name with a shuddered breath. “Colter.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not saying that to you to feel bad for me, I’m telling you because with all that, I’ve never been as scared or felt as hopeless as I did today when you walked away from me. I can’t go through that again. Promise me that no matter what, we stick together. Whatever tries to come between us, we fight it… together.”
My heart does a little flip in my chest. I know exactly the anguish he’s describing because I felt it too. “I won’t walk away again. We fight together.”
He nods and then leans over to seal our promise with a kiss before making sweet love to me.